A/N: Get your tissues ready because this chapter MIGHT make you cry!
This chapter is pretty freaking good...if I do say so myself, lol.
I toss one of my light blue t-shirts into the growing pile and grab another article of clothing from the dirty pile. We just got settled in our hotel not too long ago and the first thing Jo noticed when we got here is that they have a laundromat on the ground floor. She's been dying to wash clothes ever since we entered Arizona. We're in Henderson, Nevada now and not far away from being in California. We'll be in California by tomorrow night, I believe. These days, I'm not in a rush to get to California. I don't know how to explain it but I just feel that once we get to California, we're officially on a timer. We're already on a timer, clearly. Our time together is already limited but I feel like once we get to California, it's just so much more official...and for that reason, I'm in no rush to get to California. I pick up a white pair of Jo's underwear and put them in the pile with the other white clothes. She wanted to take a shower before she started washing clothes and I told her that I'd start washing clothes while she was in the shower but she saw me dump all the clothes into a basket and then she told me that she'd do it. Apparently you're supposed to separate clothes into "whites & lights" and "darks." I didn't know that. I thought you could just wash all the clothes together at one time. She's going to wash the clothes instead of me but I want to be helpful nonetheless so I'm separating the clothes for her.
You know, Jo's going to make a man very happy someday. She's just so...motherly. She knows things about how to keep a nice home and stuff and she's actually teaching me. Before I met her, I didn't know that you have to let swimsuits and wet clothes hang up to dry before you put them in a dirty clothes basket. When we were at the gas station earlier after having our talk, we saw a mother changing her toddler's diaper and Jo got upset when the mother was wiping her child. I also didn't know that you had to wipe little girls a certain way, otherwise you'll give them an infection. She schooled me on that too. So so far, Jo's taught me a total of three life lessons. One, hang up wet clothes so they don't get moldy. Two, wipe little girls downwards instead of upwards to avoid giving them infections. And three, separate dirty clothes into piles so the colors don't bleed. Like I said, she's going to make a guy really happy someday. She'd be an excellent wife and mother. I don't like to think about her being with anyone else but the reality is that once she leaves, she's going to go to Massachusetts and she's going to meet someone else. She's going to meet a man that's her own age and she's going to get married and well...her husband is just lucky.
I pick up a white sock and toss it in the white pile as well. As I turn to grab another piece of clothing, my phone starts to ring. I know it's mine because I had to change my ringtone now that me and Jo have the same phone. I changed mine to something less annoying anyway while Jo kept the real annoying ringtone. I put my hands on my knees and pull myself off the spot in the floor where I was sitting. I walk over towards the dresser, pick it up and look at the caller ID. I kind of want to ignore it but I remember the promise I made to Jo back in Arizona and for that reason, I tap my thumb on the green "answer" button and hold the phone to my ear. "Hey, ma..." I tilt my head to the side and brace the phone with my ear so I can go back to separating laundry like I was just doing before the phone interrupted. I walk over and plop myself back down in the midst of laundry and resume separating.
"Hey baby." Her voice is sleepy like she either just woke up or is ready to go to bed. I take the phone away from my ear and glance at the time. It's 4:00 here in Nevada and Kansas City is two hours ahead, which would make it 6:00 there. Maybe she just woke up from a nap or something. "Just calling to check in...how are you doing?" She clears her throat into the receiver and her voice is immediately clearer after that. "You in California yet?"
"No, not yet...but we're good." I'm finished going through all the dirty clothes so I gather them all up and put the white pile into the basket while I put the dark pile in one of those pop-up baskets the hotel provided us with, since the dark pile is smaller than the white pile. "We should get there tomorrow night. We probably won't get into Long Beach tomorrow night but we'll definitely be in the state by tomorrow night. So we're doing okay." I stand up again and sit on the bed this time. "How're you and Amber and thingy?" I say "thingy" not as a sign of disrespect but really because I can't remember the guy's name for the life of me. I run through names in my head to see if I can come up with my stepfather's but nope, nothing. I'm drawing a blank.
"Me, Amber and Donald are alright." She answers me, emphasis on the "Donald". Yeah, that's right. That's his name. Oops...I forgot. "How's Jo doing?" Just like the last time I talked to her on the phone, she makes it a point to ask about Jo. Nobody wants me to be in a relationship with Jo more than my mom and my sister do. I haven't told either one of them that me and Jo are actually a thing now and I don't intend on telling them either. It's not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed to be dating her—anyone would be lucky to call Jo their girlfriend. But I just don't want them to get all involved. Jo's a pretty private person and she's not something to toy around with. Our relationship isn't something to toy around with and I know if I tell my mom and my sister, they're going to start forcing themselves into the relationship the same way they insist on forcing themselves into my life. They're going to push towards marriage and babies and taking things to the next level and then I'd be stuck explaining to them that this relationship is really only temporary. I'd like to marry Jo, sure. But nobody...and I do mean NOBODY...wants me to marry Jo more than my mom and Amber do. They love her...maybe a little bit more than I do.
"Jo's alright... she's in the shower right now..." I throw the shower part in there because I know that she plans on asking me if she can talk to her next. The last time I talked to my mom on the phone, she asked me if I could put Jo on the phone and I gave her the same excuse. I didn't lie to her on either occasions though. Jo was in the shower then and she's in the shower now. "We're gonna wash up some clothes and probably just hang out in the hotel room until later, when we go out to grab something to eat."
"What's going on with you two? Anything yet?" Again, I'm not surprised by her questions. "Or are you guys still just friends?" Speak of the devil... As soon as my mom gets done asking me if we're still just friends, the bathroom door opens up and Jo walks through it. She has a dark blue towel wrapped around her body and her hair is dry and up in a sloppy bun. She goes at once over to the dresser and picks up the bottle of lotion I unpacked from my bag. Respecting the fact that I'm on the phone, she sits down quietly on the bed and starts rubbing lotion on her long legs. She mouths, "who're you talking to?" at me and I mouth back "mother." She nods and keeps putting lotion on her skin. What's the sense in lying to my mom about us? I'm 30 years old...I don't have to explain my relationships to my mother.
"No actually... we decided to try things." I admit to my mom and she gasps so loud that I can figuratively hear the smile in her voice. I don't think Jo knows what I just said to her because she's still acting disinterested, rubbing lotion on her arms and her shoulders. "Yeah, so we're dating...if you call it that." When I say that line, she puts the bottle of lotion down and freezes. Her head eerily turns and she looks at me like she can't believe I just told my mom that. I grin and take the phone away from my ear. I put it on speaker and hold it between us so she can hear just how much my mom and Amber were waiting to hear this. "And it's going well too. She..." I try to think of a way to scale down what I want to say about Jo since she's sitting here and hearing everything but you know what? I don't think I need to scale it down. She can hear what I have to say about her. "She makes me happy, ma. Real happy. I..." I clear my throat and glance over at her. She's looking down at her towel and her cheeks are rosy red but her face is expressionless. "I really picked a good one with her."
"That's good baby, so good. I'm so happy for you two. See, I knew you guys would end up together...I knew it. She's such a beautiful girl and watching you two interact was like watching one of your stories unfolding. You did pick a good one. You picked a perfect one. I really like her. I can't wait to tell Amber, she's going to be so excited. She adores Jo. I do too, but...you know Amber." My mom gushes and I look over at Jo while she does, since my mom's on speaker. Jo's cheeks are so flushed but her face is still expressionless and she's playing with a string hanging off her towel. "You just made my day with that...god, I can't stop smiling! Ugh, I have to go tell Amber. Just wait a second..." She says and I hear a shuffle in the background so I assume she put the phone down. In the background, I hear my mom scream Amber's name which makes me crack a smile. Jo seems uncomfortable though.
"What's the matter?" I lean over towards her and put my hand on the small of her back. She keeps her head down like she did something wrong and sighs. I rub my hand along the towel on her back and when I get a good look at her face, I see that she has tears coming from her eyes. "Jo...Jo, what's wrong?" I scoot over further towards her and put my hand on her chin. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She shakes her head and puts her hands over her face. "Something's wrong...come on, tell me... tell me." She shakes her head again but the tears just keep falling off her cheeks. I pick my phone up off the bed and since I'm still on hold with my mom, I put my arms around her body and pull her closer to me and squeeze her. "Tell me what's wrong. What did I do?" I put my lips against her cheek and stroke her shoulder. "What'd I do?"
"You shouldn't have told her. I told you...I told you not to tell her, didn't I? I told you the last time you were on the phone with her not to tell her about us. You shouldn't have told..." She wipes her tears with her thumb and sniffs. "Now who's gonna break it to her and Amber when we break up? I sure as hell don't want to be the one to tell them. I just wanted to keep this a secret until we figure out what's going on. You just told them that we're dating...and a month or so from now, when they call again, you're going to have to tell them that we broke up. I don't want to disappoint them."
"You won't disappoint anyone." I kiss her cheek again and rub her back to comfort her. I see where she's coming from and yeah, she has a point. She has a very good point actually. But I'm so happy with Jo it's unreal. She makes me the happiest man on the planet and I couldn't keep that from my mom. The joy I feel when I'm with Jo is something that I just want to share with the world. "My mom and Amber love you. You heard it yourself. They love you. You're not disappointing them. And even if you were, you don't need to be worrying about that. Let me worry about that." I move my lips up and kiss her temple. "I'm happy with you. I think my mom deserves to know how happy I am. My family adores you...worry about that. Worry about...this conversation you're about to have with Amber." She cracks a smile and that's when I can tell that I've successfully cheered her up.
I don't want her to know this, but I've been really worried about her ever since we had that talk earlier today. She told me that she's depressed and suicidal and she even told me that she actually tried to kill herself once. I'm trying to be strong for her but I gotta admit that I'm having a really tough time dealing with that. I have half a mind to get her a doctor. I've been thinking about ways to help her and I was thinking that maybe once we get to California, I'll take her to see someone that she can talk to. Not that she can't talk to me because she can. She can talk to me about anything in this world she wants to talk to me about and I'll listen for as long as she needs me to listen. But she needs a professional...someone that can help her. The only thing is that Jo is so independent that she probably won't want help and I don't want to force her to do anything against her will. I'm just worried about her. I said this before but I don't think she knows how much I mean it so it bears saying again. I will lose my MIND if anything ever happens to her. I swear to God if anything ever happened to Jo, I'd curl up in a ball and die myself. I need her to be okay without me when she goes to Massachusetts. I need her to be alright. I'm in love with her.
"Alex!" A voice comes from my phone but that voice doesn't belong to my mother. It belongs to Amber and I know that I'm in for something wicked if I have to talk to Amber. As I pick my phone back up, Jo wriggles herself free from my hold and stands up so she can get dressed. I willingly let her go and take the phone off speaker. I put the phone back to my ear and lean back against a pillow. I pick up the remote and turn the TV on so I have something to watch but of course, I'm looking at Jo while she gets dressed. You can't really expect me not to look at her when she looks the way she does. She's everything. Beautiful, hot, sexy, gorgeous...everything.
"What Amber?" I hold the phone to my ear and start flicking through channels. Jo's putting on her underwear and a t-shirt. "No, you can't talk to Jo." I mumble, slightly annoyed with her. I really do think that we as humans are biologically inclined to despise our siblings. Me and Amber aren't very close with each other but we still annoy the hell out of each other, just like normal brother and sisters do. "Because Amber, she's in the shower. She doesn't want to talk to you and plus, my phone's about to die." Jo looks at me and shakes her head at me, probably for being mean to Amber or something. "Yes, Amber...yes. Yes, we date. Yeah...she's my girlfriend. Probably not. Probably... I don't know. Yeah, I love her. Yes...I'm nice to her." Jo walks over to the bed and sits down next to where I'm laying. She holds her hand out. "Here, you can talk to her. Make it quick though." I hand her the phone and sigh at my annoying little sister.
"Hey Amber." Jo plugs her ear with her free hand and flops back against a pillow. She's smiling and it's really not until now that I realize that she and Amber actually are good friends. I sigh again but this time it's because I wish I could shut my thoughts up. I'm really not going to find someone like her. Someone that my mom and my sister love and someone that makes me as happy as she does. I'll find somebody else to marry someday...I know I will. And when I go to her graduation in a few years... I stare at the wall, unblinking as my thoughts deepen and blossom into a full-blown daydream...
"Alex!" She barrels towards me, through the crowd of graduates with their families, holding a dark red graduation cap on her head. Is that really her? It's her. I can tell from those eyes, I remember them. I've seen them in my dreams throughout the last four years. They're still the same light brown with a greenish tinge to them in the right light. And her smile is just the way I remember it as well. Her top teeth are perfectly aligned while the bottom half are just a little bit crooked. Her face is chubbier—fuller than the last time I saw her and she looks older. Not a young, barely-pass-for-23 kind of face anymore but the face of a grown woman. She's taller too but it's probably the heels she has on. "Hi!" She doesn't stop running as she nears me. Instead, she throws her arms out and wraps them around me and I pick her up only so I don't fall from the way she threw herself at me. I think I feel tears stinging my eyes. She smells the way I remember her too. Like shampoo and perfume. She smells like...like Jo. "Oh my gosh...hi." She's talking directly in my ear. Her voice is different too. She's so...grown up. "How've you been?!" She takes her arms from around me and I let her go.
"I've been doing real well." I put my hands in my pockets and continue looking at her. Her hair is different. It's still silky and pretty like I remember it being from all those nights I'd run my fingers through it. But it's shorter. It just barely touches her chest and it has blonde highlights. She has bouncy curls in it. Man, she looks beautiful. I can't believe it's been four years. "How about yourself, Jo?" Saying her name feels like a farce. I've been saying her name at least twice a month for the last four years but this is the first time I've said it while she's standing in front of me in FOUR years. "You look great..." I look her from head to toe. She's definitely grown up from that 23 year old I used to love. Her figure is fuller. She put on some weight but it doesn't look bad. She has very defined curves...even in her graduation gown, she has curves. Her boobs are bigger than they used to be and she's just so much more durable than that little petite girl I road across the country with. "And I made it...just like I promised."
"'I can't believe you remembered our promise." Her nose wrinkles like it used to, when she smiles. "Yeah, I...I sent the invitation to your old mailing address in California and it got returned. Did you move?" She tilts her head and cracks the most honest smile. "I had to look you up on the internet to find your new address. I thought for sure you weren't going to come." She tucks her hair behind her ear with the same mannerisms as she used to. "I just can't believe you made it..."
"I told you I wouldn't miss it." I shrug my shoulders and look around. It's so weird to be standing here talking to her. I've imagined this day for a very long time, you know? I imagined all the things I would say to her, what she'd look like and what I'd look like. But it's really nothing because it's completely different than anything I could've expected. I remember her so well and I remember how much fun we used to have and how much I used to be in love with her. But I don't know her anymore. I don't know what to say to her and I just don't know who she is anymore. I knew the old Jo and she knew the old Alex. We don't know who we are anymore. She doesn't know the new me and I don't know the new her. Four years is a long time when you think about it. "Uh...yeah, I moved out of the house in Long Beach. I moved to Los Angeles...just for a new environment." I think she feels the distance between us as well because she just nods her head. "I...I was gonna call you a couple times but..."
"I know. You were busy." She understandingly nods her head again. "I was busy too." She puts her tongue in her cheek and sighs. I still remember putting her on that plane like it was yesterday. I remember promising her that we were going to call each other every day. We decided not to break up. We decided that we were going to stay together long distance and we were just going to beat the odds and stay together. We promised that. But I started my job for the company I still work for and my schedule was hectic. She started classes and her schedule was even more hectic. And we started out strong. For the first month, we really did talk. We called every night and we FaceTimed and we Skyped. But after the first month, the calls came less and less. And after the first year, Jo was just a memory. We haven't spoken since the fifth month of her being gone. We haven't spoken in three and a half years. "I'm still glad you made it though." She starts smiling again. "...I have to hug you again. I just can't believe it's you..." She shakes her head and puts her arms around me again. I hug her back.
"...Proud of you, you know?" I rub her back in the hug and she nods her head against my chest. "I knew you were gonna do it." I let her go and she takes a step away from me. She's looking around like she's expecting someone or something. "So, you have any..job offers out here?" Again, I put my hands in my pockets and look at her. She turns her attention back to me and nods. I wish I knew the person she is now, that way we'd have more to talk about. I don't know who she is anymore so I don't know what to talk to her about. I mean, I'm guessing that she's not the girl that went nuts over Star Wars anymore. She's probably not the same girl that found it hilarious to jump on the bed and make sex noises. I'm not the guy that hates women anymore. I'm not the guy that thought marriage and babies are overrated. We're not the same people we were. "That's real good, Jo. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks." She licks her lips. "I've been um...I've been checking on you...through the internet, I mean. I've been...checking on Michael Evans." She licks her lips again. "You haven't published in three years. Did you retire from writing?" She asks me and I nod the answer to that. "You said you wouldn't..." I wrinkle my brow. I can't believe she remembers that bullshit promise I made to her all those years ago. It wasn't bullshit then but I mean...it became bullshit after we drifted apart. "But uh..." The tone of her voice lightens. "I read on a site somewhere that you settled down...you have a wife? And a baby girl?" She smiles. I nod my head again and crack a smile thinking about them. They're back in California. "Where are they?" She looks around. "I'd love to meet them."
"Eh, they're back in California." I shrug again and start explaining. "The wife couldn't take off two days of work to come. She just got back to work from her maternity leave last month. She took off three months to be with the baby and she didn't really want to ask her job for another couple days off when she just came back a month ago. And you know how that is...I can't bring Lils with me with no babysitter out here. And she's still new, so Care probably wouldn't have let me take her anyway."
"Yeah, I don't blame her." She perks her eyebrows up. "Can I see pictures?" She steps towards me. I fish my phone from my pocket and unlock it. I go straight to my pictures and pick a nice picture of the baby to show her. I tap on the one I just took the other night. She was wide awake eating her bottle while my wife was feeding her and I snapped the picture because her eyes looked really gray in them. I have a pretty baby girl, if I do say so myself. I show Jo the phone and she takes it from me. "Awww! Oh my god, she's gorgeous... She's gorgeous. What's her name?" She's smiling wide at the picture. I guess that's the same about her. She still loves babies.
"Lilly Rose." I put my finger on the phone screen and scroll to the right to show her more pictures. I scroll to the one of my wife holding her in our backyard pool. "That's my wife, Carrie."
"She's really beautiful, too." She stops looking at the pictures and looks up at me. "...Good for you, Alex. I'm so happy for you."
"So what about you?" I put my phone away. "Got anyone I need to meet?"
"My fiance, but he's..." She looks around again. "He's over there with his mom and dad...see him?" She points him out to me. He's tall and goofy looking but I can tell that he's a good guy. He looks like a good guy. He's the complete opposite of me. He's light-skinned and he's tall. He has on black glasses and he has a very nice smile. He graduated today as well. "His name's Jonathan. We've been together for three years, engaged for two. We wanted to wait until we graduate for the wedding." She tucks her hair again. "...You and Carrie and the baby...you guys should totally come. If you can't, I understand but...I'd like it if you were there. Um...it's not until next June and it's here, obviously. In Boston. But um...I'll send you an invitation when it's closer to the time, of course. You should really come..."
"I'll see what we can do. I can't promise you anything but I'll really try." I scratch my head. "So uh...since you remember so much, you remember when I told you that...That I was gonna come to your graduation and stuff...but I promised you we'd go to dinner too. Did you still wanna do dinner tonight, or?"
"...Oh." Her face is solemn. "Um...I'm really busy...John's family is throwing the both of us a big graduation party tonight so I'm really busy, actually. But...I mean..." She bites her lip. "Maybe tomorrow? How long are you gonna be in town?"
"My flight leaves tomorrow morning."
"Crap."
"It's fine Jo. We don't have to go, it doesn't matter to me. I just thought I'd ask so you don't think I forgot. I get it. You just graduated from med school, you're busy tonight. I'm just glad I got to see you...see that you're doing good for yourself."
"Yeah, me too." She holds out her hand. "...So I'll see you later, I guess?" I nod my head and put my hand in hers.
"See you later..."
"Yes, Alex is being very nice to me. We went on dates and everything. We're going on one tonight, actualy." She's still chatting away on the phone with my sister. "Just out to eat..." As I bring myself back down to reality, a chill crawls up my spine and sends a shiver through my body. After I shiver, my stomach starts to hurt. Not the kind of hurt of a stomach bug or an illness, but the hurt of having a cannon shot clean through my middle. I feel like part of my insides have been torn out and I feel empty after thinking and daydreaming something like that. Is that really where we're going to be in four years? It seems so real. Jo taught me how to love again so it's plausible that I might have a wife and a baby in four years. That seemed so accurate and so real. She giggles loudly which makes my heart hurt. Will I really forget the sound of her laugh in four years? "...Yes, Amber. I love your brother." When I hear her say that she loves me, I can't help but put my arm around her and hold her tight. She's not looking at me so she can't tell that my vision is becoming blurred by tears. I'm not ready for her to stop loving me. I'm not ready to stop loving her. "Because he makes me happy. Mhm, I think I'm in love with him..." She nods her head and lies on my chest. I squeeze her tighter and blink.
One single, salty tear trickles down my cheek.
Jo's Point of View.
"I thought you said we weren't going anywhere fancy..." I feel worry set into my body as the car comes to a stop outside the restaurant. The building is bricked and it's really big. Over the entrance is a white awning with lights hanging down from it and I can just tell that it's really expensive and fancy. He said we weren't going anywhere fancy. I have on a pair of jeans, a pair of flip flops and a plain yellow polo shirt. My hair is in a ponytail and I don't have on any makeup. "Alex, I'm not dressed for this..." I turn my head and look at him. He has his little grin on his face and he looks like he's proud of himself for something. I don't know what's gotten into him but something has CLEARLY gotten into him. Ever since I hung up the phone with Amber hours ago, he's been really...loving. Not that I'm complaining. I love it when he's all touchy-feely, lovey-dovey with me. But I'm wondering why he started all of a sudden. It's like something whipped him into shape and I don't know what it could have possibly been. "I'm not dressed for this. I thought we were going to like...McDonald's or something."
"You're dressed fine." He opens up his car door and gets out. He's wearing a pair of jeans and a black shirt. I mean, he's not dressed for this either. So if he's confident enough to go out without being dressed nicely, maybe I'm okay with it. Still, I wish he told me he planned on coming here. I open up my side of the car and step out as well. He waits for me at the entrance. I go to the entrance and he grabs my hand...for once, I don't have to initiate the hand-holding. What's wrong with him? "You look beautiful in anything you wear." He pecks my cheek and opens the door. A big part of me loves his new found loving attitude but a small part of me wants to tell him to knock it off at the same time. This isn't him. He's been holding doors for me, kissing me every chance he gets, holding me, putting my head on his chest, rubbing my shoulders, kissing my forehead...this isn't Alex. He's loving sometimes but he's not this loving. This isn't him. I'm wondering what happened to him between the time I got on the phone with Amber til the time I hung up because that's when he started acting weird. We walk into the restaurant and immediately, I'm stunned. It's SO nice in here. I'm not dressed for this! There's a pond with a waterfall flowing into it and fish swimming in the pond. It's decorated to look like Venice, Italy and it's so...nice. I can't be in here dressed like this! "Two, please." He says to the hostess. She nods her head and surprisingly, takes us right back. Or maybe this isn't surprising...most people probably can't afford to just up and come to a restaurant like this. There's probably not that many people here for that reason.
As we walk through the restaurant, I become more and more convinced that I'm not dressed appropriately. There's a live band playing...a LIVE BAND. It's not very big, I admit. The restaurant is just one room with tables scattered about but it's decorated like it costs a fortune and it's just so incredibly fancy looking. The tables are all positioned around a giant dance floor, where couples are holding each other tight and dancing. The band is playing a song I don't recognize. The lights are dimmed and the hostess sits us down at a table directly under a beautiful glass chandelier. This is the most beautiful restaurant I've ever been in. I sit down in my seat and Alex sits across from me. As we sit, the hostess puts down our menus. I just look around, completely in awe. "...You said we weren't going anywhere fancy. Alex, I would've worn...like a dress or something. I look horrible."
"Relax. You're the most beautiful thing in this room." He puts his phone down on the table beside him and opens up his menu. "...I didn't plan on coming here. I planned on going down the street to Applebee's, but why not here? We might as well get some good quality food." He starts looking through the menu. So he's been here before... why am I not surprised? "I haven't had Ciccanti's in years. They have one in California...the last time I had Ciccanti's was when I bought my house out there. They have the best Italian food in the world here."
"Whatever. I'm so under-dressed." I roll my eyes and open up my menu. Just as I open it, our waitress comes over and opens up her notepad.
"Hi, I'm Melanie and I'll be your waitress for tonight. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?" She asks.
"I'll have a raspberry iced tea please...no ice." I tell her.
"I'll have the same." Alex copies me. "And can we have a bottle of red wine? The Cornas, please." He keeps flipping through his menu.
"Two raspberry iced teas and a bottle of Corna, coming right up." She scribbles it down on her notepad and turns away from us.
"...She's good, leave her a nice tip." I tell him. I start looking through the menu as well. I think I'm going to get chicken parmesean. I haven't had good chicken parm since mom died. She used to make it for me every second Friday of the month because she knew it was my favorite. And when she used to send me care-packages to college, she would always send me some chicken parm. I would have to heat it up in the microwave and sometimes it would get soggy but it was still really good. One thing I miss about mom the most is her cooking, for sure.
"And you can tell she's good just within five minutes?" He chuckles and closes his menu.
"Well yeah...I used to be a waitress, remember?" I shut my menu too and look across the table at him. I swear I love him more and more each day. "She's nice and I can tell that she's not going to spit in our food or anything like that. She's good. Trust me." I start tapping my fingers along the table to the tune of the song that the band is playing. I actually know this song.
"You're somethin' else, Jo." He chuckles again and picks up his phone. I keep tapping my fingers while we wait for our drinks. He puts his phone back down and his eyes go straight to my hand. "...Don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me..." He starts singing which makes me laugh because he CAN'T sing. It's cute though because he can't sing.
"I said you're holding back, she said shut up and dance with me." I start bobbing my head. I'm not judging him too harshly because I myself, cannot sing for the life of me. I crack a smile and look down at the table. I just love being around him. The waitress comes back with our drinks and puts them down next to us. She puts our bottle of wine on the table as well and sets down two wine glasses. "Thank you." I say to her. She nods her head and walks off because on her cart, she has three other trays of food. When she walks away, Alex pops the cork off our bottle of wine and pours it. "First you take me out to a fancy restaurant unexpectedly and then you try to get me drunk?" He smirks. "Thank you though." I take my glass after he pours it and take a sip of it. I'm not really a fan of red wine but this wine is doable. It's really sweet as opposed to sour, like all the other red wines I've had before. "I actually need to get drunk. I haven't been drunk in like...years."
"Yeah, me either." He turns his own glass of wine up to his lips and takes a sip. "I can't get drunk off of wine though... it's not my style. Beer is more my style."
"Yeah, I like beer too." I take another sip of wine. "What are you like when you're drunk?" I ask him.
"...I dunno. I'm...chill. I'm really chill when I'm drunk. And I like to laugh a lot. I dance when I'm drunk sometimes...only sometimes though." I start laughing when he says that. "Well what about you? What are you like when you're drunk?"
"...Well, I'm a lightweight. It doesn't take much to get me drunk and when I am drunk, I'm a lot of fun. I dance when I'm drunk too and I like to joke around. I'm not as quiet as I usually am when I'm drunk. I'm a totally different person. Drunken Jo and sober Jo are two different people. Drunk Jo would totally strip. Drunk Jo would get on a pole and strip whereas sober Jo wouldn't even think about it. I'm really outgoing when I'm drunk." I put my tongue in my cheek. "I kissed a girl when I was drunk before. Just once and it wasn't like...make out. It was just a kiss."
"Hot." He cracks a smile. I knew he'd find that attractive. I find it humiliating actually. We were at this frat party and I went with Paige and her friend Darby. I was so drunk...SO drunk. I kissed Darby. I didn't make out with her and it wasn't like we felt each other up because Paige had it on video and I saw it. We kissed for like ten seconds and I pulled away and started laughing. I was drunk off my ass. I haven't been that drunk in so long. He clears his throat and pushes his wine glass away. "I pissed on a girl while I was drunk once." My jaw drops and he laughs. "It's not what it sounds like. It's not like I pissed the bed or anything. I didn't do that. I uh..." He clears his throat again. "It was when I was nineteen. I was at a party with my friend Scott and we were making out with these girls. The girls went down on us and stuff and they wanted us to return the favor and like I told you before, I don't go down on random chicks. So I said no to my girl but Scott went down on his girl. I left the room to go get another beer and the girl followed me. We started arguing and crap and she slapped my brand new cell phone outta my hand. It fell on the ground and shattered and I was PISSED." I nod my head. "So I told Scott that I had to leave because I was irritated and he tried to talk me out of it. I told him if he didn't let me leave, I was gonna end up either spitting on pissing on that bitch. And he was...like...hyping my head up. He was telling me that I wouldn't do it because I didn't have the balls to piss on a girl and so I did. I whipped it out and pissed on her."
"...If you ever." I start laughing. "If you ever think about pissing on me, I swear Alex..."
"I wouldn't have done it if I was sober. I wasn't raised to be that disrespectful." He takes another sip of wine and belches. "'Scuse me." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "I said sorry to her like a week later and she slapped me in the face. I deserved that much."
"I'll say!" I finish off my first glass of wine and look around for our waitress to see when she'll be back to take our orders. Most people would probably end up getting irritated by a waitress taking her time to take orders but I understand that she's busy. It's not easy being a server, I'll tell you that firsthand. The lead singer of the band steps up to the microphone and gives a cheesy little speech about love that I only halfway listen to. He says something about "this next song being for the couples in here" and "the couples coming out to dance" but I ignore it. I take my attention off the band and put it back on Alex. "Yeah, so..." I tuck my hair behind my ear. "I would've slapped you too if you peed on me."
He nods his head and dusts off a second glass of wine in three gulps. "...Come dance with me." He rubs his hands together and eyes me like this is the greatest idea he's had in a while. I shake my head at him because I know he's just joking. "No, I'm serious Jo. Come dance with me..." He motions towards the dance floor. "Look at all the couples out there..." I look over. There are a BUNCH of couples out there slow dancing together. That's nice but I'm really not a dancer. "Come dance with me."
"I can't dance." I roll my eyes and shake my head. "I don't know how to do that."
"It's easy...come on, I'll show you. Just come on."
"Alex, no. I said no. I don't know how and I'm not making a fool of myself out there. I don't want to."
"Let's go." He stands up and walks over to my side of the table. He grabs my arm but I snatch it away. "Jo, it's fine..I'll show you. I won't let you look silly. I promise. Now come dance with me. Come on...before the song's over." I slouch my shoulders. This is not gonna end well... I sigh and stand up. He grabs my arm and drags me to the dance floor where all the other couples are slow dancing with each other. "Here...just put your arms around my waist like you're hugging me. You don't have to move, I'll do the moving. Just hold onto me." I sigh again and just listen to him. I put my arms around his waist and rest my head against his chest. He puts his arms around me too and rests his chin atop my head. I still don't know what the hell's gotten into him. This isn't normal Alex behavior. He doesn't do this. I know two glasses of wine didn't get him tipsy enough to want to dance. Something is clearly up with my man. "You know this song?" He whispers in my ear. I shake my head and keep letting him sway back and forth with me. "...Listen to it." I nod. "It's kind of how I feel about you..." His fingertips trace along my back.
I think I fell asleep back in the hotel, that's it. I fell asleep and I'm dreaming. Because this feels perfect. I don't dance. I'm not a dancer and somehow, he managed to make this perfect. All we're doing is swaying back and forth but it's perfect for me. I don't fell like there's anybody else in the room with us right now. I squeeze my arms around his waist tighter and inhale his scent. I'm also surprised that he knows this song. I don't know this song and I think I like music a little more than he does. I close my eyes, enjoy the moment and listen to the song like he asked me to. I don't ever want this to end.
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I
I'm never gonna say goodbye
'Cause I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
'Cause I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
All over again
I think I might start crying. I don't want to be a big baby and start crying while he's holding me and in public like this but I don't think I can help it. He told me to listen to the song because the song is how he feels about me... I can't help it. Tears start seeping out of my closed eyes and I hold him closer to my body. I start rubbing his back and I bite my lip to stop myself from crying. I love him so much. How am I supposed to let him go?I try to tune my ears out of the song so I can stop crying over the lyrics but I can't stop listening.
Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
'Cause in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying
I'm going to start bawling my eyes out because now, all I can think about is the fact that I love him so, so much and I'm leaving... I'm leaving. I start crying harder and at this point, he knows I'm crying. He rubs my back and puts his lips to the crown of my head. "I love you..." I sniff and my chest hiccups. I can't stop listening to this freaking song and I can't stop thinking about how in love with this man I am. I'm not gonna be able to leave him... I'm not strong enough to leave him. Stop listening to the song, Jo! I can't...
Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied
I'm never gonna say goodbye
I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
'Cause I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
The chorus freaking kills me. I can't stop bawling my eyes out.
The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I
I'm never gonna say goodbye
'Cause I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
'Cause I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
"I love you too..." I finally pull myself together long enough to say it back. "...This can be our song, okay?" I sniff and try to clear my voice but I can't. I'm a mess right now. He's so perfect and I can't leave him. I love him. He makes me feel like I'm important, which is such a big deal for me. He's so amazing. You know, I had my doubts at first, but now I'm sure.
This is definitely Michael Evans...because I feel like I'm in a storybook.
All song lyric credits go to "Swear It Again" by Westlife.