I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT OF THIS CHAPTER. I REALLY, REALLY AM. Stuff just happens and I wanted this to be perfect and when you want perfect, you tend to drive yourself nuts and I just really wish it wouldn't have taken me this long to put it up. But it's here now, and I hope you all don't hate me. You're all so wonderful, honestly.
IMPORTANT FOR THE STORY.
I WANT YOU TO READ THIS NOTE PLEASE READ THIS.
Towards the end of the chapter, you're going to notice a song. I want you to go on youtube and search "Holding It In, Taylor Mathews Clifton Park" and I want you to click on the first link that pops up. It should be a video Taylor Mathews singing a song to a group of a few fans. This song inspired a lot of Riker's actions since I heard it a few months ago. Please listen to it, as it only gives you the full effect if you listen to it as well. Also, the lyrics in this chapter aren't completely right. I was going off ear and sometimes you can't understand what Taylor is saying. Also, watch to the end. He sings to this girl with curly red hair and a stupid smile on her face and maybe, just maybe that girl is me. ;) Okay, it's me. But ignore my expression. I was fangirling big time! LOL.
ANYWAY,
Thank you so much for the reviews. The amount I got on the last chapter seriously put such a huge smile on my face and I can't thank you enough. I promise I won't make you wait as long for the next chapter.
Please let me know what you think. Enjoy!
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we never met?" Ally read, looking at the paper Riker was writing on underneath the tree. It had been almost a month since the day they had first run into each other there, and since then, they'd been ever impossible to separate. She glanced up at the nervous looking boy, a careful smile displaying on her face. Marie had noticed how close they had gotten, and how fast. She too was wondering what this meant. He trusted her… just what did that really mean? "Not really," she finally answered honestly. "But everything happens for a reason, doesn't it?"
He sat quiet for a moment, his eyes cast toward the other part of the yard. He turned to her, and grabbed the paper. "Everything?" it said.
"Doesn't it?" she wondered. "I mean, I have to think so."
Riker looked thoughtfully into her eyes but didn't say anything else. He just smiled, like he'd discovered something that no one else ever had. He then began to slip into song mode, his fingers carefully strumming his old guitar, and leaving I nothing but happy music to play through the air.
"Ally?"
"What?" she whispered, feeling her throat tighten. Everything was spinning, and the heat was closing in on her. She could feel the eyes of everyone on her, but she couldn't move. Her brain couldn't process what she had just seen, and guilt was sinking in quickly. Her mind cleared momentarily and she noticed Rocky staring at her with concern.
"Are you okay?"
Ally swallowed.
"You are seriously talented," Ally gushed a few days after they had first met. She was still slightly nervous to be around him, as he was such a silent person but so loud at the same time. He was sitting under the tree again, his back perched and the guitar on his lap. He glanced nervously at her.
You really think so? he wrote.
She nodded. "Yes. You're fantastic."
He seemed unsure of what she had just said, as he fidgeted with the strings of his guitar. He strummed carefully for a moment and then looked up at her. I was scared when the accident happened.
Ally breathed in at the mention of the accident. She knew of it, but he'd never mentioned it to her before. Marie had given her the details that she had, but there wasn't much to go off of. His parents had died before there could be a statement and according to the police, Riker had shut down and pretended it never happened. How to go about this she wasn't sure. He was like walking on eggshells. One wrong move, and he'd shut down all over.
I spent a lot of time wondering what had happened. I spent a lot of time hating my life. I still don't think I like it. I accept what happened now, and I know it is what happened, but sometimes, I just wish it never happened. I could be in a band, I could be making music in my old part of town, with my friends. But… not anymore. No one likes the mute kid who doesn't have any friends.
"Neither of the things you just said are true," she answered softly.
He smiled at her, not a true one, but a one that said 'thanks for trying'. Ally had no idea what to say. There just wasn't advice, or anything that could be said.
"I need… I don't know what to do." Her words were unsure, scared, and most of all, honest. They were all suddenly ushered off the stage by the person running the show, and immediately Trish was all over Ally. She wasn't exactly yelling, but it also wasn't a casual conversation. She picked up bits and pieces of how unprofessional she was, how she could lose her job over something like that, and how it wasn't over.
That was when Austin cut in. She didn't even notice he was still standing there. "Trish, it wasn't Ally's fault!"
"You can say that, but she didn't push you away!"
"Are you serious?" Austin snapped. "It wasn't like she had much of a chance to do anything. It happened and then it was over. The band stopped. It's over. It can't be changed."
"Austin, this is not on you. I need you to just stand there and wait with the others while I deal with this. Is that understood?"
"No, it's not because you're blaming her for something she didn't do. It's my fault, blame me."
"Austin…"
Ally felt like her head was going to explode, as her boss and friend continued to argue like she wasn't right there. The others were standing around her. Music began to play again, but all Ally could think of was they were missing the point. Someone was gone and if it was one thing she knew, if he wanted to be lost, he wasn't going to be found.
But as she took off, she knew she had to try.
Ally roamed the streets of Miami, her head a fog. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, or how to make this right. Austin was right about one thing, it wasn't her fault. She didn't know that it was Riker's song until it was too late, and she didn't know what Austin had planned to do. But there was no proving this to Riker. He would believe what he wanted.
It was sad to her, as she walked that she had no idea where he would go. If she was honest, he didn't really leave the shelter much, unless it was with the group, or Ally alone. He liked to be somewhere familiar, as it was hard enough for him to communicate there, forget about trying to make sense with strangers.
Ally sighed, feeling her throat tighten again, and the tears finally spill over. Had she just lost Riker forever? Would he never talk to her again? Was this finally it?
She wandered for hours it felt like, but it was hardly one. She received a text from Ryland, saying the group was heading back to the shelter, and that she was needed there. Ally doubted this as she knew Trish was furious. She had good reason to be, as she had just kissed Austin Moon, who not only was underage, but also one of the kids she was supposed to be mentoring, not making out with. Maybe making out with was going a bit too far, but what else could she say? It wasn't like he was a bad looking kid, or that he wasn't a completely wonderful person, because he was. But it wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't right.
And it put her job on the line.
Meanwhile, back at the shelter, Austin was pacing his room, unable to believe how stupid he had just been. Had he regretted it? Not a bit. But not only did he just mess things up for the entire band, he had possibly just cost Ally her job. He felt stupid and young, everything her ex had said he was. He had taken a chance, gone on an emotional will and did what he'd wanted to do for months. But emotions weren't enough for this. Emotions had actions and actions had reactions. And those led to problems.
"Are you okay?"
Rocky stood in the doorway. He stared at his friend with pathetic eyes. "Did I really screw up?"
"Yeah, I'd say so." Rocky smirked a little at the look on his face. "But panicking now isn't going to solve anything."
Austin gave him a look. "Yeah, but nothing I say seems to help anyone."
"Sometimes its better not to say anything," Rocky answered, sitting down. "One thing I've learned in the last few months is to think about what I'm going to say. Sometimes, it's best to just be quiet and let everything work itself out."
"It's not going to work itself out!"
"Maybe not, but right now everyone is really shocked and anything you say right now, is just going to work against you and the entire situation."
"Rocky… I really like her. I mean, I really like her. I don't know what to do. I sleep at night and I dream about her. I wake up and I can't wait to see her. And she supports me. She's always there and she's always the first to check on me. She's not there because it's her job, like some do. She's not doing the things she does because she feels it's right. She's doing it because she cares, and that hurts worse because I don't know what that means."
"What do you mean?"
"I look around me, and I'm not the only one she checks on. She checks on Ratliff. She checks on Rydel. She checks on you, and she checks on Riker. At what point am I no longer special though, and just one of many? I want to stand out, and the only way I thought to do that was to kiss her. And I don't regret it."
"Austin, you have to realize that as much as she cares for you, she does care for everyone else." Rocky sighed, looking pretty defeated himself. The show had been such a high and rush for the group, but it also had been draining and deflating for them at the same time. "And while I can understand why you feel the way you do and much like I'm sure she's told Riker, you also have to understand why it wasn't okay. It's fucked up, but it's life. You don't always get what you want. You don't get a say in things like that."
"I want to be with her. I turn eighteen in a few months. Actually, about a month."
"I don't think you get it. It doesn't matter. If she's here, she's never going to be able to do that for you. And you can't expect her to. I know you care for her, I've known that for months now. I also knew how Riker felt and I knew it was going to lead up to something like this. If she comes back here tonight, alone or with him, you need to back off and let it be. Give it a day or so."
"And then what?"
Rocky sighed, but smiled at him. "That I don't have the answers to, bro."
Ally hated to say she was going to give up on finding Riker, but her body was shutting down on her, and leaving her exhausted. She knew she also couldn't avoid going back to the shelter forever, and figured she might as well go back and get the anger that was being piled on her over with as well. Making her way back to the place that had started it all, she felt tears well in her eyes again. This place was her everything and yet it had a way of tearing her apart.
She made it there within minutes, seeing the doors open and the lights pouring onto the porch. Ally stepped inside, greeted by silence other than the TV. Rydel and Taylor were sitting there, but the moment she walked in, all eyes were on her. And it didn't take long for Trish to find her.
"Ally!"
She turned around to face her boss. "Yes?"
"My office. Now."
Inside, her boss didn't say a word much to her surprise. She just continued to pace, mumbling in another language and once in a while looking her way. Finally, she stopped. "Did you at least find him?"
"No," she answered softly.
The woman laughed a little. "Really? Of all people you can't find him?"
Ally felt sick. Maybe she didn't know Riker anymore. "I'm sorry. I really am."
"Ally, sorry isn't going to fix this. Austin kissed you in public, with half of the town watching. It isn't going to blow over and eventually, people are going to talk. They're going to realize who you are and who he is and it's going to cause a scene. Not to mention, I have to report this. I need to make a statement saying it happened and I'm not sure what this means for you, or for the rest of the shelter. I don't know where we go from here."
Trish sat down, putting her head in her hands. After a moment, she looked up. "You can go. I'll let you know when I know more."
Her entire world felt like it was piling in on her. Ally sighed and decided she needed to go back to her roots. She knew it was wrong, as it wasn't hers to begin with, but she went into Riker's room, and got his old guitar. She walked out back and sat down at the large, old tree and began to strum. Her world was screaming, as was her mind. The last few months were repeating before her. All the good times, the bad, and all the memories she had made her. Regardless of what had happened and the current state of each friendship, she was terrified. If it didn't blow over, and it would change everything, would she be able to say goodbye?
Ally stopped.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we never met? His words floated around her as her hands came to a stop. Just as she was going to get up, something fell on her lap. Riker stood before her, and at the sight of him, she could do nothing but stare. She knew he wasn't going to say a word to her, but she knew he must have been watching. He pointed to the paper and then with sad eyes, he walked back toward the shelter.
She waited until he was gone to pick up but when she did, she knew her relationship with everyone in that building was going to change in some way.
Tell me now what you're feeling
I'm addicted to this place,
Don't want things to change, no,
And all I need is one simple reason,
So I can explain why I'm stuck in this faze at all
Set your heart in this
Don't you want to be free?
This ain't no one way street
You can't decide for me
I've been holding it in
For way too long
I've got to tell you the truth
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
I've been biting my tongue,
Trying to stay so strong,
This is way overdue,
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
Hold you… can I hold you?
Said hold you, can I hold you?
I want us to be like we used to, yeah
Staying up late, hanging on each word we say
Back then there was room for two
Breath on my neck, sleeping on my chest at night
Truth will set us free,
Bring this war to peace,
Girl you give me everything,
Because that's what we're gonna need
I've been holding it in
For way too long
I've got to tell you the truth
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
I've been biting my tongue,
Trying to stay so strong,
This is way overdue,
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
And I don't wanna stop,
If what we got is real
It ain't worth the pain
So baby tell me how you feel
This coast to coast love is strong enough
I've been holding it in,
For way too long
I gotta tell you the truth
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
I've been biting my tongue
Trying to stay so strong
This is way overdue
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you
Hold you… hold you
Can I hold you?
Hold you… hold you…
Can I hold you?
I've been holding it in when I'd rather hold you.