I put that last chapter out and spent some time where all I had was my laptop and no internet access. I have to admit that when I got ready to post this next chapter and read your comments I smiled. Whatever I write, I write with the hope that it might actually entertain one or two people and maybe even draw them enough to stick with it. The shock, the anger and the all around upset attitude that I read in all those responses were so awesome. It's great that you are drawn in enough to actually care how this thing will or won't end so thanks, your rage was quite a compliment. As for what will happen, well relationships are tricky and love is messy so I guess we'll just have to see what happens…………….HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Jack had seen what was happening, he saw the look in her eyes, the look he hadn't seen in so long it caught him off guard and the part of him that longed to understand why she stopped looking at him like that, why she stopped loving him and how she could walk away so easily surrendered to it. When she brought her mouth to his she swallowed his body and his soul. In that moment his heart gave in to what it never managed to stop aching for even though it now belonged to another. His mind was gone, lost in the emotion, his hands moving over her body slowly moving clothes out of his way. He could feel the phone vibrating in his pocket, considered stopping to answer it, but his hunger for her, for what he'd lost, his desire to have it back just one more time made him choose to ignore the phone and let it go to voice mail.
He tried to encourage her to get up, to let him take her to the bedroom, but she refused, looking at him with the desire she used to have for him as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He continued on, his mind focused only on her, no guilt over the family he had in a hospital across town, the woman and the baby that trusted him, that were counting on him to always do the right thing, pushed into the back of his mind so that he could focus on what he wanted here and now, willing to face the consequences later.
Everyone always expected Jack to do the right thing, depended on it and he usually complied. The woman lying underneath him who had betrayed him, tricked him, used him and manipulated him counted on the fact that Jack Shephard would always do the right thing and knew that no matter how angry he seemed or how much he tried to pretend he hated her, he'd always be the first one there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He knew that and he knew he'd always comply because no matter how hard he tried to deny it, his feelings for her ran deep, too deep to ever turn his back on her completely.
Right now this was about him though and what he wanted and needed and making love to her would be so far from the right thing to do that thinking about it almost made him let go of a sick chuckle, instead he opted to deepen the kiss and continue on.
He slowly undressed her, removing her blouse and her bra, seeing, touching and eventually sucking on her breasts again. It had been so long since he'd smelled her, the smell of her hair, her perfume, her sex. His arousal was out of control, he wanted her and he wanted her now. He'd be slow, take his time and enjoy it and hopefully she too would enjoy it and he would leave her wanting more, craving him just as he'd craved her so many lonely nights. He'd leave her heart wide open and pining for his love and leave her body aching for his touch. This might be the only chance he'd ever have to pour everything he has into her body and leave her with a complete understanding of the love he felt for her, of what she threw away and of what she could have one more time, but could never have back.
He unbuttoned her slacks and pulled them along with her panties away from her. He wanted to taste her, to bring an orgasm out of her with his mouth, but his own need was screaming against the confines of his slacks, begging to get to out, wanting to find the opening that would allow him to slip inside and feel her wrapped around him once again. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, reaching into the opening he'd created and freed himself. She opened wider for him and he watched her eyes close as she let go of a moan at the feeling of him inside of her. His throbbing cock buried deep inside, not moving, just filling her completely, so tight, tighter than he remembered and when he began moving in and out of her the moans coming from both of them were thick with longing, relief and a touch of sadness at what they'd managed to neglect and abuse so badly it had become irreparable.
They continued to move together in a slow, steady rhythm, kissing and holding one another, his strokes long and purposeful. Feeling her start to clench around him he pulled out of the kiss so he could watch her face while she came and it was just as he'd remembered and watching it brought his own release out of him, filling her empty womb with his seed as he had for so long, creating life three different times with her, life created out of love, his little girl so beautiful in his eyes because the two people who created her did love each other intensely and genuinely for a long time and now because of the ugliness and the stupidity following a tragedy, a tragedy one of them hadn't managed to come out of unscathed, his little girl was being denied the opportunity to know and love her mother as much as he had and to a point still does.
He stayed inside of her, enjoying the feeling of her walls wrapped around him as he softened, looking into her eyes and seeing that underneath all her games and her cruelty she did still care for him, but most of all he could see how empty and alone she was and even though he wanted to smack himself for feeling it, he felt sorrow for her loneliness and wanted to do whatever he could to help her get well and become the woman he used to know again.
He let his head drop to the space between her head and shoulder and hugged her, taking in her scent one last time. He could hear her softly calling his name and could feel the vibration on his leg again and the horror of what he'd just done set in completely and just as he was about to pull out of her and get as far away from the awful thing he'd just done his eyes opened and he sat up straight, breathing hard, his heart racing. He looked around confused noticing the blanket over him and Sarah standing in front of him calling his name.
"Jack, are you okay?" Sarah said.
Jack looked at her. She was fully clothed. He looked under the blanket and he too was fully clothed as well as grateful that the blanket was covering the erection he had. It was a dream, an extremely vivid dream, but none the less a dream and he breathed a sigh of relief.
"I guess I fell asleep huh?" Jack said feeling a little embarrassed, hoping Sarah wouldn't realize he'd been snoozing on her couch having a dream about committing the mother of all fuck ups.
"Yeah, we were talking and I went to get us something to drink and when I got back you were out cold." Sarah explained.
"You should've made me get up." He said.
"I tried to wake you and when I couldn't I just threw a blanket over you and let you sleep. I assumed you had to be pretty tired if you fell asleep that quickly. Your phone has been ringing pretty much nonstop for the last 15 minutes so I decided I better wake you up. I can't believe you could sleep through it." Sarah told him.
"I guess I'm overtired, it's been a tiring few days.
He looked at his cell phone, the calls were from Julie. He looked at his watch and realized she'd been watching Riley for him all day and was probably wondering if he'd fallen off the face of the earth. He called her back immediately.
"Julie, is everything okay?" Jack asked.
"Where are you Jack? Riley is whining for you and you promised I could go to Nicole's Halloween party." Julie grumbled.
"I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I'm on my way home. Get your stuff together and I'll take you to Nicole's as soon as I get there." Jack said.
Jack shoved the phone back into his pocket. The obvious indicator of his erotic dream was now gone so he moved the blanket and stood. Sarah reached out to straighten his collar and he jumped away from her as if her touch had burned like acid.
"What's wrong with you? Why are you so jumpy?" Sarah asked.
"Nothing, I'm just not awake yet. Are you okay now, done sitting in cemeteries for awhile?" Jack asked.
"I appreciate today Jack, God knows I don't deserve your concern." Sarah said.
"Was it real Sarah?" Jack asked.
"Was what real?" She replied.
"Today, the emotions, the civil conversation, the behaving like two people who used to love each other. Was it real or just another one of your games?" Jack asked.
"It wasn't a game and we aren't two people who used to love each other, we're two people who still love each other." Sarah stated taking him back, making him wonder if she knew what he'd been dreaming about.
"Maybe we do or maybe the emotion of the day and the wine we had for lunch just makes it seem that way today. I need to go Sarah. The woman that I'm sure I love is probably wondering why she hasn't seen or heard from me today." Jack said.
"And what will you tell her Jack?" Sarah asked.
"The truth I guess." Jack said and turned away from her.
Jack left Sarah's house feeling as if he'd done something wrong when in reality he hadn't. He couldn't control what he dreamed about and he wasn't feeling guilty about the dream as much as the why. Why would he dream something like that and should he be concerned about it? Should he tell Kate about the dream?
"Yeah Jack that'd be real smart." Jack mumbled to himself.
Jack spent the rest of the drive home replaying the dream in his head, beating himself up for dreaming about fucking his ex-wife less than two days after his current wife gave birth to his son. He wasn't sure what to make of it, he only knew that the dream had been so real it had shaken him to the core. When he arrived at the hospital he told Kate about his day, about the baby buried in the cemetery and the lunch he'd had with Sarah. He admitted to falling asleep on her couch and the guilt he was feeling over his dream was only made worse by Kate's complete acceptance of his story as a harmless day with his ex-wife. Did he really deserve the trust she had in him? Would she be so accepting and sympathetic to the emotional duress he'd been under that day if she knew how eagerly and hungrily he'd made love to Sarah in his dream?
Jack shook it off, deciding that telling Kate about the dream would be counter-productive, that no woman should be expected to hear something like that and not be upset over it. He brought Kate and the baby home the next day and they spent the next few weeks adjusting to having an infant in the house, an infant that got them up three times during the night to eat. Kate wasn't breast feeding and that allowed Jack to take the feeding shift that usually came around 5 AM. He'd feed Braden and rock him until he went back to sleep and then shower and dress for work. That allowed Kate to sleep from 2 AM until Riley woke her up, which was usually between seven and eight o'clock so nobody in the house was becoming sleep deprived.
Braden was now five weeks old and Kate was starting to feel like her old self again. She never gained any extra weight during the pregnancy and the swelling and bloating was close to being gone. Her milk had come in and she went through the painful procedure of getting it to dry up and her breasts were back to their normal size. Her stitches had healed within the first couple of weeks and the bleeding had stopped about a week ago. She felt fine and had been hinting to Jack the last three nights that she felt fine, but he either wasn't interested or wasn't getting the point because he seemed to content to kiss her goodnight, roll over and go to sleep.
Kate planned their evening all day. Riley and Braden would both go down between 8:30 and 9:00 PM and Julie would be out with her friends until midnight, which was typically when Braden woke up to be fed. That gave them three hours to get reacquainted sexually and she planned on using as much of that time as both of them could stand. Jack arrived home around 6:30 PM and played with Riley until dinner time. Julie came bouncing to the dinner table proclaiming she was starved, dressed in a manner Jack deemed inappropriate and the battle was on.
"Julie, you aren't going out dressed like that." Jack said and took a bite of his food.
"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" She asked as she leaned over the table to grab the casserole dish causing Jack to look away.
"Your pants are cut so low I can see right down the front of them when you lean over, your stomach is exposed and if you raise your arms too quick your breasts will flop out. Are you trying to look like a slut?" Jack asked.
"You're so old Jack, god, all the girls dress this way." Julie complained and leaned over the table again.
"Hell will freeze over before the girls that live under my roof go out in public dressed that way and would you stop flashing me for god's sake." Jack stated his voice calm, but in the tone that suggested the topic wasn't up for debate.
"Kate would you please tell him he's being unreasonable." Julie begged.
"Jack, it's really not so bad." Kate offered.
"Kate, she's 17 years old and she's got her body on display. Jesus, look at her, you really think some horny 17 or 18 year old guy isn't going to try to answer an ad that looks like that?" Jack argued.
Kate looked her over. Her outfit didn't leave much to the imagination and he was right about being able to see down the front of her pants, the black thong she was wearing covering what would've been on display.
"Okay, let's compromise. Julie, put on a bra and a shirt that comes down to your waistband." Kate told her.
"Kate! That's not fair. You always take his side!" Julie whined.
"Jack, if she changes her shirt will you settle down?" Kate asked.
Jack looked Julie over, imagining the jeans with a less revealing shirt and sighed heavily.
"I guess." He agreed.
"No, I don't want to change my shirt! I bought this outfit specifically for this party tonight and you're ruining everything!" Julie protested and plopped down into her chair.
"Change your shirt or stay home." Jack said calmly and took another bite of his dinner.
"Are you ever going to stop treating me like a baby?" Julie huffed and stood to leave the table.
"Finish your dinner." Jack ordered.
"I'm not hungry." Julie lied.
"You were starving five minutes ago and you put all that food on your plate so sit your ass down and eat and stop acting like a brat." Jack said raising his voice enough to let her know he was losing his patience with her.
Kate could see that Julie was in button pushing mode and she never understood why she did it because she always ended up on the losing end of the battle of wills she like to have with Jack. Kate knew if she kept it up he was going to end up making her stay home for the night, which would put a damper on the plans she had for Jack.
"Julie please don't do this tonight. We're letting you go to this party, we let you go out and buy new clothes to wear to this party, we're letting your friends pick you up and bring you home and you want to screw up your entire evening because we don't want you going out looking like slut?" Kate pushed.
"Maybe not being able to wear my new outfit already ruined my entire evening." Julie mumbled.
"Oh please, that's ridiculous, and you know what's going to happen if you keep it up. Keep mouthing off and keep being hateful and he's going to end up sending you to your room for the night and then I get to be caught in the middle of your battle again, well guess what, not tonight baby sister because I'm on his side on this issue so either shut up about it and eat your dinner and go have fun at your party or go ahead and excuse yourself and spend the night in your room!" Kate snapped making Riley look at her strangely and Jack instantly cover his mouth to hide the grin that was forming.
Julie looked at Kate a little shocked and then back at Jack who shrugged and gave her the "it's all on you kid" look.
"Fine. It's a little chilly tonight anyway so a different shirt will probably be better." Julie sighed.
They finished their dinner in peace. Julie left around 8 PM and Jack helped Kate get the two kids ready for bed. He bathed Riley and read to her until she fell asleep. He found Kate in the nursery with Braden, rocking him slowly, patting his back. He walked toward them, leaned in and kissed the baby on the head before kissing her gently.
"You look tired, you want me to finish putting him to sleep?" Jack asked.
"No, I'm fine, go get your shower and by the time you get done he'll be out and we can watch a movie or something." Kate said.
Jack kissed her one more time, rubbed his hand gently over the baby's back and left the room. He entered the master bedroom, entered the bathroom, turned the water to the shower on and began stripping his clothes off. He stepped into the shower and let the water pour over his head, the steam and the heat beating the stress from the day out of him, relaxing him and making him feel a little sleepy. He lathered himself up, noticing his semi-erect state and considered jerking himself off. It had been five weeks since he'd had sex, other than in his dreams, but he'd managed to take matters into his own hands, so to speak, a couple of times a week. He found that he didn't mind the sexual abstinence because it kept him from having to think about Sarah and the dream and if any of that would creep into his memory when does finally make love to Kate again.
He stepped out of the shower, dried himself, wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into the bedroom. Kate was sitting on the bed waiting for him. He looked around the room at the candles burning everywhere, the dim light and noticed the music softly playing from the portable music player sitting in the speaker dock in the corner. The aroma from the candles was a relaxing lilac or lavender and he didn't need to be hit over the head with the hammer to understand what all of it was for, Kate was ready to have sex again and what man in his right mind would say no to such a lovely creature.
He looked at her and walked toward her, pulling her up off the bed and into him, their faces just inches apart. He kissed her mouth gently and looked into her eyes, the desire burning in them all for him and he realized if spontaneous combustion were possible he'd be a pile of ashes right now.
"Are you sure you're ready for this? We're supposed to wait six weeks." He said.
"I'm fine and I can't go another week Jack. I want you so bad it's all I've thought about all day." Kate admitted.
Jack smiled at her, hiding his guilt. He hadn't thought once about making love to her and certainly hadn't spent an entire day dwelling on it. He'd been avoiding the topic with so much fervor that it hadn't occurred to him to actually consider what it would be like to be with her again, that thinking about it might be arousing to him, that his anxiety over a stupid dream was just that and would have no affect on his ability to love her with all the passion he always had. Kate could tell he was distracted.
"What's wrong Jack?" She asked.
"Nothing, I guess I'm just a little nervous about it maybe not being comfortable for you yet." He lied.
"Jack, I'm fine. Everything is healed. You're a doctor, would you like to verify that everything has healed?" Kate teased.
"No, I never want that part of you to become clinical to me. I'll take your word for it." He said and kissed her again.
Kate returned his kiss, wrapping her arms around him and working at his towel until it dropped to the floor. She walked him backward until the back of his legs hit the chair in the corner. She pushed him down into the chair, still kissing him, slowly allowing her self to drop to her knees between his legs. She began moving her mouth over his chest and stomach while her hand moved softly over his now erect penis. It felt so good and she felt herself become wet instantly. She assumed he'd be somewhat weakened, the lack of sex leaving him vulnerable and needy to anything she might want to do to him so she immediately took as much of him into her mouth as she could and slowly and sensuously moved her hot, wet tongue over his cock. She could feel it swelling and throbbing in her mouth and she knew that just a few gentle flicks of her tongue on the highly sensitive head would make him squirm and groan and he didn't disappoint her.
She could feel his hand gently clutching the hair on the back of her head and knew she could get him to cum if she wanted to. He was too helpless to control anything and she liked rendering him helpless once in awhile. It was a turn-on for her to be in control so she took his cock in and out of her mouth slowly and deeply, making sure her lips and tongue swathed the shaft with warmth and wetness while applying a soft, gentle tongue directly to his now swollen, purple head that was ready and needing to erupt. She held onto his cock and moved her hand slowly up and down and moved her tongue slowly over the head. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead as sounds of agony and ecstasy escaped his throat, his thighs twitching at certain points, trying to pull away from her and her holding firm, never missing a beat.
She continued to work him over, the intense pleasure of it almost paralyzing him. His mind was so absorbed in what was happening to him he wasn't aware of anything else. His eyes were closed tight, his breathing had become somewhat labored and she could feel a slight shaking in his arms, legs and even his stomach. She stopped for a moment and looked up at him before continuing on, realizing she had taken him to a place that he takes her to quite often, but one that she has to work hard to get him to and she didn't want to lose the moment. She continued to give him all the attention her hands and mouth could, softly and gently so he didn't feel as though he were being gobbled up. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling, only that it felt so good he couldn't move and wouldn't move if he could. He wasn't holding his orgasm back and he wasn't working to bring it on. He was allowing her to bring it out of him and when she did he had to make a conscious effort not to scream, the need to do so making him pant and hold tightly to the arm of the chair with one hand while the other hand clutched tightly to her.
Once she was sure he was finished she crawled forward, up over his stomach and chest and kissed him longingly on the mouth, pulling back and smiling at him.
"You were quivering." She said.
"Let's keep that between us." He said softly, his brain obviously still swimming and trying to clear itself up.
She laughed lightly and kissed him some more before allowing herself to rest her head on his chest.
"That was incredible. Thank you." He said, his voice still soft.
"I've missed you. You're all I've been able to think about for weeks. I loved having your baby Jack, but having to go without you for so long was definitely the downside of the whole experience." She said.
Her words hung heavy in the air, the dream coming back to him, taking him out of the moment, the beautiful moment following what had to be the most incredible fellatio any woman had ever performed. Why wasn't she all he'd been able to think about for weeks? He could remember a time when Kate was all he could think about, when making love to her clouded every one of his thoughts, yet the last five weeks he'd run in every direction possible to avoid thinking about it. Was it out of guilt or because he was still in love with Sarah.
Kate saw him go distant on her again and became concerned.
"Jack, what is going on with you?" Kate asked.
"Nothing." He lied.
"Bullshit. We've got three hours to do nothing but make up for lost time and you can't seem to stay focused long enough to enjoy it. What is bothering you? You've been moody and quiet and distant since we brought Braden home and I want to know what the hell is going on!" Kate yelled.
"Kate, it's okay, don't get upset. I've just had a lot on my mind, but I'm fine I swear. I want to make up for lost time. I've missed you so much. Please, I don't want to fight, I want to make love to you." He pleaded and then pulled her up to face him, kissing her with a wet, hungry mouth, the need and desire for her there just as it always had been and the longer he kissed her the more his mind focused on nothing but her, how much he loved her and how he never wanted to let her go.
He picked her up and carried her over to the bed and then he took his time undressing her, making sure he kissed, nibbled and bit and every newly exposed area of flesh her breasts garnering a lot of his attention, his hot wet tongue gently swirling and sucking her nipples driving her crazy, making her hold his head in place so that he would continue to suck.
"Oh God Jack, you have no idea how good that feels, don't ever stop." She pleaded feeling him smile against her breast at the absurdity of the plea.
He had her stripped completely naked, gliding his hands over every inch of her, her flesh on fire everywhere he touched her and her body squirming underneath him, longing for more, needing everything he had to offer tonight. He positioned himself between her legs and she opened them wider for him, gliding her fingers over her wet, dripping center and holding them up for him. He moved in closer and slowly licked each finger clean, one at a time, leaving them hot and moist with his saliva before directing her hand back down, placing it gently over her clit.
"Show me." He breathed in a hot, heavy tone.
She slowly pulled her lips back, exposing her swollen, sensitive clit to him. He licked his index finger and moved it gently back and forth over her clit, feeling it swell just a little more, watching her squirm and then let go. He stopped touching her and she looked him with questioning eyes. He took her fingers and gently pushed them through here slick crease before bringing them back to his mouth and licking them clean again. He placed her hand back where it was before and nodded. She pulled her lips back for him again and he brought his tongue down, moving the tip of it over her excited clit, making her squeal and let go again. He moved in closer and began moving his entire mouth over her hot, moist excited crotch. He inserted his finger and began moving it in and out slowly while he sucked gently on her clit, rolling his tongue over it, her hips bucking up against him, slowly driving her crazy with his slow, hot routine, her orgasm steadily building. She gripped two handfuls of the sheets and let him bring it out of her. It felt like gallons of warm, electric juices had to be pouring out of her, so intense she thought she might black out, toes clenched and digging into the mattress, legs so tight she could feel a cramp developing, the need to scream so bad she finally pulled a pillow over her face and let go.
He continued on until she relaxed and then moved his mouth over her inner thighs and over the exposed portion of her belly. He steadied himself on his knees and moved over her again, focusing on her upper body. She pulled him close and kissed and nibbled at his chest, bringing her mouth up and swirling her tongue over his nipples, sucking them hard into her mouth and nibbling lightly on them with her teeth.
She moved her hand down between them, taking him into her hand, forcing him to sit up on his knees in between her legs. He was hard again and she paused for a moment to admire his erection. He wasn't grossly oversized, but definitely blessed with a size and thickness that made her a little apprehensive the first time they made love, but most importantly he knew how to use what he was blessed with. When he was inside of her, he made her feel full and connected to him in ways she'd never experienced with any other man. She placed one hand gently on the throbbing appendage and ran the fingernails on her other hand lightly over his swollen balls, making him take a deep breath, beads of sweat forming on his brow.
She guided him down to her opening and he pushed about 2-inches of himself into her and then pulled back out, moving the head over her slippery slit and clit, trying to move away until she grabbed his shoulders and tried to push herself onto him. He pushed her back down and smiled at her.
"Not yet." He said.
"Why?" She panted.
"We've really got to be smarter about birth control." He laughed and reached into drawer of the nightstand.
"Are you sure it's not so old it won't plug the dam?" She laughed.
"There are no guarantees I guess. Want to stop?" He asked.
"No, I'll take my chances." She gasped making him laugh.
She grabbed the foil package from him and studied it.
"I thought you were willing to take your chances." He said.
"Yeah, well I changed my mind. It's good for another three years." Kate said and handed it back to him.
Jack opened the package and she helped him put the contents of the package on. She pushed him back into position to enter her and he pushed himself in some, giving her time to adjust to him, making sure she was healed enough to take him. He pushed in a little more waiting for a positive or negative response. With both hands on his butt she nudged him forward and he took the hint and pushed himself all the way in, her hands clutching tightly to the cheeks of his ass. He pushed her legs back as far as he could without hurting her and drove himself in deeper, making her take a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm great." She said with a breathy moan.
He began moving in and out of her and she held tightly to his butt adding an extra push to his rhythm, not allowing him to back out enough to get the deep thrusts he liked in order to stay in control of the situation. She was looking into his eyes begging him to go harder and faster and once he was going at her at a furious pace she let go of his butt. His hands gripped tightly to the sheets on either side of her and with arms and muscles fully flexed he moved in out of her, breathing hard, meeting her demands by slamming harder and harder into her until she clutched his shoulders and screamed, hips jerking and thrusting back into his. He held his position inside of her and came every bit as hard as she did, grabbing hold of her hips, trying to hold them still and firmly connected to him.
He moved his mouth to her breasts and gently kissed and moved his tongue over her nipples while they both finished coming and began to settle back down. She relaxed back into the mattress and he stayed inside of her and continued to move his mouth over her breasts, neck and eventually locked his mouth over hers and continued to kiss her passionately while pulling her forward.
She wrapped her legs around him and let him roll them over so she was sitting on top of him. She looked down at him and smiled. He was still semi-hard, ticking, waiting just long enough to recharge so he could go again. She loved that she could keep him that turned on, that she could make him come twice and leave him needing more. She moved off of him so he could dispose of the remnants of round one. He came back to bed and they snuggled up, holding each other, their bodies hot to the touch. He kissed her and tasted her and moved his hands over her, unable to get enough, never tiring of the way she felt in his arms and once again they were connected, and he began to move within her, this time with less urgency and more passion. He felt like he could stay inside her forever, taking his time, letting her feel every inch of him as he moved forward and then back, her moans making him harder, making him want to keep going until she begged him to stop and as he continued with focused, loving movements he thought briefly of the dream and decided that maybe it didn't matter if he still loved Sarah because he loved Kate more and probably always would.