A/N: A bit late on this update but it's longer so it should be worth the wait! As always Reviews=Love.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
He sighed, taking in the smell of old leather books as he walked slowly amongst shelves filled to the brim with texts. It was so strange, the way it looked now it felt like…
He stiffened, and moved slowly across the aisle and froze at the sight that met him.
Another memory.
He saw himself looking all of 7 years old before him. He was pulling books that seemed interesting and stacking them in a pile beside him that was moving along as he continued down the shelf.
Wandless.
He'd just been learning to control his magic at this age. Lucius had forced him into lessons as his accidental outbursts had begun to grow more frequent.
And more potent.
He watched with interest as the blond child continued to move.
Why this memory?
He heard a light set of footsteps and soon another figure join them. He straightened as the blonde woman came into view.
"Mum" he breathed.
She walked passed him and crouched down beside the oblivious child lost between his piles and piles of books.
"Why look love, this pile is getting to be taller than you." she said playfully.
He could remember his actions even as he saw them play out before his eyes. He lifted his head, crinkled his nose at his mother's humor and then pulled her by the arm down the aisle to show her a book he wanted but couldn't reach.
His mother laughed, the melodious sound tightening his chest.
Gods how he missed that.
She pulled the book, and the title flashed.
Ancient Magic: The Lesser Known Accounts on the Properties of Alchemy and the First Magic.
His eyes widened.
Had that really been the book's title?
Narcissa smiled.
"Oh this is a good book love." she said sinking gracefully to the floor to sit beside him.
"Why Mum?" the young him said, taking the book and opening it to flip through the pages.
"Well you know about Magic don't you?" Narcissa said leaning closer as though to whisper conspiratorially in his ear.
His blonde head bobbed up and down.
"Yes." he replied solemnly, stretching his palm out and forcing a tiny spark to glow at the skin.
She smiled at the sight pulling him closer and leaning over the book.
"Do you know darling how we learned to do that, to make our spells hold the magic tight so it would do what we wanted?"
He shook his head looking up curiously at his mother.
She smiled slightly, running a hand through his hair as she looked in a near longing manner down at the book, "Well my dear, we had to bind it."
He stumbled back, nearly hitting the shelf behind him as he took in the scene and the words rang in his ears.
Narcissa's eyes drifted from the boy beside her and seemed to settle on him.
"Mum." he croaked out.
"You remember don't you?" she whispered, "You remember love?"
He gasped, shooting straight up. His breath coming in panting gasps. He worked to still the race of his heart, as his arms came around his middle to warm his churning stomach.
When the twisting of his gut didn't subside and in fact increased, he slid out of the bed as quietly as he could and nearly ran to the standard loo that seemed to come in each of these Order assigned bedrooms.
He stumbled to the toilet and cast a weak silencing spell around the room before he fell over and threw up.
When his stomach finally seemed to settle, he fell back and vanished the sick away, tentatively, reaching up to his lip that was surprisingly dry.
He was thankful for that at least.
He leaned against the door, jolting when he felt a soft knock on the wood behind him.
Oh Merlin.
"Draco?" Hermione called out, sleep thickening her voice and dragging her syllables, "Are you alright love?"
He cursed silently, wondering what had woken her when his spell, while weak, was still firmly in place. With a sigh, he removed it.
"I.." he cleared his throat, wincing at the lingering taste of bile in his mouth. "I'm ok." he managed, "My stomach just hurt a bit, but I think I'm fine now."
He shifted his place, as he heard her fiddle with the knob before opening the door slightly. Her head appeared in the thin opening.
"You sure? Do you need a potion?" She said, much more awake now as she stepped completely into the bathroom.
He nodded weakly, taking her outstretched hand to pull himself up off the floor. "I don't think I need a potion."
"Ok." she said quietly, coming up behind him to wrap her arms around his middle.
"Let's go back to sleep for a bit longer." she said.
He said nothing as he let her lead him back into the bed.
"You sure you're ok?" she whispered, her voice already thickening once more with sleep.
He nodded; his mind still caught up in the dream he'd had.
His mother.
That book.
He closed his eyes. He'd figure it out when his stomach wasn't as tight and twisted as it was now and the day was a little older.
"I'm getting there." he murmured curling up closer to her.
He barely slept the rest of the time. His nerves were fried, and he didn't trust himself to be able to completely close off his mind and rest without a run of images he'd rather not see.
So he pretended, closed his eyes and huddled into Hermione while trying to ignore the chills shooting through him and the knots of his stomach.
When she'd nodded off completely he slid from the bed and pulled out her bag. Before they'd left they'd grabbed what they could and added them quickly into her bag. Something had prompted him to grab that book, and he wondered if perhaps it was his 'gift' manifesting itself in another way. He accioed the book without a word, tracing the title with near reverence.
"Why this book Mum?" He murmured to himself before opening it and beginning to read.
He managed a few chapters before his eyes grew heavy and his thoughts clouded with various ideas, none of which were good.
He set the book back into Hermione's bag before he gently climbed back into bed and somehow fell into a light dozing state.
When Hermione finally stirred again, he kept his breathing even, maintaining his facade; only moving when she wiggled to get out of the bed.
"Where you going?" he said purposefully softening his voice and dragging the syllables.
She kissed him softly, a mere peck really at his lips before pushing him to stay down on the bed.
"I just have to do some research things for the Order. I never officially presented those parchments. I have to do that soon."
He blinked his eyes open.
Perhaps looking at those parchments would help in either confirming or denying what he was already hesitant to admit.
"I can help."
She shook her head.
"No. You love are going to actually sleep." She gave him a knowing smile before pecking him again. "I'll meet you at breakfast." She said, her tone signalling that he would not be able to argue against her wishes.
He sighed in defeat, flopping back to lay flat on his back as she quickly gathered her clothes and spirited away to the bathroom.
He rubbed his eyes before closing them and attempting, halfheartedly, to actually fall asleep.
Hermione slipped silently from her room, somewhat pleased that Draco seemed well on his way to dreamland as she left.
She clutched her bag close as she walked down the hall searching for an empty room to take up temporary residence.
Draco had worried her through the night. When she'd woken to the light on in the loo, she's immediately grown concerned.
Oh he'd put on a brave face. Not fighting her as she pulled him up and led him into the bed, but she could tell, really she could always tell, when he was half lying and half telling the truth.
He nodded off twice in the night for short 10 minute kips that were not nearly enough for any normal person, let alone someone still injured.
She'd left it though. He was so reluctant to address it, and she hadn't want to upset him and make it worse.
Hence why she'd slipped away early under the guise of work to leave him a few hours to think and hopefully just rest without anyone, even her, hovering.
Though the part about work was true. She did have to present the parchments. She was just still unsure what she was presenting.
She pushed open the door to a room and finding it empty turned on the light, transfiguring a chair into a desk. She sat her bag on her makeshift desk and began searching for the parchments. She paused at the book on top, pulling it slowly as she read the title.
Ancient Magic: The Lesser Known Accounts on the Properties of Alchemy and the First Magic.
Curious, she flipped the cover as her eyes scanned through the contents of the page.
It has been hypothesized that the beginnings of alchemy lie not in the binding and alteration of physical matter, but rather in the abstract elemental sense.
Study of ancient magic has shown a rather curious account of the properties of magic as an entity, an energy if you will.
This energy can be morphed into various forms, and it has been briefly discussed that the core itself is merely a funnel for the magic allotted to each magical being upon birth.
How though? How can an energy so versatile and so wild and chaotic in nature have been tamed?
The answer is simple. Just as magic can be morphed and manifested in various forms, it must also exist in various forms naturally; free and bound.
She dropped the book abruptly, recoiling at the sound it made slamming against her desk.
Binding is of course the very essence of alchemy, the first known magic.
What had Draco been mouthing all that time ago as they'd trudged through the Nott tunnels.
It's bound not wild.
Had it been in reference to this? Why though? Why would his visions be pointing in this direction?
To a theory.
Unless it was no longer a theory.
She scrambled to the parchments and her notes on what she'd translated thus far.
A historical account, bindings of magic into carved runes. Not exactly the same, but the underlying principle was in effect building off of this...off this book.
It was too much of a coincidence to ignore.
Voldemort had been so desperate to keep these parchments, to learn from them.
Or protect.
Her eyes widened.
Draco had said the bastard had come back and immediately delved into research. Christ, Draco himself had been a researcher at his lowest within the ranks.
So had he already discovered something? Or was his breakthrough only imminent and as such he'd taken extra care that no one would find out before he was done?
So many questions, and really she had one source for answers.
Draco.
He had to have some idea, an inkling.
A memory.
A vision.
This book was proof of that. She knew for a fact that she hadn't placed it in her bag, which meant that he had.
She wanted to bolt out of the room and back to hers and ask him, but one thought stopped her.
He was exhausted.
Truly beyond tired.
He needed sleep and less stress to heal properly.
But then, he'd also volunteered to help her this morning before she'd forced him back to bed to sleep.
She bit her lip, flopping down in her seat as she stared at the book in front of her.
She would ask him, but she would do it later. After he'd rested, eaten, and been to his appointment with Padma, then and only then would she broach the subject.
His health was a priority. It came first. Always.
Besides, this was more than she had for months. She could be patient, as much as it killed her to not be able to immediately piece together what was going on.
He slept for two hours, and despite the shortness of the time, he woke feeling more refreshed than he had in weeks.
Though he was happy to finally feel more alert and rested, it seemed the feeling held a certain double edged sword.
At the moment, he felt even more in tune to the weariness of his body and the fluctuation of his core.
He scratched at the skin beneath the brace, knowing he shouldn't but unable to ignore the irritation.
He felt all kinds of out of sorts, and the only way he knew how to deal with it would be to brew himself something.
He hardly wanted the Order to be privy to such intimate details about his current physical state. It was enough that they knew how injured he was and about...about his gift turned curse.
He showered, turning the water blistering hot in hopes it would help distract him from the soreness of his muscles and the burning of his wrist beneath the magical manacle.
When he finally deemed himself presentable, he took to the hall in search of where the Resistance housed their potion ingredients.
He wandered, practically aimlessly until he collided head first with another moving body just as he turned to round a corner.
He was about to open his mouth to either snap at the person for their incompetence or excuse himself depending on who it was, but a dreamy voice was quick to beat him.
"Oh good. I was looking for you."
He blinked, still slightly dazed at Luna.
He plastered a weak smile in greeting.
"Morning Luna."
She smiled, before looking him up once and down.
"Good Morning Draco. Are you feeling any better?" she said after a moment.
He shrugged, biting his tongue before he conceded that there was no use in lying to Luna. Not when she was already looking at him like she knew exactly how he felt.
"I had a bad night." he finally murmured.
To his surprise, her face fell at his words. She bit her lip stepping closer to cup her long fingers around his jaw.
It was a bit of a reach for her, petite as she was, but the sheer force of will in her actions distracted him from fully realizing it.
"Draco...You'd tell me wouldn't you, if...if you started to feel as bad as before." she said, her lip slightly trembling as she spoke.
"Luna."
"No." She said louder, "Please Draco. Please take care of yourself. I'm so worried about all the normal stress you have and add in the stress of the -"
His heart rate quickened.
"Of the what?" he said, interrupting her.
She blinked, more than a little confused at his outburst before she seemed to square her shoulders and continue.
"The family gift."
He glanced about the hall, searching for anyone who had even a remote chance of hearing their conversation. When he was satisfied they were well and truly alone, he spoke.
"Do," he searched her face, "Do you have it too?"
She hesitated before shaking her head.
"Not like you. It's more a touch of it. It's how I'm always so in tune to other people and how I can see all this." she said waving her hand above her head.
"But how did you know I had it?" he pushed, ignoring her odd gestures. He had to know if he had slipped. If somehow more people could have guess. He could feel his gut twisting again, overwhelming him with the urge to be sick.
"I could sense it." she said as though it made all the sense in the world.
He looked for some trace of a lie, but finding none he accepted her response. Luna had sensed stranger things. Really what was this in comparison to the invisible creatures she spoke about.
"Draco you have to take care of yourself. Please." She said looking up at him, her pale eyes shining, "You...you're all I have."
He felt his jaw go slack as tears welled up in his cousin's eyes.
"Daddy. Daddy died. In the battle." she whispered, "You really are all I have left."
Before he even realized what he was doing, he drew her up into his embrace, ignoring the slight stab of discomfort in his side as he pulled her tight against him.
"I'm going to be fine Luna." He murmured softly, "In fact, I was just looking for where they keep the potion ingredients so I could brew myself something."
She pulled back, nodding once before wiping at her cheeks quickly.
"The Greenhouse room." she said clearing her throat, "Two corridors down first door on the left."
She seemed to be studying him again as she spoke next.
"Everything in there is charmed to stay in bloom."
He resisted the urge to grimace at that. His core was still completely in a funk. The way it stood, there was little likelihood that his core would be compensating for anything. Meaning, what were normally manageable malfunctions of his immune system would probably manifest in full form.
It would certainly make breathing in the room let alone moving about difficult.
He pushed the troubling thought aside.
He'd manage. He always did.
He muttered a thank you, lost in his plot and lists of potion ingredients that he needed when her voice again brought him to a stop.
"It's time for breakfast."
He tilted his head in question at the abruptness of her conversation change.
"Hermione is expecting you, isn't she?"
He winced, briefly wondering how Luna had anticipated such a worry when he should have.
Seeing his face, she let out a laugh before coming close once more and threading her arm to circle around his.
"Let's go." She said merrily. In fact, by her now cheery demeanor one would never have guessed she'd been tearing up over his health and reminiscing about her deceased father just a moment before.
But that was Luna.
She always adapted.
His lips quirked at the thought of how that very feature had charmed the last person he'd ever expected to glance twice at his cousin.
As though sensing his train of thought, Luna grinned up at him.
"He's coming tomorrow. He was on the continent with an assignment."
He smiled at her obvious happiness at that fact as they fell into easy silence all the way to the eating hall.
Hermione waited impatiently at the empty table she's managed to snag for breakfast. She'd stopped back by the room and been somewhat surprised as well as disappointed that Draco wasn't still curled up sleeping their bed.
The thought of it as theirs had been enough to cause her cheeks to heat at the time. That was what it was though. There was no way Draco would relinquish it and go to his own assigned room unless forced.
She certainly didn't want him to.
She sipped idly at her coffee as she waited, watching more people wander into the hall and stake out tables of their own.
Two faces then pulled her to her feet with a smile tugging at her lips.
"Fred! George!"
The twins turned and seeing her broke out into matching wide grins.
Without thinking, she rushed over to the both of them and was not surprised in the least when they drew her up into a tight hug.
Before they'd even broken away, the two were already bombarding her with questions and confrontations on the rumors that had already begun to flow.
Strangely though, their inquiries didn't seem accusatory, only curious.
When her tale was finally told, George let out a whistle.
"Well well 'Mione, look at you breaking the rules, having adventures, and some fun," He waggled his brows, "in enemy camp."
She rolled her eyes at his good humor before turning her gaze to Fred, who seemed uncharacteristically silent.
He gave her a smile then, seeing her gaze. It was wide and genuine, but she couldn't help thinking that there were far too many emotions going into it to just represent a simple grin.
"Good on you 'Mione." he said then with a teasing lilt in his voice as he shoved her playfully with his shoulder. "That Malfoy." he cleared his throat, "He's not a terrible bloke."
She tilted her head and noticed that Fred's hand had reached down toward his left leg.
Or rather, the one of his legs that was his own up until the knee where it was fitted with a prosthetic.
Fred had barely survived the collapsing of Hogwarts that had claimed Percy, but he had survived. However incomplete that was.
The way he seemed to unconsciously be grasping at that side of his body made her wonder if the reason for his survival was who she suspected it was.
Based on Fred's declaration, she was probably right.
She smiled softly, dipping her head into a small nod.
"So tell me," She said, trying to steer away the conversation, "How is your new leg working out? It seems you've made some improvements." She said bending her head to examine some of the spells she could make out even through his bottom pant leg.
Fred grinned, this time more wickedly and reminiscent of the trouble maker she knew so well.
"I'm not telling you all my secrets 'Mione." he said before his face grew more serious, "You might tell Mum."
She laughed at his demeanor, joined in moments by the two of them.
"How is Molly?" She said folding her arms, warmed at the easy nature the two Weasley twins seemed to give off no matter what the situation.
"She's back at the Ireland base, still with the long term care ward helping out."
She furrowed her brows.
"We have a long term care ward?"
They hadn't before she'd left, though she'd suggested the creation of one to Kingsley and the other senior members before.
They both nodded earnestly as they alternated in describing the new ward and the type of ailments, injuries, and physical therapy that they were well versed in.
"Are there many people there?"
They looked at one another before George finally answered.
"A few, most of them temporary, some aren't for the time being."
She resisted the urge to shiver at that. There had been a few coma patients when she'd been here 7 months ago. Part of her had been hoping that there might have been some change in that department.
"And there's a few being quarantined for spell damage that has to run it's course before they can be healed." Fred continued, "But there's enough people that it was just best to open somewhere else. Free the wing here for when we have injuries after battles."
She nodded mutely, the quip about quarantining for spell damaged nagging at her brain for a moment.
She was about to ask about what kind of spells, when the two both turned to glance at something above her head.
She turned quickly, already feeling a wedge of forbearing slipping into her chest.
She took in the sight of Draco and Luna, arms linked, standing a few feet from where a rather angry looking Seamus Finnegan stood blocking their path.
Her movements didn't seem like her own as she practically ran over to them in hopes to diffuse the situation.
The closer she got the more bits of their conversations she could make out.
"I'm not disowning Draco, Seamus. What an awful thing to say."
She didn't hear the response as she slowed her pace to a brisk step, cautiously approaching the scene.
Draco had straightened, pushing himself forward as though to partially shield Luna.
"Leave Luna out of it. Your problem is with me Finnegan." He said stiffly.
She stepped even closer, feeling Draco's gaze on her as she stopped to face Seamus.
"Hermione get Luna and go so I can deal with this this…"
"Seamus. Calm down."
Seamus shook his head furiously, his wand still unwaveringly pointed at Draco.
"No. No. He...he's a murderer." he spat, "He helped kill them. I know it. In Diagon Alley" Seamus said, shaking with fury.
Her heart sank as she realized what Seamus was thinking of.
His mother and cousin had been slayed during a battle in Diagon Alley nearly a year before, but… She glanced at Draco, whose face had gone eerily blank; she didn't remember him there.
"No need for public accusations." Draco said quietly, "I know exactly what kind of monster I am Finnegan."
She wanted to speak out, but found her words lodged in her throat at the expression now on Draco's face.
Hard. Brittle. Cracked.
He let out a breath.
"I wasn't there." he said just barely louder than a whisper, "but I'm sorry."
Seamus's face seemed to fall before it hardened in mere seconds once more.
"No. No. You're a liar, but you're right about one thing. You are a monster." he spat.
Draco said nothing, not even bothering to reach for his wand.
"He's not." Fred said.
She turned her head fast in the direction of his voice. She hadn't even realized the twins had followed her.
All heads turned to Fred, who merely repeated what he'd already said, this time while looking at Draco.
"He's not."
Seamus still shook with fury, but she could see the beginnings of his confusion shining through.
"He isn't a monster Seamus."
They all turned toward the new voice that seemed to have crashed into the scene.
She blinked in surprise at Harry, who was standing with Ron and Dean at his side.
Idly, she wondered when Dean had managed to get to the base, before she refocused on Harry. Her heart was swelling at his defense of Draco.
Dean nodded along with Harry, meeting Seamus's gaze as they seemed to somehow speak through their silent appraisal of one another.
"I owe Malfoy a wizard's debt."
Her heart seemed to stop at those words, and she could hear the chatter that had been filling the hall seemingly stop at Harry's soft declaration.
"He's…" Harry met Draco's gaze, "He's not all bad Seamus, and he already told you he wasn't there."
That seemed to be enough to drain the remaining bit of dangerous anger from Seamus, who turned sharply away from the scene without another word as he exited the hall.
She made out Dean going to follow him, but kept her main focus on the remaining people in their half formed circle.
Draco suddenly seemed much more tired than he had a moment ago, and she was momentarily grateful that Luna was still firmly holding him close.
The tension was thick, and she briefly thought that even the smallest of insults now might throw off the rather precarious truce they'd all unspokenly agreed too.
Harry let out a breath then, a weak smile on his face. "Well let's eat. It's breakfast, and I'm starved."
She began to smile unbidden at Harry's quip as he turned and walked straight to her table and sat down resolutely.
He was making a statement, and she could have kissed him for it.
The twins slipped in on his left as Luna led both her and Draco to the opposite side.
She smiled at the sight, moving to take the open seat beside Draco.
Perhaps this peace wasn't as fragile as she'd believed it to be.
Draco sighed, willing himself not to simply drop his head down and rest it on the table despite how much his body wanted him to do just that.
What little bit of energy he'd had seemed to have slipped right out of his grip despite how much he'd wanted to cling to it.
He glanced idly at the odd assortment of members at their table.
The fact that Potter was still there shocked him; though not as much as Weasley joining them along with Ginny.
He glanced sideways at Theo, who grinned as though reading his thoughts before returning to his food.
He shook his head, unconsciously reaching to rub at the tension now building in his temple.
He needed to slip away not just to that Greenhouse, but also to just get away and think.
"You need to eat."
He blinked, torn from his thoughts as Hermione elbowed him lightly in the side.
He shook his head at her questioning gaze.
"I'm not hungry."
Which wasn't really a lie, he didn't think he could eat even if he was though. His stomach seemed more concerned with twisting and turning in a manner resembling a storm rather than being fed.
As though anticipating his thoughts, she leaned in closer and whispered.
"Is it still your stomach?"
He let out a breath, which she seemed to take as confirmation before rummaging through her bag and pulling out two teabags that she set within a cup and poured in heated water.
"It should help." she said softly, winding an arm around him and pulling herself close as though to offer him warmth or seek her own.
The latter would have been a foolhardy attempt.
He felt cold. Colder than ever as a vision of Finnegan's face flashed before his eyes.
I know exactly what kind of monster I am.
And he did.
He may not have been Diagon Alley, but he'd contributed to that attack hadn't he?
He sipped at the tea, finding that whatever herbs Hermione had added in did seem to be helping settle his stomach.
"You're not you know." She whispered, moving just enough so that they could meet each other eye to eye.
"You're not a monster Draco." she continued.
He looked away, letting his eyes drop to his warm tea cup.
"In some ways I am."
She didn't say anything for a moment.
"Why did you apologize to Seamus?"
He could hear the second question and the third that she didn't ask.
Why apologize if he wasn't there, and if it had anything to do with his visions.
Both in their own way, answered each other.
"I may not have been, but I definitely knew…" he trailed of,f knowing she'd be able to piece together the meaning from those few words. He cleared his throat. "And...I helped plan it. I was." He grew lost in his memory of that time. His position had been so dangerous.
"I was told to offer some input and it...I was already on thin ice near the bottom end of the ranks…."
She put her hand on his arm, and with a start, he realized he was shaking. Remembering it had left him broken. If it had been the one instance, perhaps he could excuse it, but it wasn't.
It had been a miserable two years, rising in the ranks and securing intel at the expense of himself.
Nothing new, if he really thought about it.
That had been happening for most of his life.
Her fingers came up to his forehead, parting his hair before she reached up and pressed a kiss to his temple lingering with her hot breath warming his skin.
"I told you before that that doesn't define you, and I meant it."
He nodded, willing a smile to his face as he bent down and took both her hands into his and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.
"I know."
She nodded, somewhat satisfied by his response, her cheeks slightly flushed from his display as she began placing some dry food onto his plate.
He sighed watching her as she turned absolutely motherly toward him, barely able to hold back the smile her actions brought about.
He shifted his gaze to his palms, content to let her do as she pleased when the hairs at the nape of his neck prickled. He felt a pair of eyes settle on him and glancing up, he met Theo's gaze.
He looked away, noting that Hermione had finished putting together a plate and with one final reprimand to eat something had turned back and quickly grown lost in conversation with the other end of the table.
With another sigh, he took a piece of toast and nibbled at it as he felt Theo's gaze return to him.
What's the matter? He heard Theo's voice as the message brushed the outer edges of his mental walls, clear but much too weak to penetrate further.
WIthout so much as looking up, he projected out his response.
I didn't realize you could do this yet.
He risked a glance at Theo who seemed caught between wanting to look insulted and smug.
Do you really have so little faith in your teaching abilities?
He took another sip of tea before replying.
I think it's just my faith in you.
Theo coughed, nearly spitting out the coffee he'd drinking. He resisted the urge to laugh at Theo's expression.
Fair. But really. What is it?
He put his cup down, glancing to either side of him to see if anyone was paying him any mind. Satisfied, he let out a breath before responding.
I need out.
He made out a thin smirk pulling at Theo's lips.
I'll cover.
He smiled unconsciously at Theo's easy volunteering. At this point, Theo knew better than to bombard him with questions all at once. He'd get them later.
And at this moment, he didn't care about answering them. He felt cramped, nearly suffocating from the memories that had been provoked and the closeness of all these people who'd he'd both wronged and been wronged by for his whole life.
Plus, he had things to do.
He sat back as Theo began drawing some of their neighbors into a rather humorous story from their days back in the Slytherin common room.
He waited a few moments for everyone to become engrossed in the tale before he leaned over to Hermione and whispered that he was off to get some rest.
Excusing himself quietly, he stood and quickly made his way out of the hall and into the corridor.
It took him about ten minutes with Luna's directions before he found the room in question.
He lingered around the corner, making note of the rooms around it. It didn't seem to be a popular destination which he supposed was fortunate for him.
He walked slowly, making sure there was no one near him for one last time.
He hadn't been explicitly restricted from brewing, though he was sure if it had come up restrictions would have been enforced. He rubbed his temple. He could go back to the hospital wing and ask for whatever potions he needed, charm them or simply take them while no one was looking. Somehow he doubted that either one of those plans would end well for him.
He sighed. His body was aching. He stopped to lean against the wall in front of the 'Greenhouse'. This tiring so easily was beginning to worry him, but what was truly terrifying him was the erratic pulse of his core.
He had felt it practically throbbing to come out of him earlier when Finnegan had approached. He'd only just managed to keep himself in check, while hiding the sparks shooting from his finger tips deep in his pockets.
It had been a good thing he hadn't been holding his wand. He doubted he could have stopped a misfire of a spell at that moment.
It was terribly troubling. He hadn't lost control like that since he was 7 and the only time after that well… he didn't like to remember the other time as errant memories of that plain and pale hospital room flooded his mind.
That was another reason for this self brewing mission. He hardly wanted everyone to know about his perpetual health issues.
He took a breath before pushing into the room.
He blinked as his eyes began to water.
Luna had been right with her warning.
Shit.
He clapped a hand over his mouth and nose as he felt the beginnings of an allergy attack manifesting. Oddly, he thought about how many times he'd actually been caught in this kind of situation back in his rather rebellious youth against his mother.
He'd thought himself near invincible by the time he was 5, easily convincing himself that he could conquer anything...even his own malfunctioning reactions
He shook away the memories of him sneaking out into the gardens or greenhouses as he proceeded to grab and shrink everything he needed.
For all his caution, it wasn't enough to overcome his body's automatic response to allergens. He conjured a box of tissues and grabbed a handful before the first sneeze overtook him, doubling over and blinking helplessly. It took him about 3 more before he got some semblance of control.
He blew his nose and kept the tissue pressed against it as he searched for more ingredients. He was so focused on finding what he needed whilst not succumbing to another sneezing fit that he didn't even notice anyone join him in the room.
"Having trouble Malfoy?"
He snapped up and dug the tissue into his pocket as he turned.
"Nothing to concern yourself with Patel, I….a…a." His scowl was interrupted with another sneeze that his hand automatically went up to cover.
His eyes watered, and he blinked furiously to clear away the moisture. He swallowed roughly looking up at Padma, who was wearing an expression of confusion and concern.
"You don't look too good Malfoy."
"I'm fi-" he coughed then, wheezing as he fell back against a shelf of ingredients.
She stepped forward, her eyes widening in understanding as she took him in and then the room around them.
"You need to get out of here." Padma said surprising him as she reached over and took his arm to drag him out of the room and back outside.
He coughed for a moment before he finally seemed to catch his breath. Looking up, he found Patel still watching him intently and with a sort of expectant look on her face. His brow rose at the sight.
"Alright?" She said.
He frowned. "I'm –"
"If you say fine. I may pull a Gryffindor and hex you"
He scowled, but said nothing as he sniffled meekly. He moved to walk passed her back into the room to fetch the last few on his supply list, when she stuck her hand out and pulled him back.
"There's no way I'm letting you back in there after that." She said.
"Drop the healer act Patel." He shrugged her arm away. "Let me through, and I'll get what I need and go."
She frowned, placing her free arm on her hip.
"It's not an act. I took a vow when I started Healer training to help anyone I saw in need." She said firmly, looking up and down at him.
Her gaze seemed to soften for a moment before she continued, "and when you start your Healer training," his brow rose even higher at that, "Because it would be a downright crime if you didn't become a Healer, you'll take the same vow."
"It's one thing to do your civic duty and another to offer a former enemy help."
Padma took a sharp breath. "You may have everyone else on edge over what they think you may or may not do, but…but I know that someone with a secret agenda doesn't have to save so many people he knows don't like him or…. a friend that betrayed him or save my sister," Padma's voice broke. She closed her eyes and took another breath before continuing, "Or save my sister from being raped and killed by snatchers."
He turned his gaze away to anything , anywhere but Patel's sharp eyes. He hadn't thought Parvati Patel was even conscious when he'd made that move to pull her away from the surrounding Snatchers.
"So if I understand anything it's that I owe you for that. What better way than to return the favor?"
"Patel."
"Padma." She interrupted, giving him a thin smile.
"Padma." He said slowly, feeling more than a little awkward at saying her name.
She smiled wider at his repetition before she asked him what else he still needed. Sensing it was a lost cause to argue, he rattled off the last few ingredients.
When she returned, her brow was furrowed. She was putting together possibilities for what he was doing.
He tried to clear his throat to draw back her focus, but the lingering congestion still trickling down from his sinuses made it turn into a cough.
She blinked at the sound, shooting him another concerned look.
With the intensity that she was examining him, he wouldn't be surprised if she'd somehow scanned him and taken his vitals.
"Hospital Wing tomorrow Draco." She said giving him the last bit of his supplies. "And don't think I won't come find you and drag you there myself if you don't show."
He accepted the supplies and gave her a curt nod, a ghost of a smile on his lips.
She nodded and turned, before turning back abruptly.
"And Draco."
She gave him a pointed look.
"I really don't think you should keep this to yourself."
It took him a second to fully comprehend all that Patel...Padma had effectively guessed most of his thought process and feelings in the few moments they'd spent in each other's company.
He frowned, the thought not sitting well with him.
He sniffed, rubbing his nose with his knuckles before turning and carefully making his way back toward the corridor that housed his room.
The room really was only his in name. He'd barely spent a moment in it to drop off what little he'd brought before heading over to Hermione's
Though it would serve a purpose now. He needed to start brewing and this was just the place to do it.
He turned the knob, stopping slightly when he felt another presence in his room.
Though, a second later, he relaxed as he recognized it.
Theo was sitting back on his bed, his arms crossed behind his head to prop it up as he waited.
"Fucking finally." he said swinging himself up and rising to his feet.
He rolled his eyes before shifting the supplies in his hand to grab his wand.
Without a word he moved the table at his bedside to the opposite end of the room and transfigured it into a working bench.
He set the ingredients down and began rummaging through the small pack he'd brought and pulled out his potion supplies.
"Well mate," Theo said coming up beside him. He felt Theo's gaze linger as he took in the cauldron and his supplies from the Greenhouse. "I think I am owed some answers."
"As you can see I'm brewing." he said sharply.
Theo huffed coming around the bench to lean opposite to him. He let out a breath and looked up with a brow raised.
Theo blinked, his defiant expression morphing into one of slight concern.
"You don't look too good."
He winced, rubbing his still stuffy nose.
"It's fine. Just allergies from when I went to get this stuff." he gestured to the ingredients he'd spread before him and had begun to organize.
"That bad?"
Theo's brows furrowed, and he could see his friend putting all the pieces together. All of which, culminated into a loud declaration.
"Fuck Draco." Theo said, "You...oh fuck. You need to go to the hospital wing now."
His fists clenched. He was touched at Theo's care, but he didn't...couldn't go to the hospital wing. Perhaps it was because of his own flimsy reasoning for keeping his private affairs quiet, but more than likely the overwhelming reason for his avoidance and feigned nonchalance was due to something much greater...fear.
And he'd always been a touch more cowardly than anything else.
"I'm brewing stuff to help." he finally spoke, his voice much softer than he'd intended, "And I've got an appointment with Patel tomorrow."
That last bit he was still trying to accept and rather undecided if he would comply with, but the knowledge served a purpose now. It was just the kind of thing he needed to say that would at least temporarily appease Theo.
Theo clenched his jaw, not particularly convinced, but a second later, he let out a breath coupled with a small nod.
"Fine, but you feel worse you go there immediately."
He resisted the urge to immediately clam up and go on the defense. He knew Theo's concerns were genuine, and that he'd never...he'd never hold this against him.
Theo had just about as much experience with this as he did.
Theo's own mother had been his lesson.
He gave a weak nod in response before turning his head back down to focus on preparing the ingredients.
He heard Theo let out a shaky breath above him before he joined in sorting everything out.
"So what are we brewing?"
The two of them spent the better part of the day hunched over cauldrons and chopping ingredients, but he had quite the collection of potions by the time they were through.
Draco rubbed at his temples.
His head was throbbing once more.
He didn't even hesitate before downing one of his own freshly made brews before he and Theo left the confines of his room.
He was already dragging his feet as he walked, why make it considerably worse with the pounding of his with every step?
He sighed, following Theo toward Hermione's room.
He nearly ran into the other when he abruptly stopped right before their chosen desitination.
He blinked, peering over Theo's shoulder before scowling at the mass of people in front of the room.
It seemed like every Weasley at the base was aggregated in front of the doorway along with Potter, Luna, and a few other stray Gryffindors.
"Well fuck me." Theo muttered, and he had to say he agreed.
Though, the sight of firewhiskey bottles in the twin's hands slightly softened his stance.
"I think we're about to find out how Gryffindor Common Room parties went down." He muttered, sidestepping Theo just as Hermione came out of the room.
She brightened taking them in.
"Oh I was looking for you both. We're going outside. The twin's have charmed the area and…" She bit her lip taking in their blank expressions.
He let out a breath, frankly he'd wanted to just fall asleep but seeing how hesitant and yet hopeful she was…
She wanted peace between them all.
He could at least try to give her that.
"Well Theo's never been one to turn down good firewhiskey."
Theo snorted, covering it up quickly with a cough. He shot him a look before going over to Hermione and throwing an arm casually over her shoulder.
"Why not, not like I've ever gotten smashed with my sister and her friends before."
He shot Draco a smug grin.
"But we all know I'm all for new experiences."
He resisted the urge to scowl at the memory those words brought. It would effectively be rising to Theo's bait, and he couldn't have that. Hermione; though, let out a laugh and practically skipped whilst pulling Theo along as the crowd began to move to the stairs that would take them topside for the rest of the night.
He shook his head, noting Potter was giving him a curious look.
He ignored him and trudged after Hermione and Theo.
If it meant so much to her, he would brave it.
Which he did by loosening up and downing a few firewhiskeys. Though, he noted briefly, he probably shouldn't be mixing alcohol with some of his potions.
He shook his head before walking to the side of the area the twin's had charmed to be heated and lit with light.
He leaned against a tree taking in how animated the rest of them seemed to be.
His eyes drifted to the Gryffindor's pranking one another before settling on Potter, who was summoning a half full firewhiskey bottle from where Weasley had dropped it earlier.
He watched as Potter cast his spell, noting how he could practically feel magic dissipating out from the confines of the spell as the bottle rose with a slight wobble into the air. It was fascinating really. It was almost like Potter's core was rebelling against his demands and breaking free to the wild at the first opportunity.
It was both familiar and horrifying.
He felt a sharp pang in his temple at that.
Had the Dark Lord actually done it? He'd researched it enough but had he tested it on anyone?
The rustling to his side broke his thoughts.
He turned slightly making out Hermione's flushed cheeks as she looked up to him with a grin marring her features.
"Hi." she said softly.
He smiled slightly. His witch was more than a little tipsy at this point.
"Hi." He echoed lowly.
She grinned wider and came closer, dropping her arms and circling them around his neck.
"You look happy." He teased.
She nodded.
"Very. Everyone's trying to get along...It's like hope for the future after the war." she said taking one of her hands from around his neck and tracing his jaw.
He hummed in agreement, relishing the feel of her soft touch.
"I love you for this." she murmured, her words oddly clear for someone leaning so heavily against him, "You're playing nice."
His brow rose incredulously.
"Not that nice." he muttered.
She didn't seem to hear him as she continued moving her hand up his jaw and then through his hair to back to circling at the nape of his neck.
"And I love you for everything else too. You're so...so amazing and pretty."
He choked at that, nearly unable to restrain his laughter.
"Pretty?" he managed tightly.
She nodded vigorously.
"It's not fair." she said, nearly whining, "I always thought so even at Hogwarts before…" She waved a hand in the air as though to convey what she was not saying. She brought it back to cup his jaw, bringing her thumb to trace his bottom lip.
"A boy shouldn't be so beautiful." she muttered, furrowing her brows before she shrugged and resumed her happy grin. "But you're mine so I guess it's ok."
He very nearly lost his composure at that, but his laugh was swallowed by the force that she yanked him lower to kiss him firmly.
He pulled away slowly, wanting to take the unspoken offer but knowing he shouldn't.
"Alright Granger." he said holding her firmly as she began swaying unsteadily, "As much as I love doing this, I think you've had a bit too much love."
She shook her head, protesting.
"Hermione love." he said softly, "I think you should go to sleep."
She shook her head, dropping it to rest on his chest as she pulled him closer, all the while protesting.
"She really is a lightweight."
He turned his gaze to the approaching red head.
Ginny gave him a small smile in greeting.
"I can take her back to her room."
He nodded gratefully as Ginny came and pulled Hermione off of him.
"Come on 'Mione, let's go to your room."
Hermione turned and looked at him, her eyes wide.
"You're not coming?"
He bit his lip to contain his grin at just how crestfallen she looked.
"In a bit love."
She brightened at that and let Ginny lead her away with no more protests.
He allowed himself a small grin at her antics. He had no doubts by the time he did make it to her room she'd already be out like a light.
He snorted at the thought, noticing then how most of the others were all heading back toward the little cottage and down back to the base.
He wasn't ready to go yet. The fresh air seemed too intoxicating to trade for the confines of an underground prison.
He was practically desperate for some semblance of freedom.
It wasn't long before he was near alone topside except for one lingering person.
Of course, it would be Potter.
He braced himself as the Chosen One came over toward him, leaning against the other side of his tree.
"Well this was surprisingly nice. I mean I'd never thought I'd see the day that we'd all get along."
He resisted the urge to snort.
"Careful Potter. No one's making grand gestures and offers of friendship just yet."
The other grinned but said nothing as silence once more settled between them.
He was just starting to wonder if this so called attempt at civility had a purpose when Harry finally spoke again.
"Do you ever wonder about it? How things would have gone if I'd shook your hand that day? Took your offer of friendship?"
He looked over at Harry. Here he was, with his longtime rival and reluctant ally, reminiscing and playing what if. He needed to be less sober if he was going to get through this.
He bent over and picked up the bottle he'd placed at his feet when Hermione had come over, taking one long swing from it as Harry continued on.
"I mean that's where it began really." Harry said, "You and I. We're two sides of the same coin aren't we? We were either going to be rivals or friends. All or nothing."
"What, like we were fated?" Draco drawled, keeping his tone light.
Harry glared at him, but said nothing.
"Look Potter, trust me when I say that what's done is done and should stay buried in the past where it belongs." He took a breath deciding to test the waters so to speak with his next words. Hermione did want them all to get along after all. "And fate's a bitch, vile and uncaring. I've given up trying to make sense of it."
Harry let out a low chuckle. "Yeah. I suppose it is."
Draco nodded, taking another swing from the firewhiskey before offering it to the other man.
Harry took it and didn't hesitate before tipping the bottle to his lips.
"But," Draco murmured, running a hand through his hair, "You're right. That's where it started, and things could have been different or they could have been exactly the same." He smirked. "Either way. I'm sure our past selves would die at the thought of us now."
Harry laughed, holding the bottle loosely at his side. "They would."
Draco nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets. The cool air was finally getting to him through the false warmth from all the alcohol and the waning spell. His legs ached, and the sudden desire to collapse into a bed was overpowering.
"You're not doing too well are you Malfoy?"
Draco blinked and half turned to see him out of the corner of his eye.
"I could say the same for you." He finally said.
Harry nodded. "Noticed that did ya?" Harry said with a good natured smile, "Well, I suppose that makes sense. We've gone all this time picking each other apart for weaknesses. Obvious that we'd do the same now."
Draco shrugged and looked up, forcing himself to look for the constellations he'd learned by heart by the time he was old enough to talk.
"There's a solution to your problem." Draco finally said, "I can't exactly think of the details, but something about it..I recognize."
Harry nodded, not particularly surprised.
"But you don't know much about what to do about you." Harry finally said.
And wasn't that the truth. He didn't know. He was too frightened by looming statistics and knowledge of what exactly could happen if he did decide to own up to the issue and present his case to a healer.
He shoved that aside, opting instead to cling to his dry humor.
He was hardly going to spill all of that to Harry sodding Potter.
"Concerned for me Potter?" He smirked.
Harry shook his head. "We're not friends, barely even allies."
Draco made a sound of agreement.
"But, in Hermione's words you're hers."
He snorted, and Potter grinned before continuing.
"And something tells me we're going to need you to help finish this up."
Draco was quiet, because he'd been thinking the same thing many times himself. He could see after the war, but never how it ended. Really, there was only one reason for that.
"You should tell Hermione."
He scoffed, digging his hands deeper into his pockets, openly shivering now.
"I'm serious." Harry grimaced, "As much as it pains me to admit it, the two of you have a good thing, and the longer you hide it from her, the worse it'll be."
"It's none of your business." He growled.
Harry nodded, "It's not, but Hermione is. I love her like my own sister, and I know her." He grimaced again. "She can pull off the impossible for the one's she cares about."
"If, and I mean if, anything happens, she'll..."
"Stop fooling yourself." Harry snorted.
Draco clamped his jaw shut.
"Just tell her Malfoy." Harry said taking one last swing from the firewhiskey before heading back inside.
He fingered the hackle at his arm, itching the skin beneath it that was no doubt already red and raw from how often he picked at it. Binding his magic hadn't been a good idea. He could feel the after effects of it clear as day.
If his body was in disarray before, unable to balance the different bits of magic in him, it was now chaos.
He let out a sigh, clutching his arms close as he moved back inside. If he stayed out any longer, there was a great chance he'd end up a heap on the ground. Besides, he preferred to sleep on a mattress, no matter how lumpy said mattress was.
He stumbled back down to the base, his legs stiff from either cold or fatigue.
He leant heavily against the wall as he went, tired and unsteady with even his vision blurring as he forced himself forward.
Just a little further.
He just had to make it to Hermione's room.
His chest tightened, and he gasped suddenly short of breath. His hand came up to clutch at his side as he weakly felt his knees buckling.
He briefly registered the feeling of something wet dripping near his lips while also tasting rust in his mouth.
It was like his head was so light despite the drumming of his brain against his skull.
The sound of fast footsteps accompanied his fall to the ground as his vision swam before darkening.
It was only to easy for him to slip soundlessly into nothingness the sound of distorted shouting just barely reaching his ears before he succumbed completely.