"Hey, are you okay?" James asked, concern marring his features.

I nodded mutely at him, my face still bearing the shock I had upon seeing him at the door.

I tried to open my mouth a few times, but no sound would come out. It seemed like they were all stuck in my throat, just like my breath.

I blinked at James, my mouth still gaping.

I watched as he cleared his throat, his hand going up to scratch at his neck.

"Um," I said after a few tries, "Come in," I guess.

James grinned at me and I moved aside to let him pass through.

Discreetly, turned back to look at James. I see that he went straight to the kitchen, probably to discard the plastic bags he brought. Satisfied that he won't see me, I walked over to the threshold quickly and poked my head out to the corridor. I looked at both directions, but was met with nothing but an empty hallway.

Sighing deeply, I closed the door behind me.

I found James still in the kitchen, his back turned to me. I could see that he was rummaging through his bags, most likely arranging what he ordered.

He must have felt my presence behind him because he turned slowly, a grin on his face.

"Hey,"

"Hi," I greeted, forcing a slight smile to grace my face.

"So, I know that this is a bit of a surprise, and you said that we can't go out tonight, so I decided that we could just stay in?" James asked, holding up a container of Chinese food. The aroma wafted across my nose, making my stomach grumble.

I nodded stupidly at him as I was preoccupied with the thought of food. I remembered that I haven't had anything for lunch today, making me feel ravenous.

My mouth was practically salivating over what James was brandishing in front of me.

He led me over to the living room, sitting in the middle of my couch.

I had no choice but to sit beside him, unless I wanted to make him feel bad and sit on the lone chair opposite him.

I watched as James seemed to just fit right into my environment, how comfortable he looked sitting in the middle of my living room, his feet propped up on my coffee table, and dinner perched on his lap.

It didn't feel right for me.

He was too blond, too rough on the edges for me.

I shook my head at myself, feeling stupid.

Just then, the doorbell rang, setting my heart into an erratic jump.

Shit, what do I do?

I scrambled to get up when I saw James moving too. Haphazardly throwing my dinner on the coffee table, I almost tripped twice as I tried to get the door.

"Do you want me to get the door?" James asked, chuckling at my expense.

"No," I said curtly, "I'll get it,"

I didn't wait for him to say anything, instead I continued my way to the door, anxious to open it.

After unlocking the deadbolt for the second time tonight, I was greeted with Edward's smiling face on the other side.

"Hi," he greeted, his smile getting wider.

"Hi," I whispered, inconspicuously looking behind me.

I pulled the door closer to my body, hiding the room where James lay comfortably.

"Is something wrong?" Edward asked. "I'm sorry if it took me longer than expected, I got a little lost on my way here…"

"It's okay," I reassured him. "It's just that-"

"Babe, who's at the door?" James asked from the living room. I winced at his words, worried how Edward will perceive them.

Shock was written all over his face, the smile quickly dissipating.

"Maybe I should go," Edward muttered under his breath, his body moving backwards.

"No!" I exclaimed, reaching my hand out to grab his arm.

"Bella…" he said, trailing off.

"Edward, come on-" I started but was rudely interrupted by the door opening widely.

James strode out confidently, his arm slinging over my shoulder without a care.

I grimaced slightly, my eyes still trained on Edward.

"Hey," James grinned, "I didn't know we were expecting company,"

"Well…" I trailed off, not knowing how to tell James that it was Edward I was expecting, not him.

James squeezed my arm affectionately, and I wanted to shrug it off.

"I'm James, man," James said, extending his free hand to Edward.

I watched as Edward seemed to snap out of his trance and stoically shook James's offered hand.

"Edward," he said, "Bella's friend from home."

"Home?" James asked, his eyes turning to me.

"Forks," I said in explanation.

"Oh," he exclaimed, "Well, nice to meet you, Edward."

"Likewise," Edward said, although I can tell that is was definitely not nice for him.

"So, you had plans with Bella?" James asked, curiously eyeing the bags Edward held.

I looked at his face and tried to discern if there was any malice to it, but all I could see was genuine curiosity.

"Actually, I just moved here and I thought it might be nice for Bella and me to catch up," Edward said, his tone emotionless. "But I guess I'll just go, I mean, I don't want to ruin your night,"

Edward looked at me pointedly, his body retracting from my door.

"No!" I cried out.

Both Edward and James looked at me in surprise.

"I mean, you could stay, Edward," I told him, almost pleading. "He can stay, right?"

I turned to James and waited for him to agree.

If he would say otherwise, I wouldn't know what to do.

"Of course," James grinned, "You guys had plans, after all."

Edward looked at me for a beat before slowly he slowly nodded and stepped over the threshold.

I moved aside to let him in, ignoring James as he tried to move with me.

After removing his coat, Edward slowly walked in, his eyes kept on glancing at me as he crossed the short hallway.

James started to walk ahead and I let him, wanting to have even just a tiny moment with Edward.

Edward looked at me for few seconds, his eyes void of any emotion. Then, he inclined his head to James's direction in the living room. This time, his eyes were brimming with questions.

Questions I couldn't find the answers to.

I tried to open my mouth a few times, ready to give an explanation when Edward suddenly turned from me and entered the living room.

I stayed behind, watching his retreating form.

I didn't know what to do with myself, or how to fix this situation. I don't even know what to tell James.

Would the "it's not you, it's me" monologue work?

But I know, without a doubt, what I want. Who I want.

I watched in utter mortification how James tried to engage Edward in conversation.

Things started off well, to say the least.

James asked him about the basics; his name, his job, his current residence, and other mundane details that could easily be an icebreaker. It was going well, until James got this glint in his eye and asked Edward about his history with me.

The silence that followed nearly drove me to insanity, and when Edward opened his mouth to answer, I was ready to lunge at him, cave-style over that damned coffee table.

"Hey," I interrupted, "You guys like some beer?"

Edward had the audacity to smirk at me, and I refrained from bitching at him. James remained gloriously oblivious.

"Edward?" I raised an eyebrow, willing him to contradict.

"Yes, Bella?" he asked, his mouth forcing to keep the smile off of his face.

"Would you like some beer?" I asked him again, turning to face him fully.

"Yeah, sure," Edward said, his face bearing confusion as he watched me.

I stood slowly, my eyes going to Edward once more before I went to the kitchen. I lingered in the hallway for a while, waiting for them to start talking again.

When I was met with nothing but silence, I reluctantly headed for the kitchen.

I was ungraciously bent over the refrigerator, retrieving beer bottles at the bottom shelf when I heard a slight noise behind me.

I almost hit my head on the door in my haste to see whoever it was who followed me.

"Need help?" Edward asked, smirking at me.

"Oh, it's you," I breathed as relief washed through me.

"Would you rather have James here?" he asked, his face hardening at the mention of James.

"God, no," I said, handing him a bottle before I unscrewed mine.

I watched in fascination as Edward brought the bottle to his lips.

The way they caressed the bottle made me feel the eruption of thousands of butterflies in my stomach. My mouth felt dry at the visual of Edward drinking.

Gulping down hungrily, I averted my gaze from Edward, embarrassed to have such a reaction to him.

I'm sure the color high on my cheekbones didn't disappoint either.

"Why did you ask me to come, Bella?" Edward asked after a few seconds of silence. "Is this payback for the whole Irina thing?"

"What? No!" I exclaimed. "God, Edward,"

"Then, why?" he continued, "Kindly explain to me because I can't-"

"I didn't tell him to come tonight," I explained, "I was just as surprised when I opened the door and saw him,"

Edward nodded before taking a long gulp. I didn't look at him this time, too conflicted to take pleasure in watching him.

"What do you want, Bella?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," I whispered.

You. Always you.

I approached him slowly, putting down the beer bottle on the counter. Edward remained where he was, standing stoically as he watched me approach.

I softly grasped his hand in mine, my fingers intertwining with his.

My heart's erratic beating has everything to do with the close proximity between Edward and me.

Without a conscious thought, I leaned my head towards Edward, my eyes trained on his lips.

His face was moving in slowly, the anticipation igniting the fire.

My nose bumped into his, and with a hairsbreadth between us, I closed my eyes and waited for the moment of feeling his lips touch mine.

Just one push and our lips would meet again.

I waited for Edward to take the leap of faith, but instead, as I felt the change in the air around us, I knew that he changed his mind.

Slowly, I opened my eyes.

My eyelashes fluttered across Edward's cheekbones, while his eyes remained closed. He was breathing a little hard, but other than that, he looked calm, almost serene.

I didn't move from my spot, and neither did Edward.

We tried to stay in our little bubble for as long as we could, but the moment passed too soon for my liking.

I watched as the shock of green met my eyes again, clear determination swimming in the depth of Edward's eyes.

"We can't, Bella," he whispered. "Your boyfriend is waiting for us,"

With that, he left the kitchen, and me, gaping behind him.

My heart was pounding loudly in my chest, my breathing erratic. It felt I could actually hear the rush of blood in my ears, as if the motion itself was coursing me to different directions.

It took a full minute before I was able to compose myself again. The shock of Edward's words left a lingering effect on me and a bitter taste in my mouth.

My boyfriend who isn't Edward is waiting for us.

From the hallway, I could hear Edward's and James's muffled voices coming from the living room. I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but I trust Edward that he wouldn't say anything to James about our past.

Slowly, I made my entrance.

I handed James cool bottle of beer before I went to sit on the opposite side of the couch.

"Thanks, babe," James said casually. I nodded to acknowledge him.

I looked slyly to Edward and see that his jaw and fist has tightened the moment I entered the room.

"So," James said, "Edward was just telling me how you guys went to high school together,"

"Yeah," I agreed, "He's by best friend,"

Edward looked sharply to me at that, all pretenses of acting indifferent was gone. In place was the blanket of confusion about every tiny bit of history between us.

I didn't need to look at him to see that he's staring at my face.

It felt awkward having James sitting between us. Not giving us this moment, this chance to be together.

Like stone wall depriving us of the chance to meet at the middle.

James cut the tension by clearing his throat, his back tense as he looked between us.

From my periphery, I could see Edward straighten in his seat before placing the empty bottle on the coffee table.

Slowly, he stood, arranging his shirt to rid of the wrinkles it has accumulated as he sat all night.

"Well, it's getting late," Edward mumbled, looking at the watch on his wrist. "I should probably get going,"

I nodded mutely at him.

Although I wanted him to stay, I know that I could not ask him. Not with James in the room. And especially not when I still have to deal with him.

Instead, I slowly followed him to the door after he said his goodbyes to James.

I watched as he put on his coat, at a total loss for words.

Finally, he turned to look at me with his hand on the doorknob.

Don't go.

"Good bye, Bella," he said. "Thanks for tonight,"

I wanted to laugh and cry simultaneously, for there nothing to be thankful for tonight.

"Yeah, see you soon," I told him.

Edward smiled wistfully at that, before opening the door and stepping out.

Once he has crossed the threshold, I moved to the empty hallway and watched as he headed for the stairs.

I stood there for a long time, long after he's gone.

When I was sure that I gathered myself, I went back to my apartment.

James greeted me by standing in the foyer, a somber expression on his face.

"It's him, isn't it?" he asked, the set of his tone is one with a sense of finality in it.

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

Because there's no denying it.

It's him. Always him.

AN: Thank you for reading!