CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Miley R. Black's Point Of View... Saturday, August 14, 2010
It was almost two o'clock in the afternoon and Jacob still wasn't back from where-ever he'd run off to to surprise me. It was okay at first, I had Rachel to talk to and the pack to distract me, the dogs, the cubs, the babies. But after over two hours away from him I started getting jittery until the point where Rachel had to resort to begging me to teach her how to ride Blue Jeans. I wasn't normally this jittery away from Jacob, but then again, I usually knew exactly where he was, and now he'd run off and I had no idea where to or for how long. What if I didn't see him for days? I don't think I can get through tomorrow without him. He was like my own personal sun, he made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
"Okay, I'm done, get me off this thing." Rachel half squeeled as soon as we got back to the barn. Honestly, we hadn't even gone that far, barely out to the driveway. Blue Jeans neighed in protested and bucked a little, making Rachel scream and hold me tighter.
"Woah, Blue Jeans, it's okay." I soothed my steed, settling him into an easy walk again. "Shane!" I yelled towards the house and the love sick puppy in question came running out a few seconds later. "Get your imprint off my horse before she has a panic attack and falls off and breaks something." I told him, easily sliding off Blue Jeans and holding him steady. Shane reached and Rachel willingly wrapped her arms around him as he held her waist securely and pulled her down to the ground.
"How can you stand to do that?" Rachel demanded once her feet were safely on the ground and her and Shane were still wrapped up together. Yeah, I really needed to find someone about that pool...
"You can hang around with a bunch of overgrown mutts twenty-four/seven, but riding a horse scares you?" I raised an eyebrow at her as I led Blue Jeans into his stall.
"It doesn't scare me." Rachel argued feebly, but her vampire-pale skin and her constant screaming even though we'd gone at a snails pace and only down the driveway contradicted that. "Besides, I know the wolves, they're only wolves when they want to be, that thing is an animal all the time. It has the mind of an animal, what if it decided to try and kill me? It's just unnatural." Rachel deffended and I brushed Blue Jeans down.
"Oh, please, I've been riding Blue Jeans since I was four, there's no way in Hell he'd ever do anything to hurt anyone." I rolled my eyes. "And the pack... They're mostly teenage boys, they don't class as humans, all teenage boys are animals. And the whole turning into wolves thing, ask someone off the street and they'd say that that is unnatural, not riding a horse."
"Nice to know you think so highly of me." I gasped when I heard the perfect sound of my Jacob's voice.
"JAY!" I screamed, dropping the horse brush and running over to him, jumping on him and holding on for dear life.
"Hey, Mi's." Jacob murmured in my ear, stumbling back a few steps at the force of my tackle.
"Where were you?" I demanded when I eventually pulled back enough to look at him. His toned body was slick with moisture and smell like his salty, alluring sweat so he'd obviously been running around a lot, but I wanted to know where. "You didn't even tell me goodbye." I pouted and he nuzzled against me lightly, holding me tightly.
"I didn't want to wake you." Jacob replied, his lips brushing my neck with every word.
"Jesus, it was six hours, not six months." Rachel muttered in the back of my mind as I clung to my Jacob.
"Where were you?" I demanded again, not letting go of him as he moved us back to the house whilst Rachel stuck around to finish taking care of Blue Jeans for me. She was fine with him when her feet were on the ground, but the second she was on his back earlier she was terrified, and it wasn't because of the hights.
"I can't tell you." Jacob shook his head and I frowned as he brought me inside and sat me on the kitchen counter before pulling back to look at me. "I love you, Miley."
"I love you too, Jacob." I whispered, playing with the back of his hair. He got a haircut. It wasn't falling in his beautiful dark eyes anymore. I could see his loving pools of chocolate brown staring back at me. "So much."
"How has your day been?" Jacob asked softly before kissing me.
"Long." I muttered, pressing my lips back to his. "Rachel's afraid to ride Blue Jeans, and I think she's gonna give in to Shane by New Years at the latest." I kissed Jacob again, running my hands through his hair. "And she finally decided she doesn't want to ever talk about my sex life ever again. Thankfully."
"Finally." Jacob agreed, resting his forehead against mine and I couldn't help but smile. His eyes were so beautiful up close, I could see teeny tiny flecks of gold in them that I'm sure very few people have ever been close enough to see before. It's the Alpha gold, the thing that makes his eyes glow so brightly when he's fullfilling his birthright... It's a Jacob thing, how they were so brilliant and commanding.
"Oh, come on." Rachel protested, coming into the kitchen a few minutes later when Jacob and I were still wrapped up together, just staring into each others eyes. But, I guess it didn't look that way to her. "Not in the kitchen, you two, people eat here." She hit Jacob upside the head and he pulled away from me, leaving me feeling a little colder without him.
MACOB
Jacob E. Black's Point Of View... Sunday, August 15, 2010
After I watched Miley sleep for a good half an hour I decided to finally get up and get everything ready for her. It took barely fifteen minutes to set a fort out on the barn in one of the spare stables. I chose the stable so she could be close to Blue Jeans.
"Dude, what are you doing? It's after midnight." Chris asked after watching me make three trips in and outside.
"Trying to make tomorrow as painless as possible for Miley." I replied, starting to search for the extension chords for the power. "Have you seen the extension chords?" I asked, scratching my head.
"Uh, yeah, same cupboard as the Christmas stuff." Chris shrugged. Duh, just about everything was kept in that cupboard, I actually think it might have been another bedroom at some point, but I'm not sure. "How do you figure it's not going to hurt her?"
"It is going to hurt her." I stopped, staring into the cupboard blankly. I hated the thought of my Miley being in pan. "I'm just hoping to make it not hurt as much."
"How?" Chris asked curriously and I sighed, actually looking for the chord and then grabbing it out quickly when I saw it.
"Come with me." I muttered, plugging the chord into the power point. Chris followed me out to the barn as I unravelled the chord on the ground. I stepped into the stall next to Blue Jeans' and ducked down into the little fort I made out of sheets and pillows that I nailed to the stall at the same hight of the dividing wall where Blue Jeans was. Her fathers autographed guitar was propped carefully on the back wall, I'd gotten every single Robby Ray momento I could find within the Olympic area, all his CD's, old vinyl records, a record player that my Dad had lying around. I'd even managed to track down a series of Robby Ray figurines like the one Miley had except with various props and outfits. They'd been from an obsessed Robby Ray fan whose entire apartment in Seattle was covered in Robby Ray Stewart. It had only taken telling her that Miley was his daughter and half my lifes savings to buy them from her, but I'd do anything for Miley. There were collectable plates with his face on them, old pictures I'd begged Miley's family for - and they only sent me because they knew it would hopefully help her get through the day - that ranged from black and white infant pictures right up to last year.
"Wow." Chris breathed when he ducked down and stepped inside as well. It was practically a shrine to Robby Ray Stewart. God, I hoped it wouldn't make Miley hurt more, I wanted it make her feel better, not worse.
"I-I thought she'd want to be close to Blue Jeans... She did last December..." I scratched the back of my head and looked around. I'd also managed to get my hands on something entirely illegal for Miley at this age, but I hoped she wouldn't want it. I'd give it to her if she wanted, but hopefully she would be able to get through the day without it.
"What was last December?" Chris asked confused and I sighed.
"The sixth aniversary of her mothers death." I said lowly, straightening one of the collectable plates before plugging the extension chord into the power chord for the laptop. I also had a stack of DVD's featuring Robby for Miley to watch if she wanted to.
"Oh." Chris looked down and we were silent for a few seconds before he picked up one of the dolls. "What are these?"
"Collectable talking dolls... Miley had one, and I got the rest from some seriously obsessed woman in Seattle." I explained and he nodded. I bit my lip and sighed. "I should get back to Miley before the nightmares get too bad." I muttered, she'd been tossing and turning before and crying a little already. I knew she was going to have nightmares, I just prayed they wouldn't be too bad.
"Yeah, I can't imagine she's gonna be sleeping too well, I know I don't when I'm upset about something." Chris said and we both left the fort and went back to the house. I pasued outside Rachel's bedroom door, I could hear Miley tossing and whimpering.
"You know, you can come hang out in the fort as well, he was your Dad too and I know you must be upset." Chris looked surprised at that, but I opened the door before he could reply. Seeing Miley laying there was heartbreaking. It was almost identical to the night I first saw her last September fourteenth. The night I fell hopelessly in love with the broken, whimpering little girl sleeping on the bed.
"DADDY!" I winced when Miley screamed, waking with a start and sitting up. I ran over to her and quickly pulled her into my arms.
"Miley?" Rachel sat up in her bed and looked over with confused, worried eyes. "What's going on?" She asked and I shook my head, picking Miley up and carrying her out to the living room.
"It hurts, Jay." Miley whimpered, burrying herself in my and crying, the warm tears feeling like ice bullets to my chest. "It hurts so much and it won't stop."
"I know." I sighed, holding her close and rubbing her back soothingly. "I know, Baby." Miley cried into my chest and I picked her up, taking her out to the barn.
"I thought that it stopped hurting." Miley sobbed and my heart constricted painfully at the sound of pure agony in her voice. "Why when it finally stops hurting does it come back so much worse?"
"I don't know." I carefully manouvered Miley so only one arm was supporting her under her butt as she clung to me desperately. I used my free hand to push the sheet covering the opening of the stall away and awkwardly crawled in holding my Miley. "Open your eyes, Sweets." I murmured in her ear, sitting down and kissing her forehead.
"I can't." Miley shook her head before burrying it in the crook of my neck again. "If I open them they won't be here." She explained in a soft whisper, but I can't imagine what was going on behind her eyes was much better.
"Come on, Sweetie, open your eyes." I urged, leaning forward and supporting her back until she was laying down on the dozens of pillows that covered the ground, then I reached up and unlinked her hands from around my neck despite her desperation to cling to me.
"Don't leave me." Miley begged in a whimper and I kissed her eyes softly. "Please don't leave me, Jay, not now?"
"I'm here, Miles." I assured, sitting up and running my hands up and down her legs soothingly. "I'm right here, just open your eyes, Babe." I reached over and set the record in the player to start spinning.
"Swear you won't leave?" Miley kept her eyes shut, tearings streaming from them and falling onto the pillows.
"I swear I won't leave, MiMi." I vowed, brushing her tears away only to have them replaced by more. Miley squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a couple of seconds before relaxing and after about a minute they fluttered, showing her stormy tear-filled orbs. "There we go." I whispered, taking her small hands in mine and helping her sit up so she could look around the stall.
"What the..." Miley's depressed confused eyes travelled around the stall, flickering over everything, trying to take it all in before eventually landing on the guitar that was the center-piece of the shrine I'd made. I lowered the needle onto the spinning record and a bit of scrathy static came out first before the opening sounds of the first song filled the stall. "Huh...?" Her head shot up and she looked around whilst I sat back and nervously bit my lip. Now was the time to find out if this made her not hurt so much, or if I should have scrapped this idea as soon as it came.
Miley's bottom lip trembled and I inwardly cursed myself. God, I should known all this would do would make her more upset today. Miley slowly crawled over to me, her eyes red from crying and she knelt in front me. I was waiting for her to cry or yell at me for being so insensitive, but instead I felt her soft lips on mine and I opened my eyes to stare at her.
"Thank-you." She whispered, flinging her arms around my neck and burrying her face in my bare chest. I was shocked for all of half a second before I hugged her back. "Thank-you so much, Jay."
"Anytime." I breathed back before letting her go so she could go play with her fathers memorabilia.
"How did you get all this stuff?" She asked slowly, picking up one of the dolls and pulling the chord. "All we used to have were some old VHS tapes, a few records and one action figure."
"I just went around to a few places in the Olympic area." I shrugged, no need for her to know the full story.
"You're sweet, Jacob." Miley whispered, laying down and holding the doll close. "I needed this... Daddy..."
"You wanna get some more sleep, Mi?" I spoke softly, trying not to startle her and bring her back to the harsh reality of the date, but she snapped her eyes open in fear anyway.
"If I sleep I see them." Miley whispered, her knuckles turning white as she held the toy harder, if she didn't stop squeeing it soon it'd break. As if reading my mind - even though I knew she wouldn't do that - she abruptly dropped the toy and curled up. I cursed myself. Why did I have to speak?
"It's okay, Mi, you don't have to sleep, Baby." I assured, but I don't think she was listening.
"I should have just gone on my own." Miley's eyes were filled with fear as she spoke and my heart broke at the sound of her barely whispered voice. "If I didn't ask Daddy to drive me would still be here."
"It's not your fault, Miles." I assured her, she always tried to blame herself for things that were out of her control. "It was the robbers, the murderers. They're the ones that did it, it's not your fault, Miley." Miley closed my eyes and I saw her entire body freeze for a second until I brought her into my arms and held her protectively, trying to remind her that she was here with me, not in Malibu exactly a year ago.
"I had just got my period." Miley breahted, clutching the Robby Ray doll again and holding it close, like a lifeline. I would have blushed at the mention of her personal time of the month any other time, but this just didn't seem a right time for me to be embarassed, this day was all about trying to make Miley feel better. "I asked Daddy to drive me to the store to get my tampons, and then when we got there Dad decided he wanted ice cream so we could have a late night snack when we got home." I knew I probably should have stopped her, she was reliving the night it happened, but I didn't know. Should I let her get it out and hopefully grieve and relize it wasn't her fault, or stop her and have her hurt so much more for a lot longer? "I should have offered to get the ice cream when I was in there, but I was talking to Lilly and ignoring him..." Miley took in a shakey breath sand opened her eyes, looking up at me with thunderstorm orbs. "I ignored my Daddy right before he died... I always took him for granted until it got him killed." She sobbed and I held her a little tighter.
"Don't say that, Miley." I shook my head on top of hers and she whimpered. "I've heard the way you talk about him, I've seen the pictures of you two together, you never took him for granted. I could see in every single picture and video that you love him and you always apreciated him." I tried to convince her, but she shook her head against my chest, looking down and fidgeting with the doll.
"If I apreciated him I woulda gone to him when he told me to, then he wouldn't of got shot. And I would have gotten the ice cream for him instead of ignoring him. And, me and Jackson even forgot his last birthday... It was his fortieth birthday and me and Jackson forgot it." Miley sniffled and I was surprised. "I was horrible to him and he died because of it."
"No, Miley, you're kind and caring and loving and sweet, nothing about you could ever be horrible." I listed, I honestly could have gone on for ages with things that I loved about her.
"You're wrong, Jacob, I am horrible, I was a horrible daughter to Daddy and a horrible sister to Jackson. I'm horrible. Horrible. Horrible." Miley cried, struggling against my hold, but I kept her in my arms, afraid she might do something she'd regret... Or something she wouldn't be able to live to regret.
Okay, so the next chapter has a bit of a time to when Miley, Jacob, Paige and the babies go back to Forks from Georgia for the last time 'cause I really didn't want to write another depressing chapter about the anniversary of Jacksons death as well.
Currently writing chapter 50... :O
REVIEW! :)
ANYONE IN SPAIN READING?~?~? IF THERE'S ANYONE IN SPAIN THAT READS THIS PLEASE WATCH MILEY'S NEW MUSIC VIDEO FOR WHO OWNS MY HEART ON MSN SPAIN THIS FRIDAY. Sucks that it's only on MSN Spain... Maybe someone can download it and send it to me or something? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE?
Peace, Love, Miley! :)