"Hikaru sent me some video, now the news is out. Did you get a chance to watch it?" The explosion of Praxis had dominated the news vids since the previous day and all of Starfleet was scrambling to determine what effect it would have on the political situation. The lack of reaction from Qo'noS was making it difficult to predict. Spock had spent most of the day in discussions with his father over the appropriate actions. He was stationed at Starfleet Academy, sorting through the data collected by the ship on their missions and giving lectures. Pavel Chekov had taken over his duties as Science Officer on the 'Enterprise' in his absence. Jim had refused to log his resignation, hoping Spock could convince Gillian to come on the 'Enterprise' instead of staying on Earth with her. Spock knew Gillian would not respond well to such a suggestion and hadn't brought it up.

"I did," Spock said. He swiped a piece of tomato from his salad. Long years on the 'Enterprise' had accustomed him to the human habit of eating during meals. Usually Gillian talked and he listened. She turned her head to watch the replay she had projected onto the wall, fascination playing over her features. They were eating at the small pull out table in the kitchen, a common occurrence when they were alone.

"Have they started organising relief yet?" she asked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it was for someone who had risked her own life to save the members of a species other than her own and taken an alien to her bed, despite living most of her life in a pre-contact time. Unlike the members of the Federation Council, many of whom had argued for letting the Klingon Empire die.

"They are still arguing," he responded, taking his empty plate to the disposal unit. "There have been no volunteers to be the Envoy. My father would but he has other commitments. He is trying to free up his schedule but so far without success. His preliminary overtures have been well received." He reached for her hand but she twisted out of reach and ran laughing to the couch in the living room. He cleared the rest of the table, his doing housework amused Gillian and put her in a good mood. He toyed with the evening's plans. He wanted to discuss the fallout of the Praxis disaster further with her, but she was in a playful mood, which was always fun.

"It's been a year," announced Gillian as he entered the lounge room and pain clutched at his abdomen. She reclined against the cushions on the couch, legs crossed in front of her. A relaxed pose but she vibrated with energy and excitement. She was correct. Neither had broached the subject last night, the actual anniversary, but Spock had held Gillian when she cried herself to sleep, something she hadn't done for months.

He had hoped she would realise her desire for a child was hopeless while she was married to him but she would choose to stay with him anyway. This did not appear to be the case. The conversation he had dreaded so much was here.

He took a moment to centre himself, clasping his hands behind his back and standing at rest. "Logic dictates it is impossible for us to have a child together. My genetic structure does not support your desire." He willed her to see the logic in his statement.

Gillian's brow creased. "No, it doesn't. There was nothing wrong with the genetic engineering… last time. It was an cord accident. You are letting your fear get the better of you." She was determined to go through with it then.

"I am a Vulcan. I do not feel fear. Your request is simply illogical."

"I want to try again," she insisted, bottom lip quivering.

"No, it is illogical," he repeated. She must agree with him. She must.

"You agreed we would try for a baby." Her tone lapsed from reason into pleading but she drew a deep breath and continued with her voice even once more. "You knew I wanted one."

He had agreed. She had seemed so certain that it was possible. That they would not proceed until success was guaranteed. He had read her research. He had been foolish and illogical and gotten his hopes up.

"We tried and failed. You do not have my consent for another attempt," he said and watched her blanch. He had provided her with samples of his DNA years ago, she would still have them. He would send a notice to the laboratory, rescinding his permission to use it.

"Please, Spock," she begged, looking up at him with pleading eyes. "Just one more try?"

"Under no circumstances will I agree," he told her. Her head dropped in defeat and hope flared within him. Hope that he would be enough for her.

He was unprepared for her next statement. "You want to move on to using donated sperm, instead?"

He stared at her, horror coursing through him. Where would she get such an idea? "No." Too forceful, he must control himself better; keep his tone of voice neutral. "No. Why would you suggest such a thing?"

"If you don't want to try again with your genetics, a human baby is the next logical step. We wouldn't have to worry about the success rate, then. I'd prefer to try once more with you, but I'm willing to let you persuade me. Did you want to go anonymous, or would you prefer to ask someone you know?" She crossed her arms over her body, hugging the pillow to her as if protecting herself from him.

"You want to have a child with someone else?" He fixated on this point.

"I don't want to, but I will if I have to." It was the next logical step, he knew, but jealousy would not permit him to agree to it. He had spent years avoiding events where the children of friends would be present. He had no desire to avoid his own wife again.

"You don't understand, after Aisling, the need to be a mother has grown in me. I could feel her for months, moving inside me. You never wanted to, I know, and I don't blame you for that, but I couldn't help but get attached to her even before she was born." The pain in her voice was evident. Vulcans did not name still born children and no official record existed of the name but Gillian had told him her choice one night and referred to the baby ever since by the name which meant 'Longed for Child.'

"I forbid it." He knew it was a mistake as the words left his mouth but couldn't keep from saying them.

Gillian surged to her feet, "You forbid it" she hissed between clenched teeth. "You forbid it?" She was so tiny compared to him that the pose, meant to be threatening was cute, but he did not dismiss the threat she posed. She held his happiness in her hands and looked prepared to throw it away because of her desire for a child.

"Yes" he couldn't force any other word out. She couldn't do this to him. He wouldn't let her.

"You can't forbid anything. I don't belong to you. I'm not your wife. I'll do whatever I want. I'll have whatever baby I want and you can't stop me.

The reminder they were not married enraged Spock further. "You will not get pregnant again with my child." The alternative was no better. The thought of another man's child growing inside her was infuriating.

"I can if I want and you can't forbid me," she yelled back, chin thrust out.

"I can and I do." Anger was creeping into his voice no matter how hard he tried to prevent it.

"I can do whatever I please." A triumphant smirk played across her face, angering Spock more. "And I am going to do as I please and there is nothing you can do about it."

"I will leave," he forced the words out. He could not stay and watch if she did this. She looked stricken, as if he had slapped her.

"What?" she said, eyes widening in response to his statement. He felt satisfaction that his threat should hurt her so, that he could repay some small measure of the pain she had dealt him during this conversation. She must still care for him a little. He needed to say something, anything to turn her affections back to him. Silence filled the room. There must be something he could say to change her mind. Jim or Nyota would know but the right thing escaped him.

Her face was dead white and her eyes were huge. Tears threated to spill down her face. Would his threat be enough? In a voice barely above a whisper, she responded. "This is what I want, Spock. More than anything. Just this. I have never asked you for anything before now. I didn't ask you to give up the job which you love, or your friends, or to defy your Grandmother and insist that she acknowledge me but I am asking you for this." He kept his face blank while she searched it, her eyes pleading with him. Defeated, she said "I should have known. In the end, the only person I can depend upon is myself. Everyone else always lets me down."

She turned and walked off to the bedroom. Spock tried to control his anger but before he realised it, he was standing before the bedroom door. How dare she? She would learn to do as he told her. His hand, raised to open the door was shaking with fury. He stared at it and forced discipline on himself until it was still once more.

He wanted to follow her in, convince her to stay together but he was not good with romantic words. He had spent years trying to show her how much she meant to him. If that hadn't worked, what would? Broken sobbing was audible through the closed door. The sense of her in his mind reduced, grew indistinct, she was blocking him. Hurt, he shielded his mind from her. If she didn't want him, he would not impose on her. He stood for a few moments and gathered his things.

He stalked out the door, heading to the exit. He would stay at Jim's apartment for a day or two, in case this was temporary. Unlike Leonard, or his mother, Jim would not ask awkward questions and Spock could keep an eye on him. He would forgo hints and tell him he did not wish Gillian to have Jim's child. At least he would be spared that. She would not find another before his Time, he thought, not with having a new baby to care for. Maybe, if he kept up intermittent contact, they would find their way back to each other once the child was grown and gone. Many Vulcan marriages were conducted with less contact. Before that, he would meditate and regain his inner composure.

His father, flanked by his aide and the short stout Ambassador Blenick, walked towards him in the corridor.

"Spock, do you have time to discuss the Praxis incident?" He was Vulcan. If he couldn't constrain his emotions he could master them, keep them from showing on his face and in his actions. There was work that needed to be done and he would do it, regardless of how 'not fine' he was feeling. He nodded and let them lead him to an office.