It's Monday! Jim's got a date with Pam at her place. I've taken a few risks with their backgrounds in this chapter, trying to flesh them out a little, so I hope you like that.

Also, heads up for a new story, the project I've been working on now this is on once a week updates. It's an Office/CSI crossover (first one too, it's like I've got my own section, nice!) but it's very much an Office story. It's much darker though, not what you're used to reading from me but I like to try new things. It's called 'Thrown Away' and it's rated M (for violence and swearing) if you want to check it out.

Anyway, this is the epic Breathless so continue on!

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Saturday Night

Jim had picked up some flowers before his dinner at Pam's place. Technically it was the first time he'd picked out flowers for her and it had been harder than he'd expected. Luckily, two of the florists had taken pity on him and helped select a bouquet of seasonal summer flowers in shades of yellow, one of Pam's favourite colours. For years he watched as Pam was neglected by Roy and he swore to himself, if he ever got the chance to be hers, he'd never take Pam for granted. Flowers were a good start.

He ran a jittery hand through his hand before knocking on the door. He still had to tell Pam about his mom and he wasn't entirely sure how she'd take it. He was pretty confident that she'd come around but the immediate gut reaction might not be brilliant. She had to get mad, who wouldn't? Hopefully it wouldn't ruin their evening; especially as he was also carrying an overnight bag and a brand new toothbrush Pam suggested he leave at hers should he need it.

Pam opened the door wearing a daisy yellow sun dress and her hair down, the sounds of a Zero7 CD played in the background. "Wow."

"That was the reaction I was looking for. Are those for me?" She looked hopefully toward the spray of flowers in Jim's hand.

"I don't generally carry flowers around just for the smell, Beesly." He handed them over and felt the warmth spread right through him as he watched her smile blossom.

"They're beautiful and they match my dress." She quipped. "Come on in, it's really warm though, my apartment has been like a greenhouse all day with the windows closed."

"What have you been up to today?" Jim set down his overnight bag by the door.

"I'll tell you in a second, just gonna get us some wine and switch on the oven. We're having cheese stuffed chicken breasts wrapped in bacon."

"That sounds so good." Jim stomach rumbled in appreciation.

"One of my favourites. Go make yourself comfortable, I'll be right out."

Jim went and settled himself on Pam's new couch. It was deep red and covered in scatter cushions that Jim didn't really didn't understand. He'd never owned of considered owning a colour coordinated throw pillow, cushion type thing, they looked foreign to him.

"You look confused." Pam said, handing him a large glass of wine and setting her vase of flowers on the table. "The cushions still throwing you?"

"Why do you need so many?" He prodded at a bolster cushion with a long index finger like it was something alien.

"Makes it comfortable and adds a little Pam touch to the room."

"Whatever you say."

"It's the price you pay for liking girls. Love us, love our cushions."

Jim held up a brown raw silk effect cushion pinched between finger and thumb, much to Pam's bemusement. "Yeah, I'll try."

"So." Pam set her drink down and turned to face Jim. He could tell she was holding back her excitement but he had no idea what she was excited about. "I have something to give you."

"Is it a cushion because I'm pretty sure Mark will set fire to it?"

"It's nothing girly, I promise. Hold out your hand." Pam was close to bursting now which Jim found utterly cute if a little unnerving. "Close your eyes."

"I have two brothers, nothing good has ever happened to me after closing my eyes on demand."

"Just do it, Halpert." Pam was getting impatient.

"Ok, ok." Jim held out his hand and closed his eyes, still a little wary but he trusted that Pam wouldn't have a tub of frog spawn to hand. Placed in his palm was something small, hard and cold.

"Open up."

Jim opened his eyes and looked at his hand. A small silver key lay there.

"I got my spare keys made today; I want you to have one."

Jim's heart stopped. It stopped dead.

"Pam..."

"Oh god, is it too soon? It's too soon. I'm sorry-." Jim cupped her face a kissed her words to silence. He pulled back and held the key between them.

"Thank you. It's perfect timing." Jim pulled his keys from his pocket and slipped the key on a free loop. Another piece of the puzzle of Jim's life fell into place. "This is awesome. I can bust in here any time I like."

"I'm sure you'll regret that the first time you walk in on me doing something gross or looking a mess."

"You could never be gross or look a mess." Jim said dreamily, still high from the huge show of commitment dangling from his key ring.

"Well I have some gross surprises in store for you! But for now, I'm happy with the mystique and your rose tinted glasses." Pam picked up her glass. "Let's toast to us."

"To us." Their glasses clinked and Jim took a sip of wine. He wasn't used to drinking wine, much preferring a beer but this wine reminded him of what they'd drunk at the Green Dragon, light, dry and crisp. "So what did you do with your day?"

"Ran some errands, hung some pictures in my bedroom and went to see my parents. Actually, I have something to ask you about that."

"Go ahead."

"It's my parents turn to throw a Fourth of July party, they alternate between my aunts and uncles each year, and well, you're invited if you want to come, of course, I mean you probably have a standing invitation at your folks."

"That's flexible, I'd love to come."

"Seriously? Because you won't just be meeting my parents but aunts, uncles, cousins and my parents neighbours."

"Might as well get it all out of the way in one go. There will be plenty of distractions so it won't be focused on me."

"So you want to do this? You haven't just taken leave of your senses?"

"It'll be fine Pam. I'm adorable." He flashed a grin that he knew would win her over. He was nervous but he wanted this and he had weeks to prepare. He was going to meet her family as Pam's boyfriend, he had her key, this was perfect.

"Ok, but it might be a good idea to come over early with me to help set up, then you can meet them before everyone else starts arriving."

"Sounds good. I've kinda met your mom already. You know I overheard her ask which one was Jim that day she came to the office."

Pam almost choked on her wine and Jim snorted an unsympathetic laugh.

"You heard that?"

"Yeah." He looked coy. "So, you talked about me to your mom?"

"On occasion... yes." She answered cagily but with a secret look that she was ready to play a game.

"So what did you talk about?"

"Just stuff, our pranks, funny things you said, just normal stuff."

"You're hiding something Miss Pamela."

"Maybe I discussed you a little more..."

"Do tell."

"Well, to be honest, I think most of the stuff she heard about you came from Penny, from the sounds of it she's been talking you up for a while."

"That's still weird to me."

"Yeah, I knew she wasn't best friends with Roy but I had no idea she hated him. Good job she likes you, huh?"

"Oh yeah, I'm grateful. Will Danny be there for the Fourth of July?"

"I think so. He's already met my folks so it'll be his first time with the extended family. You'll both be in the same boat."

"Was he nervous the first time he met your folks?"

"Hell yeah, Penny had to calm him down from having a panic attack. He'd had some bad experiences meeting parents before now."

"What happened?" Jim wasn't sure if he really wanted to know but he asked anyway.

"Well one dad said if he left now he'd get to keep his testicles."

"What did Dan do?"

"He ran! He was fourteen! Still, not as bad as the step-mom who tried to hit on him."

"Please say he wasn't fourteen then."

"Nah, in his twenties, still, pretty icky." Jim was starting to let a few nerves creep in. "Don't worry sweetie, my mom won't hit on you."

"And your dad won't threaten me, right?"

"I can't make promises..."

"Way to make this easy on me."

"They'll love you, they know enough about you already to know you're not some creep."

Jim knew this was the perfect time to bring up his mom but the words were getting stuck. He hated confrontation and he really didn't want to get caught between his mom and Pam.

"If you're worrying about this you don't have to come, it's still a few weeks away, we can do it another time with less people."

"No, I'm really excited to meet your parents; I was just thinking about something, um, my mom came round last night, after you left." Jim sat forward on the couch, sitting back didn't feel right.

"What happened?" Pam sat forward with him and put her hand on his knee. This should have stirred other thoughts but he needed to tell her about his troublesome mom.

"Well she came over to apologise."

"Wow, you weren't expecting that."

"I know, caught me off guard."

"So what did she say?"

"Actually I should probably skip to the important part, you met a woman at the hospital when you took Michael for his x-ray, well, that was my mom."

"Betsy is your mom?" Pam's jaw dropped. Jim's stomach fell with it.

"Yep. Before you freak out she really, really likes you and she wants to have you over for dinner when we're ready."

"Oh-kaaay." She was still making sense of what she'd just heard. The gravity of the situation was still sinking in.

"My mom was out of line, she told me she worked out who you were but didn't let on."

"Oh."

"I'm really sorry, I can't believe she did that, I really don't know what got into her."

"So the guy with her..."

"Was my dad."

"Huh, now you mention it he did kinda look like you, especially when he smiled at Bet-, your mom."

"I'm sorry and she's sorry too."

"So she liked me?" Pam half smiled.

"Yeah. She really did. She liked the way you talked about me." Jim half smiled back, a little hope crept in that perhaps this was going better than he envisaged.

"Yeah, I was a gushing, probably thought I was smug, bragging about my new boyfriend."

"She liked hearing about all your new independence and your interest in art. She wants to get to know you better but if that's weird for you it can wait as long as it needs to."

"No, it's not weird. I guess I have a 'meet the parents' story to tell Danny." Pam glugged back some more wine, she wasn't very good at masking her anxiety. "God, I should have worked out it was her, she threw me off by asking if Michael was my boyfriend."

"God, she's so sneaky." Betsy hadn't mentioned that to her son but he tried not to get tense about it in front of Pam. It wasn't her fault.

"It's ok, I guess she saw a golden opportunity and took it. At least I passed the test. Ugh, I feel so stupid, when your dad came out she said she was going to say goodbye to Pam and he said that his son was dating a girl named Pam. I guess she earned a chance to run her little ruse if I was that dense."

"I'm still annoyed with her, I thought you'd be mad or something."

"Well, it's... a non-traditional way to meet your parents but it could have been worse, I learnt about your mom, I guess it gives us something to talk about when we do meet officially. It's just a little odd, I guess, but I'm not mad."

"I'm really, really relieved, you have no idea. She's not usually like this; I swear both my parents are getting more eccentric each year."

"Did you guys talk about the other stuff too?"

"What other stuff?" Jim worried, what else did they talk about at the hospital?

"You know, what she said to you about you being 'sensitive' and that she treats you differently, like you're over sensitive. I figured that was more at the root of things."

"Um, that didn't come up."

"At all?"

"No. Anyway, the important thing was that she apologised about leaping to conclusions about you and tricking you into talking."

"But the other stuff is important too, I saw how much it got to you."

"I'm over it. It's not like she'll ever really change. She's set in her ways, my dad will carry on as normal, there's not a lot I can do."

"You can talk to her."

"Won't work, I've tried. My mom's my mom, I have to accept that and just not let it get to me."

"But-"

"No, Pam." He cut off sharply. It wasn't up for debate. "Can we talk about something else now?"

"Yeah. I'll be right back, just going to put the vegetables on." Pam left without looking at him.

Jim slumped back into the couch and covered his hands with his face like that would have made him feel less of an ass. He'd seen that look on Pam's face before; Roy was responsible for that face, not him. He wasn't supposed to be the cause of that face. He had to fix this and fix it fast, he couldn't be another Roy. He got up and found Pam in the kitchen. He stood in the doorway. There wouldn't be enough room in there for the two of them not to touch and he was pretty sure touching wouldn't be appreciated right now. Pam busied herself by filling pans with water, her back to him.

"I'm sorry." It almost came out as a whisper; he just didn't want her to be mad anymore.

"It's ok." Pam was curt and didn't turn around to face him. Jim hated himself a little more.

"I know you were trying to help, it's just my family make me a little crazy. I love them, but I've always turned to other people before them. When I had to plan our first date in the space of an hour, I didn't even consider calling anyone I was related to for a restaurant recommendation, even if I hadn't mentioned I had a date with you. I called Nick."

"Yeah, he was quite fatherly towards you." Jim felt like he was making some headway but Pam still hadn't turned to face him.

"Has been since Mark and I moved in and he helped us build our shed. Took us under his wing and Mark's always wanted a father figure." Pam clanged some pots around some more. "I've tried to talk to my mom before, I get a load of 'yes, dear' and nods and then a couple of weeks later I get some little comment about how I 'take things to heart' when I mention some crappy day I've had. All hell would let loose if I ever stuttered in front of her, asking whether I'm stressed about something or depressed again."

"You were depressed?" Pam had finally turned around, the hurt look she'd worn a short while ago was replaced by concern. He hated that too, but for a different reason.

"No. But my mom thought I was." Yet more Halpert revelations, and to think he thought his love of web comics and Buffy the Vampire Slayer would scare her off. She just seemed to be hearing the worst of his family.

"When?"

"First when I was fifteen, but then who isn't moody when their fifteen and their brother's are asses?" He took a beat to think about reliving this particular memory before plunging in; he didn't want to shut Pam out. "You know how I told you yesterday that Mark had his appendix out and there were complications?" Pam nodded and let him speak. "His grandparents called, they knew we were best friends and told me he had septicaemia and was very ill. I was upset and that's when I decided to write him that story, he'd have to be ok to read it. I ignored the phone when it rang again and a few minutes later Tom and Pete come into my room and told me Mark died."

"Those bastards."

"Yeah, they were in college back then too, supposed to be adults. They were getting me back for replacing all the clothes they hadn't taken to college with stuff I'd taken from the Salvation Army, you know people leave those bags of clothes out?" Pam nodded again. "I was going to donate it all, just after a little spell in my brothers closets, it's not like their clothes were gone for good, I hid them in the attic. Also, turns out the Miller household donated a lot of frilly dresses and blouses."

"Telling you Mark died though, that was completely out of proportion."

"It was. They apologised after... well, I kinda lost it, punched a hole in a wall and started crying. Tom was first to say it was a joke so I punched him too. Pete managed to get out of the way, he looked scared to death, I think they both knew that they'd gone too far. By the time my parents came home it was all over but I was still feeling it, didn't want to talk to anyone for days and I didn't really explain the hole in my bedroom wall. I just spent my time writing. Mom put it down to Mark being in hospital so therefore I must have been depressed."

"Why didn't you tell your parents what really happened?"

"Because that would break some unwritten rule that all the shit we did to each other stayed between us. I did as much to them as they did to me, just not as bad, more creative."

"I can't say I'm really looking forward to meeting your brothers."

"They're a lot different now, Gracie changed Pete for the better, I think he wanted to prove he was a man rather than a boy when he met her and having the two kids made him think things through. He still treats me like a kid brother, but I don't worry about being maimed or something. Tom's grown up too; again I think it was Olivia's influence. They've got the little one too now."

"Still... I just want to kick their asses so bad right now." For the first time Jim noticed Pam's fists balled at her sides.

"Don't worry, I got them back." He reached out and rubbed the tops of her arms to try and calm her down.

"Still, I can't believe they did that to you."

"That was pretty bad, but that was the only time they really were way over the line. I only had to see them in the summer and Christmas back then."

"Did you end up sending those clothes to the Salvation Army?"

"Yes I did Inspector Beesly, but I swear I was one pink dress short..."

"Which brother?"

"Pete."

"Good."

"So you do you want to take your key back?" Jim braced himself for the inevitable.

"What? Why would I do that?" Pam looked genuinely shocked which Jim wasn't expecting.

"Because I was an ass, I made you feel bad."

"Jim, it was one little moment, it's how we deal with it that counts and I think we did alright. I shouldn't have pushed, I just get a little over eager and I like to fix things. I guess I'm a little like Isobel in that way."

"Doesn't hurt to have people fighting your corner. Do you wanna sit down again?"

"Just got to put the peas on, dinner will be done in seven minutes."

Jim waited for Pam before they returned to the couch. Jim sat Pam with Pam curled into his side. Things felt right again. He still found it novel to have her so close that he could feel her body heat, he hadn't realised how good it made him feel compared to sitting without her touching him.

"When you started talking about depression, you said 'first', when was the second time? Or third?"

"Just a second and it was my last year at college."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I just feel like I'm unloading a lot on you."

"I was on antidepressants for six months when I was twenty."

Jim moved so he could see her face. She looked determined. He brushed a strand of hair that had strayed across her face.

"You were depressed?"

"I was really struggling to cope, I still don't know whether to call it depression or just being overwhelmed but... yeah, I ended up seeing a shrink for a year."

"Do you want to tell me about it? We don't have to if you don't want to."

"It ok, it's pretty simple. You know that my dad is a cancer survivor."

"I do."

"It was back in the early days of that, I had no idea what chemo could do to a person and it wasn't even the worse kind you could have. That and I was trying to hold down this crappy waitressing job and Roy could only get temporary work. We'd just gotten a place together and things were really strained. Penny was going off to college even though she wanted to stay home and help so I was pretty much dealing with mom on my own. It was just... really overwhelming."

"So seeing someone helped?"

"So much. Just having someone to unload to, everyone was dealing with their own stuff, Isobel was at dental school, I had no one to turn to. Roy was ok, I think the whole experience forced us closer together in the end, maybe that was for the worse, I couldn't say, but it was a dark few months. My dad's got the all clear now, five years cancer free."

"I wish we'd been friends back then." Jim wrapped his arms tight around her and placed a kiss on her temple. He'd wanted to protect her from the moment he met her, even from things he couldn't control or defied the space-time continuum.

"I could have taken my pent up aggression out on your brothers."

"I'd have held 'em down for you."

"Thanks for letting me tell you that. I haven't had a problem with it or felt overwhelmed since then though there have been days I haven't wanted to get out of bed, but that was usually because Michael had a 'surprise conference' planned. I'm totally ok now."

"You know you can always talk to me no matter what, us being together now doesn't change that."

"I know, you know the same goes for you?" She lay her head back on his shoulder and looked up at him. He'd never been this open with a woman before, it was scary as hell but it wanted everything with Pam.

"I do." He kissed her forehead. "You know, I had a good childhood, I really, really did. I climbed trees, I fell out of trees, had sleepovers, built go-karts, tried to eat as few vegetables as possible, all that kinda stuff. It's just... I don't want to hide the crappy stuff from you like it's a big secret when it's not. I'm not bothered by that stuff." Jim wanted to change the tone, lighten things up. "Hey, did you know when I was little I joined the Doogie Howser fan club?"

"No way! I loved Doogie Howser, I was going to marry him."

"Not why I was a fan, but anyway..."

"He'd totally be into you now, you know, if you were interested."

"Doogie Howser?"

"Neil Patrick Harris, he's gay."

"I think it would take more than me being a guy to get someone like him. So hot." Jim said with wistful sigh earning him a nudge in the ribs. "Hey, you started it!"

"I regret it and now I finished it! Ooh, you know who else I loved, Tony Danza."

"I so don't get you sometimes."

"What? He's cute. He's old now but still cute."

"If you say so."

"I say so!" A bell rang out from the kitchen. "Dinner's up!"

They sat and enjoyed their first meal in Pam's apartment. It had only been two weeks since she'd moved in but there wasn't a box to be seen and everything seemed to have found its natural place. There was only Pam here. Photo frames of her friends and family, even a candid picture of them together at the office Christmas party after the vodka arrived. It was plain to see he loved her then, Pam radiantly smiling at him and Jim looking on, just content to be the reason for that smile. It didn't bother him that she was with Roy when that was taken; he had a copy at home too. It was one of his favourites.

After dinner Pam put a DVD she'd borrowed from Penny in her DVD player and they ate their dessert of coconut ice cream on Pam's couch. By the time their bowls were empty their attention had drifted from the movie and on to each other. Jim found himself on top of Pam, their kisses becoming more intense. He couldn't help but remember the last time he found himself in this position, at least Pam's couch was a little longer.

"Did I get blood on your bra?" Pam froze and Jim cringed. The words were out of his mouth as his thought them. "Ok, that was probably the least romantic thing anyone has ever said."

"Uh... I was going to say I'd heard worse but that was special. Definitely a contender." Jim licked the end of her nose with the tip of his tongue as punishment. "Hey!"

"Asking for it." Pam was back to playing with his hair, she'd made him promise never to shave his head. Jim knew his ears, that was a promise he could keep.

"Well at least I wasn't wearing my sexy new one."

"Y-you have sexy underwear?" His eyebrows shot up and his eyes were wide.

"Remember that box that was delivered to the office?"

"Oh..." He paused to think. "Are you...?"

"Wearing some right now?" She smiled that Cheshire cat grin he'd seen before. He nodded, his mouth wasn't functioning anymore. "That's for me to know and you to find out." She pulled him down into a kiss and Jim was on his way to finding out.