Chapter 38
(Bella's POV)
As the movie came to the end the front door opened. As soon as I heard the creak of it opening, I jumped to my feet and raced to the door. I was standing with Sonny at my side before the door was even fully open. Edward stood frozen in momentary shock to find me and Sonny waiting for him. Emmet was right behind him rolling his eyes as he shoved Edward into the house. Glaring at Emmet, Edward wrapped an arm around my waist. His thoughts of the funeral swirled in my brain. Everything from what the speakers said to Charlie bandaged hand. Slowly I pulled away from Edward it was all too much to think about and I didn't want to know more then I already had found out.
"Sorry" he muttered looking at the ground, as he moved away so we had a foot between us.
I could tell I had unintentionally hurt him again. It was like every time I pulled away he felt the need to give me more space then I needed. I had asked Alice one day while Edward was hunting how she blocked him from reading her thoughts but she only told me it took years of practice to build up the mental barriers needed to block him from reading her thoughts. Years of practice were something Edward and I didn't have time for. Though we loved each other with every molecule in our bodies, our relationship had been suffering because of all everything that had happened.
"Edward, don't be, its ok" I whispered closing the gap between us.
I wanted desperately to be able to touch him without fear of what thoughts were swirling in his mind. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice scurrying the family out of the room to leave us alone. Placing both my hands on Edward's strong chest, I stared up into his topaz eyes.
"This has to get easier" I muttered as snuggled my head against his chest.
My comment sparked something in him because he began to chuckle.
"I was thinking the same thing" he whispered.
I pulled away again slightly startled, I hadn't heard he thinking a single thing since I had touch him again. It was like his mind had suddenly become empty.
"But I didn't…" I began.
"I was hoping you'd say something like that. I've been trying to working on blocking you from my thoughts but it harder then I thought it would be" he admitted.
He was trying. I had spent so much time being completely broke apart by everything that had happened to even think about how hard he was trying. Plus he doesn't even have the advantage of hearing my thoughts. He had no idea what would upset me or what I really need to move past what happened but still he was trying. Now it was my turn to try for Edward.
"Edward, I think we need to talk" I whispered, even as I spoke I wasn't sure if what I was about to do would make this better or not.
"Ok Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything" said Edward.
Unsure what to say next, I took a step away and turned to face away from him, whatever I was going to say would be hard enough; seeing his expression while I said it would break my heart. Closing my eyes I let the painful memories in again.
"Edward, you know I love you don't you?" I asked so softly I wasn't even sure if I'd had made a sound.
"Of course I do. Bella what's going on?" Edward whispered.
"You're trying so hard to make things right for me and you had no idea what even happened. I've been so scared that if I told you about what happen in that warehouse you wouldn't be able to look at me the same; that whenever you looked at me all you'd see is what happened. But not telling you is slowly pulling us apart, and that scares me more then anything. I need to tell you what happened so at least then maybe we can still have a change at happiness" I said still not looking at him.
After those words slipped from my lips everything was silent. Slowly, I turned to face Edward to make sure he was even still there. It was stupid to even think he would leave because I knew deep down no matter what I did or said he would never really leave. He stood frozen with his mouth slightly open as if trying to speak but at a loss of words. His prefect topaz eyes with riddled with pain and sadness. We stood there just looking at each other, waiting for one of us to break the deafening silence. Suddenly, Edward took a step forward and wrapped me tightly in his arms against his chest.
"I love you more then you'll ever know and with every breath I that take I'm going to try to show you that. Whatever you say will never change the way I feel about you. You're my reason for living Bella" he whispered into my ear.
Then swiftly lifted me off the ground and cradled me against him. He carried me up the stairs to his bedroom. The room had been emptied as was most of the house, but Edward had put a blanket and some pillows on the ground so at night we could just lay together and watch the night sky through his window. My bare feet touch softly on the ground as Edward put me down on the blanket. I sat down on the blanket and Edward did the same. Taking a deep breath I start to tell him what happened. I started slowly, first I told him what happened at the school how I found the rose and fainted, and how when I was kidnapped from the school. I was shaking slightly so Edward took my hand.
"It's ok he can't hurt you now. Go now" he whispered as he squeezed my hand.
I nodded and continued. I told him how I woke up in the warehouse handcuffed and gagged, how that monster told me what happened to Scarlett and that he killed every victim Edward had saved back when he drank human blood. I paused after say that part knowing it would be hard for him to hear. Edward took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. Then I told him about the movie. I couldn't look at him as I told him I really thought he was gone forever.
"That bastard" hissed Edward under his breath, and then he pulled me closer to him and kissed me softly.
I was about to continue again but he stopped me.
"Wait, that movie was it in a forest?" he asked softly.
"Yes" I murmured.
A look of sadness filled his eyes.
"There was a female vampire posing as Nikolai's guardian at the school, Sophie. Alice did some research on her and found out that she that she could change her appearance to make herself look like other people. We found her ashes in the forest. He must have destroyed her while she looked like me. He truly was sick" muttered Edward.
I winced at the sound of his name and Edward looked at me apologetically. I nodded and shuttered at the thought of him destroying someone who had been helping him with his sick plans. Edward squeezed my hand again and I told him how I was bitten. I broke down in dry sobs the second the words came out. Edward held me and waited for me to pull myself back together. Once I stopped crying I sighed I continued on, about each time that monster hit or kiss me, how he brought Sonny, how I destroy him and finally how I almost killed Sonny because I let the monster in me take control. Anger and sadness were the only emotions I could find in Edward's eyes. Now he knew everything that thought made me so unbelievably nervous that I began to cry. Carefully, Edward pulled me from my spot on the blanket to his lap.
"Its ok Bella" he whispered as he stroked my hair.
Pulling away I stared into his eyes unsure what was going to happen next.
"Is it? Is it really ok?" I asked I searched his eyes for the answers but found nothing.
Suddenly, his thoughts filled my mind. Each filled with never ending love, the same love that he had for me all along. As quickly as the thoughts had come his mind was silent again blocking me out. He was hiding his thoughts from me. He couldn't see me, he only saw what happened to me and he was trying to hide it. A feeling of panic filled me and I rapidly pulled myself out of his grasp. Scrambling, I backed myself into a corner and pulled my knees into my chest. Closing my eyes tightly I began to sob. I could feel his finger tips gliding slowly on my arm but it wasn't even slightly comforting.
"Bella please….I" he began.
A flash of anger rose up in me. He was hiding his thoughts from me to protect me. He was always protecting me; even when I hurt me he protected me. Edward could never see me for me anymore. My worst fear had come true.
"Don't touch me!" I hissed hatefully, my eyes snapped open and I slapped away his hand.
Standing gracefully, I stared at Edward. Blinking away the tears I would never get to shed I walked to the bedroom door.
"I was a fool to think you could still see me for me" I whispered walking out the door.
I walked down the stairs and straight out the front door. It was raining, pouring really. Pouring harder then I had every since it. I walked slowly from the porch out into. I just stood there in the rain waiting to feel the chill that would never come. A soft click came from the front door but I didn't even turn to see who it was, all I knew it was more then one person.
"Bella it's raining" stated Jasper from somewhere behind me.
"Thanks for the weather forecast" I muttered darkly.
The rain had already soaked through my shirt but still no chill. I missed the feeling of stinging cold of rain on my skin. I knew Jasper wanted to help me but he couldn't. No one could fix me. I was broken, damned damaged goods.
"God you and Edward are such drama queens!" snapped Rosalie
"Good to know things are back to normal with us Rosalie" I snapped back.
Suddenly, I was flying towards the ground. My hands shot out to brake my fall. Standing slowly I turned to find Rosalie glaring at me. I looked down at my shirt and hands they were covered in mud. For the first time I could see everyone who was on the porch, Emmet and Jasper stood completely shock by what had just happened.
"You want to play the victim forever? Huh? Is that what baby Bella wants?" she hissed her normally perfect hair was ruffed and fell into her face.
"Shut up!" I growled.
"Not just yet. You want everyone to stop see you as a freaking victim then make them! What happened can't fade into the past until you let it. You don't need to be protected anymore, you proved that when you ripped up that bastard in the warehouse. It time you just let the past go before it consumes you. I will not stand by and watch you destroy everything that is good in your life" growled Rosalie.
"Rose…"Emmet began but stopped when Rosalie flashed him a dark glare.
I stood looking at my hands watching the rain wash away the mud. Each drop of water pushed more of the dirt off me, cleaning my skin. As I watched it, I thought about time. Everything took time. A cut as deep as the one I was nursing would take a long time to heal. But if I keep running from the past the cut would never heal.
(Edward's POV)
"Is it? Is it really ok?" she murmured staring into my eyes.
I knew she wasn't asking if she was going to be ok. I could hear it in her voice she was asking if I could still see her as the same beauty angelic girl I always saw her as. Focusing carefully just to let certain thoughts slip out I let her hear my thoughts. A smile played at the corners of her lips and I thought she heard enough to know it that what happened didn't matter to me. It was true; the only thing that mattered to was that I had her in my life. Beside that what happened was in the past and even though I would love to be able to fix it I couldn't. I would just have to do my best to help her heal. I knew she felt like she was somehow invading my space by hearing my thoughts so I focused to block her out again. Suddenly, the smile faded and she looked like someone had ripped out her heart. Bella backed into a corner and began to cry. I wasn't she what had upset her so much but I tried to comfort her by stroking her arm.
"Bella please…I" I started but her eyes opened and they were coal black.
"Don't touch me!" Bella hissed.
I could feel my dead heart ripping in my chest as she slapped away my hand. What had I done? I watched frozen in shock as she stood ever so gracefully and walked to the door. Looking over her shoulder at me, her pale rose colored lips parted to speak.
"I was a fool to think you could still see me for me" she whispered and then she walked out.
I begged myself to stand and run after her but I was too shocked to move. Nikolai may be dead but he was still ruining my life. I listened to every word she had said and done my best not to want to jump up and punch a hole through the wall each time Bella said he kissed or hit her. It was hard not too, but I knew she was scared I would. I heard the front door slam shut. Suddenly, Alice was in my room.
"What did you do!" she screamed.
In the past weeks I've seen a side of Alice I never knew there was; an extremely angry side.
"I…I don't know" I said honestly.
"If you don't know then why are you sitting here while she is outside?" asked Alice.
"Alice, I thought I was doing everything right, but it seems like nothing I do for her is right" I muttered.
"You're trying; that's all that can be asked of you. No one ever said that this was going to be easy. It's going to take a long time before life can be normal again and until then you just have to keep trying. Come on. Its time you go and really talk to her" said Alice.
Sighing deeply, I stood and followed Alice downstairs. Sonny sat at the bottom of the stairs holding a ratty looking teddy bear. He gently smoothed the fur and slid his small fingers across the plastic eyes.
"Who's this?" asked Alice sitting next to him.
"His name is jack" Sonny whispered pulling the teddy against him.
Sonny only seemed to be comfortable around Carlisle and Bella. Whenever anyone else would talk to him he would shy away. Alice waved me away as she tried to get him to be comfortable around her. Groaning silently I walked to the front door. It was still slightly open so I could see what was going on outside. Jasper and Emmet stood looking like deer caught in the headlights of a fast moving car. Rosalie was standing out in the rain looking angry. Finally my gaze fell upon Bella. Her shirt was stained with dripping mud that was slowly washing down the front of her. She was staring at her hand, which too were coated in mud. There a something heartbreaking about her and it made me need to be with her. Pushing the door opened it creaked softly but loud enough to catch the attention of everyone outside. Bella hands fell to her sides as she stared up at me. Her bottom lip began to quiver so to stop it she bit it to hold it still. Even though I wasn't walking slowly it felt like forever until I was standing in front of her. Rosalie thoughts seemed to be screaming at me as I stood before Bella.
Rosalie: Edward, what did you do? She was making progress on getting over everything and now it's like she is back the beginning. I've been trying to help her but she is so lost in despair I don't know what to do. You better try and fix what you did
Rosalie touched her wet hair and shook her head. Jasper had already gone inside and Emmet seemed just to be waiting for Rosalie. Rosalie sighed and went into the house with Emmet. I watched as Bella soundlessly wiped her palms on her mud stained shirt. She tucked a strain of hair behind her ear but quickly un-tucked it again. She was so beauty and yet she never seemed to know it.
"Bella… can we talk?" I asked taking a step closer to her.
Thankfully she didn't flinch way I don't think I would have been able to continue if she had. Looking at her feet she nodded.
"Do you want to go inside first and get out of this rain?" I asked.
She shook her head and dug a line in the dirt with her bare foot. The rain had already soaked through my dress shirt, not that it mattered. I stood lost in thought about what I should say. Bella looked so beautiful in the rain. Her dark hair hung limp around her heart shaped face and the cold had of the rain had brought out the tiniest hint of a rose color in her cheeks.
"You said you were afraid I wouldn't be able look at you the same after here what happened to you" I began.
Momentarily her eyes flickered from her focus point on the ground to my eyes. In the small moment I saw multiple emotions glimmer across her eyes; love, misery, betrayal, and the strongest was fear. It hurt me when she dropped her gaze back to the ground but I forced myself to continue on.
"Well you are right, I never will be able to look at you the same, because now when I look at you I see someone who is braver and stronger then I ever thought you could be. You were alone and scared out of your mind but you got through it. Bella you never stop amazing me. I know this is hard and I know there is no way I could even imagine what I feels like to be you after going through that hell but it's over now. You are going to get through this. I'm here for you to do whatever you need me to. Just say the word and I do everything in my power to get it done" I said.
I held my breath as I waited for her to say something. Gradually, she lifted her head up enough to look at me. She was still biting her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. A drop of rain fell just below the corner her left eye; it slid down her face like a tear drop. I watched as her teeth slowly loosened there grip on her lip.
"Will you just hold me?" she whispered.
I closed the small space between us and wrapped my arms around her tightly. She her head against me and began to sob. Placing my head gently on her head we just stood there in the holding each other.
AN: big shock! NOT! This will not be the end. I thought I would be able to end it with this chapter but after getting some reviews pointing out some things I would have totally over looked I decided the story would not end right if I just cut it off here. Well I hope you enjoyed with chapter. Oh and to explain; Rosalie now thinks of Bella as a sister and wants to help her but doesn't believe in helping with the whole lovey dovey oh poor baby kind of way. So Rosalie tries to help by making Bella realize for herself that she will be ok and to get over it. Please Review! I kind of went a different way then I did in the last chapter with where Bella is emotionally, but that's only because I trying to set things up for a happy ending. Well PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME IF THIS CHAPTER WAS ANY GOOD!