XXXVII

If I Don't Make It

Beyond the door

There's peace, I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more

Tears in heaven.

- Eric Clapton, "Tears in Heaven" -

Natalia had to take a long, slow breath before she finally pushed open the door and stepped into the frigid morgue. No one was inside.

Just the body under the sheet.

Her whole body shook as she forced herself to take step after step toward the table, knowing who lay there. Tears quivered at the brink of spilling down her cheeks, her breath rattling in her chest.

She'd had a complete breakdown after Horatio had broken the news to the team. Walter had followed her, hugged her as she cried. Her mind could barely comprehend what was happening, and yet it was all it could focus on.

Ryan was dead. They didn't know how and they didn't know why. They just knew he was.

Natalia reached a shaky hand out and pulled the sheet back ever so slowly. Ryan's face was still and pale, as if it were made of marble. But at least he looked peaceful. No one had touched him yet for processing. He was still dressed in his t-shirt and jeans. He looked completely normal. No blood, no visible wounds. Just some bruises, but they certainly wouldn't have been life-threatening.

Natalia picked up one of his hands, gripping it in both of hers. His hand was wrapped up in some kind of bandage. She assumed it was from when he hurt it saving the other patient's life. Thick purple bruises extended all the way around both wrists. The marks were too wide for handcuffs, and they didn't look like rope either.

A single tear fell from her eye.

"Who did this to you?" she asked softly.

She placed one of her hands on his head, running a thumb idly through his hair. She sniffed wetly.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan," she whispered, the tears falling more freely. "You tried to tell us. You knew there was something else going on in that place. I'm so sorry we failed you."

She stood there for a long time, holding on to her friend's lifeless hand and weeping unabashedly.

After a while, she managed to somehow calm herself down. Then she noticed a small, silver chain around his neck, tucked underneath his shirt. She put his hand down gently and slid her fingers under the chain.

She'd never seen it before, but she knew what it was. Her grandmother had given her a prayer box necklace when she was a little girl.

"I never thought you were the praying type," she told Ryan quietly. She carefully undid the clasp and lifted it off him. She turned the necklace over in her palm.

Natalia hesitantly flicked open the tiny clasp with her fingernail. There was a little piece of rolled up paper inside. She almost didn't want to read it. Whatever it was, it must have been private. When she was young, she was told to only put the most desperate wish in her prayer box.

She gingerly unrolled the little piece of paper, taking care not to rip it. The words were tiny, definitely in Ryan's handwriting. What she saw there choked her up all over again. She put a hand over her mouth as she read.

If I don't make it, someone else will.

Natalia looked down at her friend's face. His last wish, his final prayer... had been for someone to carry on his work if he could not.

She bent down until her lips were hovering right above his ear.

"Ryan...," she whispered, fighting to keep her voice strong. "Wherever you are, I want you to know... I'll finish it. I promise. I'll find out what happened to you, and I will find out what's going on in that place. Even if I have to go undercover too. I won't stop until I find the answer and those responsible are locked up. I promise, Ryan."

She straightened, looking down at the necklace in her hand. She suddenly frowned.

There was some kind of powdery trace inside the box. She hadn't seen it until she'd pulled the paper out. She held it up to her eyes, squinting. It was crystalline, like salt or sugar. Maybe it was from wherever Ryan was murdered.

Natalia looked at Ryan again. "I should take this up to trace," she told him. "I'll be back later. I promise."

She pulled the sheet back over him and left the morgue, the necklace in her hand.

Author's Note: Don't worry. I'm sure whatever Natalia found inside the necklace has absolutely no importance whatsoever. ;) Who can figure it out first? Whoever gets it gets a special sneak peek of an upcoming chapter! But I also reserve the right to lie to you and say you got it wrong purely because I'm an evil little bugger who likes to lead you on as long as possible. Mwahahahaha.

Merry Christmas Eve! I'll put up tomorrow's chapter tonight, since I'll probably be busy. See you later! :D