Authors Note: Gosh I did it again! I wanna cry. I would have posted earlier today but I accidently deleted this chapter and I had to re-write it =( It was a hundred times better. This one's just mediocre but it's vital to the story.

I gotta say if a story makes you smile, angry or anxious it must be a pretty damn good story. I hope my story makes you feel that way.

R&R ENJOY!

Chapter 36 She lied

Stepping into that room, it still heavily smelt like her, nothing had changed. I bet not a single soul has been in here since she left. As I walked over to window, I stepped on something. Under my foot, I found a book lying on the ground. She must have dropped it before she left. I unbound it and opened the first page of the green leather book, neatly written in it was The thoughts of Renesmee Cullen. (Link on Profile)

As I lied on the bed, the perfume of Renesmee released and hit me in the face. Trying hard not to remember that she had gone, I open the journal. Flipping through it I scanned a couple of entries. Some made me smile such as memories of me and her at First Beach when she had expressed her love to me as a child. Fishing with Charlie and my dad. The night of Charlie's wedding she asked me to marry her. The journal said if we were married we could be with her best friend forever. How she couldn't sleep well without me, because I kept her warm and how much she enjoyed going on weekend patrols with the pack. She wrote about how our friendship meant more to her than anything in the world. How much she hated Alaska and she was getting sick of crying herself to sleep.

As I read it I saw that I was in most of her entries and every problem or concern she had was about me and if it wasn't I had heard about it. I assumed her attachment to me was the imprint, she couldn't help it. The thing was she had expressed herself to me just as if I was her journal. She was always open and honest with me and here I was lying about my feeling, or at least not admitting to them. I was lying about the imprint and maybe if I told her she would feel the same.

Nope, no such luck, if she didn't love me before I told her about the imprint, what makes me believe she's feel any different after.

Most entries were of her desire to be fully human or fully vampire and even more so a wolf, like me and the pack. How she longed for love and somewhere to belong.

I then realized she did belong with Nahuel, with her own kid. It was something she had been adamant about for the last couple of months. Was I really made for her or was I just meant to protect her? She was my imprint, weren't we meant to be together? Isn't she my soulmate?

Instead of questioning myself on questions I currently had zero answers to, I scanned through more but eventually made my way to the end. Hopefully, I could find out information about this Nahuel or even some insight on why she would use me the way she did.

Edward said Nahuel's truly loved her and his thoughts were mostly pure. Which made me want to kill the guy each time I saw him. It reminded me of that Josh guy she went on a date with, I just wanted to clobber him. With both Nahuel and Josh she asked if I was alright with it. Of course I had to be, let her experience a couple of losers until she could see how perfect I was for her. With Josh I knew it was nothing but with Nahuel, I thought she wanted to get to know her kind, not get engaged to the guy. Each time I saw them together I wanted to walk straight up to her and kiss her, to tell her there's no one better for her than me, but I promised I'd never make a move. (Chapter 5)

I came so close to on telling her on prom night, when we lied in her bed but she didn't feel the same. Ness was so forward about most topics I didn't think this would be any different. And the night I had explained to her that we were the same(Chapter 24)I wanted to tell her, it's the first time I felt she had some wort of feelings to reciprocate to me. The thing that backed that up, was how she even mentioned children, as 'our' children. I felt completely peppy when she said 'our' children and even happier when she asked me not to speak badly about them. She would be an amazing mother. But she explained her fears about bareness and I felt disheartened but I would always love her no matter what. Sure, I wanted children but I wanted Renesmee more.

I forced myself to forget that night though, I tried clout all my good memories of her. It was difficult considering that all our memories together were good, with the exception of the night before her wedding. Another bad thing was the fact that she was with Nahuel somewhere, hurt.

When Nessie came back to Forks she quit writing for whatever reason, but recently she had written a few passages.I continued to read her diary.

~August 23~

We fought, again. This wasn't like any other fight we've ever had. I've never seen him so...angry. He even threatened to involuntarily phase because of me. He's upset and I can't take it when he's hurt. Especially when I am the reason he's offended or wounded or whatever I caused him to feel.

Maybe, if I had left when I was a child like Jane suggested, I wouldn't be so attached to Jake. But I can't turn back time.

After the confrontation with Jane I knew I had to marry Nahuel, he was a pawn to get me out of Forks safely with no questions. If I didn't go to the Volturi, she would harm my Jacob and my pack. I realized I had to keep him alive. I understood now, why he said he would kill for me. I would kill for him too, I have before. Not sure if Aro was going to like the fact that I killed Demetri but he would had killed Jacob, so I had to. By marrying Nahuel I will keep that from ever happening.

The good that will come out of this, is- I'll be gone but I know he'll be alive and safe. I'm leaving so I WILL never have to see him in pain. All I want for him is to be happy.

~August 24~

Tomorrow, I will be married. I will be Mrs. Renesmee Cullen. There's no way I'm taking the name Ramierez. Mrs. Nahuel Ramierez, Renesmee Ramierez, too weird, plus, I love my family to much to give my name up.

I never could picture any man standing with me at the alter, except one. The rare times he would wait for me after school I would always imagine I was walking down the aisle to marry him.. After graduation, I realized it wasn't normal to picture you friend as your husband. To be honest no one has those thoughts about someone they should see as only a friend. Something clicked, I knew I wanted him to be more than a friend but clearly he doesn't want the same things as I. I wanted his children, but God prefers otherwise. I am now barren. I wanted to be his and I wanted him to be mine, forever and I couldn't have that. I love him. More than I should. I could never act on it though because he would just die.

Once daddy said momma was like his drug, he needed her. But I don't feel that for him. For me he is my sun, my moon and my stars. He's the land I live on and the nature I admire. He's the blood I survive on and the air I breathe. He's the only reason I exist. He means more to me than I ever noticed.

Love,had always been just a simple word, Right? It was as if love had just been a four letter word, then he had come along and given it a meaning.

Renesmee, You are so STUPID! I hope next time you read this, you tear it out of this damn Journal!!!

Besides all this drama, I had that stupid dream! That DAMN dream changed everything. (Chapter 28 ) The dream where I thought I was his wife and I had his children. I was blissfully living in a perfect world, the world I longed to live in, only to find out I was just the baby sitter. I wished I was full vampire, so I could never sleep, so I could never dream. Dreams never come true only nightmares.

~August 25~

Goodbye to my childhood, Goodbye to my freedom, Goodbye to Forks, Goodbye to my Jacob.

August 25 was her wedding day and they way she wrote about that day, she didn't seem content.

Something's made sense, like why she was so concerned about me when she little. Like at Strawberry Bay and when she was hidden in the forest during Charlie and Sue's wedding reception. I remember how she said she would be in major trouble if she ever told anyone about what she saw. Why I overlooked it, was stupid. The way she acted now made sense, always attached to me, always asking if I was safe.

At least she wrote about me, but who was this guy she was in love with? Someone who went to her school? A guy that could die, human no doubt. Why didn't she picture herself being my wife? Not some random guy that went to school with her. She could fancy about having his kids, just like she had apparently imagined kids with me. It just didn't make sense that she could imagine us having kids but not us being married. It confused me and pissed me off at the same time.

I came out of Nessie's room to inform Bella as to why she wanted to marry Nahuel and why she left. I ran about the cottage but neither Bella or Edward were there. I ran to Carlisle's where I suspected everyone was, with the journal in hand. I had to tell Bella why she wanted to marry him. Oh and that she was with the Volturi.

"Bella...Bella!" I shouted walking through the front door.

"Jake, Jacob! What is it? What's wrong?" Bella ran to me concerned with one hand over her chest.

I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "She only married Nahuel to keep me and the pack safe."

"What?" she asked shaking her head so confused.

"It's in her journal."

"She has a journal?" she frowned eyeing the green book in my hands.

"Here." I opened the journal and pointed at the entry.

"And she's in love." I said disappointed as I watched her start to read.

With her head still down at the book, she eyed me smiling, "With who?"

"I don't know some guy from her high school," I admitted angrily.

"Oh." She was puzzled looking back at the journal.

"She's with the Volturi Bella!" I exclaimed pacing in tiny circles in front of Bells. I felt the sweat begin to form on my forehead and my breathing was becoming difficult.

"Edward! Edward!" She yelled out for her husband. Instantly he was by her side. The she enlightened him on on some crucial info, "Jane was here."

"Jane." He said with a snarl and flared nostrils.

"Read this." Bella said handing him the journal. She rubbed her face and began pacing as I was. Edward read pressing his fingertips through his hair.

With a sarcastic chuckle she said, "My little Nudger is a little liar."

"She lied to us." Edward said with raised eyebrows. We were all surprised Renesmee would never lie to us.

"Yeah and she lied good." Bella disclosed also running her fingertips through her long hair.

As I marched around agitated watching them stand there and do nothing, I said,"I have to go get her."

"Wait, wait why was Jane here?" Alice barged into the conversation.

I turned to Alice . "The Volturi came and left often, but we've had new scents. Usually they come from the east or southeast. Now they've been coming from the north." I began pacing the room again, worried.

"Renesmee, is trying to keep you alive, which is why she was going to marry Nahuel?" Edward wondered as he continued reading. I felt like my arms were going numb, I began moving my hands and arms to hopefully get the feeling back. I felt week and sick to my stomach. Watching as they read Ness's journal guilt set in. I should have given them the journal. It was Renesmee's personal thoughts. How could I have done that when she tried so hard not to let Edward hear her thoughts.

"Alice how did this get past you?" Edward asked handing the journal back over to me.

"I don't know, I can't see anything that has to do with Ness, but I've been keeping an eye on the Volturi, they're no threat to us. I have no clue as to why Ness lied I have no idea what the Volturi would want with her?"

"To be their pet, part of their collection." Edward crisply verbalized.

"What if they're just waiting for us?" Alice said, "could they be?" Alice stood there staring blankly through me.

"So let's go to Italy." Bella said, "Let's go get her."

"They're not in Italy." Alice said disillusioned.

How could Nahuel let her go to the freaking Volturi!? What did they want with her? I kept pacing around the house thinking. Where were the Volturi if they weren't in Italy?

Boo!!!! I am so t-off-ed about accidently deleting the original. Hopefully the next chapter makes up for this horrible one.

Chapter 37 preview

"I don't care why or how they're in Russia I just want to go get her and bring her home safe." I said walking out the front door.

"He's right," Leah said.

"Everyone get their things ready we're going to Russia." Carlisle informed everyone."Jacob, who are you bringing with you?"

"Seth and Leah."

"No, Seth is staying here."

"Leah?"

"Seth, no Jacob you sould take Embry and Quil. I and Seth will hang back and watch La Push."

"Okay."