Thank you for all the kind words. I worry sometimes about the slow pace of this story because you all may be used to faster progressing stories, so I'm glad so many people are still on board here. Our Olivia will be bouncing up and down a few more times because big life lessons just never sink in completely right away. Repetition is key when learning new things and flexing new muscles. Elliot is also learning new things. Will he be able to remain patient with her?

38.

Olivia was still a little out of it when Elliot put her on her feet just outside his apartment door. After unlocking the door he guided her inside, relieved that she was letting him, and helped her lie down on her bed. He wanted to inspect her shoulder to make sure she wasn't seriously injured and told her he was going to take her sweater off. He unzipped it and started tugging at the left sleeve when she started to protest.

"No ... please," she sighed and Elliot looked at her face, that was scrunched up, her eyes closed. He wasn't sure if it was because of the pain or something else.

"Liv, I'm just going to take a look at your shoulder, okay?"

"No," she sighed again and he wondered if she was even aware of what was going on. Maybe she thought someone was attacking her again? He decided not to push her, and went to the kitchen to get an ice pack. When he came back, Olivia's eyes were still closed.

"Liv, I have an ice pack. I'm going to put it on your shoulder but you'll have to tell me if it's in the right place."

He moved her sweatshirt off her right shoulder but seeing her t-shirt, he hesitated. He wasn't going to put his hands under her shirt so he decided to put the ice pack over the t-shirt in stead of directly on her skin. Olivia jolted when he pushed the ice pack on her shoulder and her eyes flew open. She looked around and Elliot could see fear in her eyes.

"Liv, look at me," he said urgently. "It's me, Elliot. You fell and hurt your shoulder. I'm just putting some ice on it."

It took a few seconds before Olivia registered his words and finally relaxed.

"A little higher," she told him and he moved the ice pack until she groaned.

"Okay. Just hold this with your left hand for a while. We'll check your shoulder later."

Elliot sat down next to her on the bed and started taking her shoes off. Olivia watched him as he moved calmly, and she began remembering their argument in the street. She'd been so angry with him for not understanding her but she had to admit, she didn't understand herself completely either. She looked around the room. The one he had decorated just for her. The lights were turned up high and she looked at the painting of the open windows with a view of the sea. She looked at Elliot again when he sighed while setting her shoes on the floor, and she thought he looked so tired. She was making him tired. She remembered now, that was why she wanted to leave. To give him some space, away from her. She wasn't walking out of his life but she just didn't want to burden him.

Elliot got up to leave her room and she let him. As soon as she would feel up to it, she would pack her bag. She could take a cab to the hotel. After ten minutes, she took the ice pack off her shoulder and sat up. She didn't think she had any other injuries and got up slowly. She set her bag on the bed and started collecting her things in the bathroom. When she returned to the bedroom, Elliot was there again, standing at the foot of the bed next to her bag, still in his running outfit and with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked harshly.

He knew he shouldn't bark at her but he was getting tired of this eternal push and pull between them. He had thought about it after he'd left her alone with the ice pack and he had decided he was going to take advantage of her weakened state for once. She wasn't going to like it but he knew she'd understand later. Or at least he hoped she would.

"I'm leaving," Olivia said curtly. "Don't worry, I'll be back."

She made an attempt to smile, hoping he'd get the message, but she was too tense to be convincing. Her thoughts were jumbled and her shoulder hurt more than she cared to admit.

"No," Elliot said. "You're not leaving. I won't let you."

What the hell?

"I'm leaving and you're not stopping me," Olivia said, her eyes shooting daggers at him.

"I am."

Olivia froze and looked at Elliot in disbelief.

"Come again?" she said, slowly stepping towards him until they were only a foot apart, still clutching the toiletries she had just gathered in the bathroom.

"You're injured and I'm not letting you leave like this."

On the inside, Elliot's resolve was wavering. Olivia's badass glare was intimidating and while he knew he could take her on, he wasn't sure now if he should push her like this. It could very easily backfire and he didn't know what she'd do or what he'd do if it did.

"You're gonna lock me up?"

There was anger and astonishment in her voice and eyes, but also a hint of fear. That's not what he wanted. Think Stabler, think.

"No," he said, reaching for her hesitantly. She took a step back and he dropped his arms to the sides.

"No. I'd lever lock you up," he continued. "I'm just hoping you'll let me make a decision for you for once. You shouldn't be alone after that fall. I don't think you should be alone at all, but definitely not now. We don't even know if you broke or dislocated anything."

He thought he'd come up with a pretty smart reason to keep her there, if he said so himself. He could see Olivia was processing his reasoning and waited with baited breath for her reaction. She started moving both her shoulders and it was visibly painful but she shook her head.

"It's not broken or dislocated. It's just a bruise El. I'll be fine."

She wanted to move towards her bag again to put her toiletries in but Elliot stopped her by taking a hold of her upper arms.

"Let go of me," she said with a low voice.

"No," he said again, tightening his hold on her arms slightly.

Olivia felt trapped and wanted to scream. She stared at Elliot who was towering above her with a determined look on his face. Why couldn't he understand she was doing this for him? She tried to break free but her shoulder hurt too much and she dropped her things on the floor.

"Let go of me!" she insisted while tears welled in her eyes.

"Olivia!" Elliot barked, not letting go of her arms. "Stop pushing me away. You don't have to protect me. Not from you!"

When she still resisted he let go of her, not wanting to hurt her but he was beyond frustrated with her.

"Dammit woman, why don't you get it?" he spat at her.

"Get what Elliot? I'm clearly getting on your nerves so ..."

"That I love you and I'd do anything for you!"

Elliot was almost seeing red and that was absolutely not the way he had pictured telling her. But it was out there now and he closed the distance between them, looking into her eyes that had gone wide with shock.

"Liv," he said, putting his hands on her upper arms again. "That's not the way I wanted to tell you. But it's true. I love you and I can't remember a time when I didn't."

Olivia was taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down and let his words sink in. When she didn't say anything, Elliot continued, the volume of his voice decreasing as he spoke.

"As stubborn and infuriating as you may be sometimes, I can't help loving you more each day. Please. Don't leave."

He leaned his forehead against hers as he told her, almost whispering,

"I need you as much as you need me." He chuckled when he added, "Probably more."

Olivia blinked a few times and two tears found their way down her cheeks. She'd been flung from heated anger to sheer astonishment in seconds and couldn't believe the words she had just heard, or the fact that they had come out of Elliot Stabler's mouth. His eyes were boring holes in hers and somewhere in the back of her head it was registering that she should say something. Anything. But she was drawing blanks and couldn't think. Her breath was caught in her throat and when Elliot tilted his head she finally breathed out. Well, it was more of a whimper that was muffled when he kissed her.

Her arms moved on their own accord as soon as his lips closed over hers. Her right arm was around his waist and her left arm around his neck before she realized she had moved. They pulled each other close and closed their eyes as they drowned in the kiss, their prior argument completely forgotten. He was forceful and gentle, loving and demanding, giving and taking, stimulating and reassuring. Olivia melted further into his body as their mouths and tongues explored each other and she was giving back as much as he was giving her. She moaned and he breathed into her opened mouth, then kissed her again, cupping her face in both hands and holding it close to his own. He broke off the kiss and looked at her until she opened her eyes, her breath shaky and her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

"You okay?" Elliot asked her softly, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I ... I ..."

Elliot smiled. His anger had dissipated and he had poured all of his frustration in that scorching kiss. His heart was racing and his body was fired up, but his mind was clear again. Now he needed to get Olivia back on earth so they could talk.

"Let's sit," he suggested and Olivia nodded. He pushed her bag aside and they sat down on the foot of the bed.

Olivia was exhausted. The activities of the day and her emotional outbursts had taken everything out of her but while her body was spent, her mind was now racing. Elliot loved her. And he needed her. He needed her. That appealed to her own need to be of use. But that he could truly love her? Elliot had moved his arm behind her and was now caressing her back slowly. She glanced at him and smiled when she saw his shy but happy grin.

"That was some kiss," she managed to say and Elliot laughed.

"I was trying to make a point," he told her, becoming a little bolder.

"I would say you succeeded," Olivia said, smiling but looking away from him.

"Liv, I'm sorry I lost my temper, but I meant what I said."

"I don't know what to say, El," she said, and she really didn't. They were in uncharted waters and she was barely keeping her head above water.

"Just tell me you'll stay," Elliot said, pulling her a little closer to him. Olivia leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"I'm sorry I'm such a difficult person. I'll stay if you'll still have me."

"God Liv, did you hear anything I just said?" Elliot said, trying not to raise his voice again. "If I'll still have you?"

He shook his head.

"Is it really that hard for you to believe that I love you?"

Those three little words were falling from his lips more easily each time he said it. He knew Olivia still wasn't herself and he was trying not to worry about her lack of reaction but he would really like at least an acknowledgement that she'd heard him.

She was looking at him now and he could see she was drained, emotionally as well as physically. She needed him to be strong now and take control. He suggested running a bath for her so she could relax and rest while he ordered dinner and Olivia didn't need much convincing. Despite her sore shoulder, she wouldn't let him help her take her shirt off and he left her alone after making sure the tub was filling up properly and the water was the right temperature.

Elliot walked into the living room and dropped himself into the armchair, leaning his head against the headrest and covering his face with his hands. He needed a few minutes to calm down and process what had happened in the span of just thirty minutes. He never meant to corner Olivia but he hadn't known how to get through to her otherwise. And he hadn't meant to yell at her that he loved her. That had most definitely not been the plan. But he was glad he had finally told her. She hadn't really responded to his admission but that kiss ... God, that kiss. He'd poured all of his love for her out in that one kiss and the way she had joined in and had given back everything she was getting had shaken him to the core. He knew she didn't wear her heart on her sleeve but the way her body had responded to his spoke volumes.

He had always known Olivia was a passionate woman but he hadn't quite been prepared to be on the receiving end of her passion. His body was still responding to it each time he closed his eyes and remembered their kiss and the way her warm body had melted into his. He knew Olivia was still unstable and would have unpredictable mood swings and he wasn't sure how he would respond to those. He might get frustrated in a very different way and if Olivia picked up on that she might want to create more distance between them again. Elliot shook his head and stared at the ceiling. How he hated the man who had made such a jumbled mess of the woman he loved.

...

Olivia had tried to relax in the tub but it wasn't working. Her muscles welcomed the warmth but her thoughts wouldn't calm down. He loved her. She'd known it in a way, read it between the lines in their wordless communication, but to hear him actually say it out loud made it very real. I love you and I can't remember a time when I didn't. He had actually felt the same way all this time. And he had seen her at her worst, like she had seen him at his worst, and they had never given up on each other. They couldn't. From time to time, Olivia felt herself smiling. She would feel small surges of happiness bubble up. And then she would frown again, worried that she was too broken to ever be fit for a healthy relationship again. And wondering if this was really the best time to start something new with Elliot. Sometimes she was just so tired of herself. Why couldn't she just jump into things foolishly, like so many people did all over the world? Why did she have to have so much baggage that it stifled her to a point that she couldn't do anything spontaneous, ever. Well, except for a spontaneous combustion every once in a while. She rubbed her face with both hands and sighed. Getting angry spontaneously had never been difficult for her. Or him. Anger had always been a safe outlet for both of them. Only now, it wasn't safe anymore. She knew now what it was like to lose control completely and it scared her. She would never want to lose control with Elliot. Not in anger.

She remembered the intense kiss they had shared, coming straight out of a heated argument, and she blushed at the thought. It was an outlet of a completely different order and the thought of losing control with Elliot like that didn't seem like such a bad idea. She felt her stomach clench at the thought, and various other parts of her body had a small 'reaction' as well. It was the first time since the assault that she could think about physical intimacy without being overwhelmed by anxiety. She still worried about it but she had to admit that Elliot's strength and passion didn't scare her. Being in Elliot's arms made her feel safer than she had ever felt before.

As Olivia got out of the tub and dried herself off, her heart began to race again. She would have to face Elliot soon. She had been wrapped up in her own thoughts but was beginning to realize that Elliot couldn't have had the easiest wait while she had been taking a bath. He wouldn't know what to expect from his unpredictable partner after their fight in the street and in her bedroom. And after that searing kiss ... She was feeling very insecure and didn't know what to expect either.
She put on her white pajama pants, needing something to cover herself up with, and plucked a purple spaghetti top out of her bag. Her sweater had gotten dirty when she fell and she picked up the one she had borrowed from Elliot two days earlier when she'd gotten cold. It still smelled a little like him and she smiled. She managed to get it on without too much trouble despite her bruised shoulder and pulled the sweater around herself before venturing out of her room.

Elliot was sitting in his chair, hands folded in his lap, his head leaning back and his eyes closed, and he didn't notice her when she came in. Olivia leaned against the wall and looked at him. Her best friend and the man she loved. Her heart went out to him now. She really didn't want to be a burden. She didn't want to complicate his life but if he truly loved her, she couldn't keep pushing him away. He deserved to know how she felt about him and while she was terrified of opening herself up, Elliot had always been the only one she had felt safe enough with to try.

"Hey," she said softly, not wanting to startle him as she walked up to him.

...