37.
It was November by the time the conversation of the potential vacation came around again. Bernard and Elle were back on their feet by then of course, well into the holiday buzz and rush for deadlines. It wouldn't be until after Thanksgiving that things would really take off, but the pressure was still there. Luckily, thanks to their great teamwork and a solid year of Elle doing what she did best, they were well on schedule. In fact, so comfortably on schedule that Elle didn't really feel guilty thinking about the vacation idea like she'd expected to.
She didn't go to Bernard with it again, not at first. She already knew his opinion on the matter and until she'd scoped out the situation, she didn't want to bother him about it. No point in being a nag, after all, and besides, she wanted to hear Santa's opinion for herself. But as the case were, she ended up getting Mrs. Claus' input on the matter first.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Carol and Elle were both in the newly assigned nursery, which was adjacent to the Claus' bedroom and the office. Elle had offered to lend a hand with setting up some of the furniture, since Santa was seasonally busy and had been putting the job off a little. She was helping with a rocking chair just then, Carol unboxing children's books onto a low bookshelf while the crib still sat in its box in a corner. That at least, Santa would put together.
"Hmm?" Elle looked up, three screws tucked between her lips and an instruction manual at her feet. Three pieces of the chair were floating before her as she checked her work over.
"You seem awfully quiet today," Carol said with a smile, setting a copy of Goodnight Moon onto the shelf.
"Oh! I suppose." Elle set the screws down and the pieces of the chair floated down beside them. "Sorry, I hope I'm not being bad company."
"Nonsense! I really appreciate you helping me set all this up, by the way." Carol gestured around at the room. "I mean, I know the rest of the housekeeping staff would help if I asked, but sometimes it's nice to do these things with a friend." She looked down at the box she was unpacking, and although Elle felt happy at the idea of being considered a friend, she sensed a bit of worry from the woman.
"He will make time, you know," Elle said, with a little smile. "From what Bernard has told me, Santa gets really caught up in the flow at this point of the year. But we are ahead on production, and he's already made an impressive dent in the List."
"I know," Mrs. Claus admitted, setting a hand on her stomach. "I've been up here long enough to know not to be offended by Busy Season. It's just, I've always been the one looking out for other people's children. This is my first time being a parent, and…" she trailed off, but Elle could tell where she was going.
"And you're worried that Santa will forget that, because it's not his first time?"
Mrs. Claus hesitated, then sighed. "Something like that, yes. I mean, I know he's happy to have this baby—our baby!" She set a fond hand on her stomach, smiling for a moment before growing solemn again. "But I know he's worried about it too. He gets this look sometimes, and I can just tell that he's overthinking."
"As someone who can hear thoughts, I can second that," Elle agreed, trying to jam a leg of the chair into the seat but found it wouldn't quite fit. "Not that I peek into what he's thinking—that's none of my business— but he's definitely got some frenetic thoughts going on up there." She tapped her head.
"I wish he'd just tell me what he's worrying about. Then I wouldn't feel so bad about worrying myself." Carol sighed, setting an empty box aside and thanking an elf who brought her a cup of cocoa. They left one for Elle too, beside her on the floor, and she set aside the partially assembled chair to take a break.
"Well," Elle said, turning to face Mrs. Claus better while sitting cross legged. "Maybe you should just ask him. He probably just doesn't want to worry you, so he's keeping his feelings close."
"You think so?"
"I do! I know he doesn't want to make things harder for you. And I know that he's not big on complaining—except sarcastically, sometimes. But this isn't really the time or place for that." Elle's gaze fell to her drink, a frown settling on her lips. Was she giving Mrs. Claus her opinion at this point, or voicing her thoughts on her own situation?
"So what's troubling you, hmm?" Mrs. Claus changed the subject, and Elle regretted showing her concern so plainly on her face. "If you don't mind talking about it, that is. I don't want to pry."
"I don't mind talking about it," Elle admitted. "It's that I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking clearly. It's kind of messy to piece together."
"I know you've been through a lot this year," Carol continued, her tone a bit softer and less casual. "So I don't want to just assume it's work."
"It's a bit of both, I think." Elle didn't want to be a burden, talking about all her issues when Carol already had her own pile of worries. It made her second guess discussing the situation at all. Sensing this, Mrs. Claus took a more no nonsense tone.
"Like I said if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay! But I've sure spent my time venting, and I'm more than willing to listen." Carol smiled, and Elle felt more at ease. She let out an uneasy breath, offering a smile of her own.
"Where do I even begin?"
"How about the beginning? What's the first thing on your mind?"
"That I'm worried. Even though I feel like I shouldn't be."
"A common theme around here lately, it seems," Carol pointed out with a chuckle.
Elle nodded, chewing her lip. "Yeah no kidding. It's just…with everything that happened last year, and this year, I'm…I dunno. A little apprehensive? About spending Christmas here." She have a little laugh. "That sounds really stupid, considering I signed up for Christmas to be my main gig, but…"
"No that makes complete sense."
"Does it?"
"Elle, of course it does! Look at all you and Bernard were going through this time last year. It's no wonder that you're feeling stressed about being here when last Christmas was…well, quite traumatic, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, you could say that. The last two Christmases, actually." It made sense, when Carol said it so plainly. In her own head, Elle found the concept a lot more convoluted. "And on top of that, it's nearly winter. Which Winter is fine! Jacqueline's mom is absolutely lovely. It's just, who comes along with winter that's got me worried."
"You mean…"
"Jack Frost." There was a cold silence between the two after the name, which was kind of fitting. Elle's frown deepened. "According to a reliable source" —Jacqueline, of course, but Elle didn't feel like explaining that dynamic at the moment— "Jack's due to make his rounds any time now. And I haven't spoken to him since the end of the Watch incident. Neither has Bernard, and I'm really dreading that interaction…"
"I can't expect it to be pleasant."
"Me neither!" Elle sighed, setting her cup down on the floor. "This Christmas shouldn't be about what happened last year, or the year before. It should be about the good things that we have now! Especially for you and Santa." She gestured at Carol, clearly meaning the baby to come.
"Aw, Elle."
"It's true. And that's what I want it to be, hope it will be. I just wish my head could get on board and stop worrying so much." There wasn't even a physical problem yet, it was all just mental tension and stress. Elle knew better than to let herself run with her emotions like that, but she couldn't help but feel like she wasn't just worrying for herself. She was worrying for all the people she cared about—all the people she had left, that is. The events of last Christmas had been her fault to an extent and she didn't want to be a part of anything that would affect them that negatively and drastically ever again.
"Well." Carol set her near empty cup aside, leaning forward. "If we keeping moving forward with a positive outlook on things, maybe it'll all work out in the end, hmm?"
"I certainly hope so, Mrs. Claus." Elle smiled, even though she felt a bit weary inside. The least she could do was to put on a brave face, right?
Carol returned the smile. "Now, back to work for the both of us. If we can manage it, I'd love to have this place set up by the weekend." She paused after rising from her chair and set a hand on her stomach, frowning. "But I think I'd better take a restroom break first."
The subject was left alone after that, at least on Elle's part. Mrs. Claus did end up speaking to Santa about her concerns and it seemed as though they managed to work through some of them, because both Scott and Carol seemed to be in a better mood after that. For a while, at least. Most of November went off without a hitch, Elle's stress climbing slowly but surely as the beginning of Winter fast approached. Tensions around the workshop were building on all levels—personal, and business.
And Elle, with more time to think about her worries, was able to get a better grasp on what was more bothering her. The Council had never dealt with Jack; Scott himself had said they would "cross that bridge when they came to it". But here they were, with the bridge looming before them, and Scott was most likely too distracted with his family life to want to have to deal with Jack. Which made Elle worry even more. She didn't know how to feel about Jack, at this point. He had been her mentor, even her friend in a way at one point. But now, with her quite plainly being best friends with Jacqueline, that left her in an odd, uncomfortable place—even before you considered what Jack had done to her and Bernard.
And they were well into November, which meant he could show up at literally any moment, unannounced.
It wasn't exactly the most comfortable feeling, waiting for that to happen, but Elle tried to console herself with the idea that she'd feel him coming in advance, somehow. With how anxious she felt and her telepathy on high alert because of it, that seemed like a reasonable thing to expect. So she tried to focus on work, on her projects, on the deadlines.
It worked—until it didn't. It was a Wednesday, after lunch, the kind of time when it felt like the day would never end, and the stress didn't help that. Neither did the fact that she'd been working on the same Nintendo console for two hours with no real progress. Three screws had snapped in half and wires kept frying components for no apparent reason, and it was so annoying to her that she didn't even stop to think that maybe her telepathy was fritzing out until the whole thing burst into flames. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she just stared at it, confused for about ten seconds before her eyes widened in panic and at that point, another elf had already run for the fire extinguisher and to put the smoldering mess out.
"Are you okay?" Someone asked. Elle suspected it was one of Quintin's assistants but didn't have the capacity to look and find out. Her eyes were stinging, whether from smoke or upset she wasn't sure.
"Yeah," was all she could get out, followed by a quiet "sorry, I'll be back to clean this up in a bit" before she wove her way out of the little crowd that had formed around her table, tossing her apron onto a nearby chair on her way to the door. She needed to get out of the workshop and away from the noise for a little while.
Word eventually got around to Bernard about what had happened, and while Elle occasionally had accidents something about the timing of this one made him worry. He knew how much stress she'd been feeling since what had happened back in October, and the seasonal crunch was just making that worse. She'd been doing that thing she did when too wound up to sleep—a mixture of either staying up all night researching or working, or not even going back to her suite at all. He supposed maybe he wasn't the best example of a healthy working schedule, but he liked to think he'd gotten better about it since Elle had come into his life as a partner, and he had been voicing his concerns. She just hadn't been listening much, which went hand in hand with her being stressed. Not the best combination, nor was the knowledge that he could feel that a great part of her worry was about Jack returning.
Make no mistake, he wanted to reassure her nothing would go wrong. The problem was…he himself wasn't entirely sure it wouldn't. They'd both been affected by what Jack had pulled the year prior, and it almost felt stupid to think that they would get through a Christmas without some sort of problem. Then again, he reasoned, while walking towards where he suspected Elle to be hiding out. Maybe this is what we're facing this year: the communication issue. Maybe it could be that simple for once? It felt like wishful thinking.
He eventually caught up with her, but it wasn't for a few hours—not until dinner. He found Elle in the Kitchen, picking at her lasagne with an exhausted and hopeless air about her, everyone giving her a berth as they passed by. He sat down across from her, offering a slight understanding smile.
"You have a minute?" Elle hadn't expected to see Bernard for another two and a half hours—during Busy Season, they didn't often get to spend as much time together at work as they did other parts of the year. Which was fine, because it meant seeing each other at the end of the day was a relief from the pressure. But she knew he'd heard about her mishap by then, and she didn't want to be fussed over. It only made her more anxious and kind of claustrophobic to boot. She looked up, forcing a tired smile.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" She joked halfheartedly, and his smile brightened. Okay, maybe the crappy attempt at humor was worth it after all.
"I think there's a few things we should discuss. Can you meet me in the office in five?"
"Maybe." Elle hesitated, something in his tone making her concerned.
"You know, if you're not too busy mincing your dinner into baby food."
Elle pulled a face. "Yeah, I'm queasy. I just… I dunno…" she trailed off, out of snappy comebacks simply because she was too tired to come up with another. He seemed to read into her distress quickly enough.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have poked fun at you like that. Five minutes?" He reminded gently, and she nodded.
"Okay." She looked up, but he was already leaving. She watched him go, tried not to worry about what he wanted to talk about, hoping against hope that it just had to do with work. Two minutes later she gave up on dinner and tossed it out, using the remaining three minutes to walk to his office instead of teleporting, since she needed the chance to pull herself together at least a little.
He was already there when she arrived, just setting his satchel aside and turning on a few lights. "That was quick," he said lightly, clearly trying to make the mood more comfortable.
"You did say 5 minutes," Elle pointed out, cringing slightly at how flat her tone was. Bernard noticed it too, giving her a look that gave her that same concerned feeling again. Oh, she realized. It's his concern, he's concerned. Dammit, have I really done that bad of a job hiding it?
"Hiding what?" Bernard asked, and she sighed. Of course he'd heard that. He took a seat next to her, leaning back against the cushions. "Let's start there."
"Do we have to? In the middle of the work day?"
"I mean, I've been feeling this from you at home for weeks and you're not bringing it up there either, so…" He shrugged. "Better now then never."
Elle rolled her eyes, shoulders sagging. "Great." That frustration immediately died away though, replaced with her usual anxiety. "I've got a lot on my mind, B."
"You usually do," Bernard pointed out with a half smile, reaching out and taking one of her hands. "Sorry, go on."
"I'm trying to make sure nothing goes wrong this year."
"We all are, Els. You're not alone in that, we're all part of a team—"
"Bernard that's not what I mean." She felt bad for cutting him off, but she couldn't handle listening to him give the whole 'teamwork" lecture just then.
"Okay." He waited, she could feel him trying to gauge her mood across their connection. "You're not just anxious," he realized. "You're afraid."
For some reason, that brought tears to Elle's eyes. She was afraid, wasn't she? She'd spent the whole year trying to be strong and recover from what had happened and in the end, she was still afraid. It made her feel small and incapable to realize that.
"Yeah. Just a bit." Her voice was small, and there was this ache in her chest that made her feel like she was about to cave in on herself. "Is that wrong?"
"No! No of course not, Elle, it's…normal, after what's happened. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm a little afraid too."
"You are?"
"Well yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong! I'm also excited, about everything we've done, everything we've become, and just us in general…" his smile faded slightly. "But that also means that I worry about it getting taken away again. And I think at this time of year, it's a sore spot."
She nodded, feeling the anxiousness lift a bit under the relief of being able to talk about it with him—and not feeling like she had to carry it alone. "I'm just…" She began, then paused and started over. "It feels awful just waiting for him to show up. And as much as I wish he won't, I know he will and I know I'm not ready for when that happens." She looked down at their hands together, brows furrowed. "I do know the last time I talked to him didn't end on a bad note—hell, in the end even Jack told me I should be with you—"
"He did?" Bernard seemed confused. "When did that happen?"
"Right before we reversed the timeline. Didn't I ever tell you?"
"We don't exactly like bringing him up, remember? Even less so when Jacqueline is around, and she's been around a lot this year."
"True." They really hadn't discussed him at all, to the point where she didn't even know how Bernard felt about the whole situation. "And since we never talked about it, I never thought to ask you how you were feeling about him."
"I try not to think about him. I think I finally understand why Jacqueline feels the way she does—until what happened to us, I'd seen what he'd done to his family, and that made me angry. I mean angry. But besides that he'd mostly seemed like a nuisance, since none of his attempts to overthrow Santa really worked out…" He frowned, that confusion coming back. "At least, not that I remember."
"And now?"
"Now when I think about it, I'm angry all over again. In a different way then I was angry for Jacqueline and her family, but it's still similar. If anything it's the same wound, just deeper. He's hurt people I care about, nearly killed one of my best friends, and successfully taken you away from me. If he hadn't done such a poor job with the last bit I could have lost you for good."
"I don't think so."
"Oh?"
Elle smiled, just a little. "The more I think about that the more I believe that we would have found our way to each other in the end. I dunno, it's just a feeling."
Bernard's expression relaxed a bit. "Funny, I've felt that too." He squeezed her hand. "If Jack does remember what he did, I don't think he's going to be running around here nearly as cocky as he was before."
"And if he doesn't remember?"
Bernard let out a long sigh. "Then he might need to be reminded so he doesn't act up again."
"B…"
"Listen, I'm not saying I'm going to start a situation. But he's got to be held accountable for what he's done, and if nobody else wants to discuss it then I'm not afraid to. If I had anything to say about it, he'd just do his job and leave."
"But that's Santa's decision."
"Yes, but I'd like to think Santa would listen to his Head Elf in this case, and make the smart call. I think I've earned that from him." There was a pause, and he fixed her with a confident gaze for the first time during their conversation. "I'm not gonna sit back and let him do anything he shouldn't, Elle, you have my word on that. He's not going to bother us again."
"I mean…I'd feel a little better about that promise if you weren't so intense about it."
"Was that a bit much?"
"Just a little. Sounds like you wanna fight him at three am behind Elfbusters and I really don't like the sound of that."
Bernard laughed outright. "Okay okay, I'll tone it down. I just want you to know for sure that I'll be keeping an eye on him, that's all."
"I believe you! And if it were a more routine year, I'm sure that would chill me out nearly all the way. But I'm concerned with the timing, you know? With Christmas coming up and him showing his face finally and baby Claus due to be born any time now…"
"It's a lot, I know." Bernard sighed, letting go of her hand to stretch an arm out across the back of the sofa. Elle moved to sit closer against his side, leaning her head on his shoulder. "We really don't have a precedent for Santa and Mrs. Claus having a child. Granted, it's got elf morale through the roof—"
"The false alarm from last week nearly gave me a heart attack though."
Bernard chuckled. "Yeah, there's that. Remind me to put a second crew on the Elfirmary expansion, because if Mrs. Claus really does end up needing the delivery room so soon it'll need to be done by the end of the month."
"Good point. I can't wait for that place to be finished—the doorways especially, I've nearly knocked myself out several times when leaving. They're too low!"
"You get used to ducking after a few hundred years."
"And it probably wouldn't be great for Carol to have the baby in a room like that."
"Definitely not. Then again, the Elfirmary hasn't seen too much action until recently. Elves don't tend to get sick enough to need a hospital, so there hasn't been a great need for it to be too big. If something were serious, like a larger accident or the like, they would go to Crystal Springs." All the talk of hospitals reminded him of what had happened earlier with Elle. "Say, while we're on the topic of accidents, what happened earlier in Electronics? Patrick told me your project caught on fire."
Ah, so it was one of Quintin's apprentices. "It did, but you know how it goes when I'm upset. My mind gets all overstimulated and next thing you know my telekinesis starts slipping and messing up stuff I'm doing. I think I was causing some sort of electrical interference."
"You think it's something to get checked out?"
She shrugged. "There's nothing Dr. Hismus can do that doesn't involve sedating me. I went in a few weeks ago and he suggested a mild tranquilizer but it just makes me sleepy, I know that from having taken them in the past. Doesn't help me get a grip."
"Are you having headaches again? I've been feeling a sort of nagging discomfort from your side of the bond."
"Yeah but pain meds don't really touch it. I'm sorry it's bothering you."
"It doesn't hurt me," Bernard explained. "But I notice and worry about you."
"I appreciate that a lot, B." Elle sighed, stretching her legs out in front of her. "Unfortunately, the only real solution would be to be less stressed, but I don't see that happening."
"Well we can't have it getting any worse."
"That's easier said than done."
It was obvious there was no clear solution, other then to step away from everything completely. But even Elle didn't feel like it was fully warranted just yet—and if they did go on that vacation that she was needing more and more, she wanted to wait til the last possible moment to take leave.
"I agree," said Bernard, answering her internal thought process aloud. "I don't like the idea of leaving the Workshop, not so close to Christmas, but even I can see that at a certain point, if things get too complicated… it would be better for you to have a break, and I'd never send you off on your own."
"I hope you know I don't just want to run away either," Elle countered quickly. "I genuinely want to be here, doing this, with you and everyone else! I'm not tired of it at all, I'm very lucky. But after the year we've had and with everything seeming to just pile on more and more stress…I'm just worried that in spite of how I would like to be able to cope, I might not be able to. At least not well."
"That's both fair and responsible. I think—" A buzz from the desk interrupted him. "Is that…"
"The Santa buzzer? Yeah. I can feel he wants to talk to us about something." They both sighed, then exchanged a look at the mutual wariness. "We should go."
"Right." Bernard pressed a kiss to her head and Elle smiled, rising from the sofa and offering him a hand up. "Here's to hoping he just has a question about something mundane, cause it feels like he only uses the buzzer when something's gone wrong."
"Can we finish talking later?" Elle asked, nervous to let the subject drop without finishing the conversation.
Bernard smiled. "Of course we will," he reassured her. "I'm not one to forget something so important that easily."
"Is something wrong, sir?" They made it up to Santa's office in good time, finding him just as he was getting off the phone with someone—Elle suspected it was Charlie's Mom, Laura.
"Ah, Bernard. And Elle! A twofer." He put the phone back into his desk drawer, then moved aside a couple of smaller toys on the desk to make room for a piece of the list. At this time of year, Santa's desk was often in a state of partial chaos—today was no exception. "Nothing's wrong, no! Of course not."
Both elves let out a breath at that, relieved. After the talk they'd just had, they were both hoping to catch a slight bit of a break from bad news. "Everything alright with you two? Not to pry, but you seem a little on edge lately, and I heard there was an incident with a fire earlier…"
"It's been dealt with," Bernard offered, clasping his hands behind his back. "Nothing a little communication can't fix."
"Just a bit of seasonal stress," Elle added, because although she knew why he was trying to keep things under wraps, it didn't quite sit right with her. "I'm sure you can relate."
"Do I ever." Santa got up, shutting the doors to the balcony as if trying to be secretive. "That's part of why I called you up here. I'm worried about Carol." He went and glanced both ways into the hall to make sure no one was lingering there, then shut the office doors as well.
Bernard raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure this is something you want to talk to us about? It's not hard to get in touch with Cupid if you need expert advice."
"No, I do need to talk to you two because the solution affects all of us. I think it'll really help Carol when the baby comes, since I don't think that I'm quite enough support for her…" He trailed off, looking a bit sad.
"I'm sure that's not true, sir."
"But it is! To a degree, at least. Which is why I think this is the perfect solution."
Bernard and Elle exchanged a glance. "What solution, Santa?" Something about the way he was leading into this was putting them both on edge.
Scott grinned, quite triumphantly. "I want to bring her parents up for Christmas!"
Elle felt her stomach twist, her head growing a little dizzy. Based on what she'd spoken to Mrs. Claus about, Santa wasn't wrong. Having her parents with her would probably make her feel more supported while having the baby…but something about it just made her upset. Deeply upset. She was so caught up in confusion about what she was feeling that she didn't hear what Santa and Bernard were discussing, mainly something about the SoS and the danger that having humans—adult humans—visiting the Pole posed.
'Elle?'
"…Elle?" She looked up, realizing that he had asked her something but having no idea what it was. Santa's expression shifted into concern. "Are you..?" He swiped at his nose and she mirrored the gesture, finding her nose wet. Her fingers came away tinted red, and she felt even dizzier. She felt Bernard's hand on her arm. Boy was she naive to hope that things would get easier to handle. She sniffed, forcing a smile.
"I'm fine. And I think it's a great idea, Santa."
Welcome to this year's round of RoE updates! I really hope you all will enjoy the chapters I have ready for you this Christmas. Some of them I've been working on all year! And as I mentioned at the end of the last chapter/interlude, I have a second story currently running that is a collection of alternate universes for RoE and bernelle in general! I hope you'll consider checking them out as I'll be updating them all month as well! It's titled A Hundred Lifetimes.
Reviews, faves and follows are always welcome, and if you'd like more story related content there are a few tags on my tumblr you can check out for story snippets, art, and more! My username is shittyelfwriter there as well and the tags are listed either in my header or on the sidebar of my blog, depending on if you view on mobile app or desktop site. Hope to hear from you all soon!
Disclaimers:
I am not Disney or Disney affiliated and therefore do not own any rights or credits to any characters, concepts or places portrayed in or from "The Santa Clause 1, 2, or 3". The only thing I own is my own creative work and original content and characters, including the Connelly family, the Emissary Clause and Elle herself.
Many characters and concepts are borrowed/used shamelessly from the works and headcanons of SafyreSky, all rights and credit go to her for coming up with such incredible ideas. These include but are not limited to the Legate concept, Jacqueline Frost and the portrayal of many other non-canon/canon characters.