You know, they say if you chant the One Winged Angel theme from Final Fantasy VII backwards, in a dark room, at midnight, in front of a mirror Cloud Strife will appear and bitch slap you.

Naruto: Ninja Burger Chronicles
Scroll Twelve Part Three: Nope, Still Got Nothin'
By Kaori

Truthfully somebody should have seen this coming. I mean, really if you're going to have a competition involving a hot substance you should make sure that substance isn't one that is easily cooled. So now, the audience was watching Spaisu no Temari, Haruno Sakura, and Yamanaka Ino have a three-way catfight in a giant pool of disgusting, rancid lard. How did events turn thus? Let us turn back the clock twenty minutes...

Once the signal to start had been given both teams immediately started pulling on the rope, but it was obvious that the Suna team had brute force on their side as their team had five senior level employees on their side. But then the tables turned in the favour of the Konoha rookies when they put the plan they'd thought up after their first match into action.

Lee, as evidenced during the 1000 metre Deliverator Dash, is a fast little bastard so Sasuke's plan was thus: Chouji was placed in the anchor position at the end of the rope so that when Lee let go the others wouldn't immediately get yanked into the hot lard. Lee then would run and get the emergency high pressure hose (you wouldn't believe how many times riots break out during the company picnic) and turn it on full blast into the lard causing it to violently erupt onto their opponents. In their surprise and alarm, the Suna team would then let go of the rope assuring the victory of the rookie team.

Unfortunately this didn't work out quite as planned. Things went according to plan up to the point that the lard exploded, unfortunately physics being what it is the lard erupted upwards instead of directly towards the Suna team. Not wanting to get scalded, Temari utilized her Fan the Flames no Jutsu to blow the hot lard towards the Konoha team.

Sakura, thinking fast and acting at the same speed, took out the now infamous tornado-generating feather duster and whipped up a whirlwind.

As Lee had not turned off the hose, the colliding winds along with the water and lard created a disgusting storm of slop that rained down on all the participants. Thankfully the water had cooled the lard or they'd all have been hospitalized for burns. As it stands, they all smell like they'd rolled in garbage and then buried themselves in manure.

"My hair!" wailed Ino. "It's going to take weeks to get this crud out!"

"Your hair, what about me?" Sakura cried, wringing her skirt. "This was my favourite outfit and now it's ruined!"

"Serves you dumbasses right for pulling such a dumb stunt." Spat Temari. "Seriously, which one of you jerk-offs thought that spraying cold water onto hot lard was a good idea?"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" chorused Sakura and Ino.

"Why should I? I'm not the least bit sorry."

"How dare you insult Sasuke-kun!" Those two really ought to stop speaking in stereo.

"You shut up!" Sakura hissed at me. Seriously girl, why can you hear me?

"Come over here and make me!" Temari challenged, obviously thinking Sakura was speaking to her.

"You asked for it!" screamed Ino, launching herself at the older blonde girl with fists cocked. Sakura, wanting a piece of Temari herself, followed suit.

Which brings us back to the here and now as the three girls continued to fight it out in the lard pit, the boys and Hinata had left them to go search for a shower after the referee informed them both teams were disqualified.

Now for those of you who are curious, this means that whoever won the Block A division bouts would be the Tug-O-War champions this year. Unsurprisingly, this turned out to be Konoha's Ninja Resources Department (1), much to the chagrin of Uchiha Sasuke; especially since this meant he had failed in his self-appointed mission to one-up his older sibling and replace him as the favourite son.

Since there really wasn't much to do once all the events were over, everyone started to leave and go home/out to a bar/cruising for chicks. Tomorrow was back to the daily grind so everyone felt it best to cram whatever fun there was to be had while they still had time.

In the case of the Konoha Rookie Deliverators, this meant wandering around town.

The picnic may be over but the silliness just won't stop. Next scroll our young friends find themselves in unfamiliar territory...


1) Here's a challenge for you fans out there, write what happened during that tug-o-war battle. Remember, the competitors from the Ninja Resources Department are Pein (the Assistant Manager), Konan, Itachi, Deidara, Kisame, Sasori, and two bears. Your choices as to who they are up against are the Iwa Franchise Dispatcher Department, Ame Franchise D.E.A.T.H.S Department, and eight random ninja from the Kumo franchise.