A\N 1: Without Fire Fighter 13 and her friend "J" who were both amazingly supportive and helped me with this chapter. It's a bit darker then other's I've written but I'm very pleased wit how it turned out and I hope you are as well.

A\N 2: The term LODD stands for Line of Duty Death.

Disclaimer: I do not own Chicago Fire, NBC or Global

Warnings: Talk of PTSD and strong language (the last part only)

Half a Step Forward

"Wait!" Gabriela's voice increased caused Antonio to quickly stop the car a few blocks away from her house. "That's Matt's truck!" She unbuckled her seatbelt and hoped out of the truck. "He never left home!" She clenched her fists in rage.

"Gabby, he's not thinking clearly just try and stay calm." Antonio attempted to rationalize his sister.

When they finally got to her house Antonio parked the car on the side of the street, "text me if you need help," He patted her shoulder.

"Antonio I got this," Gabriela opened the door and with her hands in her pockets walked to the front door and un-locked it.

At first glance as Gabriela walked inside everything seemed normal. However as she walked further into the house she discovered something. Something she found important. Seemingly random objects from various rooms had been taken. Then when she walked into the kitchen she froze. Panicking she forgot all of her training as a medical professional and fiddled for her IPhone.

"Antonio!" She didn't wait for her brother to answer, "You…..you…."

"I'm on my way," Antonio hung up and in three seconds was walking into the kitchen.

Blood was splattered on the floor and on some of the countertops. Supported by only a countertop Matt was unconscious, both covered in his blood. Worse of all though cuts ran dangerously close to his neck.

"I called 911," Antonio told his sister, "How deep are the cuts?"

"Not to bad," Gabriela responded as she steadied her feet to regain her composure, "I can't believe I didn't see this coming."

"It's not your fault Gabby," Antonio steadied her shoulder with a simple touch.

"His pulse is week," Gabriela had regained some of her composure and used towels and elastic bands to protect the wounds. "Matt," She touched his cold cheek, "Mattie please answer." Tears spilled from her eyes, "Please, I can't loose you too."

No response.

"I'll do this, you wait for the ambulance," Antonio took over, "I know you're trained to do this but-"

"Antonio he needs to be okay!" Tears fell from her eyes as someone knocked on the door and said they were the EMT's.

Two hours later Gabriela sat in a waiting room.

"Captain Matthew Casey's family," A grey-haired doctor walked into the half-full waiting room and looked around.

Gabriela jumped up, "I'm his wife, please tell me he's okay. Can I see him?"

"I'm his older sister," Christie stood on her feet

"Mrs. Casey, I'm Dr. Deguadria I'm your husband's doctor." He led her out into the hallway and into a small conference room where he let them in and then shut the door. "Please sit done," He motioned to one of the three seats at the table.

"Thank you," Gabby took one of the seats and Dr. Deguadria took one in front of her. Opening a small note pad he looked at Gabriela, a serious expression on his face. "Your husband was very, very lucky, had those cuts been deeper he would not have survived. He also suffered a minor concussion, nothing were too concerned about. We think it's best if he stays here in the hospital for six days under suicide watch."

Gabriela nodded her head, she understood why the doctors were doing what she was doing and why they needed to. "I'm a trained EMT," She explained, "When I found out…. Her voice began to break…."When he didn't show up for work I went looking for him and I found him."

"He's very lucky you did. Can you tell me how he's been the last few weeks? As far back as you can remember?"

Gabriela racked her brain. She was usually quite good with recalling facts but the past few months had been crazy and she was having a hard time pairing memories with dates.

"It's okay, take your time."

"I can usually remember specific things .we have four month old twins and my father passes away in November, plus Matt started at a new station in December. Everything just seems to run together."

After Gabby had finished talking the Dr. Deguadria was still furiously scribbling down information. Finally he put his pen down and looked Gabby in the eyes, "I'm very sorry about your father."

"Thanks," Gabriela's voice was barely over a whisper.

"Now," He flipped to another page, "Tell me about your twins. Have you and Matt found in difficult to look after them?"

Gabriela had gone to therapy sessions before, she knew they ahs to ask personal questions, it still made her fists tighten in self-defense. After he took three calming breathes though she was able to answer the question.

"At times but our twins- Serena and Michael they're great twins and Matt's a terrific father."

Dr. Deguadria continued writing as he asked another question, "Have you noticed any recent or unusual behavior changes in Matt?"

"There was this case a few weeks ago, he wouldn't tell me that much about it. Only that a two week old died. After that he started having nightmares where he'd wake up go check on the twins and then rush back. It would happen a few times a night. Or if he were on shift he'd call and ask me to check on them. I tried to ask him about it but he always changed the subject or said nothing was wrong.

"After awhile he stopped sleeping altogether and would stay downstairs watching TV, that then changed to drinking and most recently he wouldn't even come upstairs after he got home from a night shift he'd just start drinking. A few dates ago I found him passed out in the basement."

"I'm sorry I have to ask this but how did he handle your father's death? Could that have been a factor in all of this."?

"My father's death was a LODD so it was…well…. To tell you the truth those few days when it happened and after all seem like a blur. The only part I really remember is I went into labour.

"You delivered your twins in November?"

"Yes, two days after my father passed away. I was only twenty-four weeks. Serena and Michael were in the NICU for four days. We were lucky they were strong and although they're a little small for their age they're perfectly healthy now.

"That must have been a emotional roller coaster ride for the entire family."

"It was."

Dr. Deguadria sensed Gabriela had had enough so he closed his notebook and stood up, "I'll take you to Matt's room."

'Thank you," Gabby smiled as she also stood up."

"He's still a little out of and he's a little groggy but he's very lucky you came when you did."

"I've never seen him like that before Mom," Gabriela pulled her knees up to her chin as she watched her twins play with their mobiles.

"Hopefully he'll get the help he needs," Esmerelda sat beside her on the couch and handed her a glass of water, "You can stay here tonight, I don't think you should be driving home."

Gabriela turned to face her mother tears streaming down her face. "I should have seen it Mom, I'm trained to recognize the signs and I didn't!"

"Gabriela," Esmerelda pulled her daughter into her arms, "Sweetheart this wasn't your fault."

"Mom….I can't loose him too. I don't know what I'd do without him."

Esmerelda had never seen her daughter so lost and so helpless before.

"You did what you should have done sweetheart you went for help, if you and Antonio hadn't-well lets not think about that all right."

"But it should have been sooner it-" Gabriela stopped when Serena let out a sharp cry.

It was then that Gabriela realized she might have been acting a little bit selfish. Sure she was worried about her husband but her education and experience told her he was in good hands and would be okay. If she stopped to think rationally about it she'd realize that she should be spending her time looking after her children.

"Mommy loves you so much Serena," Gabby picked up her daughter and cuddled her in her arms as she sat down.

"Hgfa," Michael stopped batting the toys on the mobile and attempted to roll onto his stomach but failed.

"They've been trying to roll over all day," Esmerelda stood, "They've almost gotten it."

"Yeah, I think when they're a little better at sitting I'm going to try them on solid food."

"Speaking of food, dinner's ready. I made your favourite."

"Thanks," Gabriela picked up Michael and carried both twins into the small kitchen area. Putting the twins in their car seats and watched as they smiled back at her. Then she just started crying.

Esmerelda immediately went and comforted her daughter.

"What….. what if…..they have grow up without a father…..what if Matt dies?"

"You can't think like that sweetheart. You need to think positive. Matt's so strong and he loves you and Serena and Michael so much, he'll get better, I know he will."

Six Days Later

It had been almost an hour; the full length of their second session and still Matt hadn't said a word.

Dr. Patrick Ching, a psychologist that specialized in PTSD and emergency response workers liked to think of the positives. At least this session Matt had looked him in the eyes a few times and had opened his mouth to speak once. Both of those things showed Matt was showing improvement.

Again Matt opened his mouth and took a deep breath, an action Dr. Ching wrote down.

Clenching his fists Matt spoke, "This is a waste my time. I'm not going to talk to some stupid shrink who doesn't give a damn about me!"

Dr. Ching had heard worse, he had heard much worse. At least Matt had spoke and that was something he could build on.

"I do care Matt, there are a lot of people who care. He turned his attention to the notes Dr. Deguadria had given him. "Your wife Gabby for insistence and your twins, Serena and Michael love you."

Matt clenched his teeth, "You don't know anything about my family!"

Dr. Ching noted that his wife and twins were a sensitive topic. "Why don't you tell me about them then. Serena and Michael are four months old right?"

Matt became more agitated, "I don't want to talk about them!"

"Tell me about the night you responded to baby who died. Tell me about how you see Serena and Michael's faces in the victims you help. Tell me about that."

Matt stood up with enough force to knock the chair he was sitting in over, "Shut the fuck up! You don't know a damn thing about my life!" Tears then fell from Matt's eyes as he fell into the nearest chair and began crying.

TBC

A\N So, what did you think? Did you like it? Hate it? Please review and tell me either way.