August 9th, 2011 – Day 1761 and counting

I don't want to go back.

Chapter Thirty-Eight
Behind

"You're slacking," John told him as they both sat down with Starbuck cups on their hands. On the other side of the lab, Parker talked with Magss, trying to get a sense of where his blood tests stood.

"I'm not. I have a good list of successfully neutralized targets to prove it."

"You're slacking on your powers. No wonder Summers is so frustrated with you. Frank requires of you the minimum necessary to be useful, but your stats have not improved in four years."

"I know, okay?" Max said, feeling himself going defensive. The cup in his hand was in serious danger of being crumpled. "I know what you can do, and that I'm not at your level."

John raised his eyebrows, and then realization dawned on him. "Whitman is good if you were following me around the base. But that's beside the point. You need to work harder because when we both escape, I'll need you at your best. And right now, you're not at your best."

They both stared at each other for a moment. It was unsettling beyond anything to see his own image in John. "I need you to teach me."

"I wish there was time. It's all about being creative with your powers, and for what I've seen, they tell you what to do. They don't allow you to make your own tests, see what else you can do."

Is that what Parker and Whitman have been doing all this time?

"Samuel always knew how to get me thinking about what I could do. He's angry at Frank for holding you back, and frankly, I'm not sure why he's doing that. I didn't dare to coax a flash out of him. These past three days I've been solely with Summers and he should be plenty happy with the results he has now. Next time you're in his tender hands, ask him for some space. A day or two to get your thoughts together. But Max, when you do go back to his lab, you better have something in mind."

"Yes, sir," he mockingly said under his breath.

"How was the drug Liz worked on? You feeling any effects?" John asked with far more kindness.

"We won't really know until I get my fix later today. The results came back as she expected, but I'm not feeling any improvement. She thinks it might take a few months."

"I wish we could keep switching back and forth for a few months. Maggs will get the exact formula. With Liz's drug, she'll be able to supply both, and you won't have to come back here."

"That's... good." Max turned for a second to watch Parker and Maggs talking. No more sneaking around… "Can we trust Maggs?" he whispered, getting back to John.

"She carries a lot of guilt, you know? We knew each other, from before you were hatched. She was brought into the program to be your doctor along with Frank, but she wanted to work with Samuel first to get a good idea of what working with a hybrid was. She never saw me as an alien. Samuel has always seen me as potential, something to further his career and his understanding. But Maggs... she used to tell me the stupidest alien jokes. Of course, she tried to keep her distance, and I knew I wouldn't see much of her once you were awake, but we had a healthy dose of respect for each other."

Their talk got technical after that. What had John done, who he had met, what he'd said. Max concentrated on learning it all, asking questions, memorizing conversations, delaying leaving as much as he could.

All too soon, he had to say his good-bye to John, a handshake with Whitman, and another one with Parker. She tried to hide her apprehension, but although he didn't get any flashes out of her beyond the crystal bunny on her office, he did pick up her sorrow at seeing him leave. At seeing me leave to that place he corrected. If only she knew how much he wanted to stay with her.

And Whitman, he hastily added to that thought.

"You look… different," Maggs commented as they went on their journey back, a journey Max had done countless times since he'd started stalking Parker on her office last year.

"I do?" he asked absently, looking out the window.

"Younger," Maggs said, looking at the road. "More relaxed."

Max chuckled darkly at that.

"Right."

"Not right now, true. You should look more relax if you want to fool Frank, but... you know, when I went to talk with Parker. You looked younger, that's all."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"I don't want to go back," Max confessed, closing his eyes at the absurdity of his words. Of course he had to go back.

"John has managed to get Samuel on high spirits. You might find his friendliness... strange."

"Summers? Friendly?" Max asked, turning to look at her with concern in his face. "Is that like, a sign of the end of days or something?"

Maggs smiled. "They always got along pretty well. I guess John felt the familiar patters fitting in, and forgot all about how much you hate being around Samuel."

"I... I kind of fear what John did in my place. Was it too different?"

"John... John has a very practical sense of things, and he did a good job of acting your part. He's just... well, he was upset when he learned how little you have advanced in four years. I was pretty amazed at what he can do. He asked me why we had held you back, but the truth is Max, we haven't. We truly believed we were doing everything there was to get you up."

"Following things by the rules... Parker told me John had discovered a few things thanks to his wife."

"Motivation," Maggs murmured, her eyes still on the road. She always drove with her two hands on the wheel, never over the speed limit. She'd told him once it was because of all the secrets she carried, being stopped over for speeding would be the last straw. Then she had laughed, and Max had never asked again.

"I don't know if motivation is the key. I... I did a few things with Parker I'd never done on my own. Maybe, you know, thinking outside the box would help?"

Maggs smiled at that with a rather dark smile. "Help with what? Escaping? Because, I kind of like the sound of that."

They drove in silence for a few miles, each lost on their own thoughts.

"What would—I mean, what would happen to you once I'm gone?"

"Desk work, most likely. I have a ton of research to apply, too. You might not know, but in your genes, there's a lot of potential for the human genome. I've been mostly doing research on your aging process, while Frank has centered on the neural paths."

Max nodded. "Something good will come out of my life, then," he said, looking straight ahead as the base loomed in the horizon. Maggs slowed down.

"Max, great things have come out of your life already. Never think differently."

"I kill people, Maggs. I spy, and steal, and lie. Maybe it's wrong that I wish to be out of this place. Maybe that's exactly where someone who does my work belongs."

Maggs's face turned grim. "Tell that to John next time you see him. In fact, tell that to Dr. Parker after she's been risking her own life to help you."

"I—I didn't mean it like that... I'm just saying, it seems like all I'm good at is doing dirty jobs."

"We did a terrible thing to you, Max," Maggs said quietly. "But I'm going to right this whole thing, you hear me? Even if it's the last thing I do."

They both looked at each other with serious expressions, and as one turned to look at the soldier at the base entrance with matching smiles.

"Welcome back Doctor. Mr. Evans."

He was back. And for the first time, he didn't think of this place as home.