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Please read the A/N at the end.

Chapter 38

Present

Edward's POV

"Ten, nine, eight…"

Oxygen has never seemed so unattainable to me until this moment. I've never been more conscious of my heartbeats, how fast they can get.

Is it dangerous?

Am I dying?

There are lights behind my lids, but I don't know if my eyes are open or closed. My ears are ringing, and the noise is maddening.

"...seven, six, five..."

I can't feel the rest of my body.

I'm numb and in pain at once.

My mind feels divided into a million tiny pieces.

Unknown pressure fills my chest, but I can't touch it.

I can't breathe.

"...four, three, two..."

I can't breathe.

"You had a panic attack," Dr. Medina says, calm as usual the next day.

I breathe, taking a moment to appreciate the ability to do it. "I figured."

"You've never had one before," she says. I nod. "How do you feel now?"

I look down, picking apart a loose thread on my sweater. "Weak, powerless..."

She doesn't dwell on that answer. "Do you remember what triggered the panic attack?"

"Bella called."

And her voice was enough to make me feel like a lost man again.

Dr. Medina nods. "She did, and when the line went dead, she called me to go check on you. How does that make you feel?"

I look away. "I don't know."

She sits up straighter, meaning business. "I don't believe you."

Of course she doesn't. Rolling my eyes, I gesture at her to expand. We've developed our own silent language now.

"I think you want to know why Bella's calling you, but you're afraid of hoping it's for the reasons you want her to be calling you. You don't want to acknowledge the fact that her calling me to check on you doesn't necessarily mean anything, because she could've done that for anyone. Am I close?"

I shake my head. "Not close, no."

"No?" she asks, somewhat surprised. It's one of the few times I've seen her crack.

I give her a small, sad smile. "I think you nailed that, Dr. Medina."

She sighs, pleased with my answer. "Let's discuss, then."

A week passes before Bella calls again. Even though we haven't spoken, I know it's her as soon as the phone rings. A prickly sensation of awareness makes itself comfortable in my skin.

I let it ring a few times before answering with clammy hands.

"Hello?"

"Edward," she says, breathing my name in a sigh that sounds relieved. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "Yes."

"That's good to hear," she says. And then, "You scared me."

I let those words soothe me for a minute, gripping my phone harder. My hands are so sweaty I'm afraid I'll let the phone fall. I start to panic at the prospect of having another panic attack, so I sit down on the floor, my back to the wall.

My breathing gets harder, so I focus on controlling it. I don't speak again until I have a better grip on myself.

"Are you still there?" I ask. She hums in response. "How are you?"

There's noise on her end before she answers. "I'm good."

"Good," I say, meaning it.

There's no resentment in her voice, which I take as a good sign. I can let her go completely if it's worth it in the end. If she's okay. If she's happy.

I won't see her again if that's what it takes.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I need your help," she says. "I really need your help."

My world stops. There's a new kind of pressure in my chest. I grip the phone harder. "Whatever you want. Whatever you need."

I can listen to her breathing through the phone now. It matches my own. In a minute, a million horrible possibilities pass through my head. I need her to tell me what's happening.

"Would you come?" she asks. This time, it comes out in a sob.

My insides shatter at the sound.

"To Spain?" I ask, only to make sure. I'm already standing up.

"Yes," she whispers.

"I'm on my way."

A/N: Thank you so, so, so, so much for the incredible response to last chapter. I thought for sure you've given up on me. There's going to be a new chapter tomorrow and then the following chapters will be posted next week.

Oh and just as a clarification, in the last chapter the phone call was at 2:00 AM Edward's time. Bella was 9 hours ahead. :)

Thanks for reading.