Ohmygod, guys, today is 27 DECEMBER!

That means tatatamtam one year of UD, I am so, so happy, I've always wanted to write a short-story/fanfic as this one, and I'm really glad that there are some out there who actually read my little ramblings and ohgod, I can't even express myself, it's just so asfdsakjgsrg.

Ah, I just want to thank you, guys, so much, just for only opening the link of my story means a lot to me, every little thing; this fanfic actually represents me, every single moment or event described, and I'm just so damn happy.

Thank you! xx~snuff.

Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 38

-HPOV-

*past*

"Aaand we were trying different things, we weere smooking funny things, making love out by the lake to ouur faavourite song…" Finn sang, a bottle of beer hanging from the tips of his fingers. He had decided it was better to ditch the "Love Love Lovers' Park" and run to the beach, buying a full load of beer on our way.

"Finn, you're drunk." I giggled, watching him a little in awe. He was more than beautiful and then I was sure that he was truly happy, which added a gorgeous brightness to his features.

"Oh, you haven't seen me drunk yet, love."

We headed to the dock and sat on the wooden platform, crossed legged and watched the waves roll abruptly off the rocks, crushing and swinging along. I drank along with him, laughing because of his realistic happiness. He reminded me so much of a child with piercing, green eyes and a lovely crooked smile.

*flashbacks*

"Mommy, can we go home?" I asked, clinging on mom's hand.

"Why, sweetie, we've barely got here and you haven't even met Aunt Annie.", mom answered, taking my hand.

"You will love her, I promise you." dad added, taking my other hand. "She also has a son, just about your age. You two could play, I'm sure you'll get along. Finnick, just like his father, if I'm not wrong."

"C'mon, sweetheart, sing with me.", he laughed, throwing his arm tightly around me.

"Sipping whiskey outta bottlee," I joined, "not thinking 'bout tomorrow, singing Sweet Home Alabama aaall summer loong…"

Aunt Annie looked just like a mermaid. Long, beautiful curls that framed her delicate features, which waved down her back. Big, really big green eyes that seemed to reflect the sea, but somehow, always looked so scared and insecure. Pale porcelain skin, long fingers that always danced through the air, frightened or searching for somewhat – someone. Trembling but calm, relaxing, soothing voice.

I liked Aunt Annie.

I unclenched my legs and swung them across the dock, faintly touching the water. Finn was humming a song that I didn't know and I was focusing on the gentle caress that the water provided. I was a little nervous, my stomach clenched expectantly…what to?

He barely touched my left hand as he threw his can of beer in the water and I breathed anticipatively. I turned my head and gave him a little smile and he grinned back. "Sup, love." He leaned in and dropped his arm around me.

I nuzzled in his embrace and smiled in his half-opened shirt. He started caressing my back, which added as a gentle pleasure to the touch of rolling waves.

"What if I told you I loved you?" he asked.

"I'd ask what love is to you." I murmured back.

"And I'd pause and find it a harsh question."

"And I'd be more than glad because you seem not to know the answer, because, as I've once heard, you don't love if you know the answer to the untold question, as dull as it sounds. I read it was a path where you haunt and wander fathomless, unknown to yourself, until you stop and get your answer. And the thing is, that in this case, the emptiness is desired, searched. And, for once, the reassurance that can easily build one's life is doomed."

"Well, that explains a lot." he joked.

"Sorry, I drank too much." I blushed. "You know I babble. And do it deep-ish and shit."

"I love it."

"Oh, no, is this the answer?"

"I'd say no."

"I'd say I'm glad."

"I'd ask if you loved me."

"I'd answer that more than you'd ever imagine."

"I'd say that I'm not quite sure about it."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

He caressed my cheek and pressed his lips against mine. I answered his kiss, dazed, reading ourselves with our lips. Our kisses got deeper and deeper, feeling and testing the other by our moves. "Mm, sweetheart."

He switched places and laid me down the wooden platform, not breaking our connection and trying out my senses. One of his hands slowly slipped in my blouse, getting a grasp of my right breast. I moaned, trailing a patch of kisses from the corner of his mouth to his ear. His other hand travelled down myself, caressing and finding, discovering. He managed to unbutton the single button of my tight jeans and crooked his hand in.

"Finn." I protested faintly.

"What?" he asked back, turning his lips' attention to ravishing a spot behind my ear.

"It's – not here."

"Too displayed for you, huh?" he chuckled and that sent wonderful electric shivers throughout my body.

I nodded, smiling. My head hurt a little, as I was more than confused and wrapped between my emotions of desire, of that unbridled desire that we had all been searching for, of confusion and the fear that I was only a tool. A pastime to extinguish his desires.

"Sweetie," Aunt Annie said, in her beautiful tone, that was so alluring to a little child as me. "I want you to meet someone."

I smiled shyly, avoiding eye contact, as I had been an introvert ever since. And she was so beautiful.

I wanted to be like Aunt Annie.

"This is my son." Aunt Annie smiled, looking lost in thought. Next to her, there was a little boy with sandy hair, green, beautiful eyes which reflected Auntie's, bronze skin and a tiny, vaguely strong figure. He looked at me coyly, making shifts between my eyes and the floor, mirroring my actions. He was really beautiful, which I found quite strange, as I had never thought that this characteristic could also apply to boys. But he wasn't beautiful in any girly way, he was just…

"Finnick, he is Finnick." Aunt Annie went on. "He looks so much like Finnick." she murmured then, more to herself.

That really didn't make any sense to me, but I watched the boy under my eyelashes and wondered if his hand, that Aunt Annie held, was as warm as he looked.

Maybe he wondered the same thing about mine.

Anyways, I knew that I really wanted to be like Aunt Annie.

"Let's get you home." Finn murmured, as we were both standing. He curled a lock of hair around his index finger and smiled at me, which made me feel more safe and sound than I had ever felt.

"Ok.", I murmured. "But isn't Annie home?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Mnothing."

We started heading towards their beach house, hand in hand, me casually gazing at the way his eyes sparkled from time to time, while he brushed his lips against our brought together hands.

"I guess," he started, "we could go somewhere special."

My eyebrows arched in surprise, but also a soft-like delight. It was chilly, even though it was a typical summer burnt day.

We approached his car and he fished the keys out of his pocket, unlocking it and hopping in. He made a sign for me to join him and so I did. "Such a gentleman." I teased.

"Always, sweetheart."

He put the car in motion and turned on the radio, patting on the car's board along the alert rhythm of the song. "I know this song!" I blurted.

"Well, you should."

"What is it?"

"Every answer has its price." he winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and pouted playfully.

"Fine, it's 'R U Mine?'. You can pay me back later."

"Oh! I knew it."

"Oh!" he mocked.

"Drop that." I laughed. "Where to, capt'n?"

"Every answer has its price, remember, sweetheart?"

"I'll pay you off sometime." I smirked.

"Oh, you will, don't you worry, sweetie. Now, now, you really don't want to spoil a well-planned surprise, do you now?"

"Gimme a hint."

"You're clueless around here, sweetie."

"I'm clueless anywhere, now, please, give me a little hint."

"You're going to love it.", he smirked.

"Why so sure?"

"I know you."

"You know me, huh?"

"Mhm."

"Is it far?"

"You could say that."

"Is it another Love Love Lovers' Park?"

He laughed. "Careful there."

"So?"

I shifted my gaze to the window that showed multiple displays and stances of summer wine and wind.

"Do you want to play?" Finnick asked, smiling to me. He was quite taller than me and I always had to look up to him. He was…cute. Really cute. I blushed only at this thought.

"Sure."

He took my hand and I was sure that I probably gotten a deep shade of red that colored even the beginning of my hair roots.

We headed to the beach, hand in hand, and he led me into the small warm water. He let go of my hand and started running into a deeper water, letting out a delicious chuckle that led me to burst into laughter, along with him. He dived in and started splashing me, laughing. I laughed back and tried to keep up to his game.

"Come closer." he urged.

"Can't.", I giggled, splashing him one more time. He avoided the hit of water and made little circles under the water.

"Sure you can." He took my hand again and tried to push me next to him, laughing.

"No, I can't swim." I smiled.

"Really? Really-really? You're lyin'!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"You really can't swim? Didn't your mommy teach you? My mommy did." he said proudly, bragging a little.

"No, she didn't.", I blushed, embarrassed. Why didn't she? Now he was going to make fun of me. I felt strangely bad, as if I really did care for anything he did and –

"Well, I promise I will teach you one day."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really-really?"

"Pinky promise."

We both laughed as our little fingers touched.

"Finn, I'm really hungry, and we've been on the road for almost two hours." I whined.

"Well, I've never said it was close." he said apologetically.

"What is this place? Or where is this place, Finn, I'll faint!"

"Sorry, sweetie, look, I think we're close."

"You think?"

"Well, last time I was here, I was a little drunk, someone else led the way."

"Dude."

"Well, I'm not known to be the most sober person, anyways, we have Google Maps and –"

"Finn, I beg of you, let's just make a stop on the way there, I think my stomach is going to eat itself."

"Okay, okay. Sorry I've fucked up, I really wanted to make it all special to you."

"You are special to me, you don't need a fancy far away place to make my day, Finn."

He smiled.

"I'll make it up to you, don't worry."

"Finn, believe me, I don't mind if we stop at that motel, it's perfect for me, I'm not bluffing."

"Haley, you say that because you have no idea where I was going to take you, this is torturing me. Maybe we could drive around a little bit more – "

"Please, please, please, pleaase, pleaaase, pleaaase, pleaaaase, pleaaaase – "

"Fuck, okay."

"YAY, I LOVE YOU! Literally."

"Oh, right back to you, sweetheart."

"You know, Chinese food is my ultimate favourite." I commented, as I took a last bite from my Shanghai Chicken. We were both settled in that old motel I spotted, quite cheap, as he mentioned it, but it did have Chinese food and it had provided me a hot shower, in which Finn had tried to playfully sneak in constantly.

It was a really comfortable evening; I was dressed in his shirt and my panties, we were both alone in the middle of nowhere, we were in love and summer was ending.

"I know, you've mentioned that in our first days." he smiled warmly at me, throwing away his Bombay dish.

"You remembered", I smiled.

"Apparently. Also, I seem to remember more than you've ever imagined."

"As?"

"Remember when we first met?" he asked.

"I suppose you don't refer to this summer."

"No.", he smiled, locking his arms around me.

"I think I visited regularly after that summer, until-", I stopped.

"Until mom completely lost it.", he completed.

"Finn.", I admonished softly. "It wasn't and it's not like that. Plus, she's better now. Better is even a weak word, she's – healthy."

"She can put a hell of an act, Haley." he murmured, burying his head in my hair.

"I don't think so, she'll be okay. And you'll be okay. And we'll be okay."

Finn laughed easily.

"I don't want to this again, so I'll just agree."

I sighed but caressed his cheek, leaning in.

"I didn't think you'd remember me, though."

"What real man actually forgets his first love?"

I blushed. "Was I really?"

"I would be glad if you made me the pleasure of being my last love. Though I had none between the young you and the present you."

"I find that hard to believe."

"You know my darkness very well, Haley, I'm a little surprised that you still have doubts."

I nuzzled closer, closer, closer and closer, clutching his shirt in my right fist, resting my head on his chest and desperately wanting to keep him closer, to carve my name into his sun burnt skin, to let him be only mine. This desire of mine I found to be perversely possessive, it was filling me with trust and want and a 'let go' that lit and prepared me to give myself to him and to receive himself.

"You know,", he started, patting my hair and curling his fingers in my locks, blowing hot air on my head and warming me up, "I've only wanted a girl like you. Naïve and beautiful, insecure and particularly inexperienced but willing to, in want and need of soothing, sweet, annoying, having ideas of love which she wants to change or sustain, pouncing of innocence and nice, so so nice that she lets me be her first love, so I could learn and discover myself along with her."

I blushed, thinking that I needed to say something. Because in the last time, he was all with the talk, which I didn't know if I was supposed to find disturbing. I mean, I was the one with the preppy talks, and I had, I just had to answer somehow, even though my brain seemed frozen, but warm underneath his words and piercing green eyes.

"No, you don't have to say anything." he murmured. "Not this time."

His lips crushed into mine and I couldn't say that I was taken by surprise. I answered, my kisses insecure but loving, trying to show him with no words – which really was a first for me – how strong I felt towards him, what he meant to me, how much he meant to me, how I was yours just, surprisingly, he was mine.

His hands travelled up and down my body, gently, but with an urge which we both shared. "I want you so much, Haley." he murmured.

"I want you too." I panted.

"And you will have me, don't you worry, sweetheart."

He let me fall in the pillows and settled on top of me, crushing his lips in mine all over again, alluring my tongue against his, feeling my curves and fillings. My hands snatched in his hair, pulling him closer, claiming him all for myself, finally.

Somewhat, it was amusing; all my fears and clumsiness disappeared in that moment, as I surrendered to the natural cravings of the body, to the thought that we could bind in feelings and senses as one, singular being, sharing the same ideals, sharing the same dreams.

He helped me get out of his shirt and turned his attention to my breasts. He started kissing each one of them consequently, and I felt my nipples harden through the fabric bra material that I wore. "Mmm, red suits them.", he murmured against my collar bones, starting a pattern of licking and sucking.

"They say thank you." I managed to croak, my legs feeling stiff and sharing a common desire to melt underneath him. I moaned as he got rid of my bra and arched my back in order to ease his access to my breasts. He started circling the right one with his tongue, planting warm and arousing kisses and ending by biting by nipple, pulling a self-conscious moan out of me. He turned his attention the other one, repeating the procedure, while massaging with his hand the neglected one.

"You're so beautiful, Haley. So, so beautiful. And mine."

His hands, his nails followed down my body, scratching my hips and bringing me closer.

He pushed his knee between my legs, forcing them to open.

What if

He pushed me along the bed once again, him slowly and pleasingly sliding off me, marking his way with his full lips. He paused and unbuttoned his jeans, then let himself fall until his face was only a few inches close to my cavity. He slid my panties off with his teeth, so careful and beautiful and slow.

I was only

He started teasing me by kissing and biting my thighs, and, to my surprise, it didn't hurt; it gave me an aching pleasure of which I had been longing for. "Don't worry, it will feel so good." He tugged my legs apart and leaned in, touching me. He massaged me with his index finger and then kissed me, kissed my core and – and at first it was a squirming, ticklish sensation. I reflexively tried to shrug it off, but then – then he went on, licking and drowning me into a pleasure that intensified because it was him, Finn, my Finn, Finnick.

"Finnick…" I moaned.

"I'm right here, sweetheart." he murmured softly. "I'll always be."

His words unclenched me, and I came in with a cry, tugging his hair and yelping his name.

A pastime for him

He gently curled himself off me and managed to take his jeans off and grabbed a condom from the left pocket. I started getting a little cold. He held it between his teeth as he lingered back over me, filling me with warmth and I felt like I could trust him with anything, including my body and myself.

To extinguish

He took it out of his mouth and tore it open. I watched him with my eyes half closed, feeling taken by embarrassment and clumsiness once again. I closed my eyes and drifted away, still feeling him all over me, as a sweet reassurance.

His desires

I felt him come back all over me, sweet and loving.

"Haley." he whispered. "Open your eyes, beautiful. I want to see you."

I opened my eyes reluctantly and regarded him, smiling.

"You're so damn pretty. And brave. And mine." he continued, arranging himself over me. We fit.

"Are you ready?" he murmured.

"Mhm.", I nodded, gulping.

"Don't be scared, sweetheart. If it hurts too much, I'll stop. You just have to tell me, don't hide from me. Don't you ever hide from me."

I nodded, swallowing. "I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous." I blushed, desperately wanting to close my eyes again.

"I know, it's really cute." he smiled.

My cheeks reddened even more. He leaned down and kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me, distracting me from – he pushed in. I immediately squeezed my eyes shut, whining, digging my nails in his naked back. I squeaked and desperately tried not to cry, the pain was clawing me apart.

"Does it hurt too much?" he asked. "I can stop if – "

"No, no, it's ok." I managed to cry out. "I'll get used to it." I gulped.

"I'll go really slow, okay?"

"O-okay, I'm sorry I'm not – you know."

"You're sorry for being a virgin?" he chuckled and that felt so, so good, as we were both…somewhat connected and I only wanted more but the pain was jarring and -

"No, well, yes, I mean, I'm not that type of girl you'd want and I dunno."

"How many times do I have to tell you, you're perfect for me, geez, Haley."

I breathed and felt his chest rise and fall against mine, hot skin against hot skin.

"It feels better now, Finn." I noticed, surprised.

"I know." he smiled and kissed me, moving his lips and his body in the same time. He pushed in once again, and this time it felt filling, beautifully, it felt slightly painful, but just right for us, for the two of us. The pain didn't exactly allow me to enjoy all the pleasure, but I enjoyed watching Finn's beautiful face react and change along with his senses and this delightful pleasure we shared.

I surprised myself by suddenly getting the urge of wanting more of him, of letting myself fall in his will and share his own. I clenched my legs around him tightly, and our whole contact went tighter and tighter and tighter and I couldn't stand it anymore, the pleasure overtook the pain, and it was that spot, that spot that made me –

"Finn!" I moaned, half crying and letting myself fall apart against him.

"You're so beautiful, baby. So, so beautiful." he panted, driving his own orgasm to the end.

He then collapsed on top of me, panting softly and trying to catch his breath. I caressed his hair, giving him a little smile.

Finn smiled back and leaned in to kiss me.

"Promise me you will stay." I whispered in his ear.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Officially, now it is 1:59 AM 12/26/2013 AAAAND I FINISHED IT (THE CHAPTER)! I'm sorry for boring you guys with my over reactions but I'm just so excited. Anyhow, I kind of freaked out these days because my two puppies messed with my laptop and, bam, fucked laptop, fucked chapter.

I managed to sort it out but this isn't helping the panic caused by the fact that damned isn't working right now. I sure hope it will be fixed by 27, geez, plsplz. And, yeah, it really is the longest chapter until now (and probably ever heh): 3,911 words and 3 days of non-stop writing and correcting. I just really, really wanted this to be good. I hope you guys liked it, I know it probably isn't as good as you expected it to be, but, ohwell. I enjoyed writing it and, well, thank you very much for reading this and for reading my story all this time.

I really love you all.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, my lovelies! Kisses! ~xx snuff.