Published November 16, 2009

Ganondorf Strikes

"Here we are, the Temple of Time," Link announced as they entered the large building.

"Took long enough!"

"Did anyone hear a voice just now?" Navi asked.

"Um… No!"

Navi nodded slowly. "Alright then. I stopped caring long ago so whatever."

"As did I." They turned to see Sheik behind them, walking into the temple. "I was waiting for you here several days ago, and then I left. Where the hell were you?! I told Rauru to tell you to get over here, but it's been three days! What were you doing?!"

"Oh right," Link said bashfully. "The first day I was in the Gerudo Training Ground, the second I was killing spiders, and the third I went swimming."

"All… day?!"

"Yeah, we had a blast. Gohma can vouch for me." Gohma growled at him. "See?"

Sheik sighed, shaking his head. "It's in the past. I can't change the time you wasted, so I might as well make the future worth it, Link. I'm proud of you all for awakening the six Sages, there were many challenges in doing so."

"I was a challenge," Bongo Bongo said loudly.

"I'm sure you were. Well, the challenges aren't over, there's still a final showdown with Ganondorf ahead."

"I still think that things can be resolved peacefully," Link said.

"No you don't. There is something I have to tell you all before you go off to fight, something very, very important and necessary to know."

"How important on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most important."

"Ten! This is very important! Now shut up and stop interrupting me. There's another secret legend revolving around the Triforce that I have to tell you. I cannot tell you enough how important it is to know this," Sheik continued. "And I swear, if you interrupt me one more time I will go ballistic and murder you regardless of your role in this." He took out a serrated knife to stress this. "You see, the Triforce reflects the heart of the one who touches it, becoming evil if someone evil touches it and becoming good if someone good touches it."

"So if I touched it, the Triforce would be good?" Link asked.

"I think it would become a very annoying artifact if you touched it. It is balanced into three forces, and as tri means three that is what gives it its name. The forces are power, wisdom, and courage. The person who touches it has to be balanced, or the Triforce will split into its three parts. The person has to be balanced to get the Triforce and make their wish."

"So I'd get the Tri-"

"Quiet Link!" Sheik snapped. "Ganondorf only got the Triforce of Power since he isn't balanced, he only cares about power and not courage, and especially not the awesome greatness that is wisdom."

"Do you have the Triforce of Wi-"

"Link, I want you to SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL STAB YOUR ASS AND FORCE YOU TO DRINK THE GUNK THAT COMES OUT, TEAR OUT YOUR STOMACH AND MAKE YOU EAT THAT!" Link cowered from the advancing ninja who was playing with his knife. "Ganondorf has to acquire the last two parts to get his wish, he must get them from those with the mark of the Triforce on the back of their hand. Unfortunately, the one with the Triforce of Courage is… it's…" Sheik took a deep breath. "It's you, Link."

"That's pretty cool."

Sheik punched him across the face, knocking Link to the ground. "You have the fucking Triforce of Courage in you and all you can say is that it's 'cool'?!"

"I don't think that you realize what this means," Navi said. "Ganondorf will come after you."

"To kill me?"

"No, to steal your Triforce part and make you suffer in horrific ways," Gohma said. "Be afraid. Be very afraid."

"But if I'm scared I won't be happy, so I don't think I'll should try to be scared," Link said. "It's situations like these that I have to think things through in."

"That is not thinking things through!" Sheik screamed. "That's just the worst logic I've ever heard!" He took another deep breath to stay calm. "The holder of the Triforce of Wisdom is the seventh Sage, the leader of the group of them." He held up his arm, but was interrupted again.

"The seventh member of the six Sages, eh?" Gohma grunted. "Sounds pretty stupid."

"It isn't really just six, that was a lie Rauru and the seventh thought up to keep Ganondorf in the dark," Sheik said. "And the seventh Sage, the leader of them all, is…"

A bright light engulfed Sheik as he held up his arm, a Triforce symbol appearing on the back of his hand. When the light died down, in Sheik's place stood a dress wearing, blonde haired figure, Princess Zelda. "I am the seventh Sage."

"What the hell, I thought you were a guy!" Morpha yelled.

"It was a trick, part of my disguise," Zelda said. "A rather well done disguise on my part, I think I did very well in the acting department."

"Who the hell are you?" Bongo Bongo asked.

"I take it that you're new to the whole thing," Zelda said bleakly. "I am Zelda, the grand princess of the great country of Hyrule. Due to my father's death, I am the true ruler of this kingdom."

"You like to flaunt your position, don't you?"

"Well, to the greatest extent that one can when in hiding. Though I should probably explain some things to you now that you know my true identity. I had assumed that if you had the ocarina, you'd get in the Sacred Realm before Ganondorf and get the Triforce."

"That didn't work now did it?" Gohma sarcastically commented.

"I still have my knife, the same threat applies to you. The plan is for you to weaken Ganondorf, and then for us Sages to open the door to the Sacred Realm and seal Ganondorf in there. Unfortunately, you still aren't strong enough to fight Ganondorf head on, his defenses are too strong. To solve that, here is a gift. The light arrows!" She pulled out glowing yellow arrows.

"Are they better than those boring ice arrows?" Link asked.

"Yes, they explode in light. Take them now." She forced the arrows into Link's hands. "Now everything is ready."

Link fired one of his new arrows at a wall, noticing it not do any damage to the brick like the other arrows would. "I don't like this one."

"It only works on evil," Zelda said. "Test it on Gohma, she's sarcastic enough to be considered evil."

"Don't you dare-"

The temple began to shake, the walls cracking under the quake's pressure. Zelda swore loudly, looking around. "No, he can't be here!" A crystal of energy surrounded Zelda, trapping her inside. "DAMMIT!"

"Princess Zelda, I finally have you," Ganondorf's voice echoed. The group all looked up to see him floating near the roof with a cage containing Gate in his hand. "I will commend you for avoiding me for seven years, though it did give me time to set up my forces and all that crap, so you probably messed up by not trying to defeat me before I gained my power. For that, I take away my commendation earlier. You also let your guard down, allowing this situation to happen."

"I knew you were Zelda!" Gate exclaimed. "See, I know things too!"

Ganondorf shook the cage. "Quiet you." Link shot a light arrow at Ganondorf, only for him to kick it to the side. "Pathetic, are you really the Hero of Time?"

"You said these would work!" Link yelled.

"He has had seven years to get stronger, so don't just shoot it head on," Gohma reprimanded.

Ganondorf chuckled. "Yes, what the first traitor said. You suck, I am powerful."

"Ganondorf, I should probably tell you that we failed to kill them," Kotake said, flying up closer to him. "Implement the capture plan."

"I knew you were with him all along!" Navi exclaimed. "I knew it, but I never acted on it!"

"Well aren't you bright," Barinade commented.

"Why are you two still alive?" Ganondorf groaned. "Couldn't you have died or something?"

"I don't like that insolent tone, Ganondorf," Koume scolded. "Don't make me ground you!"

"Dammit mom, shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! I'm old enough to usurp a country, so I'm old enough to go around on my own without you two guiding my every movement!" Ganondorf roared. "Let me run my country and you two can just guard the Spirit Temple!"

Zelda stabbed at the crystal with her knife. "Ganondorf you son of a bitch, I will castrate you the moment I get out of here!"

"Just empty threats if you can't get out." He deflected another light arrow. "You stop that. It looks like I overestimated your power, kid. I must have misjudged the power of the Triforce in you, but with Zelda's Triforce soon to be part of my power there's nothing left to worry about."

"Bullshit, you need all three parts together to extract them," Zelda snapped. "Don't let his lies fool you, Link. Having me won't give him any more power than he had before."

"Wait, it won't?" Ganondorf questioned, jerking his head toward the captured princess. "I didn't know that! I thought I could just take it and become even more powerful!"

"Nope!" Zelda chimed merrily. "Have fun with a useless hostage!"

Ganondorf glared at her before warping the crystal out of the room and to his tower. "Oh well, I just need you now, kid. Then I can get the Triforce and gain an easier and more efficient way to clean all of my clothes!"

"You bastard!" Link screamed. "I won't let you accomplish anything!"

"Why the hell does no one want me to clean myself?" Ganondorf muttered.

"It's because you're a redhead," Gate said. "Want to know what else is red? ORANGES!"

"I will kill you. But first, back to the castle. Bye kid, bye traitors, bye Bongo Bongo!"

"Um… bye?" Bongo Bongo was not sure how to respond as Ganondorf and Gate disappeared as well. "I have a quick question: why did he have a fairy?"

"That was Gate, a fairy we don't really care about but will probably have to save anyway," Navi sighed.

"Ganondorf isn't as welcoming toward our betrayal as he was seven years ago," Barinade said. "He's much more hostile."

"Probably sore about losing his most powerful troops," Morpha said. "Such as me."

"Speaking of troops…" Navi flew over to the Twinrova sisters. "What shall we do with you two?"

"That Ganondorf and his disrespectful attitude… We should do something, Koume," Kotake said, ignoring Navi.

"Agreed Kotake, we need to punish him."

"Take away his country!" King Dodongo called. "And his castle!"

"That's a good idea, isn't it Koume?"

"Yes it is Kotake, let's go and take his possessions for a week and show him to respect his parents."

"Well that resolved itself," Navi muttered. "Let's go rescue Zelda before something bad happens to someone."

"'Someone'?" Bongo Bongo repeated.

"Knowing Zelda…"

-Ganondorf's Castle-

Zelda slammed her shoulder into the crystal, sliding it through the air and nearly crashing into the agile Ganondorf. "Stop that!" the evil king snapped.

"Screw you!" She tried again, but he dodged once more.

Ganondorf pointed at a random Iron Knuckle. "You, fetch some chains!"

-Temple of Time-

"I see…" Bongo Bongo said, nodding slowly when Navi zoned out. "Let's just go."

"Time to fight my former master," Phantom said to himself as the group trekked to Ganon's Castle. "This is it, the final fight."

"We've established that," Gohma grunted.

Ganondorf's castle looked the same as the last time they were there, still floating over a lake of lava in a near dead atmosphere. "This place is nice," Link commented. "I think it's an improvement over the old, boring model."

"How do we cross?" King Dodongo asked, ignoring Link for the moment. "It's a very long jump, and I don't think a flier could get us all over."

"Catapult?" Kotake suggested. "It worked before."

"I have a better idea," Rauru's voice echoed. "This is Rauru, can you hear me?"

"Why are you a disembodied voice?" Link asked.

"Do not ask questions with no answers and we six will create a bridge to Ganondorf's castle, okay?" Rauru responded. "The keep of the castle, Ganon's Tower, is protected by six barriers. Destroy each one and you can ascend the tower to save Zelda!"

They heard a crash from within the tower which was followed by Zelda yelling: "Almost had you that time, bitch!"

"Or maybe wait until she's done. Whichever works out better," Rauru added. "Let's form the bridge! … Where's Nabooru? Did she even come back? … Are you kidding?! Go find her! We need the bridge! You all may have to wait for a few minutes, Nabooru never came back. She's not a very responsible Sage."

-Gerudo Training Ground-

Nabooru was laughing maniacally as she slaughtered a Dinofol with two scimitars before turning to the second, soiled one. "I love this place."