"NT-427," the narrow officer with a vulpine face states suspiciously as he reviews his datapad. Lando, Dameron, and Rose have just launched with no issue, but Ben knows better than to think this will all go as easily.
They'd been so close, almost to the First Order transport he'd nudged the requisition officer to assign him. The urgency to get this done, to get to Rey grows more unbearable with each passing moment and this snag makes his fingers curl into fists to keep from screaming.
Ben had pulled his hair back and tucked it under his First Order cap, grateful that the Resistance had managed to pull together uniforms and stormtrooper armor. His mother had always been well prepared for just about any eventuality, it's why he'd gone to them in the first place. At least that's what he tells himself. However, he has had to use the Force to constantly ensure that no one looks too closely at his face.
He'd thought it would be himself who would bring danger. His face isn't exactly anonymous. But no, it would appear FN—Finn's the one drawing attention, even in his faceless trooper garb. The officer reminds him far too much of Hux for his liking, and he hopes he's not unusually strong minded like that ginger bastard. Gods, what if Brendol Hux had more than one spawn?
Setting that unpleasant thought aside, Ben focuses on the situation at hand—the officer looking Finn up and down as if he's just had to eat something particularly unpleasant.
"It would appear that there is an issue with your records. Or with your designation. NT-427 was reported missing in action three months ago," the officer says with narrowed eyes.
Ben's blood runs cold as he sees the gaping hole in their plan. He hadn't anticipated this level of scrutiny. His own moniker, Captain Janus, was something he just made up in the moment and chances are it will be the next item typed into that datapad. Hux has clearly increased security throughout the First Order and that is going to cause problems.
Waving his hand, Ben focuses intensely on this officer—Lieutenant Bren—he notes. The name makes a nerve jump in his cheek and he finds himself wondering again as to what, precisely Brendol Hux had gotten up to over the years.
"You will let us pass to our ship and note nothing irregular," Ben intones.
Lieutenant Bren blinks and shakes his head. Damn. He's throwing it off. Ben again flexes his hand and pushes into the man's head, hard. For the first time in a long while his stomach turns at the inherent wrongness of tearing into a mind.
It's an unnatural act, destroying someone's defenses. It's not inherently dark, but using it the way he does used to leave him quivering and ill. It's been years since he's allowed it to bother him. But now … now he can't help but hear Dameron's screams and the image of Rey's tear-streaked face claws through his consciousness.
Will she ever forgive him for what he did to her that day on Starkiller Base? They've never really talked about it and he wonders if she bears scars on her psyche from how he'd tried to take the map from her. He was as gentle as he could have been, but she fought and he knows he hurt her.
Rey has experienced so much pain because of him. He's taken so much from her, how can she possibly love him? He doesn't even deserve to look on her. No, stop. He can't do this, not now. He needs to see her safe and whole, there's no time for these soul-quaking thoughts. He can't survive without her …
Refocusing on the lieutenant's mind, he finds a very similar terrain to that of Hux's consciousness and he's certain that these two are related. Hoping this won't cause more problems down the line, he steals himself and rips the memory of himself and Finn from his mind, quelling the wave of nausea that follows.
Bren flinches and then calls out in pain, grabbing his head and swaying on his feet. Holding him up, Ben whispers furiously, "You will go to medical and seek care for a headache. You won't look back."
Thankfully, the lieutenant's fractured mind accepts the order and he dazedly wanders off.
"Come on," Ben hisses, walking swiftly to the small First Order craft.
"Wait, don't we need codes?" Finn asks hurriedly.
"I have everything we need, now let's go!"
They walk briskly to the transport and are on their way before any further complications can stop them.
I'm coming Rey, I'm coming …
"How are we going to get the codes?" Finn asks in a panic as soon as he pulls off his helmet.
"I … I have a contact," Ben finally admits. He'd not been willing to reveal TL and the stormtrooper rebellion to the Resistance until he had been certain that they wouldn't betray him.
"What do you mean, a contact?" Finn asks with frustration.
Ben enters the last of the coordinates and they're in hyperspace. He turns his chair until he's looking directly at Finn.
"There's … there's a rebellion brewing in the First Order. Amongst the stormtroopers."
Finn blinks then falls gracelessly into the co-pilot's chair. "Tell me everything," he demands with surprising force
And so Ben does.
"Why … why did you even come to us if you have people on the inside?"
Ben's jaw works and he tries to push away the truth of it. That he'd … he'd wanted to come home, wanted to be part of Rey and his mother's people. That's not all of it … but when he'd been afraid and desperate, it was all he could think of to do.
Now that he's had time to really analyze his situation, he sees that he probably could have managed this without the Resistance, but … then what? He wants … he wants all of this to mean something. He wants Rey to have a home. People who love her. Much as he wants to be her only family, he knows she needs more. Besides … he wants to honor his mother. He wants to fix it, fix it all.
But he can't put all of that into words so he settles on, "Because it was the right thing to do. It's what Rey would want."
"And you? What do you want, Kylo Ren?" Finn asks in that keen way he has, seeing more than Ben would like.
Flinching in his First Order uniform, Ben lifts his gaze to hold Finn's eyes. "To be my mother's son again."
Finn nods slightly. "Alright then. That I can understand … Ben."
They land on a deserted jungle planet, where Lando, Rose, and Dameron are waiting for them and they stomp down the ramp of the First Order craft.
"Any trouble?" Lando asks.
Ben starts to respond with, "No-"
"Just a First Order officer whose brain might be scrambled," Finn cuts in.
Glaring at Finn, Ben looks away, surprised by the hot frisson of shame that runs through him. "The mind trick didn't work on him."
"I don't really care if another First Order lackey can't remember what day it is," Dameron says dismissively.
Finn's lips purse and he looks at the ground.
"Hey, buddy, I didn't think, I'm sorry," Dameron says as he slings his arm over Finn's shoulders.
Finn looks at Dameron and says, "They don't … most of them don't even want to be there. Even the officers. They just don't know any other way. Speaking of that … Ben was telling me-"
"Ben?" Dameron asks with a raised brow.
Finn crosses his arms, pulling away from Dameron's friendly embrace. "Yeah. Ben was telling me that the stormtroopers are organizing. That they don't want to be under the First Order's thumb any longer. They're going to help us."
Lando whistles. "Well I'll be an Ewok's uncle. Didn't see that coming."
Dameron focuses on Ben. "Is this true?"
"Yes. They got me off of the Finalizer."
Dameron strokes his chin. "What do they want?"
Ben looks at him dumbly and throws his hands up. "Freedom, I suppose."
"You've never asked?" Finn interjects, his eyes sharp.
"It hasn't come up," Ben says defensively.
Rose, who has been examining the First Order vessel, joins the conversation. "Well maybe you should ask. They could be great allies, or they'll sell us out if they think they'll get a better deal from Hux."
Ben frowns. He can't really see TL doing that, but TL isn't their leader. His lips pull into a frown. "Yeah, alright. We need to know more."
Dameron looks at him in challenge, "We?"
Pulling himself to his full height, Ben says, "We."
Ben sends the alert and waits, surrounded by his Resistance 'friends'.
"Sir?" TL asks cautiously after a few minutes.
"Hello, TL. Listen, I'm with allies. Friends." He hopes that TL understands not to reveal too much. He wants to trust his new allies, he truly does. But he won't trust anyone with Rey's safety. There's nothing he won't do, no trust he won't betray in order to see her safe. He knows that Dameron at least would let Rey parish for his cause. He pushes aside the knowledge that that's not really fair, that this man appears to have feelings for his beloved and stays his course.
There's a long pause. "You're sure they can be trusted?"
"They're Resistance, they have no love for the First Order." Trust them. To a point.
"Or us," TL says pointedly.
Ben is about to try to explain when Finn cuts in, "This is FN-2187."
"Oh … oh … I didn't realize. Uh … sir, it's such an honor to meet you, even like this," TL stumbles over his words. "You … you're why we're doing this. Once you broke away, it showed us we could, and one-by-one more of us have shaken off our conditioning. Thank you … Finn."
Finn swallows thickly. "You … you're welcome."
"So we may proceed?" Ben asks irritably. Some part of him feels a savage satisfaction that Hux's pet project is in fact a failure. A clone army never would have done this. Never mind that he's benefiting from said failure.
"Yes, yes of course, sir," TL responds.
"I should have asked this sooner, but what do the stormtroopers want?"
"Want?" TL's confusion is palpable.
"Yes, why are you helping me, what is the purpose behind this rebellion?"
There's a long pause and Ben grows nervous. Everything will fall apart without the stormtroopers' help and he has to get Rey back. His heart starts to race and his mind begins to conjure images of what could be happening to her right now.
He's been able to keep these thoughts at bay—for the most part—knowing he had to focus on getting to her. But now that he's facing a flaw in the plan his mind is flooded with horrific ideas and he feels like the breath has been pulled from his lungs.
Just as the panic is about to overwhelm him, TL says, "We want a say in our lives."
Ben closes his eyes briefly and forces himself to even his breathing. "And what do you expect for helping me?"
"I … nothing, sir." TL's tone sounds almost hurt.
"TL, I didn't mean it like that … I mean … what happens next?"
"We just want things to change. We're tired of all the death. None of us want to be used like that any longer."
Dameron interjects, "You want to bring down the First Order from within?"
"If that's what it takes, yes," TL says resolutely. "We're planning to use your girl's rescue as the first strike. We're placed to gain control of the Finalizer."
Finn catches each of the Resistance member's eyes and soon they're nodding. It's a bold plan, but it can only help ensure the success of their mission. The chaos of a coup is just what they'll need to get Rey to safety.
"I think we can work with that," Dameron says, admiration in his tone.
"Now that we have that out of the way, TL, have you had any success contacting Analyst Bast?" Ben asks in impatiently. He doesn't really care what comes after he has Rey back in his arms where she belongs. The only reason he'd bothered asking was to get everyone to trust each other.
"Yes, he's … uh … eager to help." Ben smiles at that, remembering how very enthusiastic Analyst Bast had been.
"Good, that's good. We need codes to get through the shields and access wherever she's being held."
"We had assumed that and we're on it. Bast has almost broken through the encryptions and we have two troopers placed on your girl's guard duty."
Clutching the comm tightly, Ben asks, "You do?" He can't hide his desperate need to know how she's fairing.
"Yes, and before you ask, she's doing well. She's got Hux chasing his tail and I must tell you, Supreme Leader, we're all looking forward to meeting her. Every time he leaves her rooms he's red in the face and … well … we're all rooting for her."
Ben slumps into his chair as he lets out a long breath. Oh, his beautiful Rey. He knows she's magnificent, that she'd fight so hard, but the confirmation that she's alright makes his eyes sting with relief.
"Thank you," he murmurs into the comm, almost forgetting he's observed.
"We'll have those codes for you by tomorrow. We're in place. When you arrive we're going to get you to your girl and take the Finalizer."
Ben nods, not able to find his voice and lets Finn take the comm from his hand. Tomorrow. She'll be safe tomorrow. He's going to have her back and he's never letting her go ever again. Reaching into his pocket, he rolls Rey's ring between his fingers, centering himself.
"TL, you're a good man. I'm looking forward to shaking your hand," Finn says.
"Ah, thank you Finn."
Finn frowns slightly. "TL?"
"Yes?"
"Is that your name? Do you … do you want us to call you something else?"
"TL is fine," the stormtrooper says genially.
With a furrowed brow Finn asks, "You're sure?"
"It's all I've known, and it's what my people call me."
"Alright, TL."
"Good luck, Finn."
"So we have everything we need to do this tomorrow," Dameron says, looking at their little band of rebels.
Slowly, heads nod, all but Ben's. Something feels … off and he's not sure how he's going to sleep. There's an urgency in the Force that makes the back of his brain itch. She's been in First Order custody for days and he feels like he's going to jump out of his skin.
"Ben?" Rose asks.
He shakes his head and says, "Yes, yes, we'll go tomorrow. Everything is in place."
"Alright then. Everyone gets some sleep," Lando suggests, turning to go to Maz's ship. They all starts to break away but Ben just stands there looking at his feet.
Rey … Maker, how he's failed her. He's fairly certain she's relatively safe but he can't shake the knowledge that she'd been beaten nearly to death, placed in Hux's clutches, all because he didn't do the right thing on the Supremacy. She'd offered him a way out and he'd been so blind.
"Ben?" Rose nudges again.
He looks up, blearily.
"Are you … are you alright?"
He tries to nod but finds himself shaking his head.
"What is it? I mean, we're going to do this, she's going to be okay."
"I … I know. I just … if I'd never …" Joined Snoke, killed my father, pushed Rey away ...
Rose sighs. "Yeah … a lot of things wouldn't have happened."
"Like your sister."
Her expression closes quickly. "Not yet, Solo."
"Okay, okay."
"Look, you're doing the right thing now. Get it together, get some sleep so you can start making it better. No more moping."
Ben can't help the slight smile that pulls at his lips. "Alright … alright." Rose is right, he's no good to Rey if he lets himself fall apart. TL said she was doing well and he'll be with her again in just a few short hours.
Rose gives him one last look and she turns on her heel and moves off to Maz's ship.
Ben trudges off to the First Order craft to try to sleep.
Sitting in the small berth, he holds her ring in his hand and rubs his thumb along the metal. The texture of the Alderaanian crest feels pleasing against his skin.
It's so easy to imagine it on her finger, a clear statement that she's his and he's hers. Maker, he hates that they've taken his crystal from her. It had calmed him to know that she had a symbol of his love with her always.
His eyes clench shut as he imagines them roughly tearing it from her neck and he vows to get it back for her. Did they take her lightsaber, too?
Of course they did and he envisions placing them both in her hands, making her whole again.
Fiddling with Rey's ring, he looks off into nowhere, not focusing on anything. Then he feels it, the bond opening. He whips his head to the side and finds her pacing. Quickly, he puts the ring back in his pocket.
"Rey?" he calls out.
Her face turns to his and he gasps. Her lip is split and half her face is mottled with a deep purple hand-print.
He rushes to her, his trembling hand just barely touching her bruised flesh. "Beloved …" he breathes out. This must have just happened … TL had said she was safe ...
Don't worry. I've had worse.
"I'm going to make him suffer," he snarls.
Her eyes are haunted when she nods vaguely.
"Tomorrow. I'm getting you out tomorrow. I promise. Just hold on. Please, my love," he pleads.
I know. I know you're coming. There's a bleakness in her tone that make his chest feel hollow.
That's when he notices she's moving stiffly. "What … what else did he do to you?" Ben asks fearfully.
It doesn't matter. She sounds … desolate. Force, what did Hux do?
"Please … please tell me … show me."
Her eyes swim with trepidation as she turns and lifts her shirt, showing lash after lash across the delicate skin of her back.
Against his will, he sees her held down, Hux opening her flesh again and again. A pained, broken sound escapes him, unable to find words. He knows all too well the feeling of the whip and his knees buckle beneath him.
"No, no, no," he shudders harshly against her abdomen, his arms coming around her thighs, pulling her to him.
She curls around him, stroking his hair. Shhhhh. I'm fine. I can endure. I'm staying alive until you're here.
"I'm so sorry. Oh, gods, how can you ever forgive me?"
There's nothing to forgive. This is Hux. Besides, it could have been so much worse … two of the troopers, they … they were kind. One of them slipped me some bacta.
Ben's head hangs low and he's so grateful for TL and his people. But he can't find his way out of the guilt and his ring for Rey burns in his pocket. He doesn't deserve her. How could he have been so arrogant as to think he could ever be worthy of her?
This is all because of him. He'd made her a target, and he knows Hux is being his cruelest because it will hurt him. All his fault. All his fault.
He looks up at her broken, beaten face and he knows he'll only ever bring her pain. He only fails those that he loves. Nothing … he's nothing … worse than nothing.
Please Ben … stand up and just hold me.
"I don't want to hurt you," he says lowly, stumbling to his feet and backing away. He shouldn't even touch her. He doesn't deserve to.
You won't. Please.
He can't deny her anything and though he knows this is a blessing he has not earned, he enfolds her in his arms, so gently. She rubs her face against his chest and he strokes her hair softly.
I trust you.
Her words crack him wide open. She shouldn't trust him, not with anything. He is the architect of everything that's happened to her but he knows she needs him so he just holds her closer.
"Oh Rey …" I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ...
A/N: Thank you ArtemisBare for nudging me in just the right direction on this chapter!
Thank you my beautiful readers! We're so close to the Big Confrontation! I'm exceptionally grateful for all of your frankly astounding support. Thank you, thank you, thank you.