Chapter 38

My eyelids were getting heavy and I could feel myself starting to fall asleep, so I sat up in bed and tried to stare outside the window at the moon and stars. I waited for almost an hour and was just about to pass out when I heard the front door quietly open. Darry spoke to my brothers in a hushed voice and before I knew it everyone had gone off to their rooms to bed.

Creeping out of my room and down the hall, I quietly went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. It was only then that I turned the light on. I looked around a minute and noticed right away that the window was uncovered. That wasn't going to do.

I climbed up on the ledge of the tub to slide the curtain shut, knocking a bar of soap down in the process. I stayed perfectly still to make sure nobody had heard the loud echo it made in the tub before getting back on the ground and pulling my stool out. Stepping up on the stool I could tell right away that it wasn't high enough for me to see what I wanted.

"What can I use?" I whispered to myself as I looked around. The toilet and tub were both out of the way of the mirror, and I quickly realized that the only way I was going to be able to see into the mirror was to get a chair from the kitchen.

The smart thing to do would have been to wait until morning but I was afraid that I couldn't then, so I risked making a bit of noise to sneak into the kitchen and grab a chair. Getting to the kitchen was easy; it was getting back that was difficult. The chair wasn't really that heavy but the house has so many turns and walls that I had to keep stopping in order to avoid making a hole with the chair's leg. At one point the chair even screeched on the linoleum but nobody seemed to hear it because people stayed in their rooms.

I finally got the chair back into the bathroom and after making sure to lock the door this time, I climbed up in front of the mirror. I took a quick look at myself in my pink pajamas before I turned around enough so that I could still look over my shoulder. It was easy enough for me to lower the back of my pants in order to get a look at the damage from earlier, but I was pretty unhappy with what I saw.

Nothing.

Darry had told me how bad he felt about the marks he was making, but I didn't see anything, not even a little bit of red. I had been hoping for a bruise or something. Any kind of a battle wound. Why I don't even know, but I guess I wanted to see what it was that had made him feel so horrible.

I practically jumped off of the chair when I heard the front door open, yanked my pants back up and then froze as I tried to figure out who it could be at the door. It occurred to me then that I had only heard Pony's voice a little while earlier, and realized that Soda must have stayed out later than him.

I hoped that he would just go into his own room and not need to use the bathroom, and for once my prayers were answered when I heard his bedroom door close.

I tried to move fast as I dragged the chair back to the door. I turned the handle and as I pulled it open I was greeted by Soda, who had one arm raised in the air like he had been just about to knock.

"Oh sorry Lily," he said. "I wasn't sure if anybody was in here."

"Yeah," I said, feeling my entire body turn red, certain that he had known what I had been up to. "I was just going back to bed."

I was about to pass him but he held me back and nodded into the bathroom. "What's with the chair?"

"Oh," I tried to think fast, "I ah, I mean I just - it was already there!"

"Okay," he shrugged, like it meant absolutely nothing to him.

"Well," I said, pushing him away, "goodnight!"

I raced down the hall to my bedroom, not even bothering to keep quiet, and crawled under my blankets. I felt absolutely humiliated, though I knew that there was no way Soda could have known what I had been looking at in there.

Of course I couldn't really be safe from him even in my own bedroom, could I?

He didn't even knock on the door or ask to come in. Soda just showed up out of nowhere at the edge of my bed. He leaned his upper body across my legs and rested his head in his hand.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

"Tired." Of all the times he wanted to come in and talk to me, why did it have to be now?

"Listen, don't be too angry at Darry, okay?"

"I'm not."

"You're not?" He sounded shocked.

"No."

He laughed quietly to himself. "I thought if anything you would be moping around going on about how it wasn't fair for him to hit you."

"It wasn't fair."

"Then why aren't you more upset?"

"Because he told me he was sorry."

"He did?"

"Yeah. And he said he wont do it again."

"That's good."

"He feels really bad you know."

Soda looked at me for a second and grinned.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling very awake.

"Nothing."

"Why are you smiling."

"Well," he admitted, "it's just that I'm usually the one in here trying to tell you not to be upset, and now things are going the other way around."

As sat up as much as I could with his sitting on my legs. "You're not upset, are you?"

"Well I was a little."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think it was right."

"You didn't?"

"No. You're just a kid, you can't help it. Besides I know how much it hurts and I didn't want you to have to go through it. That's why I left, because I didn't want to hear you getting hit, or your crying. I feel kinda bad because I didn't stay and make Darry stop, but he's bigger than me and you and I both know that I wouldn't have been able to stop him."

"I know it," I said, and patted his arm in an attempt to comfort him. "Don't worry Sodapop, I don't blame you for leaving. Anyway I guess I kind of did deserve it, even if everybody thinks it was wrong. I have been kind of bad lately."

"But that's just it," he said, all the while grinning softly. "You haven't been all that bad. I asked Darry why he didn't tell us what was going on in the first place."

"What did he say?"

"He didn't really give me a straight answer, but I think it's because he was scared. He didn't know for sure what was going to happen and he didn't want to say anything until he knew for sure. Probably didn't want to scare us."

"Were you scared when the social worker came?"

"I wasn't scared, but I did get kind of worried."

"That they would take us all away?"

"Not so much that."

"What then?"

"Don't worry about it. It was silly anyway."

"Okay." I decided for once to listen to my brother and not worry about things, because I had been doing enough of that lately and didn't need it anymore.

"So," he asked, "you're really not mad?"

"I'm fine," I tried to assure him.

"Does it hurt much?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore."

"I am sorry that it happened. Darry sure was upset. I guess he was just worked up about things after that lady from social services came."

"I know," I said. "You don't have to tell me why he was mad, I don't even care anymore."

"Well, there is a first time for everything, isn't there?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's the first time you haven't held a grudge against somebody. Usually you're in a bad mood for days."

"Yeah well you're no better," I reminded him. "You can be pretty grumpy when people aren't nice to you."

He laughed. "I guess you get that from me, huh?"

"Maybe," I agreed, even though I thought that we got things like that from parents or something.

"You must be so smart because of Ponyboy then," he decided.

"Oh yeah, and what do I get from Darry?"

He thought about it for a minute. Finally he said, "Your ability to scream louder than anyone else on this block."

"Hey!" I cried, but laughed along with him.

We got quiet then and I tried to think of something else to say, but Soda was the one to speak first.

"You know something Lily?"

"No, what?"

"I think you're starting to grow up a little."

"What do you mean?"

"I never noticed it before but you seem to getting more mature. You're growing up well is all I mean to say."

"You think I'm mature?" I asked, delighted by his comment.

"No," he said. "I think you're getting mature, but you're not there yet."

"Oh." I was a little crushed. "Do you still think I'm a little kid too?"

"Well," he hesitated, "yes, but you're my favorite kid in the whole wide world."

"Wow, thanks."

"If it makes you feel any better I still think Ponyboy is a kid too."

"Great," I sighed. "That just means you're going to think of me as a kid for even longer."

"Probably, but at least you'll the best kid ever."

I didn't want to hear it.

"Hey," he asked, "when was the last time I told you how cute you are?"

"I don't know."

"Then I'm telling you now. You, Tiger Lily Curtis, are officially the cutest girl in the world."

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "Don't call me Tiger."

His smile only got bigger. "What'd I tell you? You're adorable."

I couldn't pretend to be angry with him even if I wanted to. He had grabbed hold of one of my feet and was tickling me mercilessly. I didn't even think to keep quiet anymore, and was startled when the door floor open and Darry stood there in only a pair of boxers.

He didn't look upset but he wasn't exactly thrilled either. "Listen girls I hate to interrupt your slumber party but some of us are trying to sleep. Could you keep it down please?"

"No problem!" Soda promised, but the second Darry was out that door he started tickling me again.

"I mean it Soda!" Darry called from the hallway. "Leave her alone!"

"Alright," he called after him, and let me go.

"You gonna go to bed now?"

"Why?" he asked, giving me a slight nudge in the ribs. "You bored of me already?"

"No," I grinned, squirming out of his grasp.

"Well alright then." He kicked his shoes off and stretched out next to me. "Hey, move over."

I wasn't going to argue if he wanted to stay longer, but it was kind of uncomfortable sharing the bed.

"There's not much room on here," I said.

"I'm used to it," he muttered.

I looked over at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, staring wide eyed at the ceiling.

"Anyway," I said, pushing myself against the wall so that he would have lots of room, "it's kind always kind of cramped in here."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at this place. It's so small."

"Yeah, but you do get the room to yourself."

"That's not always fun."

"Why not?"

"Because, whenever I get sent to my room I know that nobody's ever going to wander in and talk to me by mistake."

"Yeah but Darry has his own room too."

I gave him a slight smack on the forehead. He didn't look too pleased about it.

"What was that for?" he asked seriously.

"When was the last time somebody sent Darry to his room?"

He thought that over. "Alright, next time our big brother acts up I promise you I'll send him to his room to think about it."

"Okay," I agreed, but knew it was never going to happen.

"Fine," Soda said, throwing an arm around me and pulling me close to him. "I'll make you a deal."

"What's that?" I asked, trying to get one arm free.

"You give me this room I'll let you share with Ponyboy."

"No thank you!"

"Why not? He's a good room mate. Hardly ever does anything but read and do homework in there."

"He snores!"

"No he doesn't."

"Yeah he does. I can hear it all the way in here and we've got the bathroom between us."

"I swear I never hear any snoring."

"Hmm, it must be you then."

He pulled back, looking disgusted. "I do not snore."

"Well it's got to be you or Pony 'cause I know it's not coming from Darry's room."

"Darry!" Soda cried, I tried to shush him but he wasn't having any of it.

"What?" Darry answered from his room, clearly annoyed.

"Do I snore?"

"Like an engine. Now shut your trap Sodapop Curtis and go to bed!"

"Hold on," Soda called back. "Do I really snore that loud?"

"Yes," Darry assured him, "but if you want me to come in there and rearrange your nose for you so that you don't anymore I'd be happy to!"

"No thanks!" he replied. "It's fine the way it is."

"Well good. Now shut up!"

"Yes sir!" Soda said, but he started laughing something awful after that. He buried his face in my pillow to drown out the laughter, and after he had calmed down I questioned him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," he said, whispering again. "It's just a good day is all."

I lay there in his arms, silently counting down the time until he left to go to his own room, and was kind of saddened by it. I wished that I could stay there forever, that it would never be morning and that I would never fall asleep. It used to be, when my parents were still alive, that I had them around at night. I was terrified of the dark until I was six and my dad had stayed with me every night until I fell asleep for the longest time. My mom used to check on me at night too, just to make sure that I was okay. I knew she was really going to too and not just lying to me about it because I used to wake up sometimes to the sound of her footsteps. Even though I was alone I felt okay knowing that she was looking out for me.

Once I was okay to fall asleep on my own my mom still came to check on me every night, sometimes two or three times even. After my parents died I never asked Darry to come and check on me. I didn't want him to laugh at me by asking, in fact I didn't want him knowing that she had done that at all. But now, while I was snuggled so comfortably in Soda's arms, I couldn't help but tell him about it.

"I miss something," I said softly.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice suddenly tired.

"Used to be that Mom would check on me at night at make sure that I was okay. Nobody does that now."

He squeezed me tight and held me as close as possible. "I know."

"You knew she did that?"

I felt him nodding his head. "Yeah. She did that for all of us."

"She did?"

"Uh huh. Every night at ten, one, and three in the morning. We weren't always here, but she even checked on Darry."

"How come I didn't know she checked on all of us?"

He shrugged. "I guess because you were always asleep first. Besides, it's easy to catch onto things after sixteen years."

"Do you miss it too?"

"Every night."

I never thought about it much. I always tried to keep my mind clear of my parents, and I guess I didn't feel like my brothers had lost them the same way I had. Darry was already a grown up, I didn't think he had lost out on parents the same way I had. Soda was old enough not to need parents anymore, and Pony was so quiet about them that I never knew what he thought about them. It wasn't fair for me to think that way but it was as far as I usually let my mind wander.

Sometimes, in the back of my mind, those thoughts would creep up, but I always pushed them away. In school I could hear my mom telling me how smart I was, and on my walks home I could hear Daddy inviting me along to the park with him. I tried not to hear those voices anymore, and some days I wished that I could just forget all about them. It would make it easier than missing them, that's for sure.

I knew I was lying to myself when I tried to say that I was the only one who really missed them. I know that all of my brothers had lost one of their best friend's when Dad died, and their favorite person in the world with Mom. I know that I did.

A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye, and the moment it did I heard Soda sniffle.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. How 'bout you?"

"I'm fine."

It was something so small, but just knowing that Soda was there and going through it with me made me feel a little bit better. It was enough to stop me from crying, and he didn't make another sound about it.

"Soda?" I asked a while later, when I thought he might be falling asleep.

"Yes?" He didn't sound very sleepy.

"How many times did you get spanked?"

"Why?"

"I don't know, you said you know how much it hurts, I was just wondering when it happened to you."

"I got it three times."

I was a little surprised that he was offering this up so easily, but it wasn't enough to satisfy me. "What for?"

I heard him let out a breath, like he was trying to remember it. "Once because I ran away from home, another for something I didn't even do, and the last for stealing."

"How old were you?" I asked, suddenly more curious than before.

"Six the first time, nine the second, and eleven the third."

"Eleven!"

He laughed. "Yeah."

"What'd you steal?"

"Money and cigarettes."

"Really?"

"Not for me."

"For who?"

"I don't know. A couple of us got it into our heads that we would look cool if we hung out at the playground with cigarettes in our mouths and our fists shoved in our jeans."

"What did you need the money for?"

"For cigarettes."

"Then why did you steal cigarettes?"

"Well we each stole a bit of money from our folks, I got mine from Mom's stash in the kitchen. So we went down to the store to buy a pack and the man there wouldn't sell them to us because he said we were too young to start smoking, so we stole them instead."

"Who'd you steal them from?"

"Steve got 'em from his dad."

"Then how come you got in trouble."

He let out a little laugh like he was remembering something. "Because one of us had the bright idea that we should smoke on the school playground. At first we weren't even going to light them, but somebody had a match, and then things got out of hand. We got caught by a teacher. She sent a note home with us, and when Mom read it she wanted to know exactly where we got money for cigarettes, so I told her we stole them. Never said anything about taking the money from her, but you can probably guess that she wasn't too thrilled about it, and got real upset that one of her kids would steal. I had to wait in my room all afternoon for Dad to come home."

"Were you scared?"

"Kind of, but I didn't think Dad was gonna be too upset about it, so I just tried to come up with some real good story to tell him to make him laugh so that he wouldn't do anything."

"What did you tell him?"

"The truth. I couldn't lie to Dad, not when I saw the look in his eyes. I even told him about taking the money from Mom, and he wasn't happy about it."

"But you told him the truth."

"Yeah but I shouldn't have stolen in the first place. Especially not from Mom. I felt real bad about it too, you know?"

"But who spanked you?"

"Dad. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"He took his belt off and made me lean over the bed, and was bawling like a toddler before he even touched me I felt so bad."

"He hit you with the belt?"

"Twice," he said. "It was hard enough for me to feel it too, but then he pulled me up off the bed and told me not to say anything. He gave my pillow another eight smacks, and made me promise not to tell Mom."

"Did you tell her?"

"About five minutes later. She laughed at me and said that it had been pretty obvious."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Easy for you to say. Dad never laid a hand on you."

That was true. I couldn't imagine my dad ever being angry enough to hit me, but I had seen him mad at other people and could imagine that it wouldn't be a very nice feeling to be in his line of fire. I understood exactly why Soda had confessed to it too.

"What about the other times?" I asked, still curious.

"What other times."

"Who else spanked you."

"I'm real tired Lily, let me tell you another time."

"Can't you just tell me quickly?"

"No."

"Please Soda?"

"Shh." He put a finger to my lips to shut me up as his other hand started rubbing my back. "Go to sleep."

I didn't think it was fair that he was using one of his magic powers over me, and it wasn't long before I was ready to pass out. Just as I felt myself drifting off, Soda's voice pulled me back.

"Hey Lily?"

"What?"

"You sleep on this bed every night?"

"No," I said as sarcastically as possible. "Sometimes I sleep on the floor."

"Floor might actually be more comfortable than this bed."

"What's wrong with it?" I asked, almost awake again.

"It's hard as rock. How do you ever fall asleep on it?"

"Easy. I close my eyes and it happens."

"I could never sleep on this bed every night."

"Yeah well you're a lot heavier than me."

"Hey," he said. "Are you telling me I'm fat?"

"I'm not calling you skinny."

"Gee thanks."

"Shh," I mocked, reaching over and patting his back. "Go to sleep."

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I just want to let everyone know that I don't really have any plans for a sequel or to end this one in any particular way yet. This is sort of my go to story when I'm not busy working on something original, so it will just keep going until I come up with some great plans for it or decide to end it. That said, I'm still working on it for now, so don't worry about it stopping until I get another original idea. Thanks!