Chapter 5 – Heavy Metal Concert
5-1: The Dream, Revised IV
The world was all black and darkness, as though nothing had ever existed. Yet then existence came into being, and she realized that she was within a dream. The same dream that she had had before, made of eternal darkness, of new books and new magic, and of an ever-present sense of fear. Tonight, she came into such a dream with the full awareness that anything could happen to her. This dream was no longer staying to any one singular pattern, as it had done originally, and so this time she would trust nothing. She needed to be ready for any and all eventualities, if she was to have any hope of enforcing her happy ending onto this barren excuse of a world.
The little white bird flew into her view before she could even begin to concentrate on her objective. Immediately she went on the defensive, her wand of magic at the ready, expecting that ever-present vortex of darkness to appear to her soon afterwards. But a long moment passed, and then several more of an even longer duration, before she realized that the bird before her was the only thing present here with her, and that there was no immediate danger to either her or it. With this in mind, she stepped back and admired its shining beauty and grace with a cheery grin, even as she rushed madly in front of it to guard it against the still-inevitable appearance of the dark vortex.
The paradox made itself apparent to her. Every time she tried to move in and protect the bird, she instead found herself pulling back and admiring it all the more. It was as if her body was no longer heeding her thoughts. It was as if she were watching herself from a distance. And then she was doing just that, as she found herself floating several meters up in the air, watching herself smile brightly at the little white bird on the ground before herself. She instinctively knew what was coming next.
The swirling blackness of the dark vortex appeared before the bird and her other self, just as the thought struck her that she was powerless like this. Once again she moved herself – or rather, her new, out-of-body self – to protect that bird, but found that she held absolutely no control over her movements in this new existence. Rather, she was left to simply watch, helpless to intervene as the little bird was yet again pulled into the dark abyss, never to be seen again.
Just like that, the little bird was inexplicably back to where it was before, standing in front of her other self to be admired by all. Even so, a powerful sense of loss continued to linger on within her, as though the bird had remained within the vortex's hold. That darkened, morbid feeling only increased itself two-fold when the bird was pulled unwillingly into the darkness for a second time. And then a third. A fourth. Each time the bird disappeared from her view, the sense of loss within her multiplied. It was getting to the point where she was almost to tears about it, if this place would even allow such a physical concept.
Without any type of warning, she was back in control of her actual body, still watching as the bird was sucked into nothingness for a seventh, excruciating time. Or eighth, or ninth – she wasn't really certain anymore, nor did she care to be. The purpose of the dream had made itself painfully obvious to her, at this point. It was trying to wear her out. It was trying to demoralize her, and it was easy enough to tell that the dream was succeeding in its efforts. Whether this was all of Clow Reed's design, or if he had merely interfered in the first few dreams for her benefit and was now leaving her to the whims of this dream's true creator, she couldn't really say. Had Clow Reed even been involved at all, or had it all just been some kind of grand illusion to lead her astray? Who could possibly wish for her to suffer like this?
She was certain of one thing, however. She had to get out. She needed to escape from this hell before the crushing depression of loss could threaten to fully overwhelm her. She didn't even need to see the bird being pulled into the darkness yet again as she made to escape from the dream once more. For one last time, and even as she broke through and away into a world of her own making, she was forced to experience the sense of losing something that was irreplaceable.
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