Chapter 38

Willie stood outside the door to Scott's room. She was certain she'd closed it, certain, but there it was, standing half open. Fear squeezed her chest. Where could he be? What might he have seen? Bearing her weight against the wall with an outstretched hand, she felt weak. Gasp after gasp, she struggled for the slightest intake of air. Each minute catch of breath gathered in her chest until there was enough to burst forth with one loud, uncontrollable sob. Tears streaked down her cheeks, her shoulders heaved, and the solitary cry was replaced by silent screams. Her knees buckled and she sank to the floor.

Arms wrapped around her, pulling her close. The hold tightened until she felt herself let go and melt into its embrace. Strong hands moved in circles across her back and the gentle sway of their bodies released the pressure that threatened split her in two. Air returned to her lungs and with it came sobs, ear shattering sobs that filled the darkened corridor. Doors opened then clicked closed.

The heaving sobs gave way to shudders and exhausted whimpers until there was nothing left, only an aching emptiness. He pushed back the strands of hair that clung to her wet cheeks, and, even in that sparse light, she could see the love and acceptance in his weary eyes. She nuzzled into his chest, knowing deep in her heart this was where she belonged, and she was a fool, a complete and total fool, to think she could ever leave his side.

"I love you." He whispered into the top of her head, his deep voice resonating from within his chest. The words vanquished her fears, and she felt the pull of a smile on her heart. He lifted her chin with a calloused finger, and she peered into his eyes once more. "It may be selfish on my part, but I need you, Willie. I need to feel your hand in mine, and I need your voice of reason when I am acting the fool." She opened her mouth to speak, and he pressed his finger to her lips. "Let me finish. Most importantly, I need to tell you how much I appreciate your love for my brother. It is decent and pure, and you should hold no shame for what happened downstairs. It is one of the many reasons I love you so very deeply."

"But, it was wrong of me… I had no business…"

Scott put one hand on each side of her face and touched his thumbs to her lips. "No more talking." He moved closer and covered her mouth with his. The salt from her tears mingled with the taste of him, and she found herself breathless once more.

XXXXXXXX

"Think you can tell me the truth about one thing?" Val asked, fishing into his shirt pocket. Johnny said nothing. He just lay there, on the cot, one arm draped over his eyes, his fist clenched tight. Not finding what he sought in his shirt Val stood and dug into the pockets of his pants. "This." He said pulling out the paper. "It seems the old man was hanging on to this note when he died. It's signed Madrid." Johnny still didn't move but Val knew he had his attention by the set of his mouth. "You realize Love had no idea who you were, knew nothing about Madrid. Unfortunately, after finding this, he started poking around, asking a lot of questions and now…" He rubbed at the stubble on his cheek. "Now I figure he thinks you deserve hanging whether ya did this or not."

"Not sure it makes much difference what Love thinks." Johnny pushed up so his back was leaning against the wall. He looked around the room. "Come to think of it, where is your new boss?" His eyes glinted with mischief and his face flashed a smile, both faded as fast as they appeared.

"Damn it, Johnny, he ain't no boss a mine and you know it. I'd put that jackass on the first stage outta here if I could and then I'd let ya go. God knows, if you killed that bastard, you sure had reason to."

"Thanks, Val, but I ain't too sure it makes much difference what you think either."

"Yeah, suppose you're right." Val dipped his head and looked at the blood stained note. "Judge Sloane is due in early next week, suppose it's only gonna matter what he thinks, and a jury. If you let it get that far." Unfolding the paper he squinted, wishing he had his damn spectacles. Some of the letters were hard to make out. He stretched his arm until the words took shape.

"You want me to hold that for ya? Or better yet, maybe I can just tell ya what it says."

"Don't be a smart ass, I got it. It says, I took care of them, Pa. You can rest easy. Madrid." Val watched his friend, tried to read his expression but there was nothing to read. "You recognize that, right?"

"Wrote it, wrote it my last day with Grayson." He leaned forward and pulled the note from Val's fingers.

"And the blood?"

"Old blood belonged to the two men I killed that day, think you know who the fresh blood belongs to." He waved the paper in the air as if trying to dry it, then holding it still, he stared at it for a spell. When he spoke, his voice was low and hardened, like he didn't care about the killing, but Val knew he did care and it gnawed at him whenever it got the chance. "They thought they could take me, thought I was just a kid." He laughed. "Shit, they learned the hard way just how wrong they could be." He looked Val straight in the eyes. "It was a short lesson."

Val set elbows to knees and eyed his friend. "You were a kid, Johnny. What were ya, fifteen?"

"Thereabouts, kind a lost track."

"Damn, just a kid." Val shook his head. "Were they your first?"

"Yes and no. Killed the man I thought killed mama, but that was different. Almost killed another with my bare hands, but that was different too. Did shoot a few folks, just to spook em, Grayson said a little fear gave us an edge and most times he was right. Never killed on purpose before, never killed cause I thought it was right."

"Mind telling me what these two men did to deserve that honor?"

"Sure seems a fool thing now, but back then, well…" His voice trailed off and he scratched at his chest. "We was headed from one town to another and set up camp. There was some cause to celebrate on account that we took these three cowpokes for everything they had. Turned out they weren't cowpokes and they had a hell of a lot more than we thought, so we got to talking and dreaming about laying low for a while finding a real place, maybe start with some horses. Anyway, I wasn't feelin' too good, things were spinnin', ya know, so I roamed off by myself and that's when they caught up. By the time I made it back to camp Grayson was lying in a pool of his own blood and the men were riding off."

"So it wasn't you who shot him? Shit, I figured maybe you was the one and he was here for payback."

"He was here to settle a score alright but not so much for what I did, but more for what I didn't do."

"How do ya mean?" Val asked, watching him scratch again, this time his arm.

"Carted him ta town and dumped his ass at the doc's office. Figured he was dying but I couldn't just leave him where he fell."

"Then you went gunning for them?"

"That was the plan. He was the only pa I ever knew and, me and him, well, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't fun most times. No one was gonna gun him down and get away with it, no one." A big yawn followed those words then his hand went to the inside of his shirt for more scratching. Val just listened and watched. The only good thing was, as long as Johnny kept talking he wasn't noticing the signs, the signs Val had seen more than once over the years. "Damn near walked into them when I left the doc's office. Don't know why, but I never thought they'd ride into Nogales to cut loose. They was laughing about the way Grayson tried to smooth talk 'em and they thought it was pretty damn funny when their first bullet tore through his leg. One headed over to the livery, leaving just the two. I liked those odds. First one I got right between the eyes before he even cleared leather and the second, well he wasn't laughing no more. He tried me, in a fair fight but he didn't stand a chance."

"That still left one more."

"Yeah, but first I took what was mine and as I stood up there was a man watching. He'd seen the whole thing, held his hands up and he asked, you got a name kid?" Johnny shifted on the bed, tried rubbing his back against the wall. "So I told him, Madrid. Was the first time I ever used the name." He gave an odd sort of laugh and his eyes kind of glazed over. "It was the name in a story my mama used ta tell." He started scratching in earnest now, allowing the note to drift to the floor. He rubbed at his arm then a leg then his belly all the while working his back against the wall.

"You got bugs in here, Val?"

"No, Johnny, no bugs, you're starting in, I been watching."

"Shit. Guess maybe I did piss the wrong person off. Think I can interest you in…"

"Damn it Johnny, don't go there. I ain't ready ta…"

"I got some time yet, hell maybe a whole day maybe two, before the worst of it." He wrapped his arms around himself and gave in to a shiver. "How bout an extra blanket?"

Val stood and stretched out his back. "Now that I'll do." He walked into the small back room that doubled as the doc's office and grabbed a blanket from the shelf. He looked at the locked cabinet and knew he had the key in his desk drawer. Could he watch and not do anything to help his friend? Doubtful. Shit, but this wasn't fair, if he's gonna hang then where's the harm and if he don't? Hell he was starting to doubt that too. "Here ya go," he said handing over the blanket and forcing a smile.

A smile was returned. "Thanks," Johnny said as he wrapped the blanket around himself and pulled it tight. With a nod of his head he pointed toward the note. It had landed in the far corner of the cell. "You're gonna need that later."

"I suppose." Later, Val felt the weight of what was to come on his chest and let out a long sigh. He bent to pick up the note and stuffed it back into his pocket then leaned against the bars to listen.

"My hands were still wet with their blood when I went back into the doc's office. Grayson was lying in a bed, alone, colorless, and with a wheezing breath. I figured the devil was on his way to claim one of his own, so I wrote the note and jammed it in his hand. Never figured he'd read it but I wanted it known what kind of man Madrid was. I left enough money on the table for a burial and was gone, had me a man to kill. Sure wish I'd found him."

Val turned his chair around and sat down, draping his arms over the back. "Never known you to leave a job unfinished, Johnny. If there were three, why weren't three dead?"

Johnny looked away and busied himself, scratching at his jaw line then the back of his hand. "I was hot on his heels for a day, maybe two and then I got sick."

"Sick? Never known ya to stop trackin' just cuz ya had the sniffles."

"Wasn't no sniffles, Val."

"Ya mean sick like…" He waved a hand in Johnny's general direction. "Shit."

"Didn't know why, didn't know it was cuz of Grayson but damn if I didn't think I was dyin'." He was restless now, scratching and picking at the gray blanket that covered him. He looked anywhere but in Val's eyes. "Thought about makin' it happen, that is when I could string two thoughts together. Might a if my hands weren't shakin' so bad and I could a stopped pukin' and shittin' long enough. Actually caught myself wishin' the guy I was trailin' would double back and get the job done."

"That ain't an easy thing to go through, especially alone."

"Not sure havin' someone with me made it any easier the second time."

Johnny cast a telling look at Val and the lawman closed his eyes. His friend had gone through what no man should, not once but twice and now he was primed for a third.

XXXXXXX

Voices, she heard voices. They sounded far off but were echoing in her sleep, growing louder. Men's voices, but with a softness to them making her feel safe. She nuzzled into the warmth that surrounded her and smiled at the scent. Her eyes fluttered open and she realized where she was, wrapped in Scott's arms. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest and hear his whispered voice. "I don't want to disturb her, Murdoch. She's exhausted."

"If you say so, Scott. But neither of you look very comfortable. Have you been there all night? Was your brother so troublesome that you had to move into the hallway?"

"He's not here," Scott said.

"What do you mean, not here? Where did he go?"

Willie lifted her head and looked into Scott's eyes. His nod gave her the courage to speak. "He didn't want a spectacle so I helped him to Val's office during the night. It's what he wanted."

Scott nodded his approval and ran his hand up and down her arm, finishing with a gentle squeeze.

"Did you know about this, Scott?" Murdoch's voice was rising.

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. I hardly think he is being rational. I wanted him to discuss things with Mr. Randolph, get some legal counsel before making any rash decisions."

"He needed to feel he could take control of something, Murdoch," Willie said. "Please understand I did what I thought was best as did he."

"Regardless of your intentions, young lady, it was a grave error on your part. Why didn't you wake Scott and discuss it, why did you take this upon yourself?"

"Enough, Murdoch. She did what Johnny asked of her, nothing more. He's with Val, do you really think that's so bad?"

"To be honest, I don't know anymore," Murdoch said, shaking his head. "With each passing hour my fear grows and Johnny's words about never returning to Lancer become more and more foreboding."

Murdoch offered his hand and Willie took hold, pulling herself to her feet. She faltered slightly as the corridor gave way to a darkening fog. "Goodness, my legs fell asleep," she declared, grabbing hold of Murdoch's arm for support.

"Is it any wonder, sleeping on the floor like you did?" He offered a feeble smile. "Perhaps you should head over to the hotel and try to get some more sleep. I hardly think this was adequate and I'm sure Teresa would appreciate the company while I head over to the jail."

Willie wished she could reassure Murdoch, longed to tell him something that would lift his spirits but nothing came to mind. As inadequate as it was, she gave him a small hug, He responded with a reciprocating squeeze.

Lacking his usual grace, Scott pushed off the wall to stand, then leaned back heavily with a grunt.

Murdoch looked from Scott's face to his wrapped feet. "Are you up to joining me?"

"You go on ahead. I'm afraid I'm still moving slow and would like a few more layers added to these bandages."

"I'll help you." Willie offered while rushing to place her arm around Scott's waist. She watched as Murdoch looked from her to the room and back again.

"Do you feel that's wise?" he asked.

"I appreciate your concern, Murdoch, but," she lowered her voice to a near whisper. "I have already spent the night in there with both of your sons." She found her hand moving toward her belly and made a point of smoothing the front of her skirt instead. "I mean, people will think what they want."

"I suppose, but I know if you were my daughter…" He cleared his throat.

Willie felt the heat of a blush upon her cheeks and smiled a nervous grin. "Well then," she said turning to Scott, "let's get you fixed up so you can see your brother." Together, they moved passed Murdoch and into the room.

Scott eased himself onto the bed, reaching out he grabbed hold of Willie's hand. She closed her eyes for a moment, basking in his touch then slipped her hand free, moving to gather the bandages. She knelt before him and began twisting the strips of cloth around and around the previous layers. "I realize this may not be pretty, but it should make it easier for you to get around. Just don't overdo. Do you understand me?" There was no response and she looked up to find Scott leaning back, propped up on his elbows, looking at her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure. Am I?"

"You look all right." She rose from the floor and put her hand on his forehead. "No fever."

He pulled her down beside her on the bed. "That may be, but I do feel unwell. I should have never walked out on you like I did."

"Scott, it was the last thing you expected to hear, and I may have been speaking out of turn."

"If I had said, right then and there, it didn't matter, would you have believed me?"

She stared at him, not knowing what to say. "I think…" She turned the question over in her mind. "If I'm being honest, I would have believed you at the moment, but I fear some doubt would have crept in when I was alone."

He pulled her close, their lips almost touching, his eyes searching her face for the truth. "And now, when I say I wish you to be my bride? Do you believe me?"

"I do."

He slid off the bed and got down on one knee. "I'm afraid I no longer have the ring, it and my jacket were lost to the fire, but there are so many things that have become unimportant over these last few days. What is important, is us, together. With you by my side the good times are better and the bad times are a little easier to take. You make me laugh when I least expect it and you amaze me with the way your mind works. Willie, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

TBC