My Life as a Trophy Wife Chapter 39: Bleeding Love, a twilight fanfic

A/N: Thank you to my beta-monkey, MariahajilE, and my pre-reader, Layathomemom.

First and foremost, I write for me. Those who enjoy the ride with me are the yummy icing on the cake. My heart is so full of love for all of you who support, encourage, and stand by me; there's simply no room for the nay-sayers.

It was a struggle to put on makeup. My swollen eyes were impossible to conceal, but maybe I didn't even try that hard. Maybe I didn't care. Maybe I didn't notice.

I don't really remember.

"Bella?" A knock at the door made me look away from the mirror as I opened it. "You almost ready, sweetie?"

"Yes."

Kate stepped into the bathroom, holding up two pairs of black heels.

"Emmett brought these over from the house." Of course he had. Emmett had brought over anything I needed from the house. "Which pair do you want to wear?"

"I don't care."

"Hmm… Well, I think maybe these'll go better with your skirt," she stated, holding up the pair in her right hand.

"Fine." I reached for the shoes automatically.

I should've felt bad for being so emotionless toward her. She'd been an angel. She'd dropped everything, probably neglecting her own newborn son, to tend to me. While Emmett had cared for Lucas, she cared for me. Hell, she even slept in my bed, staying with me in the room I'd taken up in at Carlisle and Esme's house.

But I had nothing to give her. I had no emotion left. I felt nothing.

I couldn't.

"We should get going, if you're ready." She watched me with sad eyes as I pulled the heels onto my feet one at a time. "Everyone else left already. I told them we'll meet them there."

"Okay. I'll meet you downstairs. I need to get something first."

"Okay." She gave me a gentle hug I didn't even have the energy to return before she left the room.

I went to the bed, pulling back the covers of the side I'd slept on. A whole stack of leather bound journals sat on the bedside table, but the one I was after, the one I'd stayed up all night reading, was nestled against my pillow.

It didn't me long to figure out what the numbers meant. They were obviously the most important thing my husband wanted to say to me. In those moments, as he was literally drowning as blood filled his lungs, those numbers were what he wanted me to know. I knew there had to be a very good reason.

It'd come to me in the middle of the night, and since I couldn't bear to set foot in that house, Kate had sent Emmett to do it for me. The police told us to stay out, since it was now a murder scene, but I had to get my hands on those journals. I had to know if I was right, if those numbers really unlocked the safe where Edward had kept them locked away.

They did, and every moment I wasn't sobbing, I spent pouring over every word of every page.

As if the whole thing wasn't already excruciatingly painful, reading over all of Edward's most personal thoughts and feelings had only made it ten times worse, because I knew now. I knew that no man in the history of the world had ever loved a woman the way Edward Cullen had loved me. And while it should have brought me comfort, while I'm sure that was the very reason he was so desperate for me to know those numbers, it didn't make me feel any better at all.

It gutted me. It took hold of my heart and ripped it right out of my body, leaving me empty and bleeding.

And now my body had gone into survival mode. It was all so painful that I would go completely numb for blocks of time. It was the only way I could stop sobbing long enough to catch my breath.

Flipping through the journal, it didn't take me long to find the page I was looking for. I ripped it out without hesitation, folded it into a square, and shoved it into the pocket of my skirt.

That weightless piece of paper rested so heavily in my pocket as I pressed my forehead against the cool glass window of Kate's car, fighting the bile rising in my throat. Outside, the trees and grass and sky were all grey as they zipped by.

Colorless, like death. Like maybe the body we were going to bury.

I sucked in a pained gasp of air at the thought.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"No."

"I'm sorry. I guess that was a stupid question."

"Nothing even has color anymore, Kate." I fisted the material of my skirt, fighting back the pain as feeling began to seep its way in again, the numbness dissipating. "It's all just… grey."

There was a long moment of silence. I'm sure she was at a loss of what to say.

"It won't be like that forever."

"You don't know that."

"I know it'll get better. It has to, right?"

"Would you feel that way if Emmett were where Edward is right now?"

The sharpness of her exhale said it all. The bite of my words had the effect I intended them to, like a knife to the gut.

Like what I felt.

"I'm sorry."

"Isn't everyone?"

She reached across to take my hand, and I let her hold it despite how limp and lifeless it lay in her grasp. Silence stretched the space between us, meaningless matter to fill the voids of spaces that words couldn't. Sympathy couldn't turn back time, and encouragement couldn't chase away the pain. It was inevitable.

Non-negotiable. Like us. How we were supposed to be.

"The detective called for you again this morning."

"Why? I gave them the camera footage. They know what happened."

"I guess he wants to talk more about it."

"What's the point?"

"I'm sure they have questions."

"Well I'm not quite in the position to answer them."

"I understand."

"Besides, I don't have the answers anyway."

"Isn't there someth–"

"Seriously, Kate?" I snapped, cutting her off. "You want to talk about this right now? Don't you think it can wait until after the fucking funeral? Can I just get through the morning?"

"No. You're right. Absolutely. I'm sorry."

I sighed, my deep exhale fogging the window in front of my face.

"Look, I'm sorry. I don't meant to yell at you, bu–"

"You don't have to explain anything, Bella." She squeezed my hand, and I started to cry. "You don't have to explain anything at all."

And I didn't have the energy anyway, so I didn't even try.

I pushed Edward's sunglasses onto my face as I got out of the car. The sun wasn't even bright, but the eyes on me were invasive.

Small groups of people stood around the outside and inside of the church, pausing in their hushed whispers to look at me as I walked by. Some of them I knew; a lot of them I didn't. I imagined many of them recognized me from the news reports, from that terrible photograph of me with black mascara-stained cheeks, dressed in hospital scrubs I'd been given to change into from my blood-soaked clothes.

I didn't even know what they'd done with those clothes.

Esme was there. At the funeral, I mean. Of course she was. But I didn't go to her. I didn't speak to her. Not because I didn't love her or feel for her – with her ‒ but the opposite, really. I loved her too much. I felt for her, with her, too much. Over the past three days, we were hardly even been able to look at each other without sobbing, and I couldn't do that there. I couldn't let that start, or I'd never stop. I had to be strong if I'd ever make it out of there alive.

We did sit in the same pew, though. Of course we did. She and Carlisle sat on the other side of Kate, who held my hand through the entire service. Alice sat on my other side, crying through the whole thing, with her head on my shoulder.

My family.

There were far more people in attendance of the church service than the actual burial. That worked in my favor. It meant less time I had to wait for everyone to migrate back to their cars when it was over.

I stuck to my guns, determined to be the last one there. I waited it out, even insisting my family go ahead and leave me behind, until it was just the three of us.

Me, the body in the casket, and the stunning, familiar blonde in Dior. Maybe she was the only other person who really felt my pain.

Or maybe it was me who felt hers.

I waited patiently. I cried silently through her sobs. I politely averted my gaze when she went to the hole in the ground and quietly said her piece before tossing a single rose down on top of the casket to join all the other flowers from the other attendees. I waited, because selfishly, I wanted those last words to be mine.

Hot tears burned my cheeks as I approached, as if the grief in them were poison, but I somehow managed to hold it together just enough to keep the sobs at bay. I was determined to keep this quick and simple, like ripping off a Band-Aid. It was the only way it wouldn't kill me.

After all, everything that really needed to be said was written on that piece of paper I carefully pulled from my pocket. There were only six words of my own to add.

"Thank you," I cried as I let go, watching the paper float peacefully down to rest with the flowers. "Be our angel now."

There's nothing lonelier than the sound of footsteps in empty hospital halls. High heels only make it worse. The clicking echoes too loudly, reverberating through spaces of heartache and helplessness.

It was a walk I knew well, but one I'd never get used to. I'd never forget those doors. Each one I passed punctuated the amount of footsteps between me and my heart, between me and that beep, beep, beep that tethered love to this earth one second at a time.

Doors. All these doors... Brown laminate doors against stark white walls. Thirteen of them, to be exact, before I got to my destination.

Emmett was there, as I knew he would be. It was the only way I could leave for the funeral, to at least know that someone was there ‒ just in case fate was so divinely cruel as to allow a miracle in my absence.

"Momma's here," he whispered to a cooing baby Lucas in his arms as we walked in.

"Hi, Emmett," I muttered as I slung my purse down into the vacant chair.

I simply didn't have the time or patience for any further pleasantries than that, not with my heart spread out on the bed before us with a tube shoved down his throat.

"How's everyone holding up?" I vaguely registered Emmett asking from behind me as I pulled that too-familiar chair over to the bed, rubber feet vibrating against tile floor.

"As good as can be expected, I guess," Kate answered sadly. "Carlisle and Esme will be here soon. She wanted to hang back for a bit, offer as much support as she could, I guess. She's so much of a mess herself, though. I'm not sure what good she can do there."

While some part of my mind was aware of the conversation happening around me, the bulk of my attention was solely focused on him, on my other half.

"Hi, baby…" I whispered, just for him, as my hand pushed across too-rough linens.

My eyes settled on pale lips wrapped around plastic that breathed life into my reason for living. I ached to touch those lips with my own, to feel their softness again. Something about not knowing if I'd ever be able to do that again somehow made it feel like an eternity since the last time.

The uncertainty clawed at me. Purgatory. That's where I'd lived for hours, days, weeks… I don't know. Time didn't matter. It all stood still while I waited for love to pull through for me. Until I knew if I still had a reason for living anymore, I simply existed in purgatory. Waiting.

"Esme needs to go home and get some rest. Or eat something. A real meal, I mean, not this hospital vending machine crap."

"I know," Kate answered with a sigh. "I think your dad is trying to convince her."

"Bella should do the same."

"I know. But trust me. That was an impossible argument. I tried to take her home, but she wouldn't let me."

I considered telling them they didn't have to talk about me like I wasn't there, that I could hear them, but it seemed pointless. That meant engaging in conversation, which I didn't care to do, so if the alternative was being discussed like I was just as unconscious as my heartbeat before me, then so be it.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier," I continued in a whisper, leaning over to kiss the back of the hand I held. "But I had to go." I turned the misleadingly warm hand over to nuzzle my cheek against the palm. "I know you would want me to go."

"Anything new going on here?"

Because that was one of the only questions Kate could ask that I was interested in hearing the answer to, I paid attention to their conversation more closely as my gaze followed the steady rise and fall of artificial breathing.

"Not really," Emmett answered as I expected. "He's been kinda twitchy, though."

My head snapped so hard to look over at him that I gave myself whiplash.

"What?" I demanded.

"I said he's been twitchy."

"What do you mean 'twitchy'? Like he's been moving?"

"A little. Not really moving. His foot moved a couple times. That's all."

My eyes widened so big that I thought they might pop right out of their sockets.

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I would've, but the nurse said it was nothing to get worked up about."

I turned away from him in an effort to not to yell at him. I knew his intentions were good, but this was my life we were talking about. Every time the heart before me beat, so did mine. Every time those lungs took a breath, artificial or not, so did mine. If there were any sign of consciousness to be found, it wasn't just important for me to know; it was imperative.

"Bella," Kate hedged, probably wondering if I was pissed off or not. "How about Em and I go get you something to eat? Give you a little time alone with him?"

"Sure. Fine," I responded quickly. To be honest, I didn't care what they did.

"We could run back to the house and get you some clothes to change into?"

"Sure."

I didn't give them a second glance as they gathered their stuff and their baby and left. I barely even heard the door close behind them as I lay my face against Edward's palm again, closing my eyes and willing love to move something for me. A foot, a hair… anything. Any sign. Any hope.

Beep.

Swish.

Beep.

Swish.

I was quickly getting used to those sounds. I didn't even notice them anymore, and they didn't bother me when I dozed off. What woke me this time was the noise that interrupted those steady sounds: sounds of clicking and rolling wheels.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen," someone spoke as I lifted my head, rubbing at my sleepy eyes with my free hand. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I looked up to see Karen, one of the afternoon nurses, smiling at me apologetically.

"It's okay. I must've dozed off for a minute." Edward's hand, warm but limp, was still in mine. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I was just popping in to check on his vitals. I'm all finished, though."

"Oh, all right."

"You know, you're going to end up hurting your neck if you keep sleeping like that. There's a couch in here and a quite comfortable recliner. I can get you a pillow."

I tried to muster up a smile to offer her. Karen was a sweet lady, and this wasn't the first time she'd suggested this to me.

"No, thanks." Her expression was knowing, not at all surprised by my response. "I'm sure the recliner's very comfortable, but it isn't close enough to him."

I hated the sympathy that flashed in her eyes.

"I understand."

She left quietly so I was once again alone with my husband and a pressing bladder.

"I'll be right back," I told him, turning to place a gentle kiss to his palm. That's when I felt it. It was the subtlest, tiniest twitching of his pinky against my cheek. "Edward?" I asked slowly, my gaze darting up to his pale, still eyelids. "Edward, baby, can you hear me?"

But there was nothing. No response. Just beeping and swishing and nothingness.

Emmett came back, leaving Kate at home with a napping Lucas. He brought some simple clothes for me to change into from my funeral clothes and a sandwich I sort of picked at until he shut up about it.

Emmett was pretty good about knowing when I wanted to be left alone. He was the right kind of person to have with me. He made just enough comments at the right times to open the doors for conversation, if I wanted it, but he knew how to take hints when I didn't. When I pulled out Edward's journal from my purse, the one I'd left with the night before, he occupied himself with a football game on mute on the little TV in the corner. But he was there, and whether he knew it or not, that helped.

I read about our wedding night. I cried where he wrote about the way my skin looked in the moonlight and laughed where he said my mood swings were sure to give him a chronic case of whiplash.

Those journals were everything to me. Even when he wrote about things that had nothing to do with me, or even the journals that chronicled parts of his life before me, they brought me comfort. It was soothing to hear his voice, even when I couldn't actually hear it. Those pages were full of him, and they were the only thing able to soothe the ache in my chest.

"Did you see that?"

"See what?" I asked, looking up from the journal cradled in my lap.

"His foot," Emmett answered, pointing at said appendage. "It moved again... like it did earlier. It was the other one this time, though."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I snapped the journal closed, leaving it in my vacant chair as I stood up, looming over my husband. Tears welled in my eyes as a surge of hope rushed through me. I didn't want to get my hopes up that he would wake soon, especially when the doctors kept reminding me that everything was in terms of if he woke up, but I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe my husband would fight for me, to stay with me.

When not consuming myself in Edward's words, I'd read up on more than my fair share of information on people in his situation. I felt well-informed on how these things worked, and I knew that subtle movements like the ones Edward had been making all day were usually the first signs that someone was starting to wake up. While my brain didn't want to let myself get ahead of myself in hope, my heart was ready to jump for joy at even the smallest indicator of a chance.

I also knew that in the opinion of a lot of people, there was a strong chance that Edward may, on some level, be able to hear me. And any chance there was of that, I wasn't willing to pass up.

"Edward," I cried, careful as I leaned to kiss his forehead and place a hand on his arm. "Edward, if you can hear me, you have to wake up. You have to." I fought to not let my crying turn into sobs. "I need you to wake up, Edward. It's not enough time. You haven't g-given m-m-me enough t-t-time."

When I lost the battle and the sobs overtook my body, I allowed Emmett to pull me away from my husband and into his strong embrace. I buried my face against his shirt as he held me, and together, we cried.

A couple hours later, a hand-off of sorts happened. Emmett left just as Carlisle and Esme arrived, with Alice in tow. I think they were all alone to leave me by myself for too long.

Carlisle brought me one of the protein shakes he'd been making Esme drink, claiming neither of us had been eating near enough. I wanted to be able to eat to keep my energy up, I really did, but food was just too hard to force down, so I drank the protein shake without complaint.

Watching Esme with Edward was hard. Really hard. While everyone else had managed to hold their composure through the whole thing, Esme was the only one falling to pieces like me. It was difficult for us to even look at each other, much less speak. And when she was there, stroking her son's hair and telling him he had to pull through for mommy, it gutted me. It was like seeing her pain was just a horrible, constant reminder of my own. And while I knew they had just as much right to be there as me, just as much reason, it was nearly impossible to pretend that having her there didn't make things more difficult to bear.

As hard as it was for me, I really made an effort to give Esme her own time with Edward. When she was there, it was the only time I was willing to put any distance between myself and him. It wasn't easy. My lungs burned to breathe him in, and my hand ached to hold his. It was amazing the difference a few feet of space could make, but I tried to ignore it as I stayed on the other side of them to give Esme her moments with her son.

"Edward? Edward, honey? Do you hear me?" Her firm tone, an obvious difference from the normal soft whisper she spoke to him in, caught my attention. I looked up from the journal to see Esme looking up at Carlisle with a frantic look in her eyes. "Carlisle, do you see that? Look at his eyes."

"What about his eyes?" I asked, leaping out of my chair. "What happened?"

"Bella, quick. Come here," she urged. "Look at his eyes. They're moving."

I scurried to the other side of the bed and frantically searched Edward's face, noticing immediately what she was talking about. His eyes were still closed, but there was noticeable movement behind his eyelids – a fluttering.

"Edward?" I yelped, reaching desperately for his hand. "Edward, do you hear me? It's me, baby. It's Bella." I felt it as soon as I had a proper hold of his hand: a gentle squeeze. It was just faint enough to leave me desperate for something more but strong enough to know I hadn't imagined it. "Oh, my God! He squeezed my hand!"

"Are you sure, Bella?" Carlisle asked skeptically.

"I'm positive. He hears me. I know he does." A second, slightly weaker squeeze opened up the floodgates of tears. "Edward, open your eyes for me, please," I begged. "Please open your eyes."

"Alice, go find a doctor," Carlisle instructed, whirling around to face his daughter. "Quickly!"

"Oh, Edward," Esme cried, stroking his hair. "Can you really hear us?"

The fluttering of his eyes didn't stop. If anything, they only grew more pronounced as we waited. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. It was mere moments before one of the doctors I'd come to recognize burst into the room with Alice right on her tail.

"Everyone take a step back, please," she requested sternly as she darted toward us.

It was torture to have to step away from him, but I knew I had to listen. So I did, but I kept my eyes fixed on his face.

"Mr. Cullen, do you hear the sound of my voice?" she asked loudly. "Can you squeeze my finger for me?" She put her finger in his hand, and she must've felt something, because she instantly smiled. "Mr. Cullen, you're perfectly fine, and your family's right here with you, okay?" she said loudly but sweetly, obvious trying to keep him calm.

"I'm right here, Edward," I called to him. "I'm not going anywhere."

In what seemed to be in response to my voice, his whole body jerked as he suddenly coughed, stifled by the tube in his throat. I panicked a little, worried that the tube was choking him, but the doctor knew exactly what to do and sprang into action right away.

"Mr. Cullen, you've been intubated to help you breathe," she explained calmly, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to remove the tube now, okay?"

The tension in the room was palpable as we watched her slowly work to remove the tube. Edward made more weak coughing sounds as she dislodged it, but the doctor made efforts to soothe him through the whole process, telling him again and again that he was okay and everything was fine.

When the tube was fully removed, Edward sucked in a gust of air that hit me like a punch to the stomach in the best way.

He's alive.

He's awake.

And then it happened. My reason to keep breathing, the keeper of my heart, opened his eyes and blinked twice.

I will never forget the moment my husband opened his eyes.

For days, my chest had been empty. Finding my husband dying on our hallway floor, waiting through his surgery, and listening to the doctors tell me about his slim chances completely gutted me. When I held his bloodied body in my arms, I actually felt like I could feel my heart being ripped from my chest.

The only way to describe the feeling of seeing him open his eyes was sheer intensity as my heart was slammed back into its place.

All in a rush, I felt alive again. I felt my heart beat. I felt my blood pump through my veins. And in the blink of an eye, the world had color again.

"Oh, my God," I sobbed, literally collapsing.

If it hadn't been for Carlisle catching me in his arms, I would've fallen to the floor in a heap of useless limbs. I almost felt like I was going to faint; I was that lightheaded from the sheer elation of knowing my husband was alive and awake.

He closed his eyes again after blinking a few times, but it didn't even matter. All that mattered was he'd opened them. He was still there with me. I got to keep him with me, and knowing that was enough. It was more than enough; it was everything.

"Take your time, Mr. Cullen," the doctor encouraged. "It's perfectly normal for everything to be very hazy right now."

I wanted to run and jump on him and smother him in hugs and kisses, but I resisted. I stayed where I was, squeezing Carlisle's arms around me as tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"Mommy's here, Edward," Esme cried from the other side of her husband.

He breathed out deeply before opening his eyes once more, though they didn't focus on anything in particular. In a flash, the doctor produced a tiny flashlight from her pocket and flicked it on.

"Mr. Cullen, can you follow this light for me?"

She held the flashlight up to his eyes, and although it took a moment for him to register what she was asking, I watched with a beaming, teary smile as emerald eyes slid slowly back and forth, following the light as she moved it.

When she turned the light off, his eyes focused on me right away. The longing and desperation in his gaze broke my heart and put it back together again all at the same time.

"Bella," he croaked, barely anything more than a breath.

"Please," I cried, pushing against Carlisle's arms that held me. "Please, just let me touch him…"

"You can touch him," the doctor obliged with a kind smile, stepping back. "Just be very gentle. He's still healing, and he's going to be quite weak for a while now."

I resisted the urge to tackle as I scurried to his side and leaned over him, pressing hurried kisses to his forehead and cheek.

"Oh, baby," I whimpered, crying all over his face. "You're awake… You came back to me…"

I vaguely registered Carlisle behind me telling Esme to back off and give me a minute. I'm sure she was eager to get her hands on him just like I was, but I didn't care. I couldn't. There was no room in my heart to care at that moment. It was just me and him. The whole world was just us.

"Are-" He started to speak but then stopped to clear try to clear his raspy throat. "Are you okay?"

That only made me cry harder.

"How are you asking me if I'm okay?" I shrieked, completely baffled by the thought.

"Don't leave," he croaked next. It was a peculiar thing to say, I thought.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby." I answered as I took his face in my hands gently. "I'm right here."

"Good."

He sighed, sounding relieved, and closed his eyes again.

"I'm going to get you some water, Mr. Cullen," the doctor announced as she grabbed his chart and made a quick exit.

At first, the whole thing felt like a dream. It was too surreal to think Edward was really awake and really talking.

Really okay.

The moment it actually did hit me, I lost it. I was full-on snot-sobbing. I fell to my knees right there at Edward's bedside and wept into his sheets.

"Esme, Alice, I think we need to give them a moment of privacy," Carlisle suggested from behind me.

"But–"

"Esme."

I guess she knew not to argue with that tone, because the next thing I heard was footsteps followed by the door opening and closing again.

For a long moment, only my cries filled the space. And then Edward's hand was in my hair.

"Shh…" he whispered, and the fact he was comforting me made my sobs come harder.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry," I wailed, turning my head to look at him.

"Bella," he cried, looking at me with tear-filled eyes. "Please. Stop crying." I took a shaky breath, trying desperately to compose myself. "I hate seeing you cry."

I surveyed his face, trying to convince myself this was all real, and found it curious he could look so exhausted after waking up from days of unconsciousness.

"I-I-I can't help it." With another deep breath, I felt somewhat more in control of myself. "I th-thought I'd lost you."

"I'm here."

"I love you." I scrambled to stand up again and perched myself on the very edge of his bed. "I love you so much, Edward. You don't even know." I cupped his cheek with my hand, stroking his beard. "Thinking I'd lost you was like having my insides ripped out. Worse, even."

I could tell he was struggling to keep his eyes open, and I wondered how much time I'd have with him before he inevitably fell asleep again.

"Is it selfish…" He paused, closing his eyes briefly as he swallowed. "Is it selfish that I'm thankful I'm in my position and not yours?"

"What?"

"I'd rather be shot and laid up in the hospital than know what it's like to think I might've lost you."

I nodded, laughing softly through my tears.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I think maybe I'd rather be shot than go through what I've been through these last few days again."

His eyes stayed closed for a lot longer this time as his breathing slowed down, and just when I was about to ask if he was still awake, he spoke again.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Rosalie…"

He sighed as he forced his eyes open again. There was a questioning look in his gaze underlined with hopelessness that burned in my chest. As I shook my head slowly, understanding and heartache washed over his sleepy face.

"Rosalie didn't make it, Edward."

Taking a deep breath, he squeezed his eyes shut this time.

"I knew you were going say that, but I was really dreading hearing it."

When he opened his eyes and gave me a heartbreaking look, I hurt for him.

"The funeral was this morning."

"I missed it?"

"Yes," I answered regretfully. "It was a really beautiful service, and a lot of people were there."

I thought of Rosalie's mother, the striking blonde I'd been there with at the end, and hoped that wherever she was then that she was okay.

"She saved my life, Bella."

Fresh tears filled my eyes as my mind replayed the surveillance footage I'd given to the police.

"I know." When his eyes opened again, they fixated on the ceiling instead of me. "I'm sorry, Edward." The regret written all over his face seared the edges of my happiness. I wanted desperately to take it away from him. "She saved my life too, you know," I told him, still stroking his face. "In saving yours." He nodded sleepily. "She's our angel."

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed, releasing a breath of sadness.

"She is." He was quiet again for a while after that, his eyes drooping lower and lower, until another thought seemed to awaken him again. "How did you know? What happened?"

"With Rosalie? The cameras you installed after the Mercedes was vandalized. I gave the footage to the police."

"Did they find him? Arrest him?"

"Riley? Yeah, they did." He nodded, satisfied with that answer. "He's not talking, though. I'm sure the police will want to question you for a motive as soon as they get word you're awake."

His jaw tensed as he shook his head.

"The fucking casino…"

"Shh…" I pushed my fingers through his too-long hair as I shushed him. "You don't have to talk about it right now. I don't want you to even think about that. Just rest." His hand found my thigh, and I buzzed at the contact. "Just be with me…"

I didn't need to hear the details of what'd happened just yet. I didn't want to spend our precious moments talking about it. Besides, I'd been able to deduce the gist of what'd happened.

"How long was I out for?"

"Four days."

His gaze was apologetic as his eyes met mine.

"I'm sorry I left you alone to worry for all that time."

I shook my head as I smiled at him.

"It doesn't matter. It's over now, and you're here with me." My free hand found his on my thigh and squeezed it gently. "I'll never take a second I have with you for granted, Edward."

"Lie with me…" he slurred as sleep called to him.

"I can't." I wanted to plead with him to stay awake, but his head lolled as he lost the battle with unconsciousness. "But I'm right here, babe…"

Esme was mad she missed out on time with Edward before he fell asleep again, I could tell, but she didn't dare say anything about it to me, and I didn't have it in me to feel bad.

When the doctor came back with ice chips for Edward, she briefed us on what to expect out of the next few days as Edward's recovery continued and to be prepared for him to spend most of his time sleeping, saying it was completely normal. She said it would take some time for him to regain his strength and sharpened mental focus, but my husband was above average at everything, and I knew his recovery wouldn't be an exception.

Surprisingly, Carlisle was able to convince Esme to go down to the cafeteria. He reasoned that she should be able to eat a real meal now that she knew Edward was going to be okay, and I don't think she had any fight left in her to argue. Of course, since I'd hogged up all of Edward's conscious moments earlier, I had to promise to call her the very second Edward woke up if it happened when they were gone.

Alice went with them, and although Emmett and Kate were supposed to be on their way, they hadn't arrived yet, which left me contentedly alone with Edward once more.

I didn't expect him to wake up for a while, and that's why it made me jump in surprise when his raspy, sleepy voice cut through the silence.

"You figured it out."

"You're awake," I answered stupidly, blinking at him as I recovered from my jolt of surprise.

"I am."

"How long have you been awake?"

"Just a couple minutes."

"A couple minutes? Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"I was enjoying watching you."

I closed the journal I'd been reading to go to him, reclaiming my perch on the edge of his bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot."

I grinned as I took his hand in mine.

"Still a smartass, I see."

"I learned from the best."

"I missed your eyes," I told him, unable to look away from my emeralds.

"My eyes missed looking at you."

"Edward, could you hear me? When you were, you know, asleep?"

He stared at me for a moment, contemplative.

"Sometimes."

"Really?"

"It's like I would start to wake up, but I couldn't quite get there. I couldn't move my body or open my eyes, but I was aware of things going on around me. And before I could fully wake up, I'd fall asleep again. I don't really remember it all now, though. It's like when you have a dream and you remember it when you first start to wake up, but the more awake you get, the more you forget until you don't remember any of it at all. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it does." He gave me a sleepy smile that made me swoon. "So what did I figure out?"

"What?"

"You said I figured something out."

"Oh, the combination to the safe. The numbers I told you."

I confusingly looked at him before I realized he'd seen me reading the journal.

"Oh, right. For the journals. Yeah, I did figure it out. I hope you don't mind I brought one with me to read."

"Of course I don't. That's why I gave you the combination ‒ so you could read them."

"You wanted me to know."

"Yes. I wanted you to know everything. Everything I might not have had the chance to tell you."

"Thank you," I answered, squeezing his hand gently. "I've been reading them non-stop, and I know now. I know that no man has ever loved a woman the way you love me."

He couldn't muster more than that drowsy smile, but his eyes were absolutely radiant with affection.

"Good. Giving you the combination served its purpose, then."

"I don't have journals to give you, and I'm not good with words like you are, but you have to know that I love you the same. No other woman could ever love a man like I love you."

He nodded, licking his lips.

"I know."

"Do you want water?"

"Lie with me."

I smiled at him, shaking my head.

"I can't. I might hurt you. And I have to call your mom. They went down to the cafeteria to get food, and I promised I'd call her first thing if you woke up. She was upset she didn't get any time with you earlier, and I've already stolen too much of it just now."

"I don't care," he said dismissively, struggling to keep his half-open eyes focused on me. "Lie with me."

"I can't, baby."

"I need to hold you…"

"You're too fragile," I insisted as I stood to retrieve my phone. "There's plenty of time for that later. I just need you to rest up and get better."

He was asleep again before my call even went through.

The third time Edward woke up, not too long later, everyone was there.

It was difficult not to be bitter about having to share him, but I tried. I could tell he wasn't a fan, either. Not that he didn't love everyone, but it was understood between us without having to be said that we really just craved to be alone together.

We remained connected, though. Even as everyone took their turns having their tearful reunions with him, he never took his eyes off me for more than a moment.

To my dismay, but not my surprise, once the reunions were all had, the questions began.

"I'm not understanding what this man's motive was, son," Carlisle said from where he sat beside Esme on the tiny couch. "Bella filled us in a little bit, but to go to such extreme lengths over a thwarted business deal? There must be something more."

Edward glanced at his father and then looked back at me, and just from the look in his eyes, I knew there was something he wanted to say to me he didn't want to say in front of everyone else.

"Well, obviously the man is insane, Carlisle," Esme scoffed, as if the answer were obvious. "I don't think there is a logical explanation to be said."

"Mom's right, dad," Edward answered, thought he didn't look away from me. "He clearly wasn't in a rational state of mind. People do crazy things over money, and Riley stood to make millions on that deal. He was banking on it, and Rosalie and I took that away from him. In his mind, we ruined is life."

"Just goes to show that you never know what people are capable of," Emmett commented.

"You want some more ice?" I asked, peering into the now-empty paper cup I'd been feeding Edward ice chips from.

He shook his head.

"Do you have any ChapStick? My lips are so dry."

"No, but I know they sell it in the gift shop. I'll go down and get some."

He put his hand on my leg, as if to physically stop me.

"No, it's okay. Don't leave."

"It's fine. I was gonna go down anyway to get a toothbrush and some toothpaste so I can stay the night."

"Oh, I need one of those desperately," he answered longingly.

"I can go down and pick up whatever you need," Kate offered sweetly.

"It's okay. You guys all enjoy a little time with Edward before you leave for the night."

"Bella," Edward protested, and I really did find it sweet he was so adamant about not wanting me to leave his side. I didn't want to leave, either, but I knew I'd been hogging him from his family.

"It's okay, Edward," I laughed. "I'll be right back. You'll just have to stay awake for me."

"Hey," he called after me when I turned to walk away. "If you're gonna leave, you have to kiss me. My mouth tastes like ass, but you'll have to deal with it."

Lighthearted laughter filled the room from those around us as I went back to him, shaking my head at him. I leaned over to place a quick kiss on his dry, chapped lips.

"Extra strength toothpaste it is," I muttered to him teasingly as I pulled away.

Returning after paying a ridiculous amount of money for some simple oral care, that long, lonely hallway I'd grown so used to somehow felt a lot less cold. The sound of my shoes on the squeaky hospital floor didn't bother me, and the starkness of those thirteen doors and white walls didn't seem so solemn.

My husband way okay, the world had color, and my heart was back in its place.

"Alice," I spoke, surprised to see her pacing back and forth in the hallway as I turned the corner. "What are you doing out here? Is everything okay?"

She turned around and looked up at me with wide, almost frightened eyes.

"I have to talk to you, Bella."

"Right now?"

"It's important."

"Okay…" I drawled, thrown by the weirdness of the whole thing. "What's up?"

"There's something I have to get off my chest. Something I've been bottling up inside, and it's eating away at me. And now that Edward's awake and I know you're okay, I need to get it out. Especially after seeing you together in there and the way you reacted when he woke up… I just... I have to tell you."

"Alice, you're rambling. What's going on?"

She took a deep breath, clearly bracing herself for something, and it unnerved me.

"I saw the way Edward looked at you in there when my dad was asking about Riley. And I know what he wanted to tell you."

I stopped in front of her, trying to calm myself despite the dreaded feeling in my gut.

"Okay…"

"Riley knew about you two."

I stared at her, trying to wrack my brain for different contexts of what she could mean, but my mind remained fixated on only one.

"What about us?" I asked slowly.

"He knew about your fake marriage."

And that was it. She said exactly what I thought she was going to say but what I so desperately hoped she wouldn't.

"I… I don't…" I stammered, not sure how to even respond. "Excuse me?"

"I know, Bella. I know the truth." Her eyes were full of regret, no malice, but that didn't make me feel any better. "I've known for a while."

I swallowed the bile in my throat, trying to brace myself for the worst possible outcomes of this conversation.

"How?"

"He told me."

"Edward told you?"

"No. Riley told me."

That threw me. I instinctively took an offended step back, feeling the need to put some distance between us as this conversation quickly took a turn for the worst.

"I… You…" She looked like she wanted to cry, but I felt no sympathy for her. "Do you even know him?"

"I met him and his wife at your Christmas party the year before last."

"Tanya."

"Yes."

"And what? You just struck up a happy friendship?" I accused.

"No. Not exactly, but we did start talking. They, well… As you know, you and I weren't exactly in the best place at that time. I guess they could pretty easily conclude my feelings about your marriage to my brother, and they told me everything they knew about you, that the whole thing was fake."

I just stared at her for the longest time. My body and mind were already so exhausted that it was difficult to absorb this information.

"But how? How could they possibly know that?"

"Tanya's good friends with Edward's secretary ‒ or his secretary at the time."

Of course, this didn't surprise me. I already knew about their friendship. It was the catalyst behind the whole 'Trailer Trash Barbie' incident; the incident Rosalie defended me in.

"She knew?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"All I was told was that she came across an email in Edward's account between him and his lawyer."

Anger rushed through me, and my breathing grew heavier with it.

"That's a massive violation of the relationship between employee and employer."

"That didn't stop her from gossiping with her friend whose husband already had a huge vendetta against Edward."

"Edward hadn't even decided to go forward with the casino project back then."

"No, but he'd already pulled out of the deal. That may not have been enough to justify attempted murder yet, but it was certainly enough to motivate some old-fashioned extortion."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I gasped as realization dawned on me.

"Oh, my God… Tanya was the blonde woman!"

"What?"

"That's what you're telling me. There was a blonde woman who approached Edward's friend, the one he filed our prenuptial agreement with. She was trying to get her hands on a copy of our contract. That was Tanya, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"But that doesn't make sense. Edward showed him a picture of her, and he said that wasn't her. We completely ruled her out."

"Yes, well, it turns out Tanya has more friends in convenient places than just Edward's secretary."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know who exactly she knew that was able to get the information from her, but she somehow knew about an affair going on with Edward's friend, the lawyer. Having that information on him was her insurance, a way to keep him quiet about what she was trying to do. Obviously, it worked to a certain extent. She didn't get the copy of your contract, but she was able to keep her identity concealed."

"So he lied to us."

"Yes."

As my mind struggled to keep pace with everything spilling from Alice, there still remained glaringly obvious holes in her story.

"How the hell do you know all of this? Why would Tanya divulge all of this to you, Edward's own sister? I mean, I get that she knew you were angry at us, but did she really think that was enough to make you keep all of this quiet?"

Her cheeks heated with a deep, guilty blush.

"This wasn't all one conversation."

"So you really did strike up some sort of weird friendship."

"I wouldn't call it that… exactly."

"So what would you call it then, Alice? Because with each second that passes and I think about everything you're saying, I'm getting more and more pissed off at you. I mean, why are you just now telling me all of this? I know you were mad at me, but we worked things out. Why would you keep this from me?"

She swallowed, looking more shaken than ever.

"It was consequential to what I've actually been keeping from you."

In some sick way, I wanted to laugh. As if she hadn't been keeping enough from me, could there really be more?

"And what's that, Alice? You might as well spill it now that you're on a roll."

She looked like she might vomit or pass out.

"I'm not innocent in all of this, Bella. I did something… terrible."

Now I felt like the one who might vomit.

"What did you do, Alice?"

"It was me, Bella." A single tear rolled down her cheek with what she said next. "I'm the one who vandalized Edward's car."

And with that, Alice Cullen and I were broken beyond repair.

"Are you…" I saw red. I felt like I could literally spit fire at her. "Are you fucking insane?"

"Bella…"

"How could you…" I wanted to cry and punch her in the face all at the same time. "How could you do something like that?"

"I was angry, Bella. I was already upset about the whole thing, and then I found out that it was all fake… I was heartbroken. I felt so betrayed, like our friendship meant nothing to you, like you were just using me to get to my brother's money."

"That is so far removed from the truth," I nearly growled.

"But it's how I felt." Tears slid faster and faster down her cheeks, and she made no effort to wipe them away. "I was obsessed. I couldn't stop thinking about it and how furious I was, and I acted impulsively, irrationally."

"That's the understatement of the year!"

"I can't explain it, Bella. I was in a rage, and… There are things you don't know about me, things about my mental health…"

But I did know. Edward had told me, and still, it didn't change anything.

"Save it, Alice." I didn't realize I was crying until hot tears slid into my mouth. "I don't care what excuse you have. I don't care how furious you were or how fucked up your mind is."

"Bella, please… I felt terrible. I feel terrible. I started feeling guilty about it as soon as it happened, and then I saw that things had changed. I saw that somehow, somewhere, something had happened, and I could see that you really loved him. And then I just felt worse, and I wanted to mend things with you. I knew if I told you the truth, that could never happen. But then this happened, and I knew I'd have to come clean. Actually, part of me was expecting Edward to wake up and already know. I thought maybe Riley had told him…"

"Do you realize you could've prevented this?" I shrieked. "Do you realize you could've saved someone from dying?"

"What? No! No, Bella. I had no idea Riley was going to do this…"

"But you knew he was trying to extort us! You knew he was dangerous! You saw that video footage! You saw what happened! If you'd told us about all of this, Edward wouldn't have let him inside! He didn't know, Alice!" She shook her head at me, and it made me want to slap her. "You could've prevented all of this!"

"I didn't know what he was capable of…"

"But you knew he was dangerous, and you knew he wanted to hurt us in one way or another."

"I wasn't myself at the time. I didn't even see him as the bad guy, Bella. To be honest, I saw you and Edward as the bad guys for lying to all of us!"

"Yes, Alice! I fucking lied!" I yelled, making her jump. "I married your brother for his fucking money, and if that makes me a bad guy, then so be it! But you know what? That man is my fucking life now. If he'd died, I would've died with him, because I can't be in a world where he doesn't exist. So fuck you, Alice. I can forgive you for being a shitty friend, I can forgive you for trashing Edward's car, but I can't forgive you for jeopardizing his life. I won't."

"Are you going to tell my family?"

I was disgusted that was her first concern, and I'm sure my face showed it.

"You know what? No, I'm not. I'll tell your brother, because I made a vow to him to never keep anything from him ever again, but not now that he's recovering from what you allowed to happen. But I'm not even going to tell everyone else ‒ not for your benefit but for theirs. Because they will be so fucking disgusted with you and so fucking heartbroken, and they've been through enough. They don't deserve that."

"I n-n-never wanted to h-h-urt anyone."

"Save your crying for someone else, Alice," I spat, shaking my head at her. "I suggest you go find a bathroom and get yourself together before you go back into that room. I'll be cordial to you for the sake of your family, but don't think for even one second we can ever go back now to how it was. You ruined that."

"B-B-Bella…"

"And stay the hell away from me and my husband."

I passed by her without even a glance in her direction, and I left our friendship right there, broken and bleeding on the hospital floor, left to die.

I only took a few moments to compose myself outside of Edward's room, unwilling to be apart from him any longer than that.

I was elated to find him still awake when I walked in, albeit still extremely groggy-looking as he listened to Emmett recall everything he'd missed about baby Lucas in the last four days.

"Are you okay?" he asked me when I went to him, his eyebrows pulled together with concern as I dug for his ChapStick in my shopping bag.

"Of course I'm okay."

"You've been crying."

"I've been doing a lot of that, but these are happy tears," I lied, unwilling to taint his recovery with Alice's betrayal. That would have to wait.

"They are?"

I gingerly slid onto the side of his bed, smiling down at him as I pushed his hair out of his face.

"Of course they are. What in the world do I have to be sad about when your pretty eyes are open and looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like forever's a done deal."

With a sleepy smile and twinkling eyes, he brought my hand up to his mouth to kiss it with chapped lips.

"Non-negotiable, baby."

A/N:

Ya'll didn't actually think I'd kill him, did you? ;)

So, I'm sure some of you are curious for more details of what exactly happened. There will be an EPOV of the shooting in the EPOV outtakes.

SO…

SOME SUPER EXCITING NEWS!

First off, who is going to the Twi-fic meet-up coming up in Philly? I will be there and I'm hoping to meet some of you!

Second, My Life as a Trophy Wife was nominated for the multi-fandom fanfic awards! Like what? ME? My little baby fic? I'm floored and super duper excited to be up for best Twilight fic AND best angst fic. Also, my beta for this story (MariahajilE) and my pre-reader (Layathomemom) are nominated for the best beta and the best prereader! Go them! If you'd like to vote, I've posted the link on my Facebook page! (J Ray Fanfiction) and my Twitter (JennaRayFF)