Location: BAU

Date & Time: 9 July: 07.35

"Talk to me JayJ, I know there is something not right" Garcia pleaded, JJ looked at her for a moment before shaking her head "Look JJ, we all saw the other day and it does not take a profiler to know that it upset you" she paused taking her hand "You can't protect her from everything" she said softly

"Yes it upset me and not just what happened between her and Reid" she pulled her hand away from her wrapping her arms around her waist "I saw Morgan with her, anytime, I can't" she slump her shoulders. "I can't be happy about her being pregnant, I just can't" she blurted out.

"Why on earth not?" Garcia said as she looked at her in shock "You have spoken about the babies surely" Garcia watched her as JJ looked down

"Not really" she finally admitted.

"Why on earth not?"

JJ let out a dry laugh as she spoke "You know, that is the first time she has touched her stomach, and not looked uncomfortable" she paused "Jeeze, we haven't even got anything yet, aside from what we went and got, I just can't bring myself to speak to her about it"

Garcia was totally confused "You have named them so surely you have talked about them" she pushed, JJ sighed as she sat down.

"I can't allow myself to be 'all happy'" she said as she raised her arms "What if she has them and doesn't want them, what if I can't see past how they came to be, Pen what if, I am scared to get close" she let out as a whisper.

"Have you told her this?"

JJ looked at her "No, she, damn it Garcia, I don't know how to, hell it's just so hard, I don't want to bring up memories I don't want to push, we go to the scans, but after the scan has been done, we sweep it aside" she took a breath trying to calm herself down.

"JJ, why are you so scared,"

JJ turned away "Everything is so hard, I stay strong for her, I hold her when she wakes from a nightmares, some night's I just watch her sleep, I want to hold her, I want to cuddle into her, talk to the little ones that are inside her" she looked at her with tears in her eyes "I am not even sure she wants to keep them anymore, we are missing out on so much and if we can't find a way to get into the joys of becoming parents, I just don't know what to do"

Garcia smiled softly "First off you're going to become a mom as well, not just Emily, you have said it yourself, all you see is her and not how they came to be, you are those babies mommy as well, and you need to realise that. Or you are going to turn around and they will be here, crying for two people, who won't be able to cope" she said gently. "You both need to forget how they were conceived because unless he can come back to life, which I am pretty sure he can't, since Morgan is a damn good shot, they do not need to know, but they also need their mommy's to bond with them before they are born into this big wide world, you need to be ready"

JJ laughed slightly "Yeah cause me and Emily are doing so well with the talking, and the bonding" she rolled her eyes.

"You're not talking?"

"I didn't mean it like that, we talk about everything, other than her very large bump, I just, Garcia I am scared to bond, what if something happens"

Garcia looked at her "Have you not spoken to your therapist about all these fears you have?"

JJ started to chew on her lower lip as she whispered "haven't been since April" she admitted

"Why on earth not?"

"Cases, lack of sleep, stressing over the fact that Emily isn't hyper about becoming a mom, if it's not her with nightmares, it's me and then when Sarah stays, she is having them to" she paused "All I want is for us to be able to be a family, but watching Morgan with her, touching her stomach, I haven't even felt them kick yet"

Garcia gasped "Jennifer Prentiss, you need to talk to her right now! You have to tell her this" she said in a slightly raised voice "You cannot allow yourselves to drift apart because you are so busy trying to save the other ones feelings"

"How do I talk to her about something that even I can't get my head around?" JJ asked as she looked at her best friend "You know it has taken me over five months to get the images of her in that place out of my mind, four months Garcia FIVE Months of fear pain and worry, I am running on around 3 hours sleep a day and that's if I am lucky, I need her Pen, but how do I tell her that, I need her as much as she needs me, and I need to be able to be with her through this." JJ paused.

"She had no one when she had Sarah, not really she went through it alone, her dad wanted her to have an abortion, Elizabeth only came around once Sarah was born, how, do I tell her I am here and I want and need to be apart everything. I want to feel them kick, I want to cry! I want to know when they kick her bladder or her ribs, I want to lay with my head on her stomach and just listen to them" JJ said as the sobs ripped through her chest.

"I need her to tell me we are going to be a family, I need Sarah to know she is part of our family, and get her to see she is going to be a sister" she paused "I have all these things going around in my head and I do not know what to do with it all"

"JJ if you can't talk to her then write it down, she loves you JJ, and maybe she is scared herself? We all joke around and say she's Emily and nothing bothers her but you know different to us, you live with her you love her, I bet she doesn't even see what this is doing to you"

she smiled softly at her "JJ all the guys have been waiting for you to speak to them so they can help you, this is something you can't do alone, and no matter how much you try. But you need to tell her everything, how you are feeling your fears, your wishes for your children not hers yours as in both of yours"

JJ nodded "Thanks Pen" she said as she got up "I just want to go and blow money on baby stuff and not have others do it for us" she whispered as she opened the door

"I know honey, just talk to her and let her know"

Location: JJ's Office

'Well this is one way to spend the day' she mused as she stared at the paper in front of her 'How do I tell you this Em' the thoughts swirled in her mind, she had been sat in her office for the past two hours thinking over everything, trying to put her thoughts in to words, trying to make sense of her feelings, in all she was glad there were no urgent cases and that everyone seemed to have the good sense to leave her alone today.

Dear Emily, (god that sounded so lame)

My darling,

I need you to know how I am feeling, I need you to see how much I need you, I haven't slept much in the past few months and when I say past I am talking about ever since we found you.

I watch you all the time, just to make sure you're okay, that your safe, I hate seeing your cry, but also I need to see you cry.

God do I even make sense….

Sweetheart your pregnant and I know you will sit there looking at this, thinking I am having a blonde moment, which I'm not, what I am getting at or what I am trying to say is, WE are pregnant NOT you WE!

God I was so jealous the other day, Baby do you know I haven't even felt them but Morgan has! Do you know how that makes me feel, they are going to be born and not know who the hell I am!

I have started to worry that you don't want them, Emily you are so damn well stubborn at times, when Morgan felt our babies, it was the first time you looked comfortable rubbing your own stomach and you didn't even realize you were doing it, but I also want to be the one to rub your stomach, I NEED to know when they kick you.

I NEED to be the one who soothes you after they have hurt you or caught a rib, your bladder, hell Em if I hadn't of heard you two talking I wouldn't of known!

Sweetheart WE are going to be parents WE not just you, both of us. I need you to stop hiding from me and talk to me! I love you so much but right now I am struggling.

I want to go and blow a stupid amount of money on things we may not need for them, I want us to be them happy hyper people expecting their first born children.

I know Sarah is your daughter and their sister, but does she understand that she is part of OUR family and she will play a big part in their lives as well.

I want them to know my voice before they come into the big wide world. I don't want to be on the side-lines.

I need to be part of this pregnancy too. Yes we go for scans. But when is the last time you let me look at you, and I mean really look at you, your body is changing so much and I want to see that. NO I need to see it.

I want you to tell me what it feels like and how uncomfortable you really are, instead of you hiding away from me, or pulling away. I need you to tell me I am their mother as well.

Baby I might not have been the one who got you pregnant, and as my mom pointed out so nicely. I don't have the right equipment but I am their 'father' in a sense anyway.

I am going to be there every step of the way if you would just let me! Instead of hiding behind them god damned walls of yours. You have them so high around you that I MISS YOU!

Please let me in. please let me be in this with you, you are not alone this time and you don't have to do this alone ever, I am here waiting for you with my arms wide open, if only you could see it.

Please tell me what I can do! To make you see this is the best thing that could happen to US, this is OUR family, but will we be ready for them?

Damn it Em I want to be happy about this, but how can I be when I am so far away from YOU and OUR children, they are going to know Morgan NOT me at this rate and it kills me…

I want my wife back! I need my wife back! I need my wife to know she is allowed to be happy about becoming a mommy that we are going to be mommies.

I don't want to turn around in 2 years' time and regret this or feel we have miss out on so much, but the time soon goes, and before we know it we will be up and running around like headless chickens trying to keep up with them.

I want to be able to hold you rub your back and not worry that you fear my touch or you thinking I don't want these babies OUR babies because I DO! I need you to see that!

Please baby I am begging you, let me in pull them walls down and stop running from me.

Don't allow us to regret this time baby, I am right here and I need for you to see this.

I know I may be rambling but I don't know what else to do. Hell Em I don't even know how to talk to you about this. I am scared baby I am so scared we are going to be PARENTS we are going to be a FAMILY and I need for you to understand YOU are NOT alone in this. Please tell me what to do! Please!

I don't want to hide my fears or my tears from you like I have been doing. I need you to be here for, I want you to be here for me, I love you so much and this, this pushing me away hurts so bad.

Baby I didn't even know Reid was being off handed with you and I should have seen or you should have told me, it should not have built into a shouting match in the middle of the bullpen, do you know how that made me feel?

I didn't know that he was struggling, I treat him like my kid, but I want to be able to treat OUR children like that even before they are born, I want to play music to them.

I want to see your stomach move with them, I want to get lost in you when you tell me how it feels, what they are doing inside you I need it baby so badly.

If only you would allow me in, to be there with you through this! I love you with all my heart; I stand by the vows we made to each other.

And I won't allow this anymore baby because, I damn well need you to see me and see that these are OUR children and NOT the sperm donor, because that is all he is baby.!

I love you baby always please just talk to me!

I need you to realise that this is our life together as a couple. I married you to be a family because I love you more than anything in this world. I want us to be a proper family. I want to be a Mom, a proper Mom; to overcome our fears of parenting together as a couple. I have all this love to give for the babies and want to use it. As sad as it is I want to be a classic soccer Mom for our twins and Sarah.

When I told you I could see you with kids I meant it and now I get a chance to experience that amazing journey with you, so please let. I want to hold them read them baby star.

For you to teach them to be bilingual like you are (but me as well) don't need them swearing and me sitting there with a silly grin on my face when you glare at them.

They are going to be stubborn like you, but they are also going to be loved by us all, the team is also our family, I can see Reid teaching them so much like PI and statistics on things, I want to also shield them from our work.

I don't want them to see the evil that fills our world I want them to know love and understand pain, but I don't want them to feel any just like I don't want you to feel pain.

I want to see that goofy smile, you know the one you get when you're thinking, I want them to take after me and play soccer, when we went out the other night they joked I was a stay at home Mom and you know it warmed my heart. Because I am their Mom and so are you.

I want you to shout at me when we trail mud through the house. I want to bandage there cuts and heal their bruises when they fall; I want them to see how much good and how much this world has to offer.

Do you know I dream about them and us I can see it baby, I can see us a real family our own paradise, I want Sarah to get into soccer, I want them to love those books you read and become nerds like you. I want them to know they can come to us.

I want to be there when they have their first crush one someone. I want them to believe they can be anything they want to be in life.

Garcia grew up with adoptive parents Morgan lost father, Reid father abandoned him...family is who is around you and loving you - not DNA baby look at it another way, we have been given a girt a very rare gift to bring new life into this world, for them to know love like we love each other.

I want you to watch soccer over and over again because I will have brain washed them to be redskin's fans ;) just so I can take them to the game. I want us to take them to the zoo so they can see the animals and maybe leave you in the monkey cage just to make them laugh at us for being silly.

I want us to spoil them but not too much, but baby most of all I want to do that with you and only you, they will grow up to be like us, strong and loving, kind and stubborn like you, and open and honest with us because I know we could never judge them for being themselves.

I can see us all cuddling on the sofa watching Disney films and us laughing at all the sexual innuendos that they don't understand, the innocent of a child is a gift and god baby I can't wait.

I want to see Sarah with them, can you see it baby them running rings round her and she won't even see they have her wrapped around their fingers, she is so much like you baby, and she had a sperm donor not a father, so no matter what the DNA is or who it is from, they are going to be just like you and like me, so god help us ha-ha

I want them to like the food we don't and hate the food we like, love sweets like I do and have the healthy side like you, I want to see you chasing after them, I want us to be able to come home from a bad case and bathe in there love and innocents so we can forget the horrors we see.

I also want to strap music to your stomach so when we make love you don't taint their ears when you swear I want them to see how we fit and we love each other.

I want them to try and catch Morgan as he rides his bike bringing them up the rear, Hotch is so loving when he is with Jack can you see him with these two because I can baby.

I can see Rossi becoming the over protective Granddad chasing boys away from Jane if he doesn't like the look of them.

Or Garcia running back ground checks on them all, as long as she doesn't teach them to hack into the FBI or CIA or anything that could land them in jail. We would have a fun time explaining that to Elizabeth wouldn't we.

Baby we have such a support network and a very big family even though some of them are not related by blood, Morgan would give his life for yours and mine safety can you imagine him with our children, might have to hide if they get upset with us if we have said something wrong.

I want them to have your quick wit maybe not my temper because I know you don't like it baby. I know they will see past our scars and see us like we do; they will comfort us when we have a bad day because they won't know what one is.

I want parties as they grow older but also I don't want them to grow older because that would mean we are I want so much baby and I can't explain it all, we have so much love to give and we will have so much to share with them and our family and we know babysitting isn't going to be a problem ;) I can already see Garcia working out a little plan to get them alone with her and Morgan.

Can you see what I see sweetheart, you are my world and my world includes our children and yes Sarah is also classed as my child though she is an adult so don't tell her that please.

You know the day I became your wife it made me complete, baby with you I am whole I found my soul mate the one I am to be with for ever and when I call you my wife it sends shivers down my spine and I get butterflies because you do that baby you no one else.

I never thought I would find anyone and you came alone and stole my heart and soul and baby I am so happy I catch myself playing with my rings because they were made with love and I also see you doing it and god it warms me so much, it makes me able to carry on when I look at something, or I get scared but I know you will protect me like I will you and god help anyone who hurts our children cause you know I am the best shooter on our team I aim I score.

A bit like soccer really oh boy we are going to be overrun with soccer; you're going to groan I'm going to be in soccer heaven. But we will deal with everything together because together we are complete.

Have I told you how much I love you my beautiful damn right sexy wife. I will always look after your heart like you do mine sweetheart.

Darling I am yours forever and always

Jen xxxxxxx

JJ was quite she had been out of her office until now and this now was 2.15. Emily looked up at her on the catwalk, tracking her every step, Emily just knew there was something wrong 'case' She mouthed, once JJ had turned to look at her, JJ never smiled at her and seemed to look straight passed her as she shook her head.

Emily looked behind her seeing if she could see something like JJ had, but there was nothing there, Morgan rested he hand on her shoulder causing her to jump slightly as she looked at him.

"That doesn't look good princess, what's wrong with her?"

Emily turned to look at him "I have no clue"

She bit her lower lip as she watched JJ leave Hotch's office walking over to her "Is everything okay Jen?"

JJ looked at her, her eyes soft and worried "Can you take me home" she whispered "I've cleared it with Hotch" she gave a weak smile as she looked at Morgan.

"Can you?" she asked as he nodded.

"Just leave it Prentiss" He smiled at them both "feel better JJ" He offered as JJ just closed her eyes slightly as Emily took her hand in hers.

"Jen what's wrong?" Emily asked once they had got into the safety of their car.

"Can you just get me home, please Em" she looked at her sadly.

Emily nodded "Okay darling" she gave a small smile as they started to head home.

Emily's mind raced with what could be wrong what she had done and more importantly, who had upset her wife? They pulled into the driveway, JJ was still quite as they made their way to their home.

"Come-on sweetie let's get you inside" Emily said softly.

JJ nodded, she was so scared to let Emily read what she had written, worried she would take it the wrong way, but how else could she get her to see, how much she was hurting, how scared she was of becoming a parent 'I can do this' she thought to herself as they made the way into the kitchen.

"Baby sit down for a moment" JJ said softly.

"Jen what's going on?"

JJ smiled at her softly as she placed her hand on her cheek running her thumb soothingly over her skin "I need you to do something for me, I need you to just read this while I go and have a shower, please" she asked, she couldn't be there and watch her read it "Then we will talk I promise" she placed a soft kiss on her cheek as she handed her the letter. "Em, I love you so much" she whispered.

"I love you too Jen" she said as she looked down at the paper that had been placed in her hand.

'This is it, I did it I gave her the letter, god what if she hates me for it?' she thought to herself as she stepped into the shower letting the tears fall from her face masked by the sound and the running of the water over her.

Emily stared at it for a moment as she opened the letter her heart sunk slightly as she read the top, the tears ran down her face as she took in what JJ was trying to say to her 'I've done this' she thought to herself as she read the words over and over 'she needs me' she thought sadly. 'When did I stop being there for her?'

Half an hour had past as she waited for any sign of the blonde coming back down, getting up to make them both a drink, JJ had pulled at her heart, she needed her too, she hadn't meant to push her away, she didn't even know she had.

She was lost in her thoughts as JJ walked up behind her "Hey baby" she said softly as wrapped her arms around her Emily leant into her solid frame.

"I made you a coffee" Emily said in a whisper.

"Em, come with me" she said softly as she took hold of her hand.

Emily took her hand as she walked her over to the table to sit down "Can we talk?" Emily said as she started to toy with the letter "About this darling" she held it up still open.

"I was hoping we could sweetheart"

Emily shook her head slightly "Jen, I want to say I am sorry before we talk though and I am so sorry" Emily said softly as she reached her hand towards JJ, she took hold of it intertwining their fingers

"I know that baby" she smiled

Emily took a breather as she tried to find the words "I had no idea, that this is how you felt sweetie" Emily said.

"I know you didn't, because I didn't know how to talk to you" JJ said softly.

"Jennifer I am so sorry, for not seeing this, sometimes I forget that you need me to be there for you, I am scared as well, but how can you see past the fact of who and how they came to be" she looked at her with sad eyes "Because I really wish I could but I really want you with me in this"

JJ smiled "I can see past the sperm donor, because they are part of you, they will grow to be like us. Not him"

"Why don't you wake me when you've had a bad dream? I'm I that hard to talk to Jen?"

JJ shook her head "No you're not, I don't want you to worry about me, but I also need you baby so badly, I need you to tell me we are going to be al"

Emily cut her off slightly "Jen listen to me, we are going to be okay, and because you have shown me how badly I have been treating you"

"It's, you haven't"

Emily looked at her " yes I have because I should have seen how hard this is for you, I should have seen that you were struggling, I can tell how little sleep you've had because my beautiful wife eyes have become dull and sad and I put that there, not you, not Rob and not these, but me and I need to make that right"

"Em, they are our babies. They are not a THEM but ours!"

"You have no reason to be jealous, but I can also see why you are, I want you to be happy with this and help me be happy about this, you are and you will be their Mom, and maybe we can help each other"

"Don't get me wrong Em, I love the team they are our family, but it should be us baby shopping, it should be me feeling them no one else" JJ ran her finger over Emily's ring "That is my heart baby and right now it is scared and hurting, please don't blame yourself, because I should have told you this sooner"

Emily shook her head "How can you tell me, if I am so closed off sweetie, my actions have affected you, I want them sweetie, and I know I have been ignoring you, because what you said is true, you need me as much as I need you, and I also need you to need me"

"Em I want to be Sarah's Ma not just a name as well, I want the closeness you have with her, with me and our children, but I want us to go through this together, and for you not to feel alone, and I know you do because you are not use to having someone at your side" JJ looked at her for a moment

"Tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours, I have told you my fears, tell me yours baby please"

Emily gave a half smile as she looked at her, "What if I don't bond with them, or they hate me, or you can't bond with them because of Rob?"

JJ stood up and walked over to Emily wrapping her arms around her tightly "Emily, I don't care about Rob, I care about you, I don't see him in them and I won't, I see you and I see me in our children, not anyone else, I see my beautiful wife pulling away from me and that hurts"

Emily return the embrace and held her just as close "What if I am not a good Mom, look what happened to Sarah"

JJ kissed her brow "Baby that wasn't your fault, and you did everything you could to protect her, she loves you"

"I look Jen sometimes and I see the scars and I want to run, I can't be comfortable like you are with yours"

JJ tucked her head under her chin "I am not comfortable with mine either, but I have learnt to live with them, if I could get rid of them I would in a heartbeat" she admitted. "I want to be that excited mom with you shouting at me for buying things we don't need, I want to be able to spoil you, I want to know when they move, but I am so scared you don't want me to do that baby, I have always wanted to be a mother and you are giving that to me for us no one else but for us"

"I think we got a little lost sweetie"

JJ chuckled "No we have gotten a lot lost, not a little, we forgot to communicate with each other, you remember when you wanted to adopt that girl" Emily nodded

"That broke my heart because, okay I didn't know about Sarah then, but I saw how much love you have to give and how great a mom you will be and you can be it with our children, it's okay to be scared but it is also okay to be hyper and happy about it" she took a breath

"I know we won't forget what happened to you, but they don't need to know, they just need to know they are loved and wanted, just like you are, baby open your heart back up to me and stop thinking you're going to get hurt" JJ felt the silent tears landing on her chest.

"We can do this baby, but I need you to pull your walls back down for me"

"You are there mom" Emily whispered "I just didn't tell you enough" she said in a sigh.

"You sat there in your own world Em just rubbing your stomach, you have a bond but it is not a strong bond like it should be, let me help you get that bond and you help me have that bond as well"

Emily moves slightly to look at JJ, her eyes are wide as things fall into place for her "We are really doing this aren't we!" she said as JJ laughed

"Yes we are, took you awhile to get there" JJ winked "Can I please have my wife back now, I really miss her"

Emily pulled her into a soft kiss "Forgive me for being such an ass"

JJ shook her head "You're just scared like me baby, and it is okay to be scared, so you're not too much of an ass maybe a little stubborn but not an ass. I didn't write that to hurt you baby, but to help you see what is going on" JJ said softly "I want you to let me be the over protective mom and spoil you rotten and not have this stupid fear that you don't want that"

"Thank you for opening my eyes, I do see you Jen, I just got lost inside but if you can guide me I can get there and we will be ready for them I promise you" she paused slightly "come with me" Emily said as she took JJ's hand

"Where we going"

"I want to show you something" Emily smiled softly as they walked up stairs into the bedroom, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind pulling her close so that JJ is flush against her stomach, they look at each other through the mirror their eyes locked to each other.

"Ouch!" JJ said with a slightly jump but her eyes went slightly wide

"I think they know who you are Jen"

"That's what it feels like?" Emily turned her around so her stomach was flush with hers as another kick came "Wow!" she gasped "they are ours baby, ours" JJ said as a tear roll down her cheek.

Emily took her hand placing it over her bump "You my sweet loving wife can touch and feel all you want and if you really want to play music to them, please make sure, that it's not that awful rap music that you seem to like"

JJ laughed "I think I can do that"

"Tomorrow we can start a fresh if you want Jen, because I want us to be happy and maybe if you want" Emily paused knowing this could kill her energy levels completely "We can go shopping and spend some proper time together, without the guys, without the family, just us, like it should be, I am so sorry, but also if you are able to see past the sperm donor, I know I can, I need you to have your strong wife back and not hide this from you because of my fears and sometimes shame"

"You remember Elle? The only reason I went so mad is because she called you, if anyone calls you or our children I cannot be accountable for my actions because I love you so much and no one has a right to come between that"

"That my love I can fully understand because I am the same when it comes to you, I love you so much Jennifer Prentiss"

"I love you too Emily Prentiss" JJ pulled her into a soft kiss as they held each other as close as they could; together they could ride this storm together and become stronger for it, for them and their children.