Betrayal

I could not believe what I was seeing, I was filled with anger, before thinking about anything, I yelled, in the hope I would wake up from that nightmare.

"What the fuck is this? What is going on here? Could somebody tell me?"

They didn't move. I felt my heart heavy just by looking at Anne on that situation… I screamed even louder…

"What de hell do you think you're doing? YOU WHORE! YOU HARLOT! Are you mad? What the fuck are you thinking?"

She finally woke up and when she saw me, her eyes widened. I wanted to strangle her. Andrew also woke up scared, fell out of the bed and I went towards him.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, ANDREW!"

His eyes widened.

"David, calm down! Are you mad?"

I wish I was.

I was so out of my mind that I couldn't see anything anymore, but I felt her touching me, and I felt disgusted by the feeling of her dirty hands...

"Don't touch me... DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

I felt betrayed, humiliated, I had the worst thoughts at that moment, but nothing that I did would change that fact. Nothing would chance the assurance that she had no integrity, and I didn't deserve going through that.

"You know what... It's not even worth it."

I spoke to her, hoping it would be the last time I'd do so.

"I cannot believe you did this to me."

I had to run away from there, before I did something really stupid... I almost fell when I was going down the stairs, I considered getting in the car, but 2 things stopped me: I realized Anne maybe had been there with Andrew, and I was in no condition to drive, my heart was beating so fast I was breathless, my hands were trembling, before leaving I punched the door, but my hand didn't hurt, the pain in my chest overcame any other.

And then I ran, aimlessly, I couldn't the people passing by me, or cars, I just wanted a escape, I wanted to run away, hide, I wanted to hold back the tears.
Down the street, I found a refuge, unfortunately it reminded me of our childhood, but I had nowhere else to go, I couldn't run anymore, and I didn't want anybody to see me like that, so I got in.

I didn't even had to make an effort to feel angry at her, that way would be easier to forget. I wiped the tears and promised myself I'd never cry for her anymore.
I had to get out of my head the idea that I had failed, after all, I may not have reached her expectations but I did my best, I changed a lot of things for her, I forgot and forgave a lot of things.

She was always screwing things up, and she had my forgiveness for granted. But she crossed the line, and I wished with all my heart that I had the strength of never giving in anymore, and insist on a person that in one night had destroyed years of trust.

It was getting dark, and I didn't want to be there alone, so I left, feeling strangely relieved and decided.

I got home and there was nobody there, which was a good thing, I did not want to look at Andrew, I didn't know how innocent he was in that, I had no idea if he knew about us, because apparently Anne and him had a connection that i was unaware of.
I still needed a shower, so I got into the bathroom and took my shirt off, I was glad I had my tattoo on my back, so I didn't have to look at it, I leaned on the sink for a few minutes, facing the mirror. My eyes were red, I looked tired, I opened the tap and put my head under the cold water.
I faced the mirror again and said to myself again that I'd not let that bring me down, I was stronger than a relationship that never truly existed.

When I got out of the shower I heard a noise downstairs, I remembered my mom was at my grandma, so it could only be Andrew.
How awkward that situation could be? I couldn't even feel comfortable at my own house, and she had caused that.
I changed and decided to try writing a song, I had to distract myself and avoid the depressive thoughts that were tormenting me.
But of course, the day wouldn't end without a little more torture...
He entered the room.

"David, we need to talk."

Talk? No, that's something I definitely didn't need.

"I have nothing to talk to you."

"Yeah, but I do! Why are you mad at me, why did you act like that, did I do something I don't know?"

I got up and faced him. I was almost yelling.

"What did you do? You really don't know? Well, let's see... you had sex with Anne, that's what you did!"

"SO WHAT? We had sex, big deal! I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this! What's the problem, I'm a man, she's a woman, I'm single and as far as I know, she's single too! What's the matter?"

Anything, unless the fact that I had been doing the same thing for the past months believing there were feelings involved.

He stopped and took a breath.

"Look... I understand, she's your best friend, almost a sister to you, I understand you have a protective instinct but that's too much, it's not like she's your girlfriend or something, so you…"

But he didn't finish the sentence. He looked me in a strange way for a few seconds. Then, he lowered his head and started laughing. He took a while to talk, and I waited. He faced me.

"That's it, ins't it? Of course it is, how could I be so stupid not to realize sooner? It's obvious! You're in love with her! And of course she feels the same way, that explains her attitude when you saw us together… and probably was because of you she was upset when we went to the bar… everything makes sense now…"

I was still feeling very angry.

"Congratulations on figuring everything out, want a medal for that?"

"David, for the love of God! You REALLY think that if I knew what was going on between you two I'd sleep with her, I'd do this to you? What kind of brother do you think I am? You didn't tell me, how was I supposed to guess? I'm not saying it's entirely her fault, she was bad and didn't know what she was doing… Nobody is so guilty…"

He might be right, but I still couldn't feel less mad, the image of them together was still in my head... and I still had doubts...

"That was the first time this happened, Andrew?"

He said so, and I knew I could trust him.

"Fine Andrew, I can even understand, but still, I need some time, I'm very angry... I don't want to look at you, stay away from me, okay..."

And before leaving, I asked him to do something he should already have done...

"AND CLEAN UP MY CAR!"