Out of Control
Chapter 38
Disclaimer: I only own London and the tale of her and Wade. But I don't actually own him. So, that pretty much sucks.
A/N: I appreciate the reviews so much! IShipIt88, DenyingTheTruth, Jenni, and as always, JoMode...you guys are the best! Here's the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy! Thanks! Love you guys! XoXoXo
"I'm so happy that you're back," Stephanie McMahon spoke, as she sat next to London on the couch, in the locker room, backstage at Monday Night Raw.
She gave her a half smile. "Thank you."
"How are you feeling?"
London shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
Stephanie looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry about what happened. If there's anything that Hunter or I can do for you, just say the word."
"Thank you."
"You look good, if it helps…which I'm sure it doesn't."
"Steph…can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"How am I supposed to deal with this?" she asked her.
"Um…honestly? I have no idea. Nothing really makes it better. Trust me. Before I had Aurora, I had a miscarriage," Stephanie admitted.
"Really?"
Stephanie was happy to see the hope in London's eyes. "Yes. And it sucked more than anything. Hunter and I were married and trying to have a baby. I found out that I was pregnant. I was so excited. But…then…a few weeks later, I started having these really bad cramps. I went to my doctor and sure enough, I was having a miscarriage. I was only six weeks along, but that didn't make it hurt any less."
"Does it get any better?"
Stephanie shrugged her shoulders, her eyes filling with tears, as she recalled the memories of the loss that she had suffered. "I just had my third baby, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. It gets better, though. I was really lucky. Hunter was there for me, and in a couple of weeks, we started trying again. About three months later, I ended up pregnant again. So, I understand what you're going through. I'm just so sorry."
London allowed a few tears of her own to escape her eyes and make their way down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, too."
"Lon, I know it isn't something that you want to deal with, but if you keep all of this inside, it won't get any better. And as much as I know this is a difficult subject for you...you may want to talk to Wade about it. He's the one person who is a part of this with you. And…to be honest, he seems pretty down. So, I assume he knows about the miscarriage."
She nodded. "I told him about it the other day."
"Makes sense."
"What do you mean?" London asked.
"Wade had asked me about taking some time off within the next couple of weeks," Stephanie told her.
"Did he say why?"
"He said that he had some personal issues to deal with."
"Steph…I'm so mad at him."
"And I don't blame you for that. He hurt you."
"He told me that it…it was because he wanted me to be able to fix my relationship with my father."
"He probably thought he was doing the right thing. Doesn't make it okay to drop you the way he did. But you know how guys are. Even when they try to do the right thing, their success rate is still usually pretty bad. They don't think like we do. And he loves you. Wade probably thought he was doing the selfless, noble thing. In reality, he was doing something stupid. But to him, he was trying to protect you."
"I know. But…I had to go through this stuff alone. For that…I don't think I could ever forgive him."
Stephanie nodded. "Maybe you need to give it some time. You can have more time off, if you need it," she offered.
"Honestly, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."
"You don't have to go on camera tonight, if you don't want to. You're dealing with enough right now."
"I just don't want to see him right now. You know? I just don't know if I can keep my composure around him. I just want to cry…and punch him in the head."
"I understand. Listen, get your stuff, go back to your hotel and just relax. I'll come by tomorrow morning to see how you're doing. Okay?"
"Alright," London agreed.
Stephanie gave her a smile. "I just want to help you."
"I appreciate that."
"Are you leaving already?" Randy questioned, confused, as he saw London with her bags packed, ready to leave their locker room.
"Yeah. I'm going back to the hotel," London replied.
"Why? I thought you were cleared for tonight."
"Yeah…I uh…I just…I can't right now. I can't deal with any of this. I can't deal with Wade…or any of this shit. I just can't…"
He nodded. "I got you. You've got a lot going on right now. Trust me, I'm more than happy to have you back here, but if you're not ready, you shouldn't be here. You need to take care of yourself, London."
"I spoke to Stephanie about things. She's gonna help me out."
"Good. You know I'll do whatever I can to help you out."
She smiled. "I know, Ran. And I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."
"I know." He pulled her in for a hug. "Just be careful. If you need me, you know my number. I'll be checking in."
"I know you will," she said with a laugh.
She took her bags when they pulled back from their hug. "Be safe out there tonight. We'll talk later."
"Sounds good."
With that, London left the locker room. She made her way down the hallway and was quickly greeted by a face that she did not want to see right now.
"London…hi," Wade greeted her.
"Wade," she politely replied with a nod of her head.
"Where are you going?" he asked, noticing the bags that she was holding.
"Back to the hotel," London simply replied.
"Why?"
"Because I am. Goodbye."
"Wait!" he quickly spoke up, taking a step in front of her.
"What?" she impatiently questioned. "I'm trying to leave here."
"Can we talk for a minute?"
"About what?"
Wade raised an eyebrow. "There's a lot for us to discuss."
She furrowed her brow. "No…I'm pretty sure that we no longer have anything to discuss," she refuted.
"Please? Just give me five minutes." She thought for a moment. The guy looked desperate. His eyes were pleading with her.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she relented.
"Thank you." He led her down the hall to a vacant locker room. The two went inside, and he shut the door behind himself, not wanting to be interrupted by anyone walking by. London put her bags down and folded her arms over her chest.
"So, what do you want from me?" London asked him.
"I want to work on this. I know that I hurt you, and I have made a lot of mistakes, but I want to make it right."
"You can't make this right. This cannot be fixed. It's just over."
"London, please don't say that. You know we love each other very much. I even asked Stephanie if I could take some time off soon. We can spend that time together. We can get back what we had."
She shook her head. "No, Wade. This is not something that we need to rehash. It's over. That's it."
"It isn't over. And it won't ever be over. We love each other. We belong together. It can't be over."
"Too much has happened," she said, her voice sounding almost sad.
"We can't just let this go. We deserve it. For ourselves. For…our child. We should try again. You know it would work."
"Don't you dare bring my child into this. That baby wasn't important enough to you that you even let me tell you about the pregnancy. So, don't give me that bullshit."
"I'm sorry, London. I can say it a million times, and it still wouldn't be enough. I fucked up. Big time. I'm a bloody moron. I get it. I even agree with you. But we owe it to ourselves to be together," Wade said, desperation in his voice. He cupped London's face in his hands. "Please, sweetheart, I love you more than anything in this world. Please…just let me show you. I can show you. I can make you so happy again. I'll do anything to be with you. I just want you. I want to be with you. You're the love of my life. I…I need you, Lon. Please…let me show you."
London felt a lump forming in her throat. "Wade, I can't do this."
"Please, London, don't leave me." She slowly backed away from him.
"Don't you dare give me that. You know…you really have a set of balls on you. You left me. I didn't leave you. You left me. I'm just refusing to take you back. You abandoned me when you knew damn well that I needed you. You told me that you never even loved me. You broke my heart. I was a mess. I was devastated. And then, you decide 'Whoops! My bad! Just kidding!' and expect that I'm just going to giggle and fawn over you…like you're anything other than a cold-hearted, spineless coward. You're begging me to be with you and take you back because you decided that you made a mistake and didn't mean it. I will never forget how badly you hurt me. You left me pregnant and alone. And I know you didn't know that I was pregnant…but you left me nonetheless. You ignored me when I tried to tell you. And you think that after you did all of that…you deserve me? No. That's not how this works. Sorry, Wade. Maybe you can intimidate everyone else around here into giving you whatever it is that you want. But I sure as hell am no pushover. And I'm sure as fuck not your bitch," London stuck it to him.
"You're right," Wade agreed, nodding his head. "And maybe the fact that you're the only one who doesn't give into me makes me want you even more. I want a partner. Not a bunch of lapdogs and yes men. I want you. I need you. We belong together. We're so…alike and different. So opposite that we don't belong together. But so alike that we do."
"And that bullshit would have probably worked, if you didn't hurt me so badly. So, I'm sorry, Wade, but I can't do this."
"London, we know each other. We've become a part of each other. And maybe you're not having our child anymore, but we created life out of our love for each other. That should tell you something."
"Yeah. It tells me that our shit works. Maybe in England they don't teach you this…but love doesn't create babies. That's what the fairy tales and romantics teach you. In reality, it's a penis and a vagina…a sperm and an egg. That's how babies are made. Doesn't make us star-crossed lovers because we had sex, and I got knocked up."
"You want me to quit the WWE? Free Cena and just walk away from it all? I'll do it. London, I promise you, I'll do anything to make you stay."
"Quit this bullshit, Wade. Quit begging me to stay with you. We aren't even together. Quite honestly, we never really were anyway. We had a fling. It was amazing. It was perfect. It meant more to me than you'll ever know. But it was a fling, Wade. And you ended that fling. That's it. That's all it was."
"It wasn't a fling, London. You know that I love you. You know I'll do anything for you. Please just give me one more chance, and I can make things right."
"No. You can't. I've spent too much time crying over you and being heartbroken over you. I didn't deserve that. Not from you. I risked so much by being with you in the first place, and you just dropped me like it wasn't a big deal to you to begin with. It isn't okay for you to do that. When you hurt someone the way that you hurt me, you should expect this kind of a reaction."
"And I don't deserve anything else from you. I know that, Lon. But I also know that you love me. And I want you to remember how happy we were to be together. We were so happy with each other, London. Remember? I know you do."
"I do remember. I remember being so in love with you that I couldn't believe it was real. I couldn't believe that it could be so perfect. But I also remember crying my eyes out to Randy after you dumped me…conveniently right after everyone else found out about us. But you're right…let me remember about how it was when you told me that you loved me and wanted to be with me and would do anything for me. And then, you threw it back in my face. And you think I'll come back to you like my pain meant absolutely nothing? You must be on some great drugs because that is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. You're clearly missing a few screws. I have more than enough crazy in my life. I don't need you to add to it. You've done enough damage as it is."
"I can make it right."
"No! No, you cannot make it right," she insisted, her eyes full of tears, threatening to pour down her cheeks. "You can never make it right! What do you not understand? I've said it so many times! Give it up!" London demanded, as her frustration boiled over.
"If you just give me a chance, I—"
"Shut up!" she yelled at him, as the tears became overwhelming and began falling out of her eyes. "I can't deal with you like this anymore! It will never happen again. I loved you so much. I gave up everything for you. But you didn't want me, and you left me. You broke something inside of me. And it will never ever be the same. I can't do this anymore, Wade. I love you so much, and it killed me to lose you. And if it wasn't bad enough, I lost my baby, too. And it hurts so badly. You'll never understand how much it hurts. You've gotten more than five minutes. I need to go now," she said, wiping the tears off of her cheeks.
"Please, don't go," he pleaded with her.
"I'm done, Wade. I can't do this. I can't handle this anymore."
"I can't lose you," he spoke, his voice soft and meek.
"Then, you shouldn't have let me go, Wade. You should have stayed with me and held me and told me that everything was going to be okay. You should have been there because when you love someone, you hold them, and you love them, and you support them…unconditionally. You don't leave them…no matter what…you never leave them. You stay. No matter how difficult…no matter how hard…no matter what…you always stay. Turning your back on them is never an option. If you think that I'm going to give myself to someone who, I have seen for myself, won't be there for me when it gets rough…who can so easily turn his back on me….you must be out of your mind. I'm sorry, but I'd rather be alone than be treated that way."
"And I know that you deserve a lot more than I've shown you."
"I can't let you hurt me again, Wade. I'm dealing with so much pain right now. I can't deal with this on top of it. I can't deal with more hurt."
"I'll never hurt you again."
"Because you will not have the opportunity to."
"I can't accept that," he refused.
"You don't have a choice. Just let me go."
"You love me."
"That mattered at one point in time, but that time has passed."
He shook his head and stepped closer to her, tucking her hair behind her ear. "It hasn't passed."
"No. I'm telling you it has."
Wade continued shaking his head, before pulling her in for a kiss. London allowed herself to enjoy it for an instant…knowing that this would be the last kiss she would share with the man that she loved. Moments later, London pulled back.
"I have to go now," she whispered, her heart heavy.
"Please don't go," he softly spoke to her. "I just want to hold you. That's all."
"You can't anymore."
"Please?" he begged her.
"Goodbye, Wade," she breathed before grabbing her bags and walking out of the locker room, her heart breaking all over again.
London walked out of the building, got into the car she rented and drove back to the hotel, knowing that after tonight, things would never be the same again.