Chapter 36
Days vanished torturously fast, and no light could be spotted at the end of the tunnel. Lou's condition did not improve, but rather the opposite; her health weakened with each passing day. She was totally spent, had lost too much weight in just these weeks, and on the last few days she remained asleep almost all the time, or maybe unconscious. Kid was not really sure. The only sounds that came out of her mouth were moans and grunts, especially when he carefully fed her some soup, tea, or anything she could eat.
With automatic motions Kid rearranged the covers around his wife's body. Dr. Hill had just been here to see her, and like every day after examining her, he shook his head with a grim expression. He never had good news, and all he said was that her time was close. Kid had started to dread his visits, and when the physician came around, the Southerner could not wait for him to leave. Dr. Hill's condemnatory words and countenance thwarted Kid's hopes that Lou would get better. This could not be her end, and he still dreamed that she would soon leave that bed and they could continue with their life, their plans, and their love.
Kid smoothed the edge of the quilt over her arms, and gazed at her face. She looked so pale and still that sudden fear gripped his heart. Right away he lowered his face to hers, and as he felt her weak puffs of air on his skin, relief washed over him. His hand ran through his hair frantically. This was sheer torture. He lived on her every intake of air; his sanity depended on them. His mind could not accept that his Lou was waning to nothing; he knew he would go crazy if she stopped existing. In his personal world that was unthinkable, impossible, unacceptable. Lou could not leave him like this when they were happiest. If living without for the last ten years had been hell on earth, the idea of losing her forever was so huge he could not even consider thinking about it.
Kid kept looking at her unchanged face, and unable to hold back, he cupped her left cheek with his hand and placed a kiss on her unresponding lips. "Oh Lou, did I do this to you?" he exclaimed, mortified by the notion he had been the indirect cause of her condition.
Lou had confessed that his disappearance during the war had been the factor that had triggered her stomach ulcer. Fearful, Kid had asked Dr. Hill whether Lou's present state could stem from her past problems. The physician had confirmed his fears, stating that it was a high probability. The idea was killing Kid; Lou's terrible condition was his doing, his fault. Oh how he wished he could go back in time. If he could live everything again, he would never have left her to fight that damn war, which had caused them so much heartache. Or maybe it would have been better if he had stayed away from her or from the Pony Express. Lou would have been much better off if she had never met him. Now it was too late to right wrongs, and Lou's life was at stake because of him.
Kid wiped his most eyes with his hands. Pressing his lips against her forehead, he whispered words of love, and his desire for her fully recovery. Lou remained still and with her eyes closed. Kid felt an intense yearning to see her big, beautiful eyes come to life again, but his wishes were not enough to work the miracle. Today presented itself like all the previous days: too long and lonely without her vibrant presence.
Feeling restless and frustrated, Kid paced back and forth in the bedroom as thousands of negative thoughts bombarded his already crowded mind. After a few minutes, he stopped and leaned against the window frame. Throwing a casual look outside, he could see people coming and going, carefree, smiling, gay faces which contrasted with more contrite ones. Not long ago he and Lou had been strolling leisurely along the same street, without any problems in sight, and looking forward to the future. How could things change so fast? This shouldn't be happening. Why? Oh God, why?
Shaking his head, Kid shifted his eyes from the bustling street and casually dropped his gaze on the peaked gable above the front door below his window. It was then he noticed Albert standing there. The briefcase in his hand showed he was about to leave for work. That, naturally, did not surprise Kid, but what attracted his curiosity was the way the man gesticulated while he talked. Kid angled his body, trying to see who Albert was speaking to, and he managed to get a glimpse of a thin hat brim, and a leather bag. It was Dr. Hill, who had not left yet. Albert naturally wanted to know about Lou too. She was his sister-in-law, and he would be worried. Yet, there was something about Albert that unsettled Kid. It was the smile on Albert's face which did not match in the picture. What on earth was he talking about that made him smile? Apart from asking about Lou's condition, what on earth could he want from Dr. Hill? Having lived in Seneca for a long time, Albert was surely on friendly terms with many of the neighbors, including the physician, but how could he make small talk or joke with the doctor when they were living such a terrible reality?
"That ain't fair," Kid silently scolded himself. Not everybody could feel as strongly and intensely as he did. Life went on for the others even though his had stopped when Lou had taken sick. Why couldn't Albert share a few light words and smiles with Dr. Hill? That was not a crime. Maybe that was his particular way to cope with the sadness that lately dominated his home. Why not? Kid felt he had no right to judge anybody or how people dealt with their own pain.
A soft moan coming from the other end of the room interrupted his musing, and as he turned his gaze from the window, his heart skipped a beat when he realized Lou was awake. Her eyes were opened just a slit, and then her mouth moved soundlessly, trying to call his name.
"Lou, I'm here," he exclaimed, crossing to her side in just a few strides. Stooping before her, he took her hand in his, and repeated, "I'm here."
"K…Kid," she whispered so low that her voice was barely audible.
"I'm here, my love," he replied, squeezing her hand. "Do you need something?" Louise made an attempt to nod her head, but she was unable to move it at all. Kid understood she was assenting, and asked again, "What do you need? Please tell me."
"I…" Lou tried, her breathing quickening at the effort that meant uttering a single word. She swallowed painfully, and had another go in the same weak voice. "I… I need… to go… home."
"Home?" Kid echoed, totally confused by her request.
Lou closed and opened her eyes slowly. "Home," she repeated faintly. "Please… take me… home."
Kid stared at her with a stunned expression. Home, he repeated mentally. She wanted to go home, and the Southerner knew she did not mean the ranch, the place they had decided to settle down and live their dreams in. No, Lou was not talking about the ranch. She meant Rock Creek, and her next weak words confirmed his suspicions.
"I need to… say goodbye," she murmured, and feeling his reluctance, she added, "Please."
Her eyes closed as she drifted back to sleep. Kid remained on his feet, gazing at her. Take her to Rock Creek, he mouthed slowly. Lou had opened her eyes and talked to him for the first time in days. Going home was important to her… vital indeed. Rock Creek was not close, and travelling with a very sick Lou sounded crazy. Yet, that was what she wanted, what she needed… How could he then refuse her request?
His hand brushed against her cheek and ran through her hair. She remained as still as she had been for the last days. Kid bent over, and placed a kiss on her forehead as he whispered. "Don't worry, honey. We'll go home. We're definitely going home."
Even though Kid hated to leave Lou's side during the day, he did not have another option today. Without explaining himself much, he had asked Theresa to keep an eye on his wife while he went on some errands. The young woman had naturally agreed, and despite her silent curiosity, Kid had kept quiet. Now he could not deal with Theresa and her reaction to his decision. He would tell her about his intentions later. Theresa would probably hit the roof, and oppose his plan to take Lou to Rock Creek, but nothing she could say would make him change his mind. This was what his wife wanted, and he would make sure she got to Rock Creek even if he had to carry her in his arms all the way there.
It took Kid a few hours to arrange everything. First, he headed for the telegraph office, and sent several telegrams; one to those in Rock Creek, explaining that Lou was very sick, and they would leave Seneca tomorrow morning. The other telegrams were addressed to Cody, Buck, and Ari, requesting them to go to Rock Creek and the reason why. As he finished, a strange sensation overcame him. This felt so wrong. Summoning their friends in this way was too unsettling, and a horrible idea crept into his mind. Was this a call for her funeral? No, that was not it. He needed to hold onto his weak hope. Yet, the idea was already in his mind, and sent a terrifying shiver throughout all his body. As he stumbled out of the telegraph office, he could hardly breathe. Dizzy and overwhelmingly shocked, Kid staggered into an alley and bumped against a wall. Leaning backwards, he closed his eyes and tried to get his breath back as he whispered, "Lou ain't gonna die. Lou ain't gonna die. She's too strong, and once she's at home and surrounded by everybody who loves her she'll get better. She has to get better."
His own words sounded too feeble to him, but this is all he could do not to succumb. He was too close to crumble down, but he could not allow himself to cave in. Lou needed him, and he had to be strong for her.
Even though he did not feel much better, he made an effort to carry on. After the telegraph office, he went to the local stables, and talked to Alfred. The groom instantly asked about Lou, and Kid just said what he told everybody. "She's holding on." Kid felt unable to say out loud that his wife was getting worse and worse with each passing day. That would sound too real to his ears, and he could not accept it.
Kid asked Alfred to fix the back of their wagon to transport Lou safely to Rock Creek. Since Kid was in a hurry to leave Seneca as soon as possible, he stayed to give the man a hand. Both men made a makeshift bed with several blankets on the wooded surface of the wagon, and then they fit bows from side to side on the frame so that they could cover its length with canvas. Lou needed all the protection he could provide, and he needed a covered wagon to protect her from the unstable weather at this time of the year.
Kid thanked Alfred for the job, doubling the number of coins the groom usually charged. After leaving the stables, he went to the general store, and bought the provisions he would need for the ride to Rock Creek. Once finished, he headed back for the house, carrying his purchases in a wooden crate.
As Kid reached the house, he walked into the kitchen to leave his things before dashing upstairs to check on Lou. In the kitchen he found Albert before the stove. The young man was holding Lou's tea tin and a teaspoon, ready to brew some tea. When Albert noticed Kid's presence, he put both objects down on the kitchen worktop as he muttered, "Theresa asked me to make some tea for your wife."
Kid could hear a shivery, strained timbre in his voice, and looked at him quizzically. His trembling tone was plain for Kid, who understood that the man was trying to conceal his irritation. From the little the Southerner knew, Albert was a very peculiar kind of person. After seeing him and Theresa together, Kid thought Albert was not the kind of man he would have imagined his vivacious sister-in-law would end up with. Albert was too strict in some very trivial things, had rules for everything, and his opinions sounded like they were from another century. Kid imagined that Albert's current irritation was addressed to him as he had been forced to do something domestic like brewing tea while Kid was outside.
"Don't worry. Let me do it myself," The Southerner said, leaving the crate on the table, and taking Albert's place.
Albert threw a casual look at the crate brimming with Kid's provisions. "You've been busy at the store," he muttered as his eyes examined the contents of the wooden crate.
Kid turned slightly from the stove, and realized what Albert was talking about. "I bought a few things I need," he said, and reading the man's silent question in his eyes, the Southerner cleared his throat before speaking up again. "I wanted to talk to you and Theresa about something. I… I'm going tomorrow morning and…"
Kid's voice trailed off as he noticed Albert's smug smile. The Southerner did not know what reaction he would expect from him when he announced his intentions, but this was certainly not how he had imagined Albert would react. "It's understandable," Albert said, still smiling.
"What's understandable?" A new voice resounded in the kitchen, and they saw Theresa appear.
Without any preambles, Albert blurted out, "Kid's leaving tomorrow."
"What?" Theresa exclaimed loudly, turning her furious eyes to her brother-in-law. "You're leaving! You can't be serious!"
Before Kid could reply, Albert stepped in, "Hold your horses, honey. Please don't be so harsh with the man. Taking care of a sick person like one in Louise's condition is too draining. A person has certain limits you can't forcefully stretch. Kid has other responsibilities too, and he can't leave everything for your sister. Life goes on, and Louise is fine where she is… with us."
"One moment!" Kid blustered angrily. "What the hell are you saying, Albert? What kind of person do you take me for? My wife is my first responsibility, nothing else! How could you even believe I'd abandon her when she needs me most?"
"Sorry I thought…" Theresa tried, but Kid cut her off.
"It's true I'm leaving tomorrow, but I'm taking Lou with me."
"What?" Theresa exclaimed in the same shocked tone. Albert's face had also changed suddenly, and he did not look as pleased as he had been so far.
"Lou asked me. She woke up for a minute this morning, and said she wanted to go to Rock Creek."
"Kid, you can't be considering this seriously," Theresa replied. "My sister can't travel in her condition. She's too sick."
"That's what she wants, Tessie, and I plan to do as she told me. You should've heard her this morning. She practically begged me. For some reason it's important to her."
Theresa softened, considering what Kid was saying, but Albert was not happier. "She must've been delirious then. What do you want? Kill her?" Albert snarled, his face red with anger while panic crept into his soul.
"Kid, it's too risky… she's too sick," Theresa said softly, torn between the two men's arguments.
"I'll take care of her. Nothing's gonna happen. All I know is that she needs this," Kid stated without a single trace of doubt.
"Louise isn't going anywhere. She's my responsibility… this is my house, and I say no!" Albert continued in the same tone.
"She's my wife!"
"A wife you didn't give a damn about for years!" Albert cried loudly. "I won't let you harm her more than you already have! She stays here where she belongs… with those who really love her. If you want to take her away, you'll have to do it over my dead body!"
"Are you challenging me, Keller?" Kid roared, and unceremoniously a hand grabbed Albert by the collar while the other balled into a fist. Fury coursing throughout his veins, Kid lifted his hand against the man, and if he had a gun at this moment, he would be aiming it at this infuriating man.
"No!" Theresa cried, rushing to stand between the two men and pulling them apart. "Please don't fight. Kid, please. Albert is right. Lou's not well to travel. I understand you want to do what she asked you, but you know, she can't tell the difference whether she goes to Rock Creek or not. She isn't conscious most of the time, you know that." Kid lowered his fist, and released Albert when he noticed Theresa's hot tears running down her face. "This is too hard as it is. My sister's dying… dying. Oh God! Please don't make this harder than it is. Let her die in peace. This is the best for her in this moment. This is Lou's home… and she deserves to be undisturbed in her last moments in life."
The last sentence came out of the young woman's mouth in a sob. Theresa lunged herself against her husband, crying on his chest. Albert stroked her hair while his eyes looked at Kid glacially. "Don't worry, honey. Your sister isn't going anywhere. She's staying with us."
In silence Kid glared at Albert, and before he did something he might regret, he turned on his heel, and dashed out of the kitchen and up the stairs. In despair he rushed to the bedroom where Lou was in the same position as when he had left her. Approaching her, he stroked her face with the back of his hand as he whispered, "Lou, we're going home. Soon… very soon."