Two days had passed since the blow up with Alec. Magnus and Izzy had promised to keep him from doing anything stupid while Jace and the others tried to find a way to break the bond between he and Jonathon. How did all of this go so wrong? They were Nephilim, they knew battle but they were suppose to be a family and now everything had fallen apart. Was it him? Did the extra angel blood he had flowing through him make him bad instead of good some how? Did the screwed up experiments that Valentine had done on him as a child screw him up as bad as it had Jonathon and he just hadn't realized it over the years? He wasn't suppose to have the angel blood, not as much as he had anyway, so was that why he always managed to make bad things happen? Was it a punishment because he'd been the one to ingest the stolen blood?

There were so many questions they all needed answers too that he didn't know where to start. Why did he receive physical injuries from something that happened in his mind? Why had he had to deal with one of the most humiliating medical exams of his life for an assault that happened in his head? Why if he'd only been unconscious for a couple of days had it felt like he'd been imprisoned for months and why had his body showed signs of starvation and dehydration that would have taken longer then days to achieve? Not to mention how had Luke managed to pull Lilith out of his head and make her physically appear? He sighed and slammed yet another book closed before shoving back from the table and climbing the stairs in search of some ancient tome that could explain any of his burning questions.

Robert stretched his aching back as he walked down the long hallway. They had spent most of the night trying to calm Alec down and still didn't know why he was so upset other then it was something he'd witnessed in Jace's head. He finally reluctantly agreed to wait on any action until things were settled with Lilith. Maryse and Isabelle had convinced him that they all needed to stick together so they would be safe as it would take all of them to battle the demon if it came to that. As soon as that was settled he'd gone to work researching with Luke trying to find a way to break the bond between Jace and Jonathon and it wasn't looking good. Luke, exhausted, fell asleep with his face in a book and he was about to do the same so he decided to head to the kitchen for a cup of well earned coffee.

He noticed the lights seeping through the opening of the Library door and went to investigate. The fact that he was able to step up behind the boy unnoticed was a testament to how weak and tired he was. Robert would never admit this out loud but Jace was the best fighter he'd ever seen, best Shadow Hunter if the truth were to be told. "It is 4:00 A.M. Jace Greymark why are you still up?"

Never would he ever admit to the girly squeak that escaped him as he nearly jumped out of his skin. After taking several deep breaths, "Looking for answers though now I think I might have to take a break to retrieve my heart from the ceiling." He looked around at the older man who use to be a mentor to him, "Why are you awake? Is it time to go hang with your fellow bats in the belfry again?" He inwardly cringed at himself. Apparently fatigue and misery were not a great combination when talking to someone.

Robert had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling at the look on Jace's face. "No, just looking for one bat in particular and I seem to have found him amongst the bright lights and moldy books of the library." He took him by the arm and tugged him from the chair.

Inwardly he was cursing himself as he was led down the hall by the arm. He'd set himself up and only had himself to blame for this one. "I didn't mean to be.."

"Don't," the older man said still leading him briskly down the corridor.

Jace's mind had been on how he was going to make it through a punishment so he hadn't realized he'd been led to the kitchen until he'd been pushed to sit on a stool at the bar. "Um what are you doing?" Was he going to use utensils to punish him? Oh God, not Izzy's cooking! That's just too cruel.

"Fixing you something to eat. You look half dead."

He was astounded as he watched him set stuff on the counter. Robert Lightwood was going to fix him pancakes? "Am I dying?"

"What?" he nearly dropped his eggs.

"You haven't cooked for me since, well ever. You haven't even spoken to me unless it was Clave business or punishment since I was ten so either I'm dying or you're the one who taught Izzy how to cook and that's my punishment." He paused, thinking for a second, "I hope it's the first and not the later, really."

He turned to the stove to try and hide the stricken look on his face. "I guess you wish you would have never been brought here."

Shrugging even though Robert couldn't see him, "that's not true."

He flipped the first pancake and sliced an apple, turning to set it in front of the boy. "You have no good memories, not even from here."

"I have good memories. I can't imagine my life any other way. If you hadn't agreed to take me in then I would have lost Alec and Izzy for ever and Max." He nibbled on an apple slice then tossed the rest on to his plate. "I know you agreed to take me because they offered to reduce your sentence over Valentine and you would never have survived being locked down like Hodge. For what it's worth I don't think you, Maryse, Luke or even Jocelyn were ever believers in Valentine's true plan. I think the idea of the circle is something that even now I and many others would want to follow because the Clave has gotten so dominating, so demanding and so self important that no one believes in what they stand for anymore."

Robert looked nervous, "Be careful what you say Jace the inquisitor has eyes every where."

"But I don't care," he said emotionlessly. "Death doesn't scare me nor does punishment." He saw the older man flinch at the word punishment.

"I guess I am to blame for that?"

"No, I am."

"What?"

He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. "What happened to me in the past, recently, even now is exactly what I deserve. I was born an abomination to be an experiment for a mad man who killed my 'father' and made my mother so mad she killed herself with me still inside. He should have let me die with her then none of this would be happening but he didn't so if anyone is to blame besides me it's him."

He looked at the stack of pancakes Robert sat in front of him with huge eyes. It was nearly up to his chin. "Eat, you need the nourishment and I promise Maryse taught Isabelle to cook not me."

Jace smiled and took a bite, "Not bad."

He sat down beside him, "Jace I.."

Putting his fork down he turned to face him, "Don't. You were hard on me, sometimes too hard but you did what you had too to protect the people you love. You thought I was Valentine's spawn, evil incarnate and you were not going to let anyone get hurt again."

"But someone did get hurt. You got hurt."

He shook his head and poked at his pancakes, "you were trying to make me a good man and I learned from it."

"Stop it," he snapped grabbing his arm. "Stop trying to make everything ok because it's not. I punished you because I was angry at Valentine, at my self not at you! You were just a boy. If I had gotten to know you, given you a chance then I would have seen that you were innocent. Maryse saw it at first but my own paranoia bleed over to her and I convinced her having you here was the only way we could stop you from being like him."

Jace didn't know what to do or to say. He just wanted to run away from this whole conversation. He hated this so much, hated that he had to try to prove to people that it was not their fault for fearing him. "Please," he closed his eyes and tried to disappear, "you were protecting your family."

"And who protected you?" he demanded. "Who soothed you when you cried? Who cuddled you when you were hurt or sick? Who tried to make you feel safe?" He turned the young man to face him and could see he was fighting tears. "I put a lock on your door not to keep you safe from anyone coming in but to keep you from coming out!"

Remembering the night the lock had been put on caused him to tremble in fear. It was the night he learned that the monster Valentine would be looking for Jace because he witnessed him murder his father. The vivid image of Michael Wayland laying in a pool of his own blood and Valentine holding the dripping knife in the fire light popped in his head and he could feel the emotions just like it had happened that instant. He couldn't take anymore, allowing the tears to fall as he hid his face in his hands. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm sorry!" he pulled him into a hug, his own tears dripping in to the blonde hair. "I'm so sorry Jace. I was not there when you needed me. I wasn't there to help you through you're pain only to cause you more pain. I punished you for something you never had anything to do with. You never asked to be born and had no choice in the things that happened to you." He kissed the top of his head, "I know you can never for give me but know that if I had it to do over I would do it all differently."

He was dumbfounded and speechless. So many things that he needed to say, wanted to say flooded his mind but he couldn't make his mouth move all he could do was lean in to Robert's hug.

Gathering himself he pushed Jace back and stood pressing a kiss to his forehead before walking out of the kitchen.

"I...I forgive you," he hiccupped just before he got all the way out of the door. Robert turned and smiled at him before heading to his room.

He tried for a long time to calm himself but he couldn't seem to get it under control even cleaning the kitchen didn't help. He set off to find the one person who seemed to always be able to calm him and sooth his fears.

Luke bolted upright in the chair having woke himself with an exceptionally loud snore. Looking down he realized he'd drooled a bit on the book he was suppose to have been reading. "Ugh," he grabbed a nearby water bottle taking a deep drink and blinking his eyes trying to wake up fully. He was about to go get a cup of coffee when he saw Jace walk into the room. "What are you doing up?" As he got farther into the room Luke jumped to his feet and ran to him. "What's wrong? What happened?"

He shook his head and hesitantly started to hug him but pulling back wondering if this was still his nightmare and this was all just setting him up for something worse. Covering his face with his hands again he turned to leave, so confused and tired.

"Jace," he started toward him careful not to spook him.

"Are you real?" bewildered; defeated.

He reached for Jace's shoulder, his firm hand an anchor and what he hoped would convince him that it was really him. "It's me I promise, the real me." He felt his shoulders shake in silent cries.

"Damn it why can't I tell if I'm awake or asleep? It all seems so real," the defeat in his voice was heart breaking.

"I don't know how to prove I'm the real Luke? Lilith was using a glamour spell to project my image."

"I knew you would never do that to me but then you..she held me down."

Unable to take it any longer he pulled him into his arms and held him tightly to his chest. "You're safe now kid, I have you now; the real me." They stayed that way for ten minuets Jace's sobs ebbing to gasped hiccups then to sniffles. He was dead on his feet. "Come on lets get you to bed. You need rest."

"No!"

"Woah ok, no sleep but just lay down and let your body relax ok? I'll stay with you." He nodded and they walked to his old bedroom. Luke didn't try to undress him for fear of causing a flash back so he just pulled off both their shoes and helped him lay down crawling beside him.

"Robert fixed me pancakes."

"Umm wow," he chuckled. "I'm afraid to ask if it's as bad as Isabelle's cooking."

He snuggled closer to Luke trying to get warm with out wrapping around him like a koala. "He apologized."

"That bad huh? You want me to get you something to eat?"

"No, he apologized for what he did to me said he was taking things out on me and he shouldn't have." He looked up at Luke, "What happened while I was asleep?"

"I think it was a lot of things and you lapsing into a coma just brought it all to a head. He and Maryse told me they had regrets about what was done to you and they wish they could fix it. They were willing to go to any lengths to help me get you back. They both told me they wanted to be a family again that too much time had gone by with us fighting for different things."

"Do you believe them?" he yawned fighting to keep his eyes open.

He pondered for a bit on that question. "I want to. I think his apology was a step in the right direction." He jumped when Jace quickly sat up. "What happened?"

"Falling asleep. Need to walk around or get some coffee or something."

"No."

"I can't," he whispered.

"I will be right here. I promise you I will stay awake and watch you every second. The first sign that you're struggling I will wake you up."

"And if I can't wake up again?" he snapped.

"I'll come and get you like I did this time. I know how now," he soothed and pulled him back down.

He was bone tired, so tired that he ached all over. "Wake me up every fifteen minuets?"

"No, there would be no use in you even sleeping Jace," he admonished. "Every two hours?"

"I was unconscious for two days and it felt like a year, no. Every thirty minuets."

"Every hour," he negotiated.

"No," he shook his head.

"Ok every thirty minuets."

"Please don't let me sleep longer Luke, I can't.. I just.." he started shivering.

Luke knew he was suffering from exhaustion both mental and physical and was close to going into shock. "I promise kid." He pulled a blanket over him then grabbed his cell phone and set the alarm to go off in exactly thirty minuets. "Now even if I forget, the phone won't; see?"

Jace buried his face against Luke's shoulder and tried to close his eyes.