I have to say: my social life is going AWESOMELY as of late. But unfortunately, my internet life is neglected when my social life is going well. This includes anything and everything I do on the internet, including updating chapters and subbing PVs.

Chapter 38: Honne Dell 5
Sunday, May 7, 6:24 pm. Behind the gym.

It's never good to dwell on the past. If there is a resolution that one so-desperately seeks, then he or she should accept it and move on. Living in the past means you can't move on to the future. The past already happened. The future is still unwritten. The only way to have a decent future is to look forward to it and ignore the past.

I lit the last cigarette in my pack. I brought it to my lips and took a drag. I seriously need to quit this habit before I get caught. I've been going through so many in the last three days.

Akita Neru is nuts. She's crazy. My best friend is insane. There is no such thing as friends who just make out and continue with their lives as if it didn't happen. How could you? It's not like kissing like that without emotion behind it is possible.

Them again, I could never guess what she's thinking. Not to mention that she asked to ignore it and move on. I have this feeling that if I don't let it go, we'd be treading on uncomfortably thin ice for a long time. I refuse to let myself be uncomfortable with her, like I'm not already.

I gasped. My chest felt tight and heavy. I took the cigarette out of my mouth and stared at it. It's a safe bet that I'm going to get lung cancer soon. That's probably why my chest hurts. But I can't help when I feel stressed.

I like all of my friends. I really do, even if it doesn't seem like I show it. I care for all of them and am glad that they'd put up with me. I'm even pleased about the new friendships I have with Rin, even though we're very different people. In a way, she reminds me of Kaito. And Kaito and I are buds.

I never showed a lot of care or affection for any of my friends before I became close with Neru. She's my first and only close female friend. I think she has a positive affect on me. I started to talk to more people and don't turn away from people as easily. I honestly treasure my friendship with her a lot. Our friendship is something I cherish and am grateful for.

But we go through weird cycles and bumps in our friendship. We'd be the best of friends, but then something awkward happens and we'd stop talking completely. Having these odd short breaks between contact is weird. During those times, I sort of let myself talk to other people or just relax and think. But I sometimes miss her.

When we do get along, a lot of our conversations aren't face to face and when we do see each other in person, we're often in a comfortable silence. We talk a lot in person, but just being near her and being able to see her makes me feel... I don't know how to describe it. She makes me feel better. It's almost a calming, reassuring, and good feeling.

Now that I think about it, it'd be kind of cool if she liked me more than friends. I can imagine her being uncomfortably shy, stuttering a little, and blushing. Then again, I'm probably imagining an anime character. Despite her sassy and snappy attitude, she's very cute and delicate.

But there is one fault with Akita Neru that many people may not realize. To me, it's not always considered a fault, but I can say that it has landed her in awkward situations before. Her fault is her impulsive nature. She seems cool, calm, and collected all the time, but that's not always the case. Since she's impulsive, she doesn't think things through all the way. Look at her mess with Meito.

Look at her mess with me. We've gone and made out, all in the heat of the moment! And what then? She just ran away after realizing what she did! Couldn't she have possibly thought of the possible consequences of doing that? I can't bear to even look at her without thinking of kissing her mouth.

Another pained gasp escaped from my throat. Due to the gasp, I ended up choking on my cigarette. I coughed for about a full minute while trying to ignore the pain in my chest. I need to see a doctor or something before I just keel over and die.

Once I regained the ability to breathe normally, I sat against the gym's wall. The pain in my chest was still there, but it was dull enough for me to ignore.

My cigarette butt was about a foot away from me on the ground. I watched the little smoke come out from the still-lit end as I breathed heavily. In the entirety of my minor heart attack, Neru didn't leave my mind. Akita Neru sure does have a strong impact on me.

Now that I think about that kiss again, is realize that it's my fault. I kissed her cheek first. She's the type of person who wants to one-up others. I realized what she was doing, but I didn't stop her. I knew that a small part of me wanted to kiss her. So I welcomed it knowing that we'd have an unmendable and awkward friendship afterwards.

I grabbed at my heart, the most painful part of my chest. I felt my pulse. It seemed faster than it should be.

Neru is so small and fragile. I won't be able to forget how fit on my lap perfectly. During the kiss, I didn't want to let go of her. I don't remember wanting to stop kissing her mouth while we made out. Just one touch from her made me want to bend to her will.

I hit mentally punched myself in the face. I facepalmed in real life instead. Don't think these kinds of thoughts, Dell. She's your best friend. Isn't that like a sister? No. The relationship I have with Haku seemed entirely different that the one I have with Neru.

I don't feel like talking to her anytime soon. The last time we've spoken was the night of the kiss, via chat. We agreed that we're just going to ignore what happened. But how can you let such a major thing like that pass by? I couldn't think of a better solution, so I just accepted her idea. It seems like the only thing we can do right now.

I've never had this odd pain in the area of heart before. It really hurts now. Almost as bad as earlier. This is the first time. I hope it goes away and it's just a temporary thing my body's going through. I'll lay off the cigarettes for a while.

I'm just going to let the time apart from Neru heal our wounds. Our mistake won't fix itself with just time, but I think it's best to have time off from each other.

I shouldn't think about this anymore. The only way to somewhat fix my friendship with Neru is to ignore the kiss and simply wait until the right moment to approach her again. After all, it's never good to dwell on the past.

What's wrong with Dell? I hope he doesn't "just keel over and die" X_X

This is the first time I've written a chapter with no dialogue. And all I do is dialogue.

I subbed JubyPhonic P's English cover of "Remote Control". Check her out; the link to it is on my profile.

Do any of you guys listen to Utaites/Nico singers or Youtaite/YouTube singers? If so, who are your favorites?
I'm currently in love with KanzentaiCell/Kanseru's voice. I think it's so sexy.

This chapter was last altered on January 27, 2013.