AN:

This chapter's a little... all over, emotionally. Get the tissues ready in case for the first half, and perhaps a drink to enjoy the second half?

I ended up yet again abandoning my outline to a degree, and altered this chapter. I felt we'd spent enough time with Bella in therapy to see her progress, but I wanted to see Andy one more time before we wrap. Michelle is officially done - I miss her already.

Song quoted in this chapter: (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right - Beastie Boys

I own my weird ideas; SM owns Twilight. But you knew that, right?

We last left off in February... Let's jump to April...

Playlist! casket4mytears[dot]wordpress[dot]com/2010/05/11/tattoos-like-mile-markers-breaking-down-the-playlist/

Special note for FF readers: Due to their URL restrictions, you may see strange looking links in 'Tweets'. This is why I recommend reading this story in particular on Twilighted if you have the option. :p on you, FF!

April 20th, 2010

"I don't get this."

Andy leaned forward slightly in his chair, staring at Edward, "What don't you get?"

"Why is Alice here?" Edward asked, gesturing to his sister beside him. "I mean, I know you said you wanted to have a group session, but I thought that would be with, well, Bella."

"Thanks, Eeyore. Feeling the love!" Alice exclaimed sarcastically.

Andy nodded, "Well, absolutely, we need a session with Bella at some point. You've expressed that wish and I plan to make that happen soon. But today isn't about Bella; it's about your family, to a degree, but mostly you. Only Alice can help me with this session. Your sister agreed to come today, not knowing what I had in mind."

"Alice is the best," Edward said softly, glancing over at her. "She's always there for me."

"Of course I am. You're my near-twin," Alice replied, "Even if you drive me up the damn wall sometimes."

"That's exactly why I wanted you here, Alice. You and Edward have always been close, from what he tells me. Closer than either of you are with your brother, Emmett. Why do you think that is, Alice?"

"Edward's not a macho guy," Alice mused aloud. "Emmett's a jock, a man's man outside of the home. He's a dork and a teddy bear, but he's still obsessed with sports and checks out women online. Edward's not like that."

Edward rolled his eyes, "You're calling me a girl, Aly? Really? Thanks, Andy; I'm sure my fragile little ego self, or whatever Jones used to call it, needs to be emasculated."

"Oh get your knickers out of their twist!" Alice groaned. "You jackass, all I mean is, you're much more open with emotions. It's not a man or woman thing; Jasper's the same way. You also tend to look deeper at things, whereas Emmett - let's face it - avoids any difficult thinking. It made it so much easier to talk to you, because you didn't run away from me when I was hyperemotional and crying over boys."

Andy smiled, "Your sister's the smart one in the family, huh?"

"Smart-assed, maybe!" Edward groaned. "Alright, Tink; I get what you mean. So Doctor Andrew, what's the point?"

Andy paused, collecting his thoughts, "Alice is, of all those in your family, the only one who not only experiences the world in a similar fashion to you - emotionally and thoughtfully - but also has suffered similar depths of loss in her life. You both lost your mother and your Nana, with whom you were both very close. Alice also, if I remember right, was close friends with Tanya?"

"Yeah," Alice confirmed, her face falling, "Best of friends."

Andy continued, "Edward, one of our biggest battles here has been your tendency to blame yourself for the deaths you've endured, as if you are cursed, or caused these bad things to happen. Regret is your middle name. But Alice lost the same people, aside from Liz, and she's pretty well adjusted, from what I can see. I wanted Alice to speak of these loved ones, and explain her reactions to their passing, so that perhaps you could begin to see new points of view. Alice, would this be okay with you?"

Alice nodded, "Anything to help Edward understand..."

"Understand what?" Andy prompted.

Alice sighed, biting her lip as she turned towards her brother, "Edward, no one blames you for any of them. No one, except you. But if you're guilty of something, then I must be, too. We did everything together - we still do - so how is it different?"

Edward stammered, "It-It just is. Aly, I..."

"You loved Mom. You loved Nana. You loved Tanya. I loved them, too. I miss them, too! Why is it so different for you? Why can't you see that life just sucks sometimes? Why did you have to try and take you away from me, too? Wasn't losing them bad enough?" Alice's voice rose, indignation creeping in, along with raw hurt, "It's so hard, trying to be her. Trying to take her place so all of you feel better. But I always believed that I had you, so I could do anything. And then you wanted to leave me! And even after I saved you, you ignored me for months!"

"Aly," Edward whispered, "I'm so sorry-"

"You know what today is, don't you?" Alice asked. "What day is it today?"

"The meadow..." Edward sobbed, bowing his head in shame.

Alice's eyes moistened, "You tried to leave us a year ago today. I sat in the ER, my ankle throbbing and bandaged, clinging to Dad and wondering what I'd done to you. Because I didn't understand why losing everyone was a reason to leave me alone. I didn't understand why we weren't sticking together anymore."

Edward shook his head, "I don't know... I think... I thought that if you were close, if you were too near-"

"That I'd die too?" Alice completed the question, her body shaking, "Edward, you are not some poisonous being! If anyone is... maybe it's me."

Edward's head snapped up, his jaw dropping open. "What the fuck? Alice, that's insane! You are the most loving and selfless person in the family. You take care of everyone-"

"And yet, they all die, or try to," Alice murmured. "With the exception of Liz, I've been just as close to every single person whose tragedies you claim responsibility for. Maybe you're just taking the blame for my toxic luck."

Edward's hands seized her shoulders, forcing her to face him dead on, "Tink, stop it. You aren't capable of toxicity. Nana adored you; you were there for her, even more than I was at times. What was she, seventy-three? Old people have strokes. At least you didn't skip visits for stupid drunken party weekends-"

"Old people do have strokes, Edward," Andy interjected quickly. "Your Nana could have had one at any time. If it had been the day after a visit from you, would that make it any better, do you think?"

"I... No, but I..." Edward cursed under his breath, his attention returning to his sister, "Aly, you shouldn't feel bad."

"Why not?" Alice asked, sighing, "You hate yourself for not being there for Mom, but you left just to get food for the house. I was on a date! I should have been there for her!" Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she swiped angrily at them, "I never should have left the house."

"God, Tink, you did everything for her! Cooking, cleaning, helping with her baths when the nurse came... You were a saint to her. You needed fresh air before you snapped. The cancer was just..."

Alice threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest, "I miss Mom... I don't understand why she had to..."

Edward smoothed her hair, holding fast, "I know. I know, and I don't know why."

"Alice," Andy gently spoke, "Was your mother a proud sort of woman?"

"P-proud?" Alice sniffled.

"When she was sick, or injured, was she the kind to ask for help, or was she more likely to fix it up herself and soldier through it?" Andy clarified.

Alice frowned, "It's why the cancer was missed initially; she ignored the early signs. Mom was the kind who didn't like to take Tylenol for a headache. But what does that have to do with anything?"

Edward jumped in before Andy could speak, "Mom waited for us to leave. She wanted to die alone. Is that what you think?"

Andy nodded, "More or less. Some people try very hard to not... pass, when their loved ones are near. You've heard stories, I'm sure, of people holding on just long enough for one last family member to get there, to have their time to say goodbye. They hang on, and when that urgency is gone, their bodies tend to be more willing to shut down. Maybe the two of you leaving the house was a sort of blessing for her. Maybe she didn't want to think of the pain it would cause you to see her in that last moment? Is that possible?"

The siblings remained, silent, contemplating the gravity of Andy's theories as Edward continued to cling to his sister, her face pressed to his chest, blotchy from crying. Edward, in particular, began to understand the hidden purpose of his therapist's decision to invite Alice to their session: he was trying to demonstrate how death simply happened, sometimes. That there was no rhyme or reason to fully explain why and when people left this world. If Alice's self-blame was foolish by Edward's own thinking, what made his own self-blame valid?

"In grief," Andy said, "It's very hard to find anything positive. We've lost people we love, and it's unfair. It's bullshit, we say, that the wicked might live to see their nineties and the kind are taken young. We curse God. We play the 'shoulda/woulda/coulda' game and torture ourselves 'til we're fucking crazy with regret. But sometimes, there are small positives in the sadness. If your mother hated to feel weak or seem like a bother, those last days must have been very hard for her. She would have been hurting for you both, for your brother and your dad. Having the chance to let go and not worry of how that image would haunt you both may have seemed like mercy. I don't know that for sure; I never met her. But the timing is striking to me. Maybe she was grateful."

"You're right," Edward whispered. "It's possible. And the cancer was so painful..."

Alice nodded her agreement, "She told me to go out... I remember now..."

"Me, too," Edward added. "Fuck, Andy? Thank you, for this. I get the point."

Andy smiled warmly, "Hey, I promised the tools. I'm not saying that neither of you will ever have moments of regret or guilt again. But when you do, I want you both to remember this conversation today, and try and argue back with your head. Eventually, it'll be easier to focus on the memories of good events, instead of dwelling on what might have been. You too, Alice," he added, directing his gaze at her. "You try to carry the family on your shoulders, and that's a heavy burden. Don't burn yourself out. "

Alice sat back in her chair, her hand on Edward's arm, as if to steady herself. "Jasper tells me that all of the time. I just worry about them, especially Edward."

"You're a good sister, and I know Edward thinks the world of you. But he has me, he has Bella, and he has the entire family behind him. It's okay to step back and take a breath for yourself."

Edward nodded, "Andy's right, Alice. I can't even begin to tell you how much you've done for me, how much you mean to me. You're my closest friend, and you've saved my ass too many times. And I'm so fucking sorry about last year, putting you through that." He choked back a sob, "I was never mad you saved me. I never hated you. I can't hate you. I just ran because... I let you down. I didn't deserve you as a sister..."

"Edward, you were very sick," Alice whispered soothingly. "You deserved love more than ever before. I'm just so glad you sent me a sign... I don't know what I would have done if..."

Edward nodded, pressing his eyes shut to blink away the tears. The sign. Nirvana. Only Alice would have ever understood something so simple. His sister tried to embrace him, her tiny arms not quite able to close the circle, but he leaned closer, relieved at having finally made a full apology. He could never undo the tremendous torment she'd experienced, waiting for him to recover from his attempt on his life, but he could make it up to her by continuing to heal, and reminding her every day what an incredible woman she was.

"I think we've cried enough today," Alice joked weakly, earning a soft chuckle from Andy. "Can I take him home and cheer him up now?"

Andy rose slowly, "Yeah, I think we've had a long day. Is there anything else you need, Edward?"

Edward smiled, "Nah, I think we covered it. Next week?"

"Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel," Andy quipped. "Take care, you guys."

Edward helped Alice to her feet, the two of them trading tissues as they struggled to pull themselves together. Alice's hand dug into her purse immediately once she tucked herself into the Jeep's passenger side, flipping open her compact and struggling to conceal her blotchy complexion. Edward remained motionless, staring at the wheel gripped in his hands as he mentally listed off reminders to himself. Strokes happen unexpectedly. That's not my fault, or Alice's. Cancer sucks, and Mom drove us both away that day. And Tanya... That's not my fault. She didn't crash because she was angry; she was crashed into. A tapping on his arm brought him back to the present, and he turned to Alice, the picture of impatience.

"Hello? Starving here!"

"Yeah, yeah Tink, we're going."

"You okay? That was a long hour."

Edward nodded slowly, "It was important. Andy's a sneaky bastard, but in the good way. But I definitely need a beer with our dinner."

"Music to my ears! Let's go!"

The smell of an old tavern was, to Bella, one of the most comforting scents in the world - and unrelated to her previous dependence on alcohol for emotional reasons. The curious blend of smoke, sweat and a hint of blood from bar fights past resonated on some deep level in her psyche. Perhaps it was her secret longing to have lived through the punk era, or some strange Pavlovian response conjured by her days spent on the Rez and in this very bar with Ronan and Emily; Bella couldn't say. But any bar that was the real deal - not the trendy bar-like restaurants springing up in chains - was a place she could breathe easier. The music was usually choice - currently, an old Styx tune was blaring - and the regular patrons added a distinct character. She was immediately reminded of the Winchester Pub in Shaun of the Dead, mentally musing that, unlike Liz, she would have never had a problem with chilling nightly with Ed and Shaun, poking fun at 'Snake Hips'.

Bella and Ronan were already on round two, Bella having decided that she needed to immediately unwind after her session with Michelle that day. She'd spent most of it struggling with residual fears of abandonment, irrational and tedious as they were, desperately looking to pinpoint the real source of her insecurity. Michelle wondered if part of it stemmed from her parents' divorce and her subsequently not seeing her father more than once yearly, prior to her mother's death; Bella, however, felt there was some other strange trigger that was constantly leaving her holding her breath, waiting for proverbial shoes to drop. One thing they both agreed on, however, was that Bella needed to keep Edward in the loop, to prevent any misunderstandings on Bella's part of innocent behaviours.

Ronan was examining Bella's sketch pad, pencil in hand, leaving light notes in the margins of her newest project: a tattoo of her own. She had mentioned the possibility of a new mod to Edward, but he'd assumed it would be another piercing, in keeping with her usual poison. Bella grinned, swigging her raspberry Lambic beer; Edward would be so surprised by this design. Given the impending nuptials of Rosalie and Emmett, Bella and Ronan needed to complete the design and the actual ink before the weekend to ensure optimal healing before the big day.

"I love the shading here," Ronan mused, "But I'm not sure this proportion will fit neatly where you want it on your back. Is there any way we could create a more lateral design?"

"Hmm... Maybe if we create a more 'windswept' look to the scene? Create leans and slants?"

Ronan nodded enthusiastically, "That would work! Do you want me to finalize the outline, or would you like to do it?"

Bella smiled, "I trust you, Mick; make it work. We're still good for Friday afternoon?"

"Yeah, I'm all clear. Besides, you're Breaking Dawn staff; demanding time is a perk, you know."

Bella laughed, leaning her head against his arm, "You know I love you, right?"

"Everybody loves me, Swan. I'm the perfect man!"

"Ha, ha; I bet Emily begs to differ! But seriously, Ro: you know I wouldn't be where I am now without you."

Ronan nodded, tousling her hair, "I do know. You're my little twisted sister, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. Even if you do still keep playing that Rihanna shit at work!"

Bella giggled, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Mike likes Rihanna. Angela likes Rihanna. Why am I the automatic culprit, hmm?"

"Because you're a goddamn brat, that's why!" Ronan teased. "Jesus, where are those two? I'm starving!"

Bella shrugged, tucking her sketchbook back into her shoulder bag, "I know Alice said Andy wanted her there today, so it was probably a long one. Maybe we should order appetizers?"

Bella's head turned, seeking out their server among the spattering of tables in Scruffy's Tavern. The place was thrumming with several clusters of people, predominantly older 'blue collar' types straight out of a Springsteen song. Hmm, I wonder if they choose their music here, or import a satellite station? Springsteen sounded delicious. A slight gust of air drew Bella's attention, her heart skipping happily as a familiar mess of bronze hair came into view.

"We've been spared the crime of poor etiquette," Bella announced, jerking her head towards their approaching companions.

"Edward! Dude, my insides are eating my insides! Hurry the fuck up!" Ronan shouted across the bar, laughing.

"Stuff it, Mickey!" Edward retorted, shoving Alice playfully as she giggled. "You too, Minnie."

"Do NOT make me bust out my Pixie Punch," Alice warned, skipping over and kissing Bella's cheek. "Jasper will tell you what a mistake that is."

Bella rose, kissing Edward gently and nuzzling against him, "I missed you all day."

"Missed you back. How was your day?"

"Brutal," Bella grumbled. "Yours?"

"Same," Edward concurred, holding Bella's chair out for her. "I so need a drink."

"We're finishing our second round," Bella chirped as Ronan waved over their server. "I needed to decompress in a hurry. We all good with the party platter of nachos?"

With Edward and Alice's assent, Ronan placed their order, adding on another round of beer for himself and Edward. At Alice's insistence, Bella joined her for a round of Cosmos. Alice seemed quieter than usual, which Bella assumed was the result of her participation in Edward's weekly therapy. Even subdued, Alice was still a firecracker, particularly once the alcohol began flowing. She was the first to burst into song as AC/DC came over the speakers, her head swinging wildly in time with the metal beat.

"I had no idea Alice was into this!" Bella exclaimed, staring at Edward. "She's always blasting electronic synth rock."

Alice giggled, flashing the 'horns' made famous by Dio, as Edward answered, "She's my sister, Bella. I raised her properly. We used to listen to classic rock and metal all the time in high school. Right, Tink?"

"Yep! And Edward would sneak me booze. Best brother ever!" Alice knocked back the rest of her drink, diving for the plate of nachos and snagging a cheesy blob of tortilla and jalapenos. "So Bella, I've told you the plan for Rose's party, right?"

"Ohhhh yeah," Bella sighed. "You're going to have to get me shitfaced if you expect me to participate."

"That's why we have a limo: instant designated driver!" Alice crowed. "Did Emmett call you, Ronan?"

Ronan nodded, a finger held up as he finished chewing. "Yeah, he filled me in on both shindigs. Emily's super excited; she loves weddings. I have a feeling by the time the parties merge to Jack and Jill, she'll be demanding her own rock on her finger."

"So marry her, already!" Bella laughed, shaking her head, "You're perfect for each other. And you're definitely not going to find anyone better, you prick."

"It's not that I don't want to stay with her; it's just the fact I've seen some relationships go completely south once the 'W Word' enters the picture. Bridezillas galore! I don't want to ruin something perfect with a piece of paper. The best proof that I want to spend my life with Emily is doing just that," Ronan finished.

Edward nodded, "I get that, and I saw it happen to this guy I went to college with. His fiancée became a complete psychotic after he popped the question. But then again, she showed her true colours: she was a gold digger. We all saw hints of it, aside from him, but once they started planning things, he finally clued into what was always there. Emily loves you, man. She strikes me as an eloping in Vegas girl, if you ask me."

Bella grinned, "That's so her style: impulsive whirlwind. Ronan, why don't you guys take a trip down there and see if you feel inspired?"

Alice squealed, "Ooh! That would be so romantic, Ro. You'd sweep her away for a vacation and propose, then marry immediately! I could help you plan a reception afterwards back here. It's a new trend."

"That sounds incredible," Bella mused. "No massive crowd staring at you as you fuck up your vows, just you and the one you love... and then, a big party. Low key, no pressure."

Ronan's eyes lit up, "I like no pressure. God, do you think Emily would like that? Because it really isn't marrying her that I'm afraid of; it's the fear that she'll morph and I'll lose my Emily."

Alice winked, "Let me play detective, but I'm like, 99% sure that she'd be perfectly pleased. More booze!"

"I take it Alice is crashing on the couch?" Bella joked, her own head fuzzy as she polished off her martini.

"Yup! So keep it down in the bed, kids!" Alice teased. "I so don't wanna hear you two."

"Why not? I had to suffer through you and Jasper moaning and groaning the other week," Edward grumbled. "Turnabout's fair play, Tink."

Alice flushed pink, hushing her brother as their server returned with Ronan and Edward's burgers, "I need another drink."

"Don't we all?" Ronan laughed. "Thank you, Rebecca, for saving me from certain death by starvation. Any way we could trouble you for another round?"

Rebecca laughed, tossing her blonde curls backwards, "For you, Ronan, always! Same drinks all 'round?"

"Switch me to a Long Island Iced Tea?" Bella asked as the others nodded.

"No problem. I'll be right back with your salads, ladies."

Rebecca flirted shamelessly with Ronan, but Emily had granted her carte blanche to do so, for one compelling reason: Rebecca was a lesbian. In fact, she'd dated Emily's friend Angelica several years back, their commaderie likely the only reason she and Ronan weren't banned from Scruffy's. Em and Ronan had sparred at least half a dozen times in the tavern in the last two years, and although they were rowdy as hell, Ronan was quick to pay for any damages and, ultimately, they were extremely good customers who tipped exorbitantly. The owners forgave them quickly.

Edward's hand abandoned her knee, Bella pouting as he made quick work of his cheeseburger. His green eyes flashed an apology, his foot nudging her own sneakered toes gently. Were Alice not present, Bella had half a mind to kick off her shoe and put her unusually dexterous toes to work torturing him beneath the table, but she drew a line at sibling and parental witnesses.

"So, did you decide on that mod you wanted?" Edward asked her, reaching for his beer.

Bella nodded, "It's all set up. Location's chosen, so all I need to do is make the time to get it done."

"And you still won't tell me what it is?"

Bella chuckled, "It's a surprise, Edward. You'll just have to be patient for once in your life."

"Oh my god!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands. "I love this song!" Bouncing in her chair, Alice sang along at the top of her lungs, "You wake up late for school, man you don't wanna go!"

A hulking football player sort of male glanced over, pumping his fist and joining Alice in her sing-along, "You ask your mom 'Please?' but she still says no!"

Encouraged now, Alice rose to her feet, earning a hoot from the neighbouring table and an eyeroll from Edward, "You missed two classes and NO HOMEWORK!"

Bella giggled, watching as things quickly turned into a call and answer between Alice and now Ronan as well, versus the frat boys across the bar. Thankfully, Rebecca and the bartender were laughing themselves silly, not the least bit bothered by the playful yet rowdy behaviour of their patrons. By the time the chorus hit, even Bella slapped Edward, screaming along with Alice and Ronan.

"You gotta FIGHT! For your RIGHT! To parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty!`

"I can't take you guys anywhere!" Edward chastised them, shaking his head in disbelief.

"C'mon Edward, it's the fucking Beastie Boys!" Bella laughed. "Consider it a get well tribute to MCA."

Edward grinned, reaching out to toy with Bella's messy hair, "You're adorable, and yes, that is a damn good reason to salute the Beasties."

The singing carried right through to the end of that song, broke off for a brief respite of eating and drinking as a familiar 90s alt-rock tune blared, only to resume as an old Runaways song slid into the mix. Bella found herself disregarding her usual fears of public attention, her focus on amusing Ronan and Edward as she and Alice played air guitar and danced around the table, the two of them now hopelessly tipsy and fast approaching the exit for Drunktown. The guys encouraged them, the two of them chattering quietly amongst themselves. From the bits and pieces Edward caught, it was more discussion of the elopement suggestion, with Ronan growing happier by the minute.

Good for him! Bella thought excitedly. They're practically married, anyway.

"So the Jack and Jill bashes are the last weekend in May, right?" Bella clarified, laughing as Alice swung her around.

"Yep! June 5th's the big day, so they figured a week was a good buffer. Everything's pretty much set, now. The rehearsal dinner's on the 3rd, and Rosalie's last fitting is May 16th."

Bella smiled, reaching for their drinks and passing Alice her Cosmo, "Rosalie's been so tense, lately; I'm glad the worst is over."

"Her mother's the big pain, to be honest," Alice confessed. "Rosalie wants things to be perfect, but she's not anal. Her mother, however, hounds her about everything, so it puts her on edge and soon, she's on the warpath. She's calmed down a lot since Christmas, though."

Bella nodded, "She's a secret sweetheart. I never thought we'd get along, but she's a riot when she goes on a rant."

"That's all you, you know."

Bella shrugged, "I wouldn't say that-"

Alice shook her head, "Bella, she relates to you really well, it seems. The last of her Invisible Bitch Shield dropped away after we almost... well, after October. I'm still not sure why."

"Neither am I," Bella lied.

But Bella knew exactly why Rosalie had softened: after learning of the mess in La Push from Edward, Rosalie had pulled her aside and invited her out for lunch at the diner. Over their meal, Rosalie had told Bella of her ex, and the horrors he'd subjected her to. Bella was well aware that she knew even more than Emmett did - not out of lack of trust, but, as Rose explained, a fear of Emmett going to jail for murder - and she'd vowed to keep that confidence. Alice and Jasper were in the dark, because Rosalie preferred not to dwell on the past and had chosen not to mention it yet. 'Although,' she'd lamented, 'when the baby talk starts, I'll have to explain my likely infertility, if only to drop the subject.' Recently, the three women spent a lot of time together, watching old movies and binging on sugary treats from a specialty shop in Port Angeles, laughing and driving their respective men insane.

"Hey, ladies!" Ronan called out, pointing to a waiting Rebecca, "You want dessert or are we done?"

"I want another drink," Alice pouted.

"We have wine coolers stashed at Edward's," Bella offered.

"Okay, we're done!" Alice chirped.

Ronan settled the tab quickly, running their outing through his Visa, to many protests, and they quickly gathered their belongings, departing to the classic Stealer's Wheel tune, Stuck In The Middle With You. Ronan immediately recalled Reservoir Dogs, triggering a heated conversation with Alice on the merits and (in her opinion) failings of Inglourious Basterds, the two of them speeding ahead along the sidewalk, furiously debating their opposing views. Edward and Bella held back, meandering along hand in hand, Bella frequently gazing up at the stars overhead.

"Been a while since we walked back," she mused.

"Deja vu to last summer?"

Bella grinned, "Kinda. I was mesmerized and terrified, and also just a wee bit drunker."

"We'll fix that at home," Edward replied playfully. "Bella, I wanted to ask you about something, but you have to promise you won't flip out."

"That doesn't sound good..."

Edward halted, turning to face her, "It's nothing bad. I just don't want you to worry about what I will think. I just want honesty. That's the watchword now, right?"

Bella nodded, "Honesty and teamwork. Oh, and sex. I do believe you specified sex."

Edward grinned, tugging her arm and walking slowly, "I was thinking today about how much I miss you when you stay home here and there, since, unlike my Dad, Charlie still isn't down with sleepovers, even the innocent kind."

"Well, he at least removed the chastity belt when I turned eighteen. You can't expect much more from a police chief," Bella joked.

"It's a damn good thing, since I'm totally ass at picking locks. Getting to the point, before we reach the end of the block and must reunite with our noisy companions: Bella, I don't want to spend another night apart from you. It hurts too much. I was thinking, if you want and only if you want to, that you could... well..."

"Edward," Bella interrupted, her eyes wide, "Are you asking me to move in?"

Sheepishly, he replied, "Um, yeah. Yeah, I am. We could get a bigger flat, if you wanted. It's close to work and therapy for you, and I know your Dad would be a hard sell-"

"Okay."

Edward froze, "Okay?"

Bella blushed, nodding, "You know I hate to leave. And I love your place. It's always been like home, ever since the first night."

Edward hooted, sending Bella into a giggle fit as he kissed her forehead, "I am, undoubtedly, the happiest man alive!"

"Hey! Hurry up, fuckers!" Ronan called from ahead.

"You heard the man," Edward declared, unceremoniously tossing Bella over his shoulder and jogging forward.

Bella squealed and flailed, "My skirt, asshole! My ass is hanging out!"

"And what a fine ass it is!" Edward whistled, spanking her as Alice laughed so hard she nearly fell down. "Ronan, take the keys from my pocket, will ya?"

"No way! I ain't reaching near your junk, Cullen!"

Alice shook her head, "Men!" She fished her hand into his front pocket, tugging the keys loose and throwing them to Ronan. "I can't operate doors right now. There's three locks."

"And why is Bella being carried like you've clubbed her and brought her back to your cave?" Ronan asked, unlocking the stairwell door.

"Put me down! You can't possibly carry me up these stairs!" Bella pleaded.

"You're a feather pillow, Bella, so shut it!" Edward replied, "And I have my reasons, so just hurry up, already!"

"That drunk, huh?" Ronan teased.

"I AM NOT DRUNK!" Bella wailed. "Edward, let me down!"

"I wanna piggyback!" Alice announced, her voice more child-like than usual as she gripped the handrail as if her life depended on it. "Eeyore, you need less stairs!"

"Carry her, Edward!" Bella begged, her fists thumping Edward's back, her face flushed crimson.

"Fine, fine," Edward acquiesced, setting Bella down and bending down, Alice leaping onto his back and gripping his neck for dear life. "Onward and upward, comrades!"

Bella trailed behind them, fully aware that this wasn't over, not by a long shot. Her gut told her exactly why Edward had wanted to carry her upstairs, and sure enough, the moment they reached his door, he plunked his sister down. With a devilish grin, he cornered Bella, scooping her up as she protested in vain. Ronan looked at Edward, then to Bella, and shook his head.

"You two are sickening."

Alice skipped into the apartment first, stumbling into the wall outside the kitchen as she pursued the promised wine coolers. Ronan held the door open, allowing Edward to cart Bella over the threshold, swinging her around before dumping her playfully onto the couch.

"It's not our wedding night!" Bella groaned.

"It's still important. Just shut up and be thankful for a boyfriend who loves you beyond words. Hey, Tink, you alright?"

"Mmmhmm!" Alice staggered into the living room, cradling two coolers to her chest and two more jutting from her purse on her hip. "Yay, alcohol!"

"This is your last, Missy. I'm so not dealing with puke," Edward warned her, cracking open Bella's drink and passing it to her. "And now, let us toast-"

"Are you serious?" Bella gasped. "Edward, really, I'm only moving in-"

"YOU'RE MOVING IN?" Alice squealed. "Oh my GOD! I am so HAPPY!" The tiny woman fell onto the couch beside Bella, hugging her tightly, `That`s the best news ever! I love romance!"

"You love everything and everyone when drinking, Alice," Ronan chuckled.

"Oh shut up, husband to be! And don't deny it; you'll elope before the year's out, mark my words."

Edward nodded, "Dude, don't ever bet against Alice. Sober or drunk, she's never wrong. It's kinda scary."

Ronan frowned, "Fuck... What if she hates whatever ring I buy her?"

"Ooh! I'll help you shop!" Alice shouted. "I love shopping. I wish I had a ring."

Edward and Bella exchanged a glance. Jasper had already clued the family in: he was proposing to Alice the very next weekend. His absence for the night was a carefully concocted cover for him to make the trip to Seattle to pick up the engagement ring.

"To Edward and Bella, then," Ronan said, changing subjects quickly. "Seriously, congrats. I'm glad you two got your heads out of your asses and made it."

"Thanks, Mick," Bella said softly. "No more punching him out, alright?"

"Speaking of, I like the new cabinet better," Ronan replied, gesturing to the sleek new entertainment unit across the room.

"The other one was ugly as hell; you kind of did me a favour there," Edward mused. "The bigger favour was helping me find my way back to Bella. But that said, I may need your muscle soon."

"Why's that?"

Edward swallowed hard, "Two words: Charlie Swan."

The group fell silent, each of them picturing the reaction Bella's father would have to this news. Alice's brow furrowed, as if she were scheming to elicit his approval, while Ronan whistled low, shaking his head.

"Uh, yeah. Good luck with that, man."

"Mick!" Bella admonished. "Don't you dare back down. He's gonna kill me!"

Ronan shrugged, "He might only lock you in your room. Grab some extensions and Rapunzel your way out?"

"Asshole!"

Edward laughed as Bella launched herself at Ronan, sending him flying off his chair, her fists pummelling his chest as he tickled her mercilessly on his living room floor - wait, their living room floor. It struck him then just how far his life had diverged from its formerly dark and hopeless path. One year ago, he'd been in the hospital, his body fighting his mind as he decided whether to live or die. And now... he had every reason to live. He had his family, and he had Bella at his side. If he'd succeeded at his attempt, he never would have met her, never would have held her, never would have felt this intense love that flooded him every time she smiled. But he could not regret the attempt, even in light of the pain it had caused, for it had brought him to therapy, and in turn, to Bella.

Life was a funny, fickle bitch.

"My tummy hurts," Alice moaned suddenly, struggling to her feet as Bella and Ronan continued to wrestle.

Edward knew this speech and look all too well from their teens. "C'mon, Tink," he murmured, leading her down the hall.

And even as his sister heaved and hurled out more than he'd ever seen Emmett toss after a bender, Edward still couldn't stop smiling. Life was a bitch, but it was beautiful - and he wouldn't trade his for anything.

Two more chapters, and the epilogue to go. I'm so sad :( What do you think Bella's getting done for her new mod?

That said, I have plans for a couple of lost moments and outtakes, and would love to write more. I don't feel it right to do a sequel, but in this fashion, we can still visit with Doucheward and Bitchella. Review and suggest lost moments you wish we'd seen, alternate takes on scenes, or even wild and wacky outtakes. I'll doo my best to accommodate.

I also haven't forgotten about people who tweeted out last time; I just haven't finished compiling the gift. I'll deliver soon. Keep tweeting the story around or recc'ing it and letting me know.

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