"Dean..."
Dean's wide hazel eyes opened and he found himself standing in front of the smoking ruins of what used to be Lucy's store in Chicago. The blackened remains of the chimney still stood, along with a few pieces of the foundation. The ashes were raked, and head still came off the lot. Dean stood there on the sidewalk and thunder sounded in the distance.
"I'm so sorry..."
Dean turned and saw Adam, looking exactly as he did the last time he saw him. Dean's eyes widened as he stared at him in complete awe. Adam stared at the lot, his hands shoved in his pockets.
"Adam?"
Adam continued to stare ahead.
"Sad...a woman died in there. She was pregnant."
Dean stared at the lot before lighting flashed.
He then found himself outside the cabin at night. The moon was out and he was completely alone. Standing there, he looked down at the small mound of dirt that was Lucy's grave. Not too far away was the creature that had pretended to be her. Staring at her grave Dean looked around and felt his heart pound in his chest...
Then...
The dirt began to move, slowly it broke apart and a hand appeared. It's nails caked with dirt and scratched. Slowly another hand appeared, pulling at the earth and ripping it away.
That's when Lucy appeared. Her face filthy, and her eyes raw and red. Choker, she pulled herself free and pulled herself slowly out of her grave. Still in her sundress, she crawled out and knelt there in the hole that she had dug herself out of.
Looking up at him, tears rolled down and made tiny streaks down her dirty face.
"Dean!"
Dean's eyes widened before he reached down.
"Lucy!"
Right before their hands touched...
Dean woke with a start. John was laying beside him and crying. Blinking and feeling half awake, Dean found himself laying in bed inside the cabin. It was early morning, and he had slept for hours. Looking down, John cried, tears rolling down his tiny little face. Sitting up, Dean leaned down and picked John up. He was wet and Dean knew he was hungry. Not wanting to wake Sam, Dean held him in his arms.
"Shhh, it's okay...Daddy has you."
Dean stopped.
Smirking, he slowly got up and headed to the bathroom.
Later...
"Who's a good boy?"
Dean asked, leaning over the bassinet. It was still early and after changing and feeding John, Dean had carried him out to the kitchen. Gently rocking the side of the bassinet, he was making stupid faced and trying any attempt to make the baby laugh, which seemed to be working.
Dean was surprised he had done everything by himself in just an hour and hadn't felt like he was having a breakdown. Reaching into the bassinet, Dean scooped up John and gently kissed the top of his head.
Sitting there, Dean held his son before looking down at his wedding band. Just then Sam walked out of the bathroom, still drying his hair.
"Hey..."
Sam eyed the baby and smiled.
"Everything okay?"
Dean looked up before trying to smile.
"Yeah, listen I need to make a phone call...mind watching him?"
"Yeah sure..."
Walking over, Sam picked up the baby and gently rubbed his back. Dean smiled looking at him.
"Your a natural."
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Oh yeah..."
"Listen, I'll be just outside okay?"
"Yeah sure..."
Dean watched Sam walk over to the couch holding the baby before getting up and walking outside. Closing the door, he sat down on the front steps before looking out at Lucy's grave. It was nice outside, and a chill was still in the air. Sitting there he dug his cell phone out ad held it in his hand for a second.
Looking out at the grave he frowned before looking at his phone.
"Lucy...I'm trying to do the right thing. You made sure our baby could be born, and I'm making sure he's safe...I just wish I could talk to you for a second...know this is the right thing."
Sitting there he looked up at the clear blue sky before sighing.
"Yeah...thought so..."
Shaking his head he went to dial when a blue jay landed on the railing of the porch. Sitting there, he lifted his eyes slowly and stared at it.
1992
Lucy sat Indian style on Bobby's front porch humming to herself. In her lap she was sewing. Dean meanwhile was sitting on the bottom step, pretending to clean one of his guns without making it too noticeable he was watching her. Ever since his dad dropped off him and Sam for the weekend, he couldn't help but feel these strange flutter in his stomach whenever he looked at Lucy.
Today her hair was in pigtails and she was wearing those old dusty cowboy boots.
"Hey...what are you making?"
Dean said, trying to sound casual. Lucy looked up and smiled and held it out.
"Like it?"
Dean made a face.
"What is it?"
"It's a doll silly, I'm patching together fabric...I've all ready made a couple...like it?"
"It's creepy."
Lucy laughed before sticking her tongue out at him.
"Shut up, I like them...its fun."
"Well then, I guess I'll just start calling you doll then...Lucy doll."
Lucy giggled before Dean smiled and suddenly had the strongest urge to go up those couple of stairs and kiss her.
Then...
A bird landed on the railing of the porch.
Lucy froze and smiled.
"Look..."
She said softly and pointed.
Dean looked.
"What is it?"
"It's a blue jay...isn't it beautiful?"
Dean looked at the bird and smirked.
"Yeah...I guess."
Dean stared at the bird for what seemed like a lifetime. Smiling, he softly laughed to himself before the bird fluttered its wings and flew off. Watching it, he smiled and looked over at Lucy's grave.
"Message read loud and clear Lucy doll..."
Flipping his cell open, he dialed and waited, finally there was an answer.
"Hello Lisa?"
Later...
Dean walked back into the cabin, it had nearly been a half an hour and he found Sam sitting on the couch with John, giving him his bottle. Smirking, Dean walked over and sat beside him.
"Can I take him?"
"Yeah sure..."
Carefully Dean took him and the bottle and fitted him into the crook of his arm. Looking down he smiled.
"Hey kiddo..."
John took the bottle, and stared at him with wide eyes. Smiling, Dean looked at Sam.
"Sam...I gotta talk to you."
"Yeah?"
"I just called Lisa up."
"Lisa...Lisa...Lisa? Like Ben and Lisa?"
"Yeah..."
"What for?"
"I've been thinking about it for a while...with everything going on and us loosing Bobby. We got a lot ahead of us and with Cas maybe around...things might get dangerous. I can't risk anything happening to John. I'm not good at this father stuff, I think I could be...and he was something me and Lucy wanted more than anything but...I gotta make sure he's safe. If anything happened to him after Lucy I wouldn't be able to deal...so I'm giving him up."
"Your what?"
"She's the only person I can trust...and I know she'll keep him safe. I need somebody who can keep him away from all of this. Lets face it Sam...with what might be about to happen, we might not be around that long...I wanna give John the life dad wanted for us. He deserves it...I can't bring him up like this. Lucy made sure he was born...and he's important...its breaking my heart to do this, but I have to."
"Dean there's other ways..."
"I'm going tomorrow, will you come with me?"
Sam sat there for a second before sighing and looking down at the baby.
"You sure?"
Sighing, Dean nodded.
"Yeah...I'm sure."
"Then I'll pack up the car..."
Sam slowly rose before looking down.
"Dean..."
Dean looked up at him before shaking his head.
"Its all good...okay?"
"Yeah..."
Dean looked down at the baby who stared up at him. Smiling, he sat back and kept thinking about what Lisa had said. She seemed stunned but very understanding. He knew it wasn't fair for him to ask her such a huge thing after everything that had happened between them, but it was true...she was really all that was left besides Sam.
For the rest of the day Dean sat with John. He fed him his bottle, and played with him before placing him back in his bassinet. Sam didn't talk much and Dean knew for maybe the first time in his life...he was making the right choice.
The next day...
Sam had driven for him and now the car was parked in front of Lisa's new home. It was in a nice neighborhood and Ben was at school. Lisa had answered the door looking gorgeous and beyond surprised. She hugged both of them tightly.
Dean held onto John tightly, he had dressed him and the baby looked wide eyed over his shoulder at everything. Lisa of course asked to see him and couldn't seem to get over how beautifier he was. She held him before Sam cleared his throat and excused himself.
Dean knew he was going to wait outside. Before leaving, he leaned over and gently rubbed John's back before smiling and thanking Lisa and leaving.
Now the two were left alone.
Lisa sat across from him as Dean held the baby. A silence washed over them before Lisa blinked and smiled.
"So...hows things?"
Dean sighed before forcing a small smile.
"Well...the usual."
"I...heard about Bobby, I'm really sorry."
Dean nodded before Lisa looked over at the baby.
"He really is beautiful Dean. I'm sorry about Lucy...when did she..."
"Afterwards I guess it finally hit me that she was unable to save, that no matter what would have happened she would have died after having him."
"Did she suffer?"
"I don't think so..."
"Dean...how bad are things?"
"Bad enough to make me want to do this. Trust me Lisa...I don't want to give him up...he's all I got left of Lucy...but I have to make sure he's safe. With Bobby gone...I don't think things are going to end well. Now I wouldn't have asked if I thought you and Ben were in danger..."
"No Dean, I'm glad you called. What we had was special but I knew you could never love me like you loved your wife. She seemed like a good person and if she went through all of this to make sure your son was born, then she would have wanted you to do this."
"I just..."
"No...its okay."
"This is probably going to be the last time I see you. I would love to see him grow up...but I don't think me and Sam are going to be around that long."
"Dean..."
"No really...I just want him to have a normal life. I have money for you..."
Lisa shook her head.
"No..."
"No Lisa, really...it's not much, but its everything I got."
Dean took out an envelope and tossed it on the coffee table.
"If I could trust anyone to take care of my little boy it would be you. Your a wonderful mother and I think you and Ben will be the family he needs."
Tears began to fill Lisa's eyes before she nodded.
"What...do you want me to tell him? The truth?"
Dean shook his head.
"No, nothing about any of that. If he somehow finds out when he's older then its out of his hands. But as far as he should know a hunter is somebody who gets animals in the woods. There is no such thing as monsters, demons, or anything else. He can grow up believing in whatever he wants but I don't want any of my life coming back to hurt him. You think Ben will follow along?"
"Of course..."
"I want him to have a normal life. You seem to have done amazing with Ben all by yourself and I know what I'm asking you is a lot, if there's even the smallest bit of doubt I'll find someone else, I don't want to make you and Ben do something you don't want to..."
Lisa shook her head sitting up.
"No, I want to, really Dean. I really thought I loved you when we were together, but I knew I couldn't compare to Lucy. Having a family...this was something you always wanted, and from what your telling me this baby is very special. After everything you've done to protect Ben and me...I would be honored."
Dean held his son before Lisa softly smiled.
"Anything else? Do you have a photo of you and Lucy you want me to give to him?"
Dean shook his head.
"I would but the less he knows about us the better, its safer that way. Just tell him...that his dad owned a garage and that he loved his mom very much. Say I couldn't hack it and was good friends with you and you offered to take him. Tell him I tried my best and last you heard I died a couple of years back..."
"Dean..."
"No I mean it. The less the better. Make up anything you want, but don't even give him my last name. Okay?"
"Dean, are you sure...I mean you could still be part of his life..."
Dean shook his head.
"No, even if I do stick around longer than expected...its better that I don't. It's just going to be hard on everyone. As long as he's healthy, happy, and safe...it's fine. I want him to have the life me and Sam could never have...okay?"
Lisa seemed to be tearing up but nodded.
"Okay."
"Tell him when he gets older to stick by Ben. He's a good kid and will look after him, their brothers in a way and that's important."
"Okay..."
"Sammy and me better get going before Ben gets back. Try to explain it to him the best you can?"
"Of course."
"Mind giving me a second?"
"Of course...I'll be on the back deck...okay?"
"Yeah sure..."
Lisa got up, sniffling and blinking the tears away when her and Dean locked eyes. Sadly smiling Dean looked up at her.
"Thanks Lisa...thanks for taking care of my little boy."
Lisa stared down at him and nodded.
"I love you Dean, and I'll love him...like he was my own."
Dean watched her leave and heard the back door shut before sitting there for a second and looking down at the baby. Sighing he gently placed him down beside him. John stared up, wiggled for a second and then appeared to smile up at him. Feeling the most awful ache in his chest, Dean blinked his tears away and stared down at his son.
"So I guess this is it huh?"
The baby laid there looking up at him. Gently, Dean leaned down and let John grasp hold of his finger with his tiny little hand. Sighing he looked him over.
"Your going to be happy here kiddo, Lisa and Ben are great. Their going to take care of you and make sure your safe. Your going to have a real nice life here. Be able to go to school, play sports, date some real pretty girls...go to college, and not do any of the reckless dumb ass things me and your uncle do. Your going to have a nice safe normal life...and I promise you your going to be happy. I really wish I didn't have to let you go...but its better this way. I got something to do and I need to finish it. I know you wouldn't understand, but I think your mom did. You were meant to be born, and I'm making damn sure your going to be okay. I wish I could be around to teach you how to walk, and talk...lean how to drive, give you advice on girls and music...watch you grow up...but..."
Dean rubbed his eyes for a second, this was harder than he thought.
"But...if what I think is right me and your momma will be watching you. I promise I'll look in from time to time and as far as I know...the good guys, or who I think are the good guys are on your side, and your daddy isn't going to let anything bad happen to you okay?"
The baby gurgled and stared up at him as Dean smiled through the tears.
"Sure wish I had more time with you but its better this way. Just remember...driver always picks the music. Drive American, always offer to buy the first beer on a date, don't ever be scared to stand up for what you think is right...and..."
Dean shut his eyes and sighed before looking down at him.
"And...remember that your daddy loves you."
Leaning down, Dean gently kissed John's soft smooth skin before wiping a tear away. Gently picking him up, he placed him in the bassinet and sighed. Picking it up, he went out back and walked out to Lisa who was waiting on the back deck. Handing the bassinet over, the two stared at each other before Dean tried his hardest to control his tears. He knew he had to be strong for this.
"Thanks Lisa..."
Lisa took the bassinet and nodded.
"Goodbye Dean..."
Dean glanced down into the bassinet one last time before trying to smile.
"Bye John..."
Turning, Dean knew he couldn't allow himself to look back. Walking through the house, he opened the front door with shaking hands and walked out to the car where Sam waited. Getting into the pasanger seat, he sat there for a second while Sam stared over.
"Okay drive..."
"You okay"
Dean turned and looked at Sam, his eyes filled with tears.
"Just drive Sam...please."
Nodding, Sam started the engine and pulled the car out onto the street. Dean sat there, looking out at the house and feeling as if his heart had been torn apart. Turning and looking ahead he sighed and settled into his seat.
"We got work to do..."
Together they continued to drive.