AN: Sorry guys I know it's late life is in upheaval. I am trying to get back on track, and work is finally slowing down so everything should be getting smoother.

Also I did a couple Lets Play videos on my youtube channel so if you like seeing me in pants-peeing terror, you should check it out! Links in my profile!

Thanks for your patience, guys. Hopefully I'll see you on time next week!

Lovelovelove

Roarkshop

Hawke awoke with the sun the next morning, the unbearable ache in her muscles making itself known as consciousness wormed its way in. She blinked awake and tried to shift but still found herself exhausted and weak. She managed to lift up onto her elbows, though it caused a considerable amount of pain.

She froze when she realized why her legs felt heavier than the rest of her.

Hesitantly, she reached out and combed her fingers through Fenris' snowy hair as he lay hunched over the side of the bed with his head in her lap. His left arm was draped across her legs and his right was holding her forearm through the blanket. She wondered just how exhausted Fenris had to be for Anara to catch him like this.

Anara had only managed to see Fenris sleeping a precious few times. Usually the expression he wore when he slept was the same stony, severe one he used in his waking life. It was different this time, she realized as she pushed stray locked of hair back over his head. He looked troubled, almost sad as he lay there, holding her legs as a child might hold onto a stuffed animal. She sighed and shook her head, continuing to push his hair over his head. He'd come back to her, though his reasons were still unclear. That Warden had implied that Fenris had returned out of concern for her safety, but she did not know just how reliable a source the man was.

I was wrong, he had said. What I needed was always here.

Even as the memory made warmth spread throughout her chest, it also brought back that crippling hurt she had felt the night he left. More than eight months he had been gone, and if what the Warden had said was true, the only reason he returned was to lend his aid in quelling the uprising. Had he missed her? Had he wanted to come back? Maker damn him, why had he left in the first place?

Under the light of day, she found forgiveness didn't come as easily as it did when she was marching toward death. It was a very pleasant thought to entertain as she lay dying in Fenris' arms, but now that she had lived, she could not entertain fantasies. She had to face facts.

She had opened herself to him, and he had thrown her away. It was the painful reality, one she had spent more than eight months burying, and it didn't just go away because he came to her rescue. If the only reason he had come back was to lend his aid against the uprising, then she wished he hadn't returned at all.

His ear twitched as she traced her fingers along the edge of it, and whether she liked it or not, she smiled. She still loved him. Maker, how she loved him, but he'd hurt her. She couldn't just forget it. She doubted she ever would.

The touch on his ear made him stir and he stretched his arm out before opening his eyes and realizing where he was. Immediately, he looked up and saw her staring at him.

"Good morning," she said softly.

"Anara," he replied, sitting up. "Erm… my apologies, I hadn't… meant to fall asleep." He ran a hand over his eyes before pushing the rest of his hair back over his head. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," she admitted.

"That is expected," he said, sitting up in the chair and trying not to make a show out of how he rolled his shoulders. He had to be feeling cramped from sleeping hunched over the side of the bed. "I should… alert the others that you've woken up. Your mother and sister will be relieved."

"Why did you come back?" The question was out of her mouth before he could even fully rise from the chair, and he froze halfway out of it before slowly lowering himself back down.

"I should think it obvious," was all he said.

"The Qunari."

He nodded. "It was the Warden that alerted me that the situation had turned volatile, so I agreed to come back to the city with him."

She nodded and looked down at her hands in her lap. "That's what I thought." She cleared her throat and tried to smile before looking at him again. "I'm sure everyone appreciated your aid."

"I did not come back for everyone," he said plainly, the bluntness familiar and almost comforting.

Anara changed the subject to something a little safer. "How long do you plan on staying this time?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light even as her voice was still weak.

He narrowed his eyes. "I have no intention of leaving."

"Ah, but you had no intention of leaving last time either."

"Nor did I have intentions of staying before you," he countered.

That made her pause and look back down at her hands. "Fenris… I—"

"I have no illusions about us, Anara," he interrupted. "I am fully aware that by leaving the city eight months ago, I effectively ended what was… only just beginning between us." He swallowed and looked away momentarily, shaking his head. "I did not come back with hope of fixing what I have broken."

She swallowed thickly, feeling oddly torn. On the one hand she was glad that he recognized the damage that had been done. It was rewarding to see him hating himself for it. It was comforting to know that he didn't expect her to forget what he'd done, because he obviously couldn't forget it.

On the other hand, however, she had hoped that he might try.

"Then what do you want, Fenris?" she asked, nervously running her hands over each other. "If you intend to stay for good, what do you intend to do?"

He turned to look at her again, the corner of his mouth kicking up in a small, sad smile. "What I have always done," he said softly. "I wish only to fight at your back again. I ask for nothing more."

Hawke nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. That didn't seem unreasonable.

"I'd like that," she admitted with a soft laugh. "I received more than my fair share of ass-kickings without you."

He smiled a little wider, some of the sadness evaporating from his expression. "Thank you," he said softly. Anara almost laughed. As if she was doing him the favor? No, it was all she could do not to jump at the opportunity to have Fenris back.

Tentatively, she lifted her arms as much as she could without causing herself too much discomfort. Fenris' ears flattened as he looked from her right arm, to her left arm, then back to her face, as if he didn't comprehend what she was asking for. He swallowed and moved out of the chair to sit on the very edge of her bed, then he leaned into her arms and very gingerly, as if she were made of glass, wrapped his strong arms around her. She felt the comforting hum of his lyrium as it slowly reacted to her touch. It was so familiar. So right.

"Welcome home, Fenris," she said softly, running a weak hand down his back.

"Thank you, Anara," he said softly, turning his face into her throat, daring to hold her a little tighter. "Thank you," he repeated, much softer this time. Like he was praying, or speaking to someone that only he was aware of.

It was the most forgiveness she could offer under the circumstances, but she held him for a long time, running her fingers through his long hair and smiling. Perhaps there was hope. Hell, she had survived a one-on-one duel with the Arishok. She found that she was rather hopeful about her odds this time around.

Fenris let Leandra know that Hawke was awake, who immediately ran into the room to hold her daughter. For the first time in two weeks, Fenris left the Amell estate and walked out into the sunlight. He was still exhausted, but a considerable weight had been lifted from his chest. Anara was awake, she would survive, and she had missed him. She was glad to have him back, even if it was only in the capacity of a companion to fight beside.

Fenris could live with that, he decided. He hadn't asked for forgiveness because he knew he didn't deserve it. Anara was kind, and good, and would possibly forgive him if he asked if for no other reason than she never could really say no to her companions. Fenris wouldn't take advantage of that. He knew what he'd done, and he didn't expect another chance.

But he would be allowed to fight with her, to watch over her, to protect her. That was all that mattered. It was more than he deserved and he knew it.

He went down to the Hanged Man, waking up both Varric and Isabela to tell them that Anara had woken up. He stopped by Merrill's hovel to do the same, and even the clinic in the undercity to alert Anders who, despite their hatred for one another, expressed his gratitude. Fenris watched him climb through the hatch that apparently opened up into a tunnel that led to Hawke's basement. Over the course of his absence, life for the mage had gotten dangerous in Darktown so he'd been taking refuge under Hawke's home, with her permission. Fenris knew exactly why the news bothered him, but he said nothing. It wasn't his place. Not anymore. Maybe it never had been.

He went to the Circle and gave the message to the Templar Cullen, who promised to pass the message along to Bethany and escort her home so she could see her sister. Then Fenris made one last stop at the Barracks.

It was in a state of considerable disarray but was coming together since the Qunari attack. Aveline was in the center of the confusion, issuing orders with the authority of a monarch. She smiled when she saw Fenris, and he returned the small gesture.

"She's awake then?" she asked.

"How did you guess?"

Aveline smiled knowingly. "Because you're here, Fenris. You would not have left her side for any other reason."

He nodded to acknowledge the truth in her words, but said nothing. Aveline motioned her head for him to follow, then turned toward her office. She shut the door once he was inside.

"Thank you for coming to alert me," she said, moving behind her desk. "We've all been worrying."

"You are welcome," he said with a soft nod.

"You look exhausted," she offered. "Hardly surprising. You've been awake for two weeks straight."

He nodded. "I'll be fine," he assured her. "I will sleep plenty now that I know Anara will be well."

Aveline's features softened and she shook her head. "I told her," he said. "I knew you still cared for her."

He felt his jaw clench and he rolled out a shoulder. "I never stopped," he admitted softly.

"Then why did you leave?"

"It is unimportant," he snapped.

"Not to Hawke."

He made a frustrated sound and looked away. "I count you among my few friends, Aveline, but if I did not tell Anara my reasons, you cannot expect me to tell you."

"I suppose that's fair," she said with a sigh, sitting down. "Though I doubt you'll convince her to give you another chance without explaining it to her."

"I do not expect another chance."

"What? You're not even going to try?"

"Whatever Anara and I had ended the night I ran from the city like a coward," he snapped. "No one who heard her voice on the night I left could possibly expect her to give me another chance, and she would be right not to. I will not ask that of her. I do not deserve it."

"Fenris…"

"Enough, Aveline," he growled, rubbing his exhausted eyes. "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, it's none of your concern."

"You are both my friends. Of course it is my concern."

"How can you be so quick to forgive me?"

"I can see very well that you are punishing yourself far more than I can ever hope to," she said with a shrug.

He didn't know what to say to that, so he just sighed in resignation.

"She found you, you know," she added after a few beats of silence.

"Yes, I figured that out."

"She thought you were dead," she added. "Or that Danarius had found you. Suffice it to say she was more than a little dejected when she found out you were just living a new life in Val Chevin."

Fenris swallowed and looked out the window, clenching his hands into fists. He had assumed Hawke had chased him because she wanted answers from him, not that she had worried for his safety. The knowledge made him feel both very warm and extremely cold.

"I never intended to feel this way for someone," he admitted, because who else could he possibly talk to about it? "I didn't even know I could."

"You love her," she said, as if she were talking about the weather. "That is the only explanation for you to be such an idiot."

Despite himself, he smiled a little. "It is not the first time I've heard that," he admitted. "It doesn't matter any longer. All that matters is that she is safe, and that she has allowed me to fight at her side again."

Aveline was silent, which made Fenris draw his attention from the window to look at her. She had her lips pursed like she was going over a strategy for her men.

"Well, Qunari invasion aside, you picked a very good time to return."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yes," she said, going into the drawer of her desk and pulling out a small card and holding it out to him. "Now you can attend my wedding."

He froze for a second before taking the wedding invitation and staring down at it. It was addressed to him as if she knew he would be back in time for it.

"Captain Aveline Vallen and Lieutenant Donnic Hendyr," he read with a smile before looking up at her again. "Congratulations, Aveline."

"Thank you," she said with a proud little smile. "You see, Fenris? There is hope for you yet. I know you haven't forgotten the disaster that was my courtship of my future husband."

Fenris laughed and nodded. "I am not like to forget," he admitted, tucking the invitation into his pocket. "I would be honored to attend."

"Not like that, you won't," she said playfully. "You are in dire need of a wardrobe and a haircut."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"Maker, Fenris, you look like a pirate."

He glanced at himself in the reflection of a shield on the wall and sighed. "I'm afraid I'm not the best judge of that sort of thing."

"Don't worry Fenris. You have a month yet. We'll polish you up until you shine."

Fenris felt something like dread coil in his stomach. "We?"

"People of Kirkwall," Orsino bellowed, "I know you fear us…"

Fenris leaned his hands on the railing of his balcony as he watched the First Enchanter address the angry mob. It had been almost a month since the Qunari had been driven from the city, but the peace that it caused had been brief. Tensions, it seemed, would always be high in Kirkwall.

Memories he had long forgotten filtered through his memory; memories of Hawke, walking at his side through the darkened city and looking up to the stars for answers.

What is the point to saving the city when it is so set on self-destruction?

Why is it our job to save the city from itself?

Fenris leaned his elbows on the railing and shook his head as he watched the crowd grow to a frothing boil. He had never had a problem with Orsino; in point of fact, Fenris felt indebted to him for how the enchanter had saved Hawke after her crippling battle, but he didn't see how any good would come of a riot in the streets.

"Enough!" Meredith's voice cracked through the noise. "Return to your homes, all of you. This farce is over!"

"What's the matter, Knight-Commander?" Orsino asked with a defiant cross of his arms. "Are you afraid of a little righteous indignation?"

"There's no righteousness in this, mage. You are inciting a riot! I should have you hung from the gallows!"

"Oh dear, what's this?" Came a too-familiar voice in the crowd. "The way you two carry on, people are going to talk."

Fenris stood up straighter when he saw Hawke limping through the crowd. He should have known she wouldn't be able to stay in bed until she was fully healed.

"Ah, perhaps there are some who might disagree with you," Orsino said.

"Do not hide behind the Champion, Orsino. She has no role in this."

"A bit early for a lovers' quarrel, don't you think?" Hawke asked.

The murmurs spread through the crowd like high tide over the rocks. The news that Anara Amell, noble daughter of Leandra, had been the cutthroat known as the Hawk all this time had been a considerable cause for gossip in the city. Where once the people speculated that the rogue was a demon or an agent of the fade, they know called her a common cutpurse, a thief, and a liar.

"To think she was under our noses this whole time," someone beneath his balcony was saying.

"I even let her mother trick me into taking her out once," the man said. "I had always known there was something ghastly about her."

"She did save the city," someone else offered. "She's the Champion of Kirkwall, after all."

"Bah," the man scoffed. "She cared only to save her own skin, and look what it's done for her; granted her considerable power and influence over the city."

"To think that the treacherous Hawk is now the Champion of our fair city… it chills the bones."

Fenris rolled his eyes and pushed back from the balcony, unable to listen to the rabble anymore. He jogged down the stairs and out his front door, glaring at the group of gossipers as he made his way toward the center of the throng.

"Cold corpses speak louder than abstract freedoms," Meredith was bellowing. "As long as that's true, Kirkwall needs its Templars more than it needs a new ruler."

"And when will that end?" Orsino demanded. "When will you stop seeing evil in every corner?"

"When it is no longer there!"

"This isn't helping," Hawke interrupted, leaning heavily on her right leg. "One of you seeks to induce a riot, the other to upturn everything you claim to fight for. Neither gets us peace. Neither stops the two of you from your tirade outside my window."

"Meredith cannot be allowed free reign," Orsino growled. "She paints my people with the same brush as her blood mages."

"My duty is to protect this city, Mage, and I will do so at any cost!"

"This is very dangerous ground," Hawke warned. "Only bloodshed lies at the end of the paths you're on, and the people you claim to protect will be the ones to suffer."

A strange, hushed silence fell over the mob and everyone turned to see the Grand Cleric walking toward them, the crowd parting to let her through.

"My, my," she said. "Such a commotion."

With gentle words of reason, the Grand Cleric sent both extremists back to the Gallows and dispersed the angry crowd.

"Thank you for stepping in, Champion," she said softly. "If you had not…"

"I doubt I did much," Hawke groaned as she tried to get her footing. Fenris took her arm to steady her and he realized she had no idea he'd been behind her for so long. She looked up at him and swallowed, and Fenris raised his eyebrows at her in silent challenge. Hawke cleared her throat and turned back to the Grand Cleric. "Something has to be done about those two. They will tear the city apart if they're allowed to continue like this."

"Sadly true," she said. "They will see reason if the Maker wills it."

Once the Cleric was out of earshot, heading toward the Gallows, no doubt, Fenris took on more of Hawke's weight.

"You should not be up yet," he growled, his hand tightening on her arm. "You are in no condition to be giving lectures."

"Thank you, mother," Hawked drawled, "but perhaps your time in Val Chevin simply rotted your brain if you think I can manage to lounge around in bed for weeks."

"You are not lounging," Fenris said with a sigh. "You are healing."

"Semantics," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Ah, Miss Amell," came a familiar Orlesian accent. "Or should I say, Miss Hawke, hmm?"

"Simone," Hawke said, trying to straighten her posture, perhaps out of instinct. "It's been a long time."

"Why, yes it has," she cooed. "I have been home in Orlais for quite some time, but the tale of your heroic duel reached even my ears."

Hawke groaned and leaned into Fenris for support, which he found satisfying. "I did what anyone in my position would have done."

"I think you are well aware that is not true," she said, tapping Hawke on the arm gently with her fan. "You are obviously the only one who could have saved the city."

"Or the only one willing," Fenris mumbled.

"Mmm, your mysterious gentleman is probably right."

Hawke looked up at Fenris with an eyebrow arched before turning back to Simone. "Mysterious gentleman?"

"He is your mysterious hooded man from the ball, no?" she asked.

"Oh, right. Yes." Hawke cleared her throat. "This is Fenris. He's, uh… he's my friend. Fenris, this is Simone DeLaur."

Simone unfurled her fan and covered the lower half of her face as she nodded to him. "A pleasure, Fenris."

Fenris narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side as he observed the other woman. There was just… something about the way she said his name that made him uncomfortable.

"Anyway," Hawke snapped, jerking Fenris out of his concentration. "We were just leaving. A pleasure to see you again, Simone."

"But of course," the woman sang, leaning forward to kiss Hawke's cheek. "I do hope you and your mother will stop by for tea soon. You are always welcome, when you are not dashing bravely into the night, I mean."

"Thank you," Hawke said, genuinely sounding grateful, Fenris thought. She tugged his arm and he followed, holding her weight as he helped her back to her home. "For calling you my mysterious gentleman, she certainly was quick to flirt with you."

"What?" Fenris asked, arching an eyebrow. "Is that what she was doing?"

"As if you didn't notice?" she grumbled. "You were rather blatantly gawking at her."

"I-what? No. I was trying to place her voice," he said softly. "She seems familiar to me for some reason."

"You undoubtedly saw her at the masquerade ball," Hawke helped. "You remember; the night the dwarves attacked Bethany."

"I am unlikely to forget," he said as he opened her front door for her. That was the night that sent Fenris' self-control spiraling into chaos, he was unsure if he would ever forget it. "The way she spoke to me made me uncomfortable."

"She has that effect on a great many men," Hawke said flatly.

"It wasn't like that," Fenris defended.

Hawke waved a dismissive hand. "It doesn't matter. It's obviously none of my business."

"Do not be a fool," he said, sweeping her up into his arms once they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Your jealousy is endearing, but unnecessary."

"Jealousy?!"

Fenris smiled as he carried her up the stairs. "Yes, it is quite adorable."

"I hate you."