SO, let's just pretend that Brittany's cat's name is Clyde okay? lol enjoy :]
Dear Diary,
Alcohol is fun, sometimes too fun. Did you know that alcohol is proven to enhance the sexual drive of one Santana Lopez? I don't know if that is a widely known fact or not, I may be the only one that knows that…don't tell anyone. What am I saying? Who would you tell anyway? Maybe your other diary friends? Do you talk to books? Magazines? Pornographic novels? I don't know, just make sure it doesn't get out in the paperback community. All I know is that I have the worst hangover in the history of woman-kind and it all started when Rachel Berry wanted to have a party at her house while her dads were away. The entire Glee Club has been drinking none stop, even at school.
Let me tell you…chaos basically broke loose in that house. We all agreed that whatever stayed in the Berry house never goes outside and leaves the Berry house…or something like that…
"Is anybody going?" I was on the phone with Santana as we strutted down the hallways at school. Why was it that we were always on the phone when we were right next to each other?
I shrugged as I shut my locker and saw Santana right across from me, "Let me find out." I said and plugged in Artie's number on my cell phone.
"Did you hear?" I asked walking to the side of Santana.
"Yes, Mercedes just told me." He said on the other side. Santana was listening in. I loved our massive way phone calls.
"Tell them I'll go if they go." I heard Mercedes say in the background of the cell phone.
"Tell em yourself I ain't no pony express." Artie said. I held the phone up to my ear confused. Was I supposed to respond?
"You're going right?" I suddenly heard Mercedes on the line. Woah. Where did she come from?
"Only if there's liquor, because a Rachel Berry party is not something I can do sober." Santana replied.
"But it's alcohol awareness week." I said. Weren't we supposed to be extra safe with alcohol this week?
"Precisely." Santana said and turned her head to me, "And I am aware of how much fun alcohol is. Let's ask Puckerman." She put down her phone and dialed something really quick.
"Noah, it's Santitany and Arcedes, can your friends score us some wine-coolers?" She asked as I heard Puck breathing on the line.
"No, but his I.D. can." He replied. Within the blink of an eye, all of us were magically in the same spot.
"Welp it's settled, the Rachel Berry house party train-wreck extravaganza is officially a go."
I smiled and shut my phone. It has been a while since we last had a party together. The last time I got drunk was when Santana became awkwardly close to me in that bathroom. I remember it fondly.
"Want to get ready with me tonight for the party?" I asked Santana as everyone split their separate ways when the bell rang.
Santana looked at me and shrugged, "Sam is picking me up from my house."
She was still kind of angry at me for the whole interview thing. Actually, she hasn't really been talking to me that much since she has been dating Sam. Every time I seem to find her she is making-out with him in a corner or something.
"Alright." I replied a bit sad and adjusted the backpack on my shoulder. "I'll go with Artie then." I said with some anger in my voice. "Have fun with Sam." I said and walked off, leaving her behind.
Rachel's party wasn't exactly what I had expected. Actually, I lied…it is totally something I expected. I got there and the room was as dead as a Artie's legs. No one was drinking; Artie and I were playing with some funny machine while Santana and Sam were sitting on the couch making-out, like usual. Sometimes I wonder how Santana manages not to be swallowed by Sam's big lips, but I guess she does it well. I can barely even remember what exactly happened that night; all I know is that there was a lot of making-out going on. Hold up…speaking of giant lips…did I kiss Sam? No…I couldn't have, he's totally not my type…and wouldn't Artie have gotten mad at me for it or something? Maybe it was just a dream? I definitely made-out with Artie for a good while, but I know there was someone else…Did I…no, I couldn't have…Santana was upset with me the entire night all she did was cry, we couldn't have done anything…I may have to re-calculate that night. If only there was some kind of time machine…
I haven't even been here ten minutes and this party was already boring me to death. I was standing near Artie and we were playing with some kind of machine in the corner of the basement.
"What is this thing?" I asked Artie as I examined the mysterious round thing spinning. "It is like a giant CD…but black. Does Rachel have a jumbo ray? " I whispered into Artie's ear as I gently touched the round object.
"It's a record player." He said, "They used these back in the day, they are kind of like a CD but bigger, they play music when you put this thing on here." He said and pointed to the pointy thing above the record.
"Didn't they have ipods or anything?" I said looking at the record strangely. This seemed like a silly way to play music.
"Those were sadly not invented yet." Artie replied and looked up at me. I scrunched up my face a sighed. This party was so boring I was having a conversation about giant CDs. I softly smiled at Artie and decided to take a seat on the washing machine that was next to me. I looked around the room; this place was extremely big for a basement. Did everyone in this town have really nice basements? Kurt's room was like the king basement and now I felt like I was in the queen basement.
"Brittany!" Rachel Berry began to shout at me as I was happily swinging my feet over the washing machine. "Remember the rules! No sitting on anything!" I widened my eyes and looked at Tina and Mike. They looked pretty bored as well.
"I say we ditch and say we got dinner reservations or something." Mike said quietly.
Tina nodded her head, "Yeah this party is totally boring. I think Asian church is more exciting than this." Mike and Tina both nodded.
"Dudes, I may fall asleep here." Artie wheeled over with a frown on his face.
Tina and Mike closed in on Artie a bit and told him their plan. He smiled and gently turned with the swipe of a wheel and headed straight for Rachel.
"Great party Rachel, we gotta run." He said.
"Yeah, dinner reservations." Tina said.
Rachel looked at us with a pleading eye, "We haven't even played celebrity yet." She stuttered. I looked down awkwardly and grunted. We had to get out of here fast. The group of us started to head towards the stairs.
"How did you get down here anyway?" I asked Artie while I looked around the room. The stairs were the only exit out.
"Let's party!" I heard Rachel shout as soon as we were about to get out of there. I almost jumped in shock.
I remember taking several shots of vodka and then suddenly my top was off…that tends to happen. Santana says I turn into stripper Brittany whenever I get too drunk. Where does that come from? Do I have some sort of stripper past-life?
"Body shots?" Santana came flailing up to me, almost stumbling in her high heels. I could feel my vision getting a little blurry. Santana kind of looked like a stripped furry animal…that was blue.
"Why don't you let Sam do one off you." I said plopping myself on the couch nearby. "He is your boyfriend." I could see Santana begin to tear up. When she was really drunk she instantly became like a furious crying baby. My eyes widened as I knew what was about to happen, "Santana, Santana don't cry please." I said and grabbed her arm softly.
"We always do body shots together B, it's like-like our thing, ya know?" She slurred and held up a saltshaker and some lime. I held my head and almost fell over on the couch.
"Alright." I shouted over the music. "But you can't put too much salt on my stomach, last time that salt stayed in my belly button for days." I mumbled with a giggle.
"Get on this chair." She shouted and motioned me to a black chair nearby. She pushed me down on the chair and gave me a drunken smile. "I like when you turn into a stripper when you're drunk." She said loudly.
I smiled and tried to place myself correctly on the chair. "This chair is like so…black…" I stumbled looking at the chair I was laying on, "…so so black…" I began touching the leather chair in awe, "…did they like…have to kill a black cow in order to make this thing?" My eyes began to widen at the thought, "That is like murder!" I finally adjusted myself correctly and I was looking up at Santana from upside down. "You look like you're upside down." I chuckled, my hair falling to the sides of my face as I lay there happily. Santana began to kneel beside me, I could feel her hand lightly on my stomach as she put the salt and shot glass in hand.
"Try and stay still." She said beginning to place the salt on my belly. Suddenly I see Artie and Sam above me.
"Are you doing body shots?" Sam said with a smile to Santana.
"What do you want salmon lips." Santana smirked as they stood their smiling. "Leave us alone."
I shook my head in delight; I couldn't really see what was going on.
"No way, I'm staying here to watch this." He said and patted Artie on the shoulder. "Good thing are girlfriends are friends right?" He said and hovered around us.
"What is this called?" I heard Rachel yelling over the music. "Why is there salt on Brittany?"
"Have you never seen a body shot before Berry?" Santana snarled and looked me in the eye. I chuckled; Rachel can be so innocent sometimes. "Seriously Berry you need to get out more."
"Show me." She said and giggled with a wine cooler in hand.
Santana looked at me upside down and we smirked at each other, "I'd love to." She said with the raise of an eyebrow. I just smiled in response as she began to apply to salt over my stomach again.
"That tickles." I chuckled as I felt each grain of salt on my body. I waited for the touch of Santana's tongue and it came quickly after. I closed my eyes and my body shivered a bit as her cold tongue graced over my belly button. I could hear Artie and Sam shouting "Yeahs" in the distance. Santana softly but her hand on my bra and took a shot. When she finished Rachel just burst out laughing, which made Santana and I laugh as well. I lifted up my head to see what Santana was doing and she managed to plop herself on the ground in fits of laughter. I laughed and began to roll my legs over my head.
"Now it's my turn." I shouted as I stumbled to the ground as well. "Give me that." I said to Santana and took the lime and salt from her hands. Sam and Artie were now off watching Rachel chug some drinks on the stage.
"I'm wearing a dress Brittany." Santana said while pointing down at her striped attire.
I frowned, "Well then I'll have to do it later then." I smiled and my finger began to slide down between the crevice of her breasts and all the way down to her stomach. "In private." I whispered and gave her a small wink, almost stumbling into her lap. She sad there stunned and watched me as I tried to get up from the ground. As soon as I tried to stand I instantly bumped into Artie's wheelchair and went crashing to the ground. I quickly began to laugh and lifted up my legs to my face. Santana stood up and couldn't control her laugher.
"Are you okay?" She asked and held out a hand to help me.
"That was silly of me." I chuckled and grabbed her hand.
"Who wants to play spin the bottle?" Rachel screamed over the microphone. I looked up at Santana and she just shook her head.
"Don't you want to play?" I asked looking over at everyone gathered in a circle.
She shook her head, "I don't think I want to make-out with anyone else in this club." She said.
I stumbled to find my balance as I stood up, "Anyone else?" I asked.
"Sam." She instantly replied, "I don't think Sam would-he wouldn't like that ya know?" She stuttered. She grabbed another red cup and began filling it with alcohol.
"Okay.' I said and made my way over to the circle.
I could feel my legs begin to wobble as I tried to walk in a straight line, "Stop it wobbly legs." I pouted and slapped my legs. "Move over babe." I said when I finally made it safely to the game and I scooted in between Artie and Blaine.
"Who wants to go first?" Rachel asked holding up an empty wine cooler.
"Me me!" I shouted and raised my hand. Without hesitation I grabbed the bottle and instantly spun it. I looked at the bottle in a daze, lost in its spinning trance. I quickly looked away as it was making me dizzy. The bottle landed on Sam. Everyone shouted and pointed at him as I inched closer. I hope Artie doesn't get mad at me for this, he is playing too anyway.
"You know what a reminder" Santana began shouting from behind the group. I looked over and she had a hand pointed in the air. "I owns that guppy mouth." She said looking directly at me. Why was she looking at me? "They belong to me." I smiled. Santana was funny when she was angry.
I leaned in and began kissing Sam. His lips were surprisingly not like a gupyy fish like Santana has often described. He put his hand in my hair and I could feel him getting deeper into the kiss.
"You know what, this is not-hey honnies?" Santana barged in and whacked Sam on the head, "It's not a big red commercial." She said and glared me directly in the eyes. "No me gusta."
Yeah…I think that is basically much of what I remembered from that night…even though I know there is something in the back of my mind trying to come out. Maybe I'll remember it later…all I know is that all of us had a wicked hangover the next day at school. Artie kept bugging me asking if he should bring drinks to the school that day. What was he trying to do? Kill us all? I didn't know that boy could drink that much, can't he get pulled over for drunk driving or something? Drunk wheeling? That's like…most definitely illegal.
"Artie I don't know if this is a good idea." I said putting on my shades I pulled out form my locker. "I already feel sick and if I drink another drink I might pass out." I said holding my stomach.
"That is why you drink more." He smiled and put on his shades.
"Are you guys completely destroyed like I am?" Quinn said coming up to Artie and I at my locker.
"I think drinking destroyed my stomach." I replied trying to shade myself from the light outside. "This fluffy hat makes my headache go away a little bit though…it is like it is surrounded by a fuzzy bear." I smiled and gently touched my hat.
"Can we talk about anything else?" We heard Mercedes down the hall and headed her way. I noticed everyone was wearing sunglasses. We all kind of looked like some sort of secret service.
"I brought Bloody Mary's ya'll." Artie said and held up his container and some cups.
Mercedes let her head down and sighed, "Are you kidding me? The last thing I want to do is drink."
I grabbed the cups from Artie, "It will help your hangover." He said. "That's what Bloody Mary's are for." He said pointing to the drink. "Hair of the dog that done bit your ass."
I began pouring everyone some drinks. I swear I almost missed the cups a couple times as I went around serving everyone. Is drinking at school a sin?
"Here." I said as I got to Santana's cup and began pouring her some. "Please tell me you won't start weeping in the middle of class today."
Santana sarcastically chuckled, "Please tell me you won't start stripping during the middle of class today." She smirked. Blast. She got me.
"Do you remember what happened after the party last night?" Santana asked me when I finished pouring her drink.
I shook my head, "All I remember is I kissed Sam and then woke up in my bed the next morning." I replied.
Sam began smiling in the corner.
"I remember that." Santana glared at him and scratched her head. "It's just that…I woke up in my room this morning…and I was missing my bra." She shook her head in confusion. "Did you come over Sam?" She asked.
He shook his head; "I woke up at my house today." He replied and took a sip from his cup, "Maybe you should ask Finn, he was the designated driver."
"Maybe there was a panty raid." I replied.
"Well my bra was still on." Sam shrugged with a smile.
"Ha-ha, fuck you." Santana replied sarcastically and chugged her drink. "Let's just get this day over with." She held her head and began walking.
"Maybe it will come back to you." I said and followed everyone down the hall. "Is this drink really filled with Mary's blood?"
We did a Ke$ha number that day at school and it ended up being a total disaster…well kind of. Rachel gave us these disgusting drinks before we went on and I ended up barfing on her during the middle of the performance. The barf was all grey and purple too, double gross. It looked like I barfed cement, then Santana ended up barfing too. She has always had a strong reaction towards people throwing up. One time, I threw up because I was sick and she ended up throwing up all over my cat. No wonder Clyde doesn't like her very much. I don't know if I will ever drink again…but I will definitely not drink disgusting purple shit and then dance around with it in my stomach again. My head still hurts…I think it is time for an Aspirin break…
I set my diary aside and slid my feet into my pair of slippers by my bed. I smiled, "Slippers are like ovens for my feet." I said to myself and loved all the warmth they were getting. As I was basking in my warm slippers I felt a little furry paw claw at my foot, "Ouch." I said and saw Clyde's paw sticking out from underneath my bed. "Clyde you naughty kitty." I said and crouched down on the floor to attack him from under the bed. I searched and grabbed for him but didn't manage to find him, all I could feel were fluffy paws playing with my fingers. "Clyde, get back here." I said and reached for him under the dark space again. "Got cha." I said thinking I had finally grabbed my kitty. I pulled what I thought was my cat out from under the bed…this was certainly not Clyde.
"This isn't mine." I said looking at the object before me. "I don't own any lacy bras…" I said holding up the bra to my face. I sat there and thought for a moment, this wasn't mine…I'm pretty sure it wasn't Artie's…and my mom usually doesn't leave her bras in my room…I thought again.
A light bulb went off in my head. My eyes widened and my mouth opened a little. "Oh. My. Gosh." I said in shock as a bunch of random images began flooding through my brain. I suddenly began to remember. I began to remember everything that happened the night of the party. Everything. What I did after and how I got home. Oh my goodness it was like I just had an epiphany. I flung the bra down and scrambled about on the floor before I bolted back to my diary to write down my memories before I suddenly forgot them again.
DIARY. I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED…
"Stop! Stop right here you giant beast." Santana screamed at Finn in his car. Santana was the second drop off Finn had to make before he delivered the rest of the Glee Club back to their respectful homes. Santana flung a hand in front of his face and messed up his hair. "Thank you SO much Finnacence." She smiled. We were both in the back seat with Mercedes while Quinn sat in the front. Finn had to make several trips back and forth from Rachel's house. "Let me out of here." Santana slurred and stumbled as she opened the car door.
"How do you fit your legs in this car Finn?" I asked him as I sat in the back seat in a daze. "You are massively tall."
"Thanks Brittany." He replied and looked around at Santana who was shouting outside.
"Brittany!" She said as she made her way back to the car door, "Are you coming?"
"Am I?" I slurred and stumbled out of the car when she grabbed my arm.
"Of course you are." She said with a chuckle. "You have to-you have to show me…you know…you never…you never gave me a body shot." She said.
I smiled, "Oh yeah, see you guys lateeerr." I said and waved goodbye to everyone in the car. Mercedes gave me a happy smile and wave and Quinn just shook her head.
"Let's go." Santana said and yanked me by the arm to her front door. We stopped at her front door while she scrimmaged through her purse to try and find her house keys.
"We have to be quiet okay? My mom can't know…"
I nodded in agreement.
"You still have your shirt off and it is very distracting." Santana said still looking for her keys, but often looking at my chest at the same time. "Found them." She smiled and held up the keys to her face. She opened the door and we tip-toed in quietly. We passed by Santana's parent's room and safely made it to her room.
It wasn't long before Santana set down her purse and pulled out items for body shots. "Show me how it's done." She smirked and layed herself down on the bed. I smiled and made my way to her bed, admiring her body that was beautifully laid out before me.
"Well first," I said crawling into bed with her, "I need to see your stomach." I put Santana's legs underneath me and straddled my legs on top of her. I began lifting up her blue striped dress from the bottom, taking the sides of her dress and pulling it up. I pulled it up slowly, steadily reveling her silky black underwear and her belly button. She closed her eyes in pleasure as I let my fingers roam the sides of her stomach.
"Now salt…" I said and sprinkled some salt just above her belly button. I scooted a bit lower on her body, rubbing my exposed stomach slowly against hers. My tongue began to lick her stomach, slowly makings its way up the middle, licking up all the salt in the process. She let out a small moan and my tongue lingered more and traveled past the salt and up towards her breasts. I grabbed the lime that was sitting next to Santana's body and squeezed the juices onto her stomach. Her body shivered at the contact.
"Britt…" She moaned. My tongue picked up the lime juices and I began to unlatch her bra. "This is the best body shot you have ever done."
What happened after that? I can barely remember…How did I get home? I surely would have remembered waking up in Santana's room in the morning…Did I walk? Diary this is just like the movie The Hangover…I feel as if I took a massive amount of drugs and can barely remember a thing. FINN! Finn was driving. Finn brought me home!
"I have to go home S…" I said trying my best to fix my hair after our moment of fooling around. "I promised my mom I would be home by…" I looked down at my phone, "…Shit…by twelve!" I said and looked at Santana who was lying in the bed topless. "I need Finn's number."
"Here." She said and handed me her phone.
"Finnster!" I said when I heard Finn answer the phone, "Since your are so big and tall and all…can you do me a big favor?" I slurred into the phone, my vision was extremely blurry now since Santana and I decided to continue doing shots off each other the rest of the night. "Th-thanks." I said and shut the phone. "He's coming." I smiled. "Where is my purse?" I said and began searching for it wildly. "Oh my gosh I can't lose my purse that has like…my important stuff…in there." I stumbled all over Santana's room looking. "You're really hot." I mumbled as I passed by Santana in the bed and began searching underneath the bed. "Found it!" I shouted a little loudly and jumped up for joy. I turned to look at Santana, but she was completely knocked out. "Santana?" I poked her but she didn't move. I grinned, "Ookay, goodnight sunshine." I said and kissed her on the cheek. I looked out the window and saw Finn's car waiting outside. I waved to him out the window, but I don't think he saw me.
I made it out of the house as quietly as I could and shut the door behind me.
"Hi Finn." I said excitedly at him. He just smiled in return. I opened the front door and slouched into the seat and put my purse on my lap.
"Um, you do know you have an extra bra latched around your purse right?" He said looking down at my lap.
"Don't be silly Finn." I chuckled and patted him on the cheek. "Onward to the Brittany household!"
How could I forget that happened? This is a little too weird. Should I tell Santana about this? Maybe I'll keep it a secret between you and me Diary. I swear I'm never drinking again…maybe.
-B
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