A/N: When you're standing at a crossroads, don't know which path to choose, let me come along. (I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders)
DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and its characters. TStabler© owns the narrative, dialogue, and plot of this story.
It had been two hours since she stopped correcting people when they told her that her children were beautiful, one hour since she stopped telling them Elliot wasn't her husband. It didn't seem worth it anymore, and if they didn't care enough to know anything about her life in the first place, she could let them believe a few lies. The influx stopped at six, the mass ended at 7, and now she stood in a spot in front of her mother's casket, staring coldly into the photograph eyes of a framed portrait of Serena.
"Honey," Elliot swiped his hands down Olivia's arms, and then dropped his chin to her shoulder, "The guys are here."
She shook her head as her arms crossed, her hands covering his, hugging him backwards. "Okay," she sniffled and closed her eyes. What she hoped was the last few tears wiggled loose and rolled down her cheeks. She walked with him, still in his gentle hold, passed the strange faces in chairs toward the few people she recognized. She tried to smile, slipping away from Elliot and moving to give Jeffries a light hug, she nodded as she shook Cassidy's hand, and then she hugged Munch, a bit tighter, a bit longer, and whispered, "Thank you, John."
Munch concealed his own emotions well, patting her softly on the back and nodding, and then he stepped aside to let Tucker and Cragen through to see her. They each shook Elliot's hand first, and then hugged Olivia, both men near tears as she was brought back over the precipice and sobbed again, removing herself from Tucker to turn and fall into Elliot.
Over her shoulder, he caught Tucker's eye and shook his head, brushing her hair back with his fingers and shushing her softly.
Tucker squeezed the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tight, and then took a deep breath before looking back up at Elliot. "Where are the kids?"
Elliot silently shot his eyes to the side of the room, where Bernie had all four kids on a long cushioned bench reading their books. He watched as Tucker walked over and smiled at each kid, then picked Dickie up and sat on the bench, plopping the boy on his lap. He smiled, watching Ed read to his son, and he tried to understand how someone could separate his professional life and his personal life so dramatically. He looked down, then, feeling Olivia move. "You okay?"
She nodded. "I was just...thinking about that man. I wanted her to be here, if we ever found him, so she could stop looking over her shoulder, stop wondering if he'd be in the grocery store or the bookshop." Shaking her head, she wiped her eyes and said, "I just wanted her to know a life without fear, and for her to be there when we nailed the bastard."
"What are you talking about, Liv?" Jeffries asked, giving Olivia a confused blink. "Who, honey?"
Olivia's cheeks reddened slightly. She didn't know what to say.
Elliot stepped in to save her, offering Jeffries a polite smile. "You know her," he said with a bubble of his lips. "Always thinking about work, even at a time like this."
Jeffries let out a soft laugh and rested a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Listen, Benson, you're gonna get justice, and the prick will be sorry he was ever born, and the woman...she'll know that you got him. Don't worry about that. Not now. Not tonight."
Olivia nodded and smiled again. "Thanks," she said through her tightly stretched lips.
Leaning closer to her, Elliot whispered, "She's right. Your mom will know, baby. And she isn't...she isn't afraid anymore. She isn't in pain, and she's never gonna hurt you again." He kissed her lips sweetly, forgetting Cragen was a few feet away, but not caring so much either.
"You always know," she told him. "You always just know exactly what I need to hear."
He smiled and kissed her again. "I know you, Kid, and I always know what you need to hear because it's what I need to say, that's how love works. We click." He tapped her nose and winked.
She laughed softly, took a deep breath, and then said, "If it is him…" she looked up into his eyes, "I'm Irish." She shrugged and tilted her head.
With a chuckle, he looped an arm around her. "Only a quarter, the man is half Italian." He narrowed his eyes a bit. "So does this mean you want to bring him in? Talk to him?"
"No, I...I don't know," she pursed her lips and worked them to the side. "It would answer some questions, but what if...what if it's not him? What if I go through Hell and he's not the guy, and I still don't know who I…"
"Olivia Benson," he stopped her, pressing a finger to her lips, "You know exactly who you are." He winked with a smile.
She returned his smile but shook her head. "Not completely," her gaze shifted. She noticed a few people heading toward her and said, "Oh, excuse me," before kissing Elliot on the cheek and moving to say her goodbyes to some of Serena's friends.
He could feel Jeffries glaring at him, ran a hand down his face, and ground out a harsh, "What?"
"Please, tell me I did not see you two...kiss? A lot?" She crossed her arms, her black shirt crinkling a bit and ruching under her black suspenders.
Elliot turned toward her. "So what if you did?" He chewed the inner corner of his lip and shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. He shot a look over his shoulder toward Olivia, who was engrossed in a conversation with one of the few people she did know and then turned back to Jeffries. "It doesn't mean…"
"I thought she had a boyfriend," Jeffries interrupted, her thumbs dragging down the elastic of her suspenders. "You said they were, uh, how did you put it?" She pretended to think as she pulled lightly on the straps in her hands. "Pretty fucking serious?" She narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to him. "And weren't you with someone? Someone who, uh, took care of you...every night?" She smirked and shook her head, the gleam in her eyes waffling between anger and betrayal. "So you've been fucking her, that it? You kept pushing me away from her because you were the one? Is this new, or has it been each other the whole fucking time?"
"Mo," Cassidy piped up, pulling the woman back a bit by the bend of her elbow, "Ever think he's just comforting his partner? She just lost her mother, there's a bond there that just fucking disintegrated, right? She might need a bit more from the only other bond like that she's got, huh?"
Elliot exhaled and held up a hand, "No, uh, thanks, man, but…" he thought about it, slowly blinking his eyes. He was still struggling with the shift in his relationship status, figuring it what it meant to be a divorced father of four and the boyfriend of a woman he considered way out of his league. He rubbed two fingers across his forehead and thought better of openly declaring things, because if things went south it'd bring down the entire unit. "Thanks." He nodded at Cassidy, but when he looked at Jeffries, the vile look on her face and the way she shook her head at him told him she didn't buy it.
"Where is he then?" Jeffries asked, slightly calmer but still just as pointed. "He's such a big part of her life, so damn serious about her, shouldn't he be here helping her through this?"
Again Cassidy spoke up. "Christ, girl," he snapped in a whisper. "Ya know, some people do have jobs and can't take the day off for this shit, unless it's their own family. Or maybe he was here this morning, maybe they got into a fight, maybe he works for NASA and he's on Pluto right now, it doesn't matter! It's none of your business, and you shouldn't even be asking shit like that here. We need to be focused on Olivia right now, not where her boyfriend is or if she's fucking her partner, or if she decided to become a nun, so drop it."
Elliot held back a chuckle, but this time his nod of thanks was genuine. An understanding passed between the two men just as Olivia walked back over to the group. "People are, uh, starting to leave. The director needs me to sign a few forms and then he's giving us a few minutes alone with her to…" she took a deep breath, let it out slowly through tightly pursed lips, and said, "Say goodbye." She turned, seeing the way Jeffries was staring at her, and she tried to smile. "Thank you for…"
"No, sweetie, don't thank me," Jeffries interrupted, taking Olivia's hand in hers. "I'm here, whenever you need me, however you need me." She squeezed Olivia's hand and curled her lips into a smile that meant more than she could ever say with words.
Olivia slipped her hand out of Monique's and nodded again, her discomfort well hidden given her current situation. "Um," she looked at Cragen, Cassidy, and then Munch. "We were gonna grab dinner, if you wanted to come with…"
"Yes, of course," Jeffries said first, shooting an almost daring glance at Elliot.
"Okay," a nervous laugh left Olivia's mouth. "The Westway Diner, on Ninth Ave," she glanced behind her at the casket, which seemed to lose most of its shine. "She loved that place."
"If all of you are coming," Elliot did some mental math and then looked at Cragen, "Can you head over and tell them we need a table for twelve?" He licked his lips and took hold of Olivia's hand. "Just tell them you're with the, uh, the Stablers. We already called, so they should…"
"Yeah, son," Cragen said with a sad smile. He gave Elliot a pat on the shoulder and then leaned in to hug Olivia tightly. He backed up and eyed Elliot again. "You take care of her," he pointed to Olivia and then led the rest of his squad out of the viewing room.
Elliot took one last look around, spying Tucker still reading to his son, and he pulled Olivia over to the closed casket. He lifted the framed picture, and he closed his eyes and said a prayer for Serena. He set the photo down again and kissed Olivia's temple. "Go ahead, sweetheart. Talk to her."
She took a shaky breath and placed a hand on top of the varnished wood. "I don't...I don't know what to say, Mom. There's so much. You missed out on a lot of my life, and you're going to miss so much more. We had years of nothing but trouble, but...a few pretty amazing ones. I will always be thankful that you got to meet Elliot and the kids, and that you died knowing...knowing I wasn't alone. I'm sorry for being part of the reason you...you did this to yourself, but I will never be sorry that I am your daughter. I didn't always like you, but...I will always love you." She sniffled and ran her hand along the carved curves of the coffin. She turned her head before the tears could fall onto the casket, and she buried her head in his chest.
He rocked her, soothed her, kissed her softly, ran his hands up and down her back, and in a soft whisper, he told her how much he loved her. When she quieted, he led her out and down the hall into the funeral director's office to sign whatever needed to be signed and handle things for her mother's burial, leaving Bernie and Tucker with the kids.
Bernie had watched it all, and she smiled. "You're not doing anything about that are you?" she asked, giving Tucker a sideways glance.
Tucker turned the page of Dickie's book with a smirk on his face. "Anything about what?"
Bernie chuckled and patted Tucker's knee, and she let out a slow breath, trying to relax before taking her family out to honor Serena's life, if only for Olivia.
A/N: After the funeral, what does Olivia decide to do about the man who could be her father?