Shout out to SilverShadowWolf46 and Bre for reviewing! These dreams , I know :( And yay you guys read both :) Remember I don't speak Gaelic or anything so I don't know for sure if these translations are accurate. The information, some of it was researched, some made up. Hope you enjoy anyway :) PS-Updating 'Coming Home' tomorrow!
Jade's p.o.v
"Stop" Derek says, pulling my hand away so I stop scratching at my forearm.
"I don't realise i'm doing it" I say quietly, bowing my head.
"I know. Just try not too, okay?" he says softly. I nod.
"What's happening to me?" I ask him, looking up with watery eyes.
"I don't know..but i'm going to make sure you're okay" he tells me, holding my hands.
"Thank you" I say.
"For what?"
"You being here. For staying with me even though i'm completely losing my mind" I say.
"I'm not leaving you. Ever" he tells me.
"Not ever?"
"Not ever" he smiles. I lean into him and curl into his lap over his crossed legs. I yawn. "Want to try and get some more sleep?" he asks. I shake my head.
"I don't want to fall asleep" I say.
"I'll be here" he says, stroking my head. "I'll watch over you"
"I know you will. I just..I don't want to dream" I say, yawning again.
"You haven't slept properly in days, you've been through alot. Get some sleep, i'll stay up and watch over you" he tells me. "You're safe with me, there's nothing to be scared of" he assures me, leaning down and kissing my forehead.
"Okay" I sigh. He's right, i'm beyond tired. I get up.
"What are you doing?" he asks. I grit my teeth, eyes turning white before I shift into my fox form. Maybe if i'm like this, when I know I can hold my own, I won't be so scared. "Smart" he smiles softly. I jump back onto the bed, it sinks at my fox weight. I go over to Derek. "Wait" he says, cringing when I get back into his lap. "Argh. You're not exactly light like this Jade" he says, voice straining a little under my weight. I bring my head up, looking him dead in the eye with a glare. "I didn't mean it like you're fat, because you're not" he clears up. I smirk triumphantly and settle back into his lap in a ball. "But you're really heavy" he says with a smirk. I growl half-heartedly but don't make a single move to get off him. He sighs and starts threading through his fingers through my fur. I feel myself starting to drift off.
..
"Please, don't leave me" I beg Nana, holding her in my arms.
"You're so strong" she says, voice quiet. Too quiet for my Nana.
"Not without you" I say, squeezing my eyes shut and rocking her carefully.
"Baby, look at me" she says. I open my eyes and look down at the usually tough woman in my arms. She's frail..fragile..she's dying. "I love you so, so much" she tells me. I bring my hand to her cheek. I nod, sniffing back more tears.
"I know, I love you too. You're like my mother and I love you with everything I have. Thank you so much for everything you've done for me" I pour my heart out, hearing her heart start to slow down.
"The pleasure was all mine" she smiles weakly.
"I don't think I can do this without you" I say, tears falling properly now.
"You can. We can't control everything in this world. We can't always control who lives and-and who..who dies" she tells me. Her voice becomes struggled and I know she doesn't have much time left. She smiles softly at me, eyes starting to close.
"I love you, so much. I'm going to make you proud" I promise her.
"I..I know you will baby" she whispers before her eyes slip closed. I try to hold back my sobs as her heartbeat slows down rapidly. When it thumps for the final time, the last time, I break down. I pull her to me, kissing her forehead, letting all my tears fall. She is so still in my arms and it breaks my heart to know she's gone. A hurting spreads through my chest as I mourn over her body.
My eyes open and i'm crying. That wasn't a dream or a nightmare, that was a memory. A horrible memory. My worst memory. Worse than being abandoned. Worse than catching Daniel with another girl. Worse than anything i've ever felt before.
"Hey" I look up and Derek's still awake. I'm still in his lap. I'm still in my fox form. He's still brushing my fur. I whine lowly, burying myself deeper into him. "You okay?" he asks. I whine again, tears trailing down the fur under my eyes. His hand brushes them away. I feel him move and soon i'm not in Derek's lap. He's cuddling into me in his wolf form. I whimper and he rubs his snout againist mine in comfort.
..
We just stay curled together like that for awhile. I hear movement downstairs and my head snaps up towards it.
"Jade?" it's Scott. There's a second pair of footsteps with him. Scott knocks and steps into the room. Derek and I stand up on my bed. Scott walks in with Stiles. "You're okay" Scott says with a sigh of relief. I bark out and jump off the bed, running over to Scott and Stiles. I jump up and down on them, I know I look like a dog but I don't care. I'm happy to see them.
"Glad you're feeling better" Stiles smiles softly at me. Scott must have filled him in. Scott nods to Derek the the huge wolf nods back, getting off my bed and coming to my side.
"Mum will be home any minute, you two should..humanize" Scott says. I nod and nod for them to leave. "I've got some things you can wear" Scott says, walking out with Derek. I shift back, falling to the ground in pain. I take a few deep breaths before pulling myself up and throwing on a jumper and some shorts. I leave the room and jump when Scott is walking in at the same time.
"Jesus" I say, clutching my chest.
"I'm sorry" he says, grabbing my shoulders.
"It's okay" I say, slowing my heart down. Once again, I really hate this sickness. We hear the front door open and Scott and Stiles head downstairs. Derek's not in sight. I can hear him in Scott's room. I go in and he's just pulling a shirt on. He turns around and smiles at me.
"You feeling okay?" he asks, walking over. I lean in and kiss him softly.
"I am now" I say with a small smile. He hugs me.
"She's proud of you" he tells me. "You were mumbling in your sleep" he explains.
"God I hope she is" I say, hugging him tighter.
"She is, we all are"
"Jade?" we let go and Aunty's in the doorway. "You okay sweetie?" I wipe my eyes and nod. She comes over and hugs me. "Thank you" she says to Derek over my shoulder.
..
"Are you sure? You can put it off for a little while more, just until you're okay" Aunty says a little worried. I smile at her.
"I can't put it off anymore Aunty, i'm fine" I tell her. She nods and puts a pile off old leather bound books in front of me.
"Everything I could find with the time I had" she says. I hug her tightly.
"Thank you so much" I say. She pulls back and kisses my forehead. She leaves for work, Scott's already at school. Derek didn't tell any of them what happened yesturday. It was just a memory, there's not much to tell. But he is staying with me again today. I look over at him and smile. He smiles back. I've asked Aunty to bring me everything she could find about the 'Murphy' family, my Irish family, my Nana's family. Last night's dream, memory whatever showed me just how much i've let that part of my life slip away. I promised her i'd make her proud and I haven't. I can still make it up to her though. I take a deep breath and open the first book. I'm meet with a picture of a fox, it has white eyes. I read the passage that goes with it. Most of the Murphys were water kitsune, a few earth kitsune and even a couple fire kitsune. From what i've been told from Nana and Deaton, they're mostly..gone. My fingers trace over the title of the next passage. "An sionnach istigh" I read. I can read Gaelic..I can't understand much of it. "Derek" I say. He looks up at me.
"Yeah?"
"Toss me my phone" I say, pointing to it. He's sitting at my desk. He picks my phone and throws it to me. I catch it and go online to an Irish translator. An sionnach istigh-the inner fox. I put my phone back down and keep reading. This book tells me that in alot of folklore, the kitsune and raccon dog, or wolf, are actually together. Using the kitsune's intelligance and the wolf's strength to overcome but never to be deceptive. Nana told me of her and her mate, he was a wolf. Noshiko told us that 'wolves and foxes tend to not get along'. But look at Derek and I. At Scott and Kira. A long time ago, the fox could not take on the shape of a human. It's taken a long, long time for the elders to master this, to be human and choose when they want to shift into their fox form. But something happened, in the 18th century, somewhere in the West they started to hunt kitsune, calling them 'rabid man-killers'. Nana had mentioned this to me as well. The killing was done by the hunters first, declaring war and wanting to calm back humanity as they didn't understand the power behind the shift. They didn't see the beauty in it, the raw power. They saw something to be feared, something supernatural that shouldn't take place in their world. And the hunters started to hunt kitsune. They killed thousands upon thousands of them. The wiped out most of, maybe even all of my Nana's family, most probably all the water kitsune in existance. I grit my teeth in anger when I turn the page to see a fox, cut in half. This picture shows you how the hunters would do it, why they would do it, why they would avoid parts of the body and why they would go for certain vital parts. From what I can read before my eyes fill with angry tears, the hunters did what would be the most painful.
"Jade?" Derek asks. I look up at him. His face falls when he sees i'm almost in tears. "Maybe that's enough for now" he suggests. I nod and close the book, pushing it away from me on my bed. I let out a breath and wipe my eyes. "We should go downstairs, have something to eat, maybe watch a movie" Derek says. I nod. I have to admit i'm getting sick of being couped up in here. I don't seem to be getting worse so I should be fine. Should. Hopefully.
..
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