Filing Errors and Second Chances 2

Chapter 1 – AYASEMF 35

Harry watched as the red queen slowly bent the green queen over and licked her neck.

"Looks like checkmate," Ron offered as the two kings hustled the entwined queens into the castle shaped box that the set came from.

Hermione quickly cast a silencing charm on the box, blushing bright red as the board and pieces slid back into the box, but it did not stop shaking or making... noises.

"Looks like you won," Harry admitted. "What do you want your new name to be?"

"Prek, prek, prek," Hedwig said proudly

After a few seconds of silence Harry spoke up, "I don't speak owl."

Hedwig turned and slammed her head into the window a few times, causing Harry to burst out laughing. She turned and deliberately waved one wing in an upwards motion at him.

"Did she just flip you 'the bird'," Hermione questioned.

"Yes she did," Harry said with a grin.

"I know I say this at least once a year," Hermione admitted, "but are we absolutely sure she isn't an animagus?"

"You've cast the spell to check, heck you taught me how to cast the spell," Ron pointed out, "she isn't an animagus."

"Maybe some other type of shape shifter?" Hermione suggested.

"Maybe," Ron conceded.

Harry just grinned, amused.

Hedwig turned to Harry and made a few clicking noises before managing a hiss that sounded remarkably like a snake.

Harry's eyes lit up and he hissed back, the two quickly getting deeply embroiled in their conversation in parseltongue.

"OK, I'm going to go with 'probably' now," Ron told her.

Harry turned and hissed at them with a big smile on his face.

"Merlin, that's creepy," Ron said with a shudder.

"English, Harry," Hermione reminded him.

Harry looked embarrassed for a moment. "Hedwig is changing her name to Dora Lily Potter," he said with a big smile.

"Good choice," Ron said after a moment's thought.

"How can she speak parseltongue?" Hermione demanded.

Harry shrugged. "Probably the same way I can," he guessed.

Dora hissed something making Harry laugh.

"She has a point," Harry said, "how hard can it be if snakes can do it?"

Ron hissed something experimentally and Dora puffed up and growled at him, much to his shock.

Harry quickly moved to restrain his owl. "He didn't mean it! I swear he'd never say something like that on purpose!"

"What'd I say?!" Ron exclaimed, shrinking back from the enraged owl's glare.

"You said she'd date a Malfoy," Harry told him, struggling to calm her down.

"I'd never say that on purpose!" Ron quickly blurted out. "I'm sorry!"

"See, he didn't mean it," Harry said, soothing his familiar.

"There's a word for Malfoy in parseltongue?" Hermione asked surprised.

"Upright walking albino ferret," Harry said, trying to keep a straight face but failing, as he burst out laughing which was quickly joined by Dora.

"Did I just get pranked by an owl?" Ron asked.

"Definitely running those checks," Hermione said, "she has to be fooling the spell somehow."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Harry ignored the whispering and gossiping going on around him with the ease of long practice and the knowledge that he wouldn't have to put up with it for much longer. But seriously Seamus was a huge prick. You'd think after living with someone for four years… Well, fuck him and his mum, the loudmouth little shit!

He frowned. He knew that in the end a lot of people had changed for the better, but in the mean time they were what they were, and that was really annoying. Plus there was no guarantees they would become better people as circumstances changed.

Hermione elbowed Harry in the side.

"What?" he asked.

"I tried calling your name several times, but you completely ignored me," Hermione said. "What are you so distracted by?"

"A strange thought," Harry replied. "Let's say someone treated you like crap and then straightened up and became decent to you once more as they got older and wiser. Now, let's say you went back in time to when they treated you like crap. Since you are back in time the future is going to change and there is no guarantee they are going to become better people," Harry explained and waited for her to absorb what he was saying.

"OK, I think I've got it," she said.

"Good, now the question is... do I treat them like the people I know they can become or the ignorant little... people... they are? Logically I mean," Harry explained.

Hermione worried her bottom lip with her teeth as she parsed his question and tried to figure out what he was really asking. "Well... I suppose its only fair to treat them as who they are, not who they could be, but if you're referring to the way events seem to happen every year-"

"You mean where I am blamed for something, disbelieved, forced to fight for my life and attacked by the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?" Harry interrupted her.

"That's not quite correct," Hermione said embarrassed as she recalled her recent treatment of him.

"Name a year when these events did not occur," Harry replied.

"Well... I..." she sighed.

"Exactly," Harry said. "Every bloody year it is the same shite and I'm sick of it. So, here is my new rule for everyone, look after yourself, because I'm not going to do it for you. Troll loose in the school? Best get somewhere safe. Giant bloody snake turning people to stone? Consider the benefits of correspondence courses. Werewolf on the loose? Hope you can run fast."

"So if I'm in trouble you'll just leave me to die?" Ron asked with a frown.

"I'll report it to the staff, since according to rumor they are supposed to take care of things like that," Harry replied.

"I've only not believed you the once," Ron pointed out.

"Twice," Harry countered.

"This is so unlike you," Hermione said wide eyed as they entered the great hall.

"I was kept isolated and locked up with people I hate after being subjected to the cruciatus and having a friend die in front of me," Harry replied, "how should I be?"

Hermione shrank back, recalling her own part in his recent estrangement.

"Plus one of the people prosecuting me, who came up with that completely ridiculous and easily disprovable theory about squibs not being able to see dementors, was so vile I actually had someone get me a file on her to see if I'd accidentally killed her familiar with the way she was treating me. Turns out she's behind the smear campaign and is yet another pure blood bigot who actually believes muggleborns steal magic from pure bloods."

"Steal magic from pure blood?" Hermione asked, glad to change the subject. "How would that even work?"

"It wouldn't," Harry replied, "its just another sign that the Ministry is corrupt. That's what happens when you let rich Death Eaters escape punishment and influence the government for fourteen years."

"That is a problem," Hermione conceded.

"So, lets find out who Dumbledore has hired to try and kill me this year," Harry said as they sat at their house table.

"To be fair Lockhart only tried to wipe your mind and Lupin would never have tried to kill you if he was in his right mind," Hermione pointed out.

"You've got to be kidding me," Harry said as he stared at the staff table.

"What?" Hermione said, turning to follow his gaze.

"See the toad animagus in the pink sweater," Harry said, gesturing to the staff table.

"Yeah," Ron said, "she does look like one, doesn't she."

"She's the one who tried to claim squibs couldn't see dementors," Harry replied.

"Think she's the new DADA professor?" Ron asked.

"Can't be," Harry replied. "Her OWL in DADA was acceptable and she never got a NEWT, not even Dumbledore is crazy enough to hire her for a DADA professor, even if she is trying to kill me, unless that's the only qualification needed for the position these days."

"Here comes the first years," Hermione said, eagerly changing the subject as Hagrid opened the doors to the great hall and they all nervously entered.

"Man, they look like midgets," Ron said.

"Ron!" Hermione growled at him.

"What? They do!" he defended himself.

Harry grinned. He was going to miss these two, not enough to stay and get killed, but he'd miss them all the same.

A short time later...

"... our new DADA professor, Madame Umbridge," Dumbledore introduced the new ministry appointed member of staff.

"Aw, hell no!" Harry said loudly in the silence. "Hogwarts' teaching standards has just fallen below what I can accept." He pulled out a quill and a piece of parchment as Dora flew down to land on his shoulder.

"Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore said, surprised at the unexpected outburst.

"I'm writing my formal letter of withdrawal," Harry said. "A DADA professor who not only does not have a NEWT in the subject, but only achieved an acceptable on their OWLs? No, I have had quite enough."

"I'm afraid you'd need your guardian's permission," Dumbledore said apologetically, already planning on how he could use Harry's attempted departure against Fudge's administration.

"I could say I was declared an adult by making me participate in the Tri-Wizard or trying me in front of the Wizengamot, but the simple fact of the matter is that as the last of my house I am automatically emancipated at age 15," Harry explained.

"You haven't taken your OWLs!" Umbridge exclaimed, eyes lighting up. "Returning to the muggle world before you take your OWLs legally requires the ministry to take away your wand and remove any knowledge of the magic world!"

"I'll thank you to keep your nose out of House Potter affairs," Harry said, glaring at the witch, "but if you must know... when did I ever say I was leaving the magical world?"

"But – but..." Hermione stuttered out before falling silent, too many questions struggling to get out all at once.

"I'm rich," Harry told her, "I'm going to hire tutors, ones who have at least taken their NEWTs in the subjects I wish to learn and preferably won't try to murder me sometime during the year."

"Oh," Hermione said falling quiet.

"What about your friends?" Ron asked.

"They can have a quiet year for once, since no one is up to anything and I won't be here to cause trouble," Harry said cheerfully, making Ron and Hermione exchange guilty glances.

"Prek," Dora said, reminding Harry to continue with the plan.

Harry rolled up his withdrawal notification and held it out for her. Quickly grasping it she delivered it to Dumbledore who looked at it sadly before accepting it with a sigh. "Have a nice day, I'll see myself out."

Chaos erupted behind him as he departed the great hall with a smile on his lips.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"They haven't set the password for this year yet," the Fat Lady said as Harry approached the portrait.

"I'll set it for you, just be sure to let the prefects know what it is," Harry offered.

"Thank you, I appreciate it," the Fat Lady replied, "I just don't feel right without a password."

"Constant vigilance," Harry said, thinking that they were going to need it.

"That'll be fine then," she said, the picture swinging open and allowing him access to the Gryffindor Dorms.

"You should have made it 'Books and cleverness' or 'friendship is magic'," Dora hissed at him from her place on his shoulder.

"Nah," Harry hissed back as he climbed the stairs, "they've been pretty good friends, especially considering what we've faced, rubbing their nose in things... any more than I already have, is a bit much."

Dora sighed. "Yeah, you have a point. I may be a wee bit mad at my own set and projecting onto them."

"Understandable," Harry replied as they reached his dorm room and he collected his stuff.

Dora tapped his trunk with a wing while hissing the spell name is parseltongue, causing it to shrink to the size of a pack of playing cards.

"That is so unfair," Harry said, sliding it in his pocket.

"You become part veela due to a potions accident and you can skip needing a wand as well," she teased.

"I think I'd rather stay male, fully, not just part or even mostly," he replied.

"Even if you got your very own set of breasts to play with?" she asked.

Harry paused to consider that making her burst out laughing, head bobbing up and down as she chuckled.

"How big are we talking?" Harry asked.

"Seriously?!"

Harry snickered at her wide eyed look of shock, amused that he'd been able to lie convincingly for once. "Man, I love occlumency!"

Typing by: Lohoydo

Omake by: Lohoydo

"Well, congratulations. You have your new name." Harry told Dora the next morning. "I guess that means I'm stuck going to France, aren't I?"

Dora barked a laugh while bobbing her head in agreement.

"Of course, since you're my familiar and go everywhere with me, that means you'll be going too, you realize," Harry continued with a smirk. "And, no, I don't have any mail for you to deliver to get out of the trip."

At this Dora froze, gaining a wide-eyed look. "Perhaps we should let that part of the bet slide?" Dora hissed cautiously, realizing she was trapped.

"You sure?" Harry replied, "I'm a proud Englishman, I wouldn't want it said I welshed on our bet."

Dora nodded vigorously at this.

"All right, as long as you're sure." Harry conceded. "Oh, actually, I would like you to deliver a letter to Sirius for me, you up for it?"

At this, Dora just glared at him for escaping the bet at her suggestion.

"Last I heard he's staying near Nice to take advantage of the nude beaches around there."

Dora, realizing she was heading to France anyways, just bit him.

AN: Good omake!