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Gabi nodded and left with a sad smile leaving Erin alone with the two. "You might as well lay back down and get some more sleep Kell...He is out out." She said as Matt's head slid back at an uncomfortable angle and a small snore escaped his throat.
"Do your wiggle thing and make him comfortable then I will lay down...not tired though."
"Wiggle thing?" Erin snickered.
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
Erin bent her knee and weaved her arm under Casey's side and lifted him up pulling him across her body. Matt wrapped his arm around her waist as his head settled on her shoulder. Erin held his body to her by bending her knee and ran her fingers through his hair as his breathing slowed and he slipped back into a deep sleep.
"You want me to go check on Jay?" Kelly asked.
"Need a break?" Erin asked reaching out and squeezing his hand.
"He needs you right now...I need you to make him okay." He said standing up.
"Go kick Jays ass at poker." Erin smiled.
Kelly walked down where he saw Stella camped out in the hall. "I'm fine Kidd." He snapped as he kept walking.
"Why can't you talk to me?"
"Nothing to talk about."
"Right. So Erin was here for what?"
"Erin is still here...with Casey."
"She came for you."
"I'm not some dumb kid...I don't need a damn babysitter or someone to pity me. If you want to be my friend then be my damn friend. Know me enough to know that...for now though just get the hell out of my way so I can hang out with Jay." He growled pushing past her.
When he got to the floor Jay was making himself comfortable in his seat and the guys around him all looked scared for him as he walked closer. "Deal me in." He said sitting down next to the detective. Jay did, and didn't ask what took so long...or where Erin was...somehow he just knew.
The conversation was light, fun...but Kelly knew Squad wanted to know where he disappeared to earlier. "Some calls are harder than others...remind you of...of things you wish you could forget." He said.
When no one else at the squad table said anything Jay did, "After a rough one for us our unit will stay at our place...or at Hanks...well, those of us who want to anyway."
"You actually stay at Voights?" Capp asked, shocked.
"Guy is human...spent quite a bit of time after Nadia...and then Justin...when one of the team have a rough day we will bring them home with us, make sure they are okay...that they eat."
"We usually just go to Molly's...get slammed..." Cruz said crossing his arms.
"After your Brother had to be moved...I saw the guys looking out for you." Jay said.
"Not really...I mean...sure they make sure I get home safe but...emotion...talking...not really."
"That's going to change." Kelly said looking around. "Capp you called Erin...why?"
"At the cemetery she held you...seemed like it helped then and when you came back...just seemed like you needed it again."
"Erin did help...and is helping Casey...but we can be there for each other too. I went up to Casey's office...I didn't want to burden you but didn't want to be alone..."
"You saying you want us to hold you the next time you look...well the next time we get a bad call?" Capp asked.
"Yes." Kelly answered, "If a Call hits me hard I would like someone to come up and give me a hug."
"Lieutenant going soft over here." Gabi said walking over behind Kelly and wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.
Kelly put his hand over hers and locked them in place. "Know it seems weird guys but really...who else outside this house...outside of responders...no one else gets it."
"Thanks Sev." Otis said clapping Cruz on the shoulder.
Herman walked over and put his hands on Jay's shoulders, "This guy...and Lindsay...they are bringing a change to Chicago."
"They certainly have helped Tonio." Gabi said smiling at Jay.
"He's my Brother." Jay said shrugging. "We fight like brothers too." He chuckled.
"Who wants in?" Kelly asked Taking the deck from Jay. This time the game was joined by members of truck even though it was at Squads table.
Meanwhile Erin was upstairs holding Casey as he slept, unlike Kelly when he was out he was out and didn't move a muscle. Erin turned on Netflix on her phone as she laid there. About the third episode of Friends in Casey started to stir. "I got you." She whispered.
"Just need a minute." He whispered back.
"Not going anywhere Matty." She told him as she tightened her arm across his chest.
She felt him relax back into her and she clicked her phone off and set it down, running her fingers through his fine blonde hair. "I've never talked about that night...or the thirteen weeks after..."
"You don't need to if you don't want...what it was like...where you were...it all helped to shape who you are today."
"That first night was the only night I felt safe." He whispered, tilting his head to look at her.
Seeing the tears fill his eyes her heart ached and she pulled him around to wrap him in a huge hug. Holding his head into her neck she ran her hand up and down his back as he gripped his hands into the hoody she was wearing. "You feel safe now?"
"With you? Yeah... in general though...no...any noise...before that night it was always...is Dad coming...after it was...did I do something wrong or who has it out for me...". He said into her shoulder.
"Kelly knew you were in the system."
"We were in the same house...few months...when his mom was...until Benny came back."
"Do you feel safe with Gabi?"
"Not like this." He answered after a minute. "I love her but...she doesn't know that part of me."
"It was okay for me to tell her about that night."
"She gets...she needed to know why."
"Matty...What happened, what you went through...none of that was your fault." She felt him nod his head and he loosened his grip on her back. "If you don't let her in you aren't giving her a chance."
"What if I lose her too?"
"Then you have me and Kelly to pick you back up again."
"Will you always..."
"No matter where I end up I will always make sure you have a way to get ahold of me."
"Think we should order some pizzas for tonight?" Matt said sitting up.
"Go for it Matty." Erin smiled putting her arm around his shoulders for one last squeeze. "I am thankful for today." She saw his eyes begin to fill with tears again and made him turn to look at her. "You are going to get through." She said wiping the lone tear that fell from his cheek.
"I am thankful for you...more than you could possibly imagine."
"Why don't you order that pizza Matty...then we can go down with the rest of your crew."
"Erin...seriously...thank you."
"You've got this Matty...just...reach out next time." She said as he went over to his computer and turned in a repeat order for pizza. "Ready go head down?"
"Erin can I...". He mumbled, looking down at the floor. Erin sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and let him bury his face for a minute. When he didn't pick up his head she started to scratch the back of his neck.
"Tired still Matty?" She asked. He nodded his head and she leaned her cheek against his head. "Go down, have some pizza with everyone...I can stay here tonight if you want."
"You would do that?" He asked.
"As long as your wife is okay with it." Erin teased and he lifted his head. "Let's go." She said standing Up and taking his hand.
They walked down right as the pizza kid was carrying in a giant stack of pies. "Eat up." Casey said walking over towards Squad table where everyone was hovering around a poker game. Erin walked over to Jay and kissed him before sitting on the armrest of the chair. "Stole Kellys seat I see." She smirked.
"Pretty sure if anyone else tried they they wouldn't live to tell the tale." Gabi smiled, putting her arm around Matt.
Erin leaned over and whispered in Jay's ear, "Staying here tonight." Instead of answering Jay pulled out his phone with a text from Hank-'You and Ruzek uc report at 9.' It was 8:30. "Location on?" She asked him, earning a weird look from the table. Again he just nodded, "Eat something before you go." She told him handing him a slice of pepperoni.
"You working tonight?" Kelly asked him.
"Yeah, guess Adam's ci got something finally."
"You too?" Kelly asked, while looking at Matt who seemed incredibly nervous.
"Nah...what they are doing is boys club...I only get to do UC when it involves a stripper, hooker or married couple." She smirked. "Adam just thinks he needs a wingman and keeps asking for Jay."
"Cuz Hank and Al could totally do it." Jay smirked, "Besides, you won't go out much anymore."
"So Erin gets to hang with us tonight." Gabi asked looking to her husband who was all kinds of fidgety.
"She can show you how we do our slumber parties." Jay said. "Right Sev?"
"Sounds good to me." Kelly said reaching over and pulling Gabi down onto his lap. "He'll be okay." He whispered into her ear as he loosely wrapped his arms around her.
She nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder, "We are all family here and we need to learn to be open with some of the hard stuff."
Herman put an arm around Casey and smiled, "At my house slumber parties have movies and popcorn."
"At my house they have Peter Pan." Jay kissed Erin, "It's in your bag by the tv." He told her as he squeezed out from under her, pushing her into the recliner in his place. "Have a good night guys." He said walking out.
"Stay safe Jay." Kelly. "Thanks Halstead." Matt. "You sure you two aren't married yet?" Herman. "Don't have too much fun." Sylvie said as she sat down on the armrest of the chair next to Erin.
"WHo's up for a movie?" Erin asked the group. No one said no. "Who's up to rearrange the furniture?"
"Halstead brought in a couple air mattresses with your bag." Herman told her.
"Oh, well that makes it easy then." Erin said smiling, of course he would have random airbeds in his car.
"Antonio dropped them off earlier." Gabi told her.
"Okay than let's get to it." Erin said. "You have to promise me that anything said, done or thought about tonight stays here." She said stopping everyone at the door. "Sylvie you and Gabi get them blown up and put them between the couch and tv. Cruz, Otis go round up a few blankets. Mouch grab the dvd from my backpack and get it ready to start. Capp, Herman, Stella can you guys round up some snacks?"
Ten minutes later everything was ready but no one knew where to sit. "Mouch—your spot. Stella next to him. Cruz and Otis finish it out. Kelly mattress in front of Kidd. Gabi in front of Mouch. Casey in front of Cruz...can the rest of you just figure it out. Pile in close together. Everyone should be touching someone." Herman laid down at the foot of the mattress Kelly was on and put his head on Kelly's leg and Sylvie sat down next to Casey with her back leaning against Cruz and Otis. Erin planted herself between the two lieutenants.
"Go ahead and start it." Erin said leaning back against Kelly who was leaning against Stella. She flipped a blanket out over her lap and pulled Casey so he was leaning against her just like he did when they were children in the group home. A well orchestrated jumble of people.
"I thought he was kidding when he said Peter Pan." Capp said digging his hand into the bowl of popcorn.
"We watch this one because most of us are like the Lost Boys...we have messy pasts...stumbling blocks...something really crappy we are running from...and just like the Lost Boys we have to stick together..."
"So are you Wendy or Tink?" Otis asked.
"Raise your hand if you had a perfect storybook happy life up to this point?" Erin said sending a glare to Otis. No one moved an inch.
"Now raise your hand if you had something happen that sucked the breath from your lungs and you didn't know how you could possibly continue on." Everyone raised a hand.
"My brother...Leon...when he..." Joe Cruz mumbled. Otis put his arm around his friend.
"Herman what about you?" Erin asked.
"When we lost the Baby...it was...it still haunts me." He answered, putting his hand on Matt's leg.
Erin saw Gabi wipe her eyes and lean into Kelly. "Mouch what about you?"
"When I almost lost my Trudy." Stella put a hand on his arm.
"Kell?" She asked already knowing his answer.
"Losing Friends...family..." he whispered, leaning into her for comfort.
"Capp?" Of all the guys he was the One she knew least about, he always kept to himself...usually in the background and yet he was the one who called her Over.
"My Dad died...couple months ago...heart attack..." he answered with a shaky voice and Erin watched as Sylvie put a hand on his shoulder and he moved so his head was on her thigh.
"You didn't say anything." Kelly said, "I'm sorry."
"He lived his entire life in Chicago. The way shifts fell I didn't need to take time."
"What is one thing you will always remember about your Father?" Erin asked. She could see the tears form in his eyes and she watched as he took a shakey breath.
"Tell me." Sylvie whispered as she took the focus from sharing with everyone to just her.
"My Pop taught me to be a man. He lived for my Mom and when she passed when I was in high school he." He choked on his words, "My Pop...He uh...he took over the things she did...cooking cleaning...everything...he just did it. Never saw him cry...could hear him some nights though after he thought I was asleep..."
"When he died...did you take the time to...to process?" Sylvie asked.
"He planned everything after my mom and I just followed the steps...and kept going." He said, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Sylvie ran her thumb from his nose, under his eye and down his cheek to his chin and he scooted up and wrapped an arm around her waist. Erin saw by the way she held him, how he was breathing that he was crying.
"When one of us has a rough case or a bad day...or if a memory pops out of nowhere and brings us to our knees we do this." Erin said, reaching across Matt to put her hand on Capps back. "Sharing our emotions...especially when we are hurting...that is what makes us family.
"When Shay died...". Gabi said through tears, "I blamed myself...I traded places with her...she was my best friend...but for Kelly...she was...she was family."
Mouch leaned forward and pulled Gabi to him rubbing her back. Kelly gripped her hand and Erin felt a tear slide from his eye to her cheek. "Shay was amazing...she made this house a family...could always tell when someone had a bad day and knew what to say to be a bright spot." Mouch said, his voice thick with emotion.
"To give a hug even when you said you were fine..." Otis said. "She just seemed to see right through..."
Erin looked around and saw tears in nearly everyone's eyes, felt Kelly and Matt holding on to her. "Matty...?"
"I met Erin when I was little...the night mom killed my dad...I was taken to a group home..." Erin felt his tears soak into her clothes as he spoke, "I was scared to death...I couldn't talk...I saw the other kids laugh and point at me but she just watched...and then she yelled at some of the older ones and came over to me...I was still standing by the door where the police left me...she put her arm around me and brought me to an ugly red couch..."
"Matty...". Erin said feeling the tears burn in her eyes. He didn't have to do this...not if he wasn't ready.
"That's what you said...you told me— Matty you are safe now...then you held me the entire night...I never knew your name...I just knew your voice...and I knew what safe felt like. When you were..." When the sobs took over Erin pulled him even more into her so he was sitting in her lap, head on her shoulder his face buried in her neck.
"You are safe Matty, everyone here is safe." Erin said and she felt everyone in the room put their arms around them, hearing the sniffles around them.
"Definitely Wendy." Otis said after a couple minutes. Erin looked up at him and gave a sad smile when he saw Joe leaning against him with tears streaming down his face.
Boden walked in shortly after and saw them all huddled together on air mattresses and looked like he was going to yell until his eyes locked with Erin's. When he saw Sylvie holding a still sobbing Capp and saw Casey's face buried into Erin's neck he mouthed the words thank you before retreating to his office.
Erin felt Mouch move and then Stella and was surprised when she turned around to find her curled up in his side. Otis had moved so Cruz was leaning into him. Sylvie had copied her and pulled Capp up against her. Gabi moved down and curled herself between Kelly and Herman, her face to the tv she looked focused on the movie.
When the movie finished Herman got up and put in Winnie the Pooh, the other movie Jay had in the bag. One by one the crew relaxed and began to nod off. Erin felt Casey relax heavier into her and knew Sylvie felt the same for Capp. "Anyone want to move up to the bunks?" Kelly asked without moving. When no one moved he reached over Gabi and one handed started passing blankets to those who were still awake. "Er?" Kelly asked.
"I am not going anywhere." Erin mumbled as she snuggled into Kelly's chest. He leaned his head over so it was resting against Stella's knee and she absently started to run her fingers through his hair. Matt tightened his arm around her waist and she tightened her arm around his back.
It didn't take long until Mouch, Herman, Sylvie and Erin were the only ones awake. "You met Casey when you were kids. You know Severide back then too?"
"We were never placed in the same homes...he lived with Teddy for a stint though...when his mom was in the hospital before Benny came back to town." She told him. Boden, Mouch and Herman had all worked with the man...watched Kelly, Darden and Casey grow up. "Losing Andy..."
"Don't think these two will ever be the same after that...he idolized Kelly...was in the same class as Casey couple years later." Mouch said.
"Shay kept the house together then...kept them from killing each other...after Hallie was killed...Casey checked out...that pulled Kelly back in. Two of them started spending more time together...but then Shay..."
"Mmmmm...not Shay...come back" Kelly mumbled in his sleep as he flipped around reaching out. Erin moved and pulled him quickly into her and he rolled so he was on his stomach half on her and half on Casey, waking up Gabi in the process.
Erin held both of their heads into her shoulders as she whispered to Kelly, "Shh...I'm right here. You are safe here...shhh."
Herman moved and pulled Gabi into him, "I've got you Kiddo." He told her.
It didnt take long for Kelly to relax back into a deep sleep, this time soft snores escaping his throat as his positioning was awkward to say the least.
"Don't know you do it Lindsay but something...thanks for taking care of us." Herman told her.
"I wish Capp would have said something about his Dad." Sylvie said barely above a whisper. "Guess we are just all in our own little worlds."
Yawning Herman laid back onto the mattress, "After tonight things will change."
Erin smiled, it had changed for her. She fell asleep holding two sleeping Lieutenants surrounded by the rest of the fire crew. That was how Boden found them when he emerged from his office around midnight. He shook his head and with a small smile he pulled out his phone and snapped a photograph. This was the kind of family he remembered from his younger days in the house...it only took a detective to find a way to get them back there.