Chapter Thirty-Eight: Home again

You can't lose hope. That's what my father always used to say to me; my true father that is, not the one who popped up out of no-where and liked being a hollogram.

No matter how bad things look you have to try to keep faith and believe that it will all turn out well in the end.

Then he got sick, really sick and we lost him. That was when I gave up hope.

Strangely enough though I felt like he was with me as we emerged back up along the tunnels and traveled on towards the lair. Leonardo thought it was better to stay underground in spite of Raphael's protests and his need to see that we were back in the land of normality which included passing a pizza place. I, on the other hand, was happy to follow Leonardo's direction and stay underground. I was cold and tired so I just wanted to get changed and sit down for a while.

Karai was so overjoyed to see Leonardo. She actually raced up to him and threw her arms and legs around his body attaching herself like a limpet and planting kisses on his face. And then she remembered where she was and the fact that she had an audience and quickly let him go.

They were happy for me to take to the shower first and I was glad that I could stay in spite of my drive to exit earlier it was nice to have somewhere to relax. As I stepped into the flow of warm water I hoped that my tail wouldn't reappear and I would end up on the floor. Luckily it didn't and I could remain upright whilst I washed. Stepping out I got dried and then checked my skin. It was pale, almost clammy, but at least it was still attached to me. I slipped on some clothes and after running fingers through my hair in order to comb it I stood still and looked at myself in the reflection.

I looked older. Almost as if I had aged ten years over these past few days.

I think it was the worry of what was to come and the distress over what had been. I didn't know whether I was coming or going and had lost all of what was my previous life and my sanity along with it. I stuck my tongue out at myself and then left the bathroom. Michelangelo was still hauled up in his room but Leo and Raph had gone to see him for I could hear their voices, which meant that Donatello was probably in the lab. He had been so keen to examine the Source that he practically drooled over it once we were back. So I let him have it but with strict instructions not to waste a drop. He readily agreed. I knew he'd be careful but I just liked to cover myself.

Sitting myself down in the lounge I closed my eyes and took a breath.

"You meditating?" Raphael's deep voice interrupted my thoughts as he plonked down opposite me and gave me a smile "You okay? Wanna talk?"

I drew my legs up to my chest and then crossed them at the ankle "No, I'm okay...thanks"

He leaned forwards "Can I come sit with you? I'd like to say something but I'd prefer to be over there when I do"

"Sure" I scooted myself further over to give him room to sit down.

"I'm so proud of you. I can't believe how wrong I was... the way you dealt with all that crap I was like 'wow'...I mean, you were...awesome..." He had a slight blush to his cheeks which I found so adorable.

"You thought I was awesome?"

"Yeh, amazingly awesome..." He coughed nervously "And I'm a jerk...and I know you're probably still mad but I hope that someday...you know, at some point...maybe you'd forgive me?"

I fixed his eyes with my own "I get it" I began "I understand why it happened..."

He collected my hands in his own much larger ones and held them tightly "It meant nothing. We've been over for years - hey it didn't even work that well in the first place - I'm much happier with you"

I felt myself smiling at his words.

"I love you. I love every bit of you from your out of control hair right down to your tiny little feet...and... and I will spend the next year grovelling if that's what it takes" He kissed my hands and then looked at me expectantly. I don't know what he had thought was going to happen but I don't think it was me leaning forwards and planting a kiss on his mouth. When I pulled away he looked genuinely shocked.

"I understand" Tears pricked my eyes as I moved myself around "She was upset. Things happen. You have a past...I get it; we all have a past"

I felt him move closer his left hand lifted up to touch my face; his fingers tangling through my hair "I was still a jerk...I'm sorry I hurt you"

A tear fell down my face "Just don't do it again" I whispered

"Never" He pulled me towards him and I sank my head into his broad shoulder inhaling his musky masculine scent. He kissed the top of my head "You're everything to me...though..."

I sat myself up "What?"

"I do have to share you with Mikey...he is desperate to see you so unless you want to get mugged later I would go and see him now and rescue Leo in the process"

Smiling I put my legs down and went to get up but he pulled me back and kissed me feverishly taking my head in his hands and rendering me silent and submissive as his tongue toyed with my own. Once again I felt my arousal sky rocket and as he set my loose he gave a little chuckle - the devil in him knew what reactions he could induce from my body and he loved it.

I felt hot and flustered as I went into Michelangelo's room and he was onto it straight away.

"Weh-hey...unless you've just been for a run I would say you and Raph have sorted it all out? Am I right Miss Pinky perks eh?"

His comment made me uncomfortable. I adored Mikey but sometimes he really loved to wind me up. I smiled at him but made no reply. Karai and Leo left me to it; Leo squeezing my arm as they left. I took up a seated position on the bed.

"So...spill...I want to know everything! All the action from start to finish - I've been told you're a ninja girl in the making!"

I giggled and then proceeded to correct that assumption with the reality: I was certainly no ninja girl; weird mutant freak maybe but not a trained fighter by any means.

"Hey that's top ride though girl, 'cos that makes you more like my sister than ever" And with that he dragged me into a bear hug.

"Watch your stitches" I squealed.

"Hey don't mind them...we turtles heal fast so they're pretty much ready to pack up and leave!"

Eventually he let me go and I re-counted our adventures through the tunnels and caverns. Michelangelo held on to every word and was with me at every turn.

"So it really is mutagen?" he asked

"It's certainly part of it's make up, well, according to Donnie; he's analyzing it as we speak"

"Oh he'll love that! He loves examining secret chemicals. I bet he misses me though - normally I help him with his investigations"

Inwardly I came to the conclusion that Donatello would be more than glad his younger brother was out of the way; Mikey did have the tendency to break things and upset the balance in the lab which led to Donatello screeching at him to get out.

I felt tired. My first reaction after leaving Michelangelo was to head back to the lounge. I didn't want to assume anything; even though we had made up I was unsure that I could be confident Raphael would want me to kip with him. I needn't have been - he was the first to announce that he was tired and then gave me a wink and a shoulder squeeze as he went off to bed. I awkwardly followed but his arms were around me as soon as we closed the door and his mouth quickly found mine. Clothes were instantly discarded and though I was still a little embarrassed of my nakedness he put me at ease by telling me how gorgeous I was, and with his large hands caressing my breasts and thighs he encouraged me to part my legs and relax. A trail of kisses swept down my body, eventually ending up on my nether regions as he kissed and licked me there. I didn't last too long with that little move and he soon had me in a frenzy as I grasped at his shoulders and pushed my groin further into him resulting in a powerful climax that left me weak and short of breath.

As he moved back up the bed to lie beside me he was smirking to himself.

"Like that did you?" he teased.

"You know I did" His mouth tasted of my juices but I didn't care I wanted to kiss him, to touch him; I wanted him inside me and he was more than happy to oblige, slipping his long hard length into my very depths as we moved together thrusting and grinding on each other, causing me to bite my lip and moan. It felt so good. I didn't want it to end but end it did with another powerful orgasm and him clutching me strongly, groaning as he came.

"How do you do that?" I asked breathlessly as we lay together afterwards; his large arms wrapped around me.

"Well..." he began "It's all about finding the right spot and then you just keep on..."

I lightly smacked his arm and giggled "I didn't mean that as well you know..."

"Oh sorry..I thought you were talking orgasms" he replied simply

"No. I was talking how you make me feel so out of control but yet so safe"

"That is an orgasm"

"Shut up you" I laughed "Be serious"

"I am!" he protested.

We were silent for a while until I felt the need to break it: "Do you think we'll be okay?"

He took a breath "Splinter always used to tell us not to worry about the future and not to go over the past - be all about the moment you're in - the now. And I've always tried to live by that and I think that's what we should do. As us I think we'll be fine but whether Shadow will give up that I seriously doubt - so will there be more challenges? Yep. I'm sure. But as long as we're together babe we can take on anything"

I really hoped he was right.