Chapter 37 – Was I so blind? I was loving you all the time.

(Verse from the song "Hopelessly addicted")

Stefan woke up very early that morning.

It was awfully cold and his back screamed, achingly lamenting for having slept on the hard freezing ground and ridden the whole previous day. He had never mounted a horse before and he liked the experience, but surely he didn't imagine that his body would break this way for just sitting on a steed's back. How those two women next to him could sleep so quietly in such rough conditions, he couldn't say. That blonde Mord-Sith had gathered several leaves to provide him some sort of dry and soft mattress; she also gave him her bedroll, but those expedients were far from turning the uncomfortable conditions of their stark camp into an acceptable accommodation. Anyway it was almost dawn and he felt that he couldn't sleep any longer. He sat on the bedroll, tightening himself in the fur cloak Cara Mason had put upon him the night before. He wondered for a brief while how could that woman manage to sleep during the cold night with only a small blanket over her thin leathers to give her shelter from the chill. She had even harshly refused the other woman's - Kahlan – offer to share her bedroll. He simply came to conclusion that Mord-Sith were probably the toughest and most unfriendly creatures on the face of the earth. That's why that kind of women must be feared.

The child assessed the surroundings, still dazed by how his life had changed in the past two days.

He was out of the Concealed Fort! The dream he had dreamed since he was able to formulate coherent thoughts had at last become true. Well, to be more precise, he had dreamed of his parents - a couple of heroic noble warriors - coming and tugging him out of that confining unpleasant prison, kicking the ass of that irksome Spancill and righting the wrongs Stefan had suffered during his stay in that ugly place. The couple who knocked on the door of the Concealed Fort wasn't exactly what he expected, but it however served his purpose and he wouldn't look the gift horse in the mouth. But still he didn't trust either of those two mysterious ladies, who didn't explain to him how or why they had come to take him and what exactly they wanted from him.

Behind his distrust, he was also tremendously curios to know more about them and especially about the Mord-Sith; Stefan was frightened by her – sure as hell! - but he had seen her fighting and couldn't help but admit that she was… legendary! He had remained dazed witnessing how strong and powerful she was, but not in the brutal way he was expecting from a tough Mord-Sith. Rather her style was measured but anyway lethal, meticulously precise but equally devastating, almost elegant. Seeing her in battle was quite a fucking show!

The day they met for the first time the blonde Mord-Sith had told him that she didn't serve Darken Rahl, the bad guy who kidnapped Stefan when he was in swaddling clothes. The boy knew some things about the Sisters of the Agiel and among those there was the fact that their powers came from their link with their Lord Rahl. This Cara had powers, but where did they come from if she wasn't bonded to Rahl? Stefan had the constant inkling that this woman was somehow familiar, but couldn't focus on what it was. What he knew for sure was that these two ladies were hiding from him a lot of information and he would do everything to find the answers out on his own.

The child silently stood and looked at his escorts: Cara was lying just nearby where he was moments ago and the other woman, Kahlan, an arm length further. Stefan glimpsed at the Mord-Sith's belt, which the blonde woman had left on her side opposite to the one where he was resting before. Both women were soundly sleeping and so he unleashed his curiosity. He knelt on the belt and grabbed both the Mord-Sith's weapons.

He was completely unprepared for the shock of lacerating soreness which coursed from his hands throughout all of his body, burning all his nerves on the way up to his brain. It made him fall, screaming and blacking him out in an instant.

Soft muffled noises were coming from somewhere seemingly near, but he couldn't say. He was utterly stunned and aching. Everything was gray around him, until he realized that his eyes were still closed. Stefan began to part his eyelids and felt the shining daylight cut sharply inside his head, delivering unpleasant shivers and dizziness. The soft noises continued and finally he understood that it was someone calling his name.

The kid slowly opened his eyes and two dark forms appeared, hovering over him and blocking the bothering rays of sun. The child struggled to focus on the blurry image in front of him and after a little while he recognized two female faces. One had tensed features and bright blue eyes filled with worry; dark hairs were dangling from her and slightly touching his face. The other face was clearly furious with lips tightened to a white line and jaw hysterically twitching; sea-green flashes of fire were sent to him in a frightening glare he had already seen the day before. Wasn't he so dull, he would have been deadly scared of such a look.

"How do you feel Stefan?" Kahlan softly addressed to him.

The child blinked several times, he was formulating an answer in his head, but seemingly he was incapable of sending the order to his mouth to open and speak. At last he managed to slur:

"I-I feel crappy."

"And it serves you right!" Cara barked incapable of restraining her rage further. "You stupid silly brat! I told you to stay off my Agiels!"

Kahlan turned to the angry blonde and placed a hand on her shoulder, gripping it firmly and looking seriously into the other woman's eyes, before speaking with steady but supportive voice. "Cara, we agreed you would stay calm."

The Confessor had had to work really hard to contain the outburst overwhelming the Mord-Sith before, when they had suddenly woken up alerted by the child's scream. Cara was totally out of herself, apparently by the rage against this undisciplined boy, but Kahlan guessed more than easily how, under the surface of anger, the blonde mother was tensely worried about her little one.

Feeling the warm hold of the Confessor's hand on her, the Mord-Sith calmed down just a little and chewed in her mouth the plethora of complaints and curses she had on the tip of her tongue, blowing from her flared nostrils part of her nervousness.

Stefan slowly rose, sitting and looking at his hands which he realized were awfully achy and dully pulsing; he found his extremities all bruised up to his elbows and painfully prickling. He clenched his fists several times, hissing and hoping that the pain would diminish, but it didn't. The hands were also sticky but it wasn't sweat wetting them.

"I rubbed your hands with a curing balm."Kahlan told him, guessing the question in his head. "It's going to be better soon." Stefan wondered how just reduced were his hands before the rubbing of that medicine, but after a moment decided that he preferred not to know it.

"Now are you going to tell me what the fu-… why did you take my Agiels?! What the he- What did you think you were doing?!" Cara asked showing the more than considerable exertion she was undertaking, to keep her tongue at the bay and avoiding to scream her fury in the face of the boy.

"I was curious to know how they work." He replied brushing his hand on his forehead; an epic headache was ongoing between his ears.

"I forbade you to touch them and for a good reason, as you've personally learned!" She yelled crinkling her nose and narrowing her eyes to a slit. Her shrilling voice was really bothering, Stefan thought, and making harder for him to keep the sore pulse in his head in check. So he replied just as bluntly.

"Why didn't you tell me that they hurt by simply touching them? And - shit! - speak at a lower tone, you're splitting my ears." He addressed with an insolent face to her.

"I'll speak as fucking loud as I want!" She loudly growled back to him in outrage. "I owe you no explanation boy! You just have to listen, shut up and obey!"

Cara was growing more and more irritated by his impertinence, but also bothered by the true reason for which she hadn't wanted to tell him about her Agiels. A reason she hardly realized herself and which she wasn't willing to share with him or Kahlan. The truth was that she feared that Stefan would abhor her even more than how much he did now, learning that she lived in constant need for pain. It was inhumane, she knew it and she accepted it because it was her nature. Mord-Sith's nature. But how could he accept such a monstrosity? She knew that he would be startled by this awareness and for some odd incomprehensible reason she didn't want to startle him.

"Cara, cool down now." Kahlan interfered with the mother-son taut interaction, concerned about both blondes. She wanted so much to do something to ease the tension, but other than try to mediate between the two mule heads, she had no other options.

The brunette saw how much Cara was distraught by the problematic presence of the child and in ways which Kahlan couldn't completely figure out. It was clear that the Mord-Sith wanted to keep him safe and she constantly had protective attentions for him, dealt in that peculiar way of Cara's. In other words invisible for most of the people – including the boy – but evident to the experienced Kahlan's eyes. Cara delicately attempted to make him as comfortable as possible in this difficult and deeply changing time in his life. She anticipated and fulfilled his needs, providing physical comforts when he required and keeping herself aside and distant every time he was stiff toward her – which happened most of the time. Such a selfless behavior was carried on in spite of Cara's probable wish to become acquainted with him. This caring manner made the Confessor's heart clench in sympathy at every moment.

But Cara also had to deal with her temper, which often turned heated when facing the boy's insubordination, exacerbated by his sass. Kahlan comprehended that Cara's nervousness was mostly due to the concern about her son, because seemingly he had a special talent at putting himself into pickles. The Mord-Sith clearly wanted him to avoid troubles, but even if her intentions were good, the only handy way for Cara was menacingly giving him orders and prohibiting him whatever potentially dangerous act. The Mord-Sith was definitely unprepared to deal with a child, especially one she cared for, despite her pathetic efforts to deny she did.

And truth must be said, this stubborn child could make a saint lose patience! Well, just like his mother, Kahlan inwardly observed. Those two blondes seemed to walk on the shells toward one another and Kahlan wished that they could soon find the way to meet and get in touch. They both needed that touch; it was clear for Kahlan, but still it wasn't for the two relatives.

"Listen, shut up and obey." Stefan muttered. "It's the same thing that Spancill used to tell me when I was in the Fort. If it is your intention to treat me this way, you can send me back there. I won't follow you!" The child crossed his arms on his little chest and put the deepest pout on his face.

"You're really an idiot!" Cara screamed lowering to him with her nose almost touching his', barely holding her itching hands at bay.

"And you're a monster Mord-Sith!" He roared back at her, pronouncing the last word with the hardest contempt.

Cara's hand flied in a trice and slapped the plump cheek before everyone could realize it, including the bigger blonde, who regretted what she had just done while her palm was still leaning on her son's face. Stefan widened his eyes and sent arrows of fire from his orbs. Nobody had ever touched him this way and now this hysterical woman dared to hit him?! Who the hell did she think she was?! He began to spill raging tears while holding his reddened cheek and narrowing his clear blue eyes to a slit.

Stefan's glaring look reminded Cara of Darken's evil features for a moment and so intensely that she was momentarily breathless. This boy was also his' and she wondered how much of the child came from the wicked man. The clear blue of his eyes probably wasn't the only endowment he had inherited from his thorny father. Kahlan came closer, hesitant whether to intervene between these two freaked out blondes.

"Peggy told me that you are different, but she was wrong. You're just equal to whatever other Mord-Sith, I see no difference between you and those cruel harpies." Stefan sobbed angrily; a part of him had wanted to believe in his nanny's words when Cara saved him the day before. But now it was clear that he couldn't trust this woman.

Cara straightened up, furrowing her brow and clenching her jaw and fists. Kahlan tried to read which thoughts were crossing her mind, under the usual unreadable face. Despite Confessors not being able to read Mord-Sith, Kahlan knew Cara better than the latter thought and the brunette glimpsed rage mixed with guilt and bitterness. The brunette had very rarely seen this last emotion on Cara and it made her shudder in sadness for the hard proof the other woman was called to overtake.

After some dense seconds of silence Cara spoke again with steady voice, staring intensely at her son's eyes.

"You are right. You can't see the difference. From now on I'll help you to see."

With that she unclasped her studded abdomen band and dropped it, the garment heavily thudded on the ground. Then she untied her collar and let it fall, with a leather murmur, where the other discarded element of the uniform laid. Suddenly the bigger blonde extended a hand toward Kahlan's leg and slipped one of the daggers. Before the Confessor could realize what Cara was doing, the blonde had already cut her tight braid off and thrown it where the other vestiges of her aggressive Mord-Sith nature were. Cara shook her head vigorously to leave her silky hair frame her face, softening her features and helping her son to see her under a different light.

Kahlan was shocked by the sight of Cara with the lighter version of her leathers and her shorter blonde hair down. How long had it passed since the last time the Confessor had seen her in those terms... It seemed to her that Cara was again the same woman she knew at the time in which they were returning to Aydindril after the conclusion of their quest at the Pillars of Creation. At the time in which - trapped in the Magic Maze - Cara had held the dying brunette in her arms and desperately grieved upon her. At the time in which Cara used to be in love with her... Cara looked exactly that same woman except for that peculiar feeling which Kahlan knew had vanished from the blonde's heart.

Contemporaneously the Confessor had the impression that she was seeing the blonde for the first time; a completely brand new Cara seemed to be standing in front of her. But also this assumption wasn't exact and Kahlan knew it: the loyal mischievous voice in the back of her head was confirming that it wasn't effectively true. A completely brand new Kahlan was staring at the unaltered woman in front of her. The Confessor was the one who looked with different – more aware - eyes, even if with the same old lump inside her chest. At last it was melting and revealing a truth since long time hidden and denied.

Stefan didn't understand what this change in the Mord-Sith's appearance meant, but he found that she looked less menacing now. And he had been told that Mord-Sith deeply cared for their braid; this Cara had renounced hers because of him? To show him that she was different? It sounded so odd… Anyway hearing and seeing that for once she was willing to give him reason comforted him and gave voice to his usual boldness.

"You know, you're definitely more beautiful without that hideous braid." The child attempted with a shy smile. "And I'm sure your awful character will benefit from you not being constantly tightly pulled in your hair!"

Cara couldn't help but emit a small chortle at hearing this insolent boy's wit. Did he really have the nerve of mocking a Mord-Sith? Her son had guts, what the heck! A gush of pride and relief washed over her, as she glimpsed the possibility of fixing things with him. She wanted to and maybe he was giving her a chance.

"Thank you very much Pinkie your compliments make me all blushed!" The child smiled again and more convincingly; she looked less stern when she called him that way. Cara gave him a sip of her own wit. "And you're definitely nicer when you give proof that those ears aren't completely plugged and when you give respite to that cheeky mouth of yours!"

The boy laughed a bit and an awkward silence followed. After some dense moments he decided to give a chance to this mysterious woman and to be honest with her.

"I don't like when someone doesn't give me answers. If I ask about something it is because I need to know. So don't tell me that I have to do something because you say so and that's all. In the Fort nobody ever explained anything to me and it drove me crazy! I don't like it. And if you don't give the answers I need, I'll look for them on my own."

"You are really a stubborn creature, has anyone ever told that to you?" Cara asked, widely smiling to him. "But you have your reasons: you've been held hidden and in the dark of everything throughout all of your life. You have the right to know. So here comes Kahlan!" The blonde pointed her hand to the surprised brunette, who was suddenly snapped from her wondering. "She's been craving nothing but someone to chat with all day long, and now it seems that both your wishes are granted. You can place to her whatever questions you have about everything. She'll be happy to give you all the information you want. She's extremely cultured, you know?"

The boy seized the moment and turned to the taller woman immediately asking: "I know you weren't sincere about who you really are. So now tell me the truth, Confessor." He sharpened his look and raised an eyebrow in a completely Cara way. Kahlan blushed hearing that the supposed ignoring child knew who she was, whereas the Mord-Sith widened her eyes looking at this surprising kid.

Kahlan exchanged a meaningful look with Cara who nodded back at her; they mutely agreed to tell Stefan what he longed to know, at last allowing him the truth about the many issues he ignored.

Kahlan unveiled to him that she was the Mother Confessor, Queen of Aydindril, the highest authority of the Midlands a country far from where they were now and where they were heading. The brunette reassured him about the horrible practice to enslave people to Confessor's will: she explained him how confession worked, pointing out that it was used only in case of extreme necessity and that the people confessed were not actually enslaved, even if it was true that they lost their free will. She added that Aydindril was a beautiful place and a magnificent city; she was betting that Stefan would be certainly impressed to see it with its massive walls and the towering Confessors' Palace. That was the place where Kahlan belonged and where they would stop. In the Capital of the Midlands he could find a new home and start a new life.

The Confessor explained to the boy that Cara was surely Mord-Sith, but she served Richard Rahl instead of Darken – the tyrant who had vexed all the known lands in the past. The younger of the Rahl brothers was also the Seeker of Truth, the great hero who saved the Midlands wielding a legendary weapon: the Sword of Truth. Therefore Cara was the most trustable of allies and Stefan could rely on her unquestioningly. Kahlan exposed that she was linked to the Seeker as well, since she was his Confessor and both women had helped him in his quests. The brunette tickled the child's fancy telling him that the threesome - Seeker, Confessor and Mord-Sith - plus Zeddicus, the Wizard of the First Order, had defeated Darken Rahl and the Keeper in the past. Kahlan promised that she would tell the child all the adventures of the Seeker, but he had to be patient since it was a very long story.

Finally Kahlan revealed to him that she and Cara had been instructed from Shota - a witch with the power of foretelling the future - to find and rescue him because the life of many people depended on him. Darken Rahl had held him secluded from the rest of the world because he wanted to use Stefan to obtain back the magic powers the evil man had lost because of Richard's opposition. The smart boy blinked several times perplexed.

"How could I give this man back his powers?"

Cara intervened stepping closer. She knew that the next words were under her responsibility and no one else but her had to be burdened with the task of revealing the uneasy truth about Stefan's origins. With deep and serious voice the Mord-Sith declared:

"Because he is your father and you have within yourself the same magic he had once: Rahl's magic." The woman in red leathers halted for a moment, pondering whether to tell more; in the end decided to go on. "He wanted to kill you as soon as you were big enough, with the purpose to have this magic power back through a spell."

Stefan's eyes widened and he became suddenly paler than a ghost. Kahlan looked worried at him and then glanced up Cara, wondering whether it was really necessary to unceremoniously slam this hard truth on the face of the poor child. The Mord-Sith answered to the unspoken question addressing to her son:

"Believe me, I know how hard it is to deal with this thing and I understand your delusion, but you asked for truth and you deserve to know. This is how things are." The bigger blonde knelt and grabbed her son's shoulders. Her mind running to the memories of the pain she had felt when she was tricked to believe that her father had deeply disappointed her; it had broken her and probably Stefan felt now broken in a similar way. She put aside the hurtful remembrance and gently lifted Stefan's chin. She forced his round already watery eyes to her resolute sea-green ones, then she proclaimed to her little Rahl the most heartfelt devotions she had ever spoken in her life.

"We will prevent him from harming you. He won't touch you even with a finger anymore. I promise you. We will take you to a safe place and you will start a new happy existence." Cara came closer to him softening her voice and staring more deeply into his eyes, gently cupping his little face in her hands.

"I understand. It's hard to know that your father is such an awful man who wants to hurt you, but this must not beat you. You're a strong child, I've seen it. You will overcome this sadness and this proof will make you even stronger." She swallowed hard, preparing to utter the words she had wished so much to hear from her father, when she was a child jailed by the Mord-Sith. She was denied of the consolation she needed at that time and wouldn't let her son to feel the same sorrow she had felt.

"You won't face all of this on your own. You are not alone. I'm here with you. I'll protect you."

He returned the gaze into the amazing face of this unpredictable woman and suddenly hugged her, feeling a compelling need to be comforted and for some unexplainable reason, comforted just from this Mord-Sith, within whose relieving warm arms he let his sobs freely flow for long moments.

"And who's my mother?" Stefan asked after some minutes, with a slight hint of hope in his voice and his face still buried into the red leathers.

"I-I don't know." Cara lied clamorously, struggling to keep her voice steady and blank.

The vulnerable little boy couldn't help but believe her and sighed in sadness, tightening into the warm embrace of the bigger blonde. Kahlan sighed as well hearing this lie which she knew would bring nothing good to the two relatives. But she however respected Cara's need for more time before exposing herself and telling the truth to the child. She had given her word to keep the secret and Confessors never perjure.

"Excuse me if I called you monster Cara Mason. You are not." The little one murmured, sniffing and lifting his reddened face, blinking his teary orbs and wiping his tears. He attempted a shy smile to the tough warrior hoping for her clemency. He ignored that the smile he owned was an infallible and secret weapon against said supposed tough warrior. Cara just couldn't win against it.

"You're forgiven Pinkie." She instantly surrendered without even recording she did. "And you, excuse me if I tried to hide the truth from you. I thought that it was better if you didn't know it, but you're a tough little one and you can handle it." Cara slightly pinched his cheek and smiled sincerely. She was unexpectedly offered of the unknown and relieving sweet taste of forgiveness both given and received. Making up wasn't a practice she had experienced very often, but it made her feel light… carefree…

Kahlan on her side felt a veil finally falling from her eyes and the lump in her chest completely melting. She was witnessing another absolutely astounding side of Cara: the tenderness, the sweetness of the attentions the blonde was giving to her little son, made the Confessor feel dizzy. The utter and unconditional love Cara was showing him, so devotedly, without the slightest hesitation and without any hint of shame despite her Mord-Sith nature… All those things made Kahlan proud of the other woman and revering toward her. It was now clear to the Confessor that Cara was more than capable of deeply loving with naturalness; she just needed the right person to whom she was directing this feeling.

Kahlan was so awe-struck by the image of the two blondes whole-heartedly hugging that her breath was caught in her throat and she was trembling, standing some paces away from them and feeling like an intruder. Wasting, with her unnecessary presence, the precious moment mother and son were sharing.

This last side of Cara that Kahlan had just discovered made her realize what she had somehow failed to consciously grasp in the past two months, traveling with the roughened Mord-Sith and foolishly exchanging her feelings for mere physical attraction. The emotion she was coursed by was crystal clear and evident since more time than she could imagine, but she had never had the courage to honestly open her eyes in front of it. To admit that such an impossible thing was actually possible and real. Painfully real.

She was doubtlessly, hopelessly, totally in love with Cara.

Her heart belonged to the Mord-Sith and Kahlan wanted nothing in the world but being close to her and being loved by her.

Forever.

.

A/N
isn't it this chapter title perfect?! the whole song 'hopelessly addicted' fits to the pairing; i love that song... i love every single song from the corrs. what would i ever do without the corrs? certainly this fic wouldn't have been written without them... have i ever told you that i love the corrs? ;)