A/N- Oh good, none of you hate me. Glad you understand what's going on. This will probably last for about ten chapters. KIDDING. I actually have no idea.
Disclaimer- *GROAN* FUCK YOU DISCLAIMER. WE ALL KNOW I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.

The magnitude of our fight didn't really get to me until I tried to go to sleep that night, silently waiting for the quiet 'goodnight, love' that was always sighed or whispered in my ear, right before I fell asleep. Everything was quiet, not even the sounds of the busy New York streets filing the empty void. My body felt numb and I kept looking around, waiting for something to happen, waiting for Magnus to come bursting through the bedroom door, saying he was sorry. But of course that didn't happen.

Half the things we talked- er… yelled about I hardly even remembered at all. We had both been so furious with each other that we were literally spitting out words that didn't process in our minds first. The little filters from our brains to our mouths had been split down the middle, letting uselessly angry things come out. The only thing I vividly remembered about the whole thing was Magnus' face. I didn't see it then, but once I thought about it I knew his heart was breaking into smaller and smaller pieces every time I said something. His eyes would dart away from me whenever I said something hurtful, like he was being physically hit. He might as well have been.

I'd had days that I had to spend alone, while Magnus was off getting groceries or had to help someone to earn some extra cash. Yeah, I'd been lonely, but I always knew he would come back. This time I wasn't so sure. It was a different kind of loneliness, one of more grief. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I bet Magnus was getting drunk with Ragnor and having fun without me, while I had no one.

Even Chairman Meow missed Magnus. As I was trying to fall asleep, he came slinking in after midnight, and curled up on Magnus' pillow, looking at me like this is your fault.

"I know," I whispered to him, disturbing the silence around us. I reached out to pet him but he snapped at me, settling back into his pillow afterward.

Feeling utterly defeated, I lay on my back and sighed to the ceiling. I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, that much I knew, so I tried to remember the things I said to Magnus, coming up with ways I could apologize for them. Involuntarily, I started letting other memories come through, happier ones that made Magnus not being there even worse.

I remembered when I first met him and the way I had idiotically introduced myself. He helped me through my first day in Idris and got me gummy bears… and how could I forget seeing him shower every day? Even though I was an idiot and a klutz, he eventually treated me like an equal, helping me out when I was getting beaten up.

I remembered when he kissed me for the first time and the way my stomach tumbled around inside, making my head swim. His lips had been so soft and tender, very gentle, warm. I had been thinking about how it was crazy that he tasted so good with all of those cigarettes he smoked. My skin tingled wherever he touched me and that smile he had when he pulled away was perfect.

I remembered when I broke my ribs and he carried me to the nurse's office. He found the letter to my sister and we were officially a couple. He stayed with me when he could and when I got out early he was happier than I'd ever seen him.

I remembered when he told me he loved me and how he was so nervous. He was blushing, something he rarely did, but I said it back and he just lit up.

I remembered when he helped me get through everything with Sebastian and how he was so careful with me. He was almost scared to touch me, fearing he would cause me more pain. I wasn't let out of his sight for weeks.

I remembered when we first made love and how gentle he had been with me… how close we were afterwards… how we didn't let go of each other the rest of the night…

I remembered all of those moments when we were just with each other, not speaking, but lying in each other's arms, no need to say anything at all. Completely content and at ease.

I really fucked it up this time.

My teary eyes swept over to the clock and I saw that it was quarter till two. I had been reminiscing and making myself cry for an hour. All I wanted was to sleep. All I wanted was the sun to come up. All I wanted was Magnus.

Somewhere between three and five in the morning I got what I guess you could call sleep. I wasn't exactly asleep, per say, but my eyes were closed and my mind shut down so I guess that's better than nothing. The sun was barely up when I dragged myself out of bed and grabbed my beaten up cell phone out of habit.

Not many people called/texted me, I only had so many friends, but that morning I had two missed calls. My heart stopped when I flipped it open, though it sank when I saw the calls were from last night at nine thirty, hours before Magnus left. They were from Izzy, including a voicemail about if Magnus and I could double date with her and Simon on Saturday. Oh the irony.

I was about to call her back but it was a Friday at five in the morning, she was either awake and getting ready for school, or sleeping in and would undoubtedly be late for school. That excluded Jace as well and I wouldn't call Ragnor because Magnus was there.

So, in a miserable nutshell, I was completely alone, with nothing to do and no one to talk to, my own cat even ignoring me.

What else was I supposed to do at five in the morning? Sleeping was out of the question. I was exhausted to the point of painful insomnia. You'd think that doesn't make any sense, but it makes perfect sense to me.

I tried to make myself some coffee to keep me away and/or mildly sane for the time being, so of course we were out of coffee beans and filters.

Great, I thought. Sad, tired, alone, and now un-caffeinated.

I needed something to keep my mind occupied, something mechanical and mundane that I would do automatically. I needed coffee.

Thinking that maybe some stores would be open, I decided to take a walk, get some fresh (cold) air and pick up some coffee. I laced up my shoes and grabbed my sweatshirt, quickly shedding it when I figured out it smelled like Magnus. There was no way I could've made it all the way across town to the supermarket when all I could smell was my maybe sort of ex-boyfriend.

I quickly opened the door to the apartment and made my way down the stairs, my tired legs shaking. Whether that was from exhaustion or sadness, I do not know.

Halfway down the stairs, I stumbled, barely, and steadied myself by bracing my hand on the metal railing. I thought that I had fallen because of being tired and shaky, but when I turned around I found that I actually tripped over something. At first, it just looked like a string or something, and how lame would it have been if I tripped over a string? But at closer inspection, I realized it was my necklace, looking mangled and dim, though mostly still intact. The two matching pendants glistened at me, reminding me of none other than Magnus… In a split second decision, I bent down to scoop it up and kept it in my pocket, continuing down the stairs more heartbroken than before.

A/N- I'm probably not gonna stretch this out too long, don't get too used to the angst/sadness/ blahness. Eventually I'll just kill the both of them and get it over with. Still kidding, god I needa stop doin that. REEEEVVVVIIIIEEEEWWWW NNNOOOOWWWWW OR NO MALEC FOR YOU! (you had to say that in the soup Nazi voice or else it's just weird…)
~Ella, who wrote 'gay pride' on her hand in purple along with a purple flower while she was thinking about Malec in geometry class. RAAANNNDDDOOOMMMM!
P.S. – I gave you two goddamn chapters in two goddamn days without doing my two goddamn pages out of my goddamn math textbook. Goddamnit, you better review.