Kensi walked out of the bedroom and collapsed on the couch. Turning on the TV, she began to flip through the channels, not looking for anything in particular; her mine was in a different place… in the next room, to be exact. After a while she fell asleep without realizing it.

Several hours later, Kensi awoke to someone calling her. It took her a moment to realize where she was and who that voice belonged to, but the moment she did she bolted into the bedroom.

"Yeah Deeks? What do you need?" She asked, rubbing her eyes.

He immediately saw that she'd been sleeping. "Sorry. I didn't know that you were asleep." He said, dropping his gaze to his lap.

"No, don't worry about that. What do you need?" She asked again.

"I needed to use the bathroom, and I couldn't stand up…" He trailed off, embarrassed.

"Oh, okay." She walked towards him and gave him her hand, helping him to stand up slowly. They made their way to the bathroom. "I'll wait for you outside, if you need me just call."

When he'd finished, she helped him return to the bed.

"You need to get some sleep, do you need anything? Your meds?" She asked.

"I could use a couple of painkillers." He admitted.

She nodded and headed to the kitchen and returned with the painkillers and a glass of water in hand.

"Thanks." He said, taking the items from her and settling himself in the bed. He closed his eyes.

Knowing she was no longer wanted in the room, Kensi left and returned to the couch.

Deeks woke up the following morning with a killer headache and a chest that was burning. He didn't want to call for Kensi, worried that he is going to wake her up like yesterday, but he knew he needed something to help him with the pain. He waited, hoping to hear her moving so that he could call her, but the pain was getting worse and worse, and finally he tried to get them himself. He attempted to stand but all he did was cause himself more pain. "Kensi… Kensi…" He finally called.

She came running and knelt beside him. "Deeks what's wrong?" She took his hand.

"Everything hurts, Kensi." He confessed, rubbing his head with his free hand.

She immediately knew what he needed and rushed to the kitchen, returning with his medicine and water.

"Thank you." He said after gulping the meds with the water.

"How do you feel?"

"It's going to take a while for the meds to kick in, till then I'll have to deal with it."

"Why didn't you call the moment you felt in pain? Why did you wait until now?" She asked, a little annoyed.

"I thought you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you up. You needed to get some rest." He told her without making eye contact.

"Are you kidding me Deeks? You didn't want to wake me up? I'm here to help you get better!" She snapped at him, frustrated by his behavior.

He didn't respond, just dropped his head.

"Deeks, look at me." She reached out and put her hand under his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes. "You don't have to do this alone. You don't have to push me away, at least not right now. Let me help you with this and then if you don't want to see me, if you want me out of your life, I promise you I'll bow to your wishes, but let me help you right now, Deeks." Her voice softened.

"I'm sorry." He responded in a low tone.

"Okay, just, when you need me, call. I'm not going anywhere, Deeks. I'm here for you." She paused, but he didn't say anything. "I'm going to make us some breakfast, do you need anything?"

He shook his head so Kensi walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

After she'd left, he began to ponder the situation he found himself in. 'Oh my God,' he thought to himself, 'how am I supposed to get out of this?' It was hard enough without her nearby, now her presence would make it more complicated and harder to deal with everything.

A short while later Kensi returned with two plates full of pancakes and two glasses of orange juice. She gave Deeks one of each and sat on the edge of the bed. They ate in silence, neither one daring to break it, until they finished and Kensi took the empty dishes and cups and went to the kitchen. She put them in the dishwasher, then returned to the bedroom. "Can I do anything for you?"

He hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, I need to use the bathroom."

She helped him to stand. He couldn't hold back a hiss of pain, and when he finally stood upright he took several deep breaths, trying to steady himself, before walking to the bathroom. When he'd finished Kensi took his arm and guided him towards the bed. "No." He stopped her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I'm sick of the bed, take me to the couch; I need a change."

"Okay. As you like." She guided him into the living room and helped him settle on the couch.

"Thanks."

"No need."

She sat next to him, but not too closely—she didn't want to make a bad move. She took the remote and turned the TV on, flipping through the channels until she found a rerun of America's Next Top Model. Curling her feet underneath her, she settled in for the show.

Deeks smiled inside at the sight of Kensi's familiar pose. His smile quickly faded, though, when he remembered how life had changed since they used to spend nights watching movies and crappy shows.

She glanced over at him and noticed that he appeared to be lost in thought, and the sadness that was clear on his face broke her heart. "Are you okay there Deeks?" She asked him, worried.

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine." He answered her, returning to reality.

"You're not fine Deeks, and you know it. Why are you doing this to yourself? I know you are mad at me and that you don't want to talk to me and I'm probably the last person you want to see, and you have every right to be like that, just—."

Kensi was cut off by Deeks. "Kensi, please don't go there. I don't want to have any arguments or fights, I'm just really really tired. You made your choices and it's okay that I wasn't a part of them, just leave it there. End of story."

"No Deeks! That's not the end of the story! I was afraid of losing you! You almost died and I couldn't think straight and what happened with Jack was a huge mistake. My emotions were way too complicated because of what had happened between him and me in the past. I was lost and I didn't realize it until it was too late. But Deeks, I lost you twice to Sidorov, and all of that was because of me. I can't lose you again. Please Deeks, don't shut me out of your life, don't leave me alone… I don't think I would be able to recover this time." She pleaded with him.

"Are you serious Kensi? 'Don't leave you alone?' 'Don't shut you out of my life?' You were the one who didn't want to be a part of my life! You are the one who left me alone, not the other way around!" He snapped at her, his voice louder than he intended it to be. He took a deep breath before continuing. "You were the one who said that 'our thing' wouldn't work. That we can't be together. You broke my heart but I started to think it all over in my head. I forgave you because of all that you had been through when I almost died, I thought I'd give you some time for you to get over it and then I'd try again. But when I met Jack at the beach, and he told me that you were his girlfriend… that almost killed me Kens. After all that I had done for you, to prove myself to you, I still didn't get what he did—even after all that he did to you. Even though he left you in the past he was still better than me. Was I that bad? I wasn't good enough for you? You asked me to say what was on my mind and when I did you left me alone for him. Apparently I was the alternate choice, the less desirable one. The second person on your list, if I was ever on your list to begin with."

Kensi began to cry at the broken tone in Deeks' voice. "No Deeks, that's not true. You—." But Deeks cut her off.

"And to make it worse, you left me alone when I was in the hospital! And then, again, when you didn't show up at my place to see if I'd even been released yet. I was your partner Kensi. I needed you but you weren't there; you just left me alone. I was losing myself in all of my nightmares and no one was there to help me until Eric showed up. You weren't there, you didn't bother to ask about me, you didn't call, and you left me to be with Jack. You turned out to be like everyone else."

"What do you mean 'I turned out to be like everyone else?'" She asked, confused by his last sentence.

"After everything that happened to me I thought that you guys would be different from what I had to deal with in the past… do you know what my childhood was like?" Do you know why I shot my father?" He asked her.

"You've never shared anything about your past with me, Deeks."

"That's right, because I was trying to forget. I never wanted it to be a part of my life. I know that you spent a year on the streets after you ran away from your mom, and that you didn't have a 'great life' because your parents split up and your father's death was very hard on you, but at least both of them loved you and you had the option of going back to your mom anytime. You got hurt when Jack left you, and I know the feeling when the one you love the most leaves you alone.

I had a crappy life from the beginning: do you know how it feels when your father hates you because he thinks you are the reason his life was destroyed. Do you know how it feels when your own father hates you? Once, when he was drink, he stumbled into one of my shoes that was on the floor and fell. He found me and unleashed his fury about stumbling over a shoe… He started to hit me over and over. I told him that I was sorry, although it wasn't my fault, but he didn't stop until my mom heard me screaming and came running. When she saw him beating the Hell out of me she stepped in, trying to stop him, but he hit her too and shoved her out of the way. She hit the wall and fell down and he started hitting me again until I blacked out. When I woke up, it was dark. I knew that I was in the basement, lying on the ground. I tried to stand up, but I couldn't. Everything hurt. I was eight. Can you imagine and eight year old boy blacking out because of a beating by his own father?" He stopped to take a breath and rubbed his face with his hand, trying to prevent tears from gathering in his eyes. When he looked over at Kensi he saw that she was covering he mouth with her hands to keep her sobs down. Tears were rolling down her face.