Picking Up the Pieces
Shepard had been compliant when faced with the insistent poking and prodding of the curious doctors, who must have proclaimed what a medical oddity the case was at least a dozen times. Garrus and Miranda had been allowed to hover at the edge of the room so as not to distract Shepard while the tests were conducted. They'd watched for nearly an hour while she was put through both basic and fine motor skills, short and long term memory recall, even a few simple biotic exercises. Dr. Morae briefed the two of them of her findings in the hall.
"Her personality appears to be intact. She knows who she is and accepts her surroundings. However, she does show signs of extensive emotional trauma resulting from whatever it was that happened to her." Dr. Morae tapped at her omni-tool. "I'm authorizing a six month leave of absence for recovery. I'm also recommending a few good PTSD specialists that the Alliance can get in contact with."
"Six months?" Miranda repeated. "We can't lose that much time."
Dr. Morae looked to Garrus, whose eyes kept darting to the door and was shifting his weight uneasily. "She shouldn't be exposed to any high-stress environments for a while. Her body could reject the implants, not to mention her emotional condition would be exacerbated. If you want what's best for her, pass along my authorization to the Alliance."
Garrus didn't bother explaining that she wasn't taking orders from the Alliance. He left Miranda to discuss treatment with the doctor. His presence was needed elsewhere.
Shepard's back was to the door when Garrus entered. She was at the window, and she appeared to be staring not down at the street below, but at the horizon, where the sun was eclipsed by the gleaming white skyscrapers and the distant, sparkling sea. There was a thick smear of blue chasing the fading daylight, and faint pinpricks of stars were visible against the azure sky. The haze of urban life created a thin layer of smog over Nos Astra, somewhat dimming the brilliance of the coming night. But Shepard barely noticed; she just stared straight ahead as if she were searching for something far away on the skyline.
She was completely unaware of his entrance until he cleared his throat and spoke up. "Hell of a view, isn't it?"
Her fists balled reflexively and Garrus waited for her to respond before he approached. "Who knew they'd give a coma patient one of the good rooms?" she joked. Her low voice was rougher than usual, vocal cords rusty from misuse. Tentatively, Garrus reached out and laid his hand on her shoulder. She bristled momentarily under his touch.
"Shepard," he began softly.
"Don't," she bit back. "Don't tell me you're sorry, or that you never meant for any of this to happen. I get it. None of us wanted it to happen, but that doesn't change a damn thing. It still did."
"I'm just glad that you're alive," he told her, his hand dropping to his side. "I can't bury you a second time."
She turned to face him, and for the first time Garrus noticed that her gray irises were ringed with crimson cybernetic enhancements, glowing like embers behind her lashes. The muted orange muscle weaves just beneath the surface of her skin lit up her silhouette, their luminescence a reminder of all her synthetic parts. She wasn't the same Shepard he'd kissed goodbye in the Normandy's briefing room the week before. She'd been changed in ways he couldn't even begin to imagine.
There were some things that would never change, though. Garrus had to make sure Shepard knew it. "I love you, Shepard. You are my reason to keep fighting. And not even the certainty of death will stop me from coming for you."
Shepard closed the distance between them quickly, then threw her arms around his neck and cinched them tightly. Head tucked under his chin, Shepard let a few tears fall where Garrus couldn't see them. Wrapping one arm around her waist and reaching up with the other to stroke her hair, Garrus kissed the top of her head. She wanted to tell him about what had happened – about how Kamala had gotten beneath her skin and wreaked havoc in her mind. How she'd prayed and hoped, with every fiber of her being, that she'd somehow see him again. And how completely she'd collapsed once the Ardat-Yakshi had made her believe that he was dead.
Instead, she pulled back and looked up at Garrus. "I love you too, Vakarian." Their lips met, and in that moment, nothing else mattered besides the fact that they'd found their way back to each other.
The crew was ecstatic to have Shepard back. Miranda had radioed ahead that they'd be departing Nos Astra, and the entire Normandy crew assembled on the docks to welcome home their commander. Both the Cerberus crew and Shepard's own team of misfits cheered loudly at her return, creating a commotion that drew the attention of practically the whole docking bay. Joker had made it out of the pilot's chair and was one of the first to wrap Shepard up in a bear hug, shortly followed by Gardner and Kelly.
"Good to have you back, Commander," the yeoman chirped happily.
"Good to be back," she replied. "Now let's get the hell off this planet." Everyone agreed loudly, and Shepard watched them file in through the airlock. She and Garrus were the last ones on the dock.
Shepard grabbed his hand and said, "There's one more thing I need to take care of. Tell Joker we're lifting off in ten."
Garrus didn't want to let her go. The last time he had, he'd almost lost her. Then again, he knew there was no way he could stop her. He gave her fingers a squeeze and planted a light kiss on her cheek. "Come back soon."
"I promise."
Outside of her power armor, Shepard was just another face in the crowd. She moved through the streets of Nos Astra easily. She glanced fleetingly at Liara's office, unaware of the secretary whose blood still stained the ground. She skirted around the slummy downtown district that was home to the former hideout of a young, lonely turian whose sacrifice would only be honored in memory. Her boots tread the same streets that her teammates' had as they scoured the city for her. Unknowingly, she passed by the homes of human females who had the misfortune to slightly resemble her. Many of whom were dead. Finally, she returned to where it all began.
Shepard approached her target from behind and cleared her throat. "Did you plan on leaving without saying goodbye?" Kaidan turned around to face her. Her forced smile showed slight orange cracks. She noticed that he'd changed from his civvies to his Alliance uniform, unable to keep herself from glancing down at the Cerberus logo on her own jumpsuit. Out in the Terminus Systems, it was fine for them to associate, but once the Normandy returned to Council Space... that was another matter. As Kaidan had pointed out several times to Garrus, Cerberus was a designated terrorist group. One whose colors Shepard's ship happened to fly.
"Shepard," he greeted her. His omni-tool flashed a confirmation for his flight off Illium. His ship left in twenty minutes. She didn't have long. "I was just... well, leaving. Same as you, I guess."
Yet still, she stalled. "Doesn't the Alliance pay for their officers' transport? We're headed back into Council space." Her gaze briefly dropped to her scuffed combat boot before she met Kaidan's eyes. "An extra passenger wouldn't cause any trouble," she added softly.
"I'm not part of your crew," Kaidan said, unexpectedly blunt.
Before she could stop herself, she blurted, "You could be, if you wanted. You'd be a major asset to the team."
Kaidan almost didn't look surprised by the offer. He took a step closer. "We both know that wouldn't work. Not with the way things are now."
Shepard shrugged, letting Kaidan's rejection slide off her. It was the second time he'd refused an invitation to join her. "Thought I'd ask."
"Tell me honestly, Shepard... how much do you remember about being on the Shadow Broker's ship?" His hands were at his sides, guarded but still open. Dark granite eyes searched her crimson ones, waiting expectantly for an answer.
"Close to nothing when Kamala exerted her influence over me."
"And when she wasn't?"
"I remember everything."
Including the kiss, it went unsaid. "When you had the gun turned on me and the Ardat-Yakshi ordered you to kill me... why didn't you?"
The background city noise faded to a quiet hum, blurring into an indistinguishable tone. Shepard's fingers flexed and her rough voice became soft. "Like I said, I don't remember much." But she and Kaidan both knew the truth; her shot didn't simply go wide. There was a part of her that, even when she'd surrendered to Kamala, would not allow her to hurt Kaidan. A very strong part, apparently.
"Shepard, I... look. Things are complicated right now. But after everything that's happened, I'm here for you, okay? When the time comes to take on the Reapers, I'm there. Until then, we've both got a lot of figuring out to do." Gently, he brushed a dark tendril of hair away from her temple, exposing a bright orange sliver of cybernetics at her forehead. "I want you to know that I still care about you. And despite the Shadow Broker's plot, I don't regret having you back in my life."
Disarmed by the intimacy of the exchanged, Shepard went for a firm handshake. "Thank you for your part in the mission. I'm lucky to have someone like you, Commander Alenko."
Kaidan's hand remained locked with Shepard's for a moment before he pulled her in for a tight hug. "Stay safe out there, Shepard." His lips tickled her ear as he spoke. She let herself be enveloped in his embrace for a moment before pulling away.
She cleared her throat. "I'll do my best not to get kidnapped. Tell Anderson I say hey."
"Will do, ma'am."
Right on time, Shepard made it back to the Normandy. Her fingers trailed absentmindedly across the metal frame of the airlock entryway, faintly recalling a time when she'd thought she'd never be able to return to her ship, her home.
Joker was standing at attention by his chair. At the familiar whoosh of the airlock doors closing behind Shepard, he smiled. EDI's spherical blue avatar lit up. "Welcome back, Commander."
"Thanks, EDI." She hovered in the cockpit for a moment, taking everything in as if for the first time. Wistfully, she sighed, making her seem ancient. But she quickly shook off her sentimental front and said, "What the hell are you waiting for? Get us in the air, Joker." She strode toward the CIC.
Joker grinned, settling into his chair. "You don't have to tell me twice." His hands flew at the controls. As the ship uncoupled from the dock and slid out of port, he turned to EDI and said, "Nice to have her home, isn't it?"
Garrus and Miranda were waiting for Shepard by the galaxy map. They straightened as soon as they heard her loud footsteps pounding past the navigation consoles. Something in their expressions put Shepard on edge.
"I'm not going to like what you're about to say, am I?"
Garrus shrugged. "You probably won't be a huge fan."
"Alright. Out with it."
Miranda cleared her throat. "The Illusive Man was notified of the situation. He wants to speak with you in the debriefing room." Her long, gloved fingers twisted and clenched around each other. "Shepard, I haven't contacted him since you went comatose. I'm not sure what he wants." The Cerberus operative was not accustomed to being in the dark about the Illusive Man's intentions regarding Shepard.
The commander took a deep breath. She was well-versed in the ways of dealing with Cerberus's shadowy leader. Whatever the Illusive Man planned on throwing at her, she could handle. Yet, even so, there was part of her that dreaded walking into the comm room to face him. Surely he knew by now that Liara was the new Shadow Broker. Cerberus had always fought for control over valuable intel with the rival broker, who was arguably the reigning master of the Terminus Systems and beyond. What if the Illusive Man wanted access to that empire of information? Did Shepard trust him enough with that kind of power?
If she didn't, the Illusive Man would sense her change in allegiance. And there was only one way to find out how he would react. "I'll talk to him. Resume standard operations." Both Garrus and Miranda knew this to mean that they were to return to their posts. As Miranda headed into the elevator, Garrus put a hand on Shepard's shoulder, stopping her.
"I can stay if you need me."
She shook her head. "I'll be okay." Taking his hand off her shoulder and gripping it tightly for a moment, she added, "But I know where to find you."
The comm room was already dark, the only source of light being ominous, holographic projection of the Illusive Man's pacing form in the center of the room. Shepard wasn't even standing within the transmitting pad's range and she could've sworn he heard her enter. Cigarette in hand, orange tip blazing near his too-blue eyes, the Illusive Man scanned the area before him, looking straight through Shepard. It was unsettling.
"I don't have much time to talk," Shepard said as she stepped within range, her voice sounding too aggressive to her own ears. "Let's keep this brief."
"It will be." He took a deep drag on his cigarette, holographic smoke wafting towards Shepard. She fought the urge to swat at the shimmering cloud. "I'm relieved to see you in one piece. Frankly, I'm also a little surprised everyone made it off Hagalaz."
Unblinkingly, she replied, "I have a good team."
The Illusive Man appeared restless, crossing the room back and forth like a pendulum, constantly in motion. "I know. I saw to that myself. The important thing is that you are back where you belong. I certainly don't need to remind you of your vital role in the upcoming battle against the Reapers."
"Yeah, it's nice not being tortured any more. Anyway, glad we had this chance to catch up, but I really need to get back to -"
"Don't even think about leaving," the Illusive Man barked. Shepard froze mid-turn, then whirled back around to face him, fire in her deep red eyes. "I'm not finished with you yet."
"I don't take orders from you. Say your piece and be done with it," she replied, fighting for her composure.
The pendulum halted mid-arc. The Illusive Man looked like he was centering a precision laser on her forehead with his eyes. But she held her ground. "You don't want to test this relationship even further than you already have, Commander. After you decided to blow up the Collector base against my explicit request, you nearly destroyed our trust."
"What trust?" Shepard shot back. Her lips parted, ready to tear into him, but he continued as if he hadn't heard her.
"But I viewed your willingness to investigate Project Overlord as something of an olive branch. That was until you sent the project's most valuable asset, and humanity's best chance at controlling the geth, to Grissom Academy. Your resolution of that situation proved how misguided your intentions really are."
Shepard scoffed in disbelief. "This, coming from you! You'd sacrifice your morals to accomplish your own selfish goals. You say you're doing what's best for humanity, but you're losing what makes you human in the process."
Again, the Illusive Man ignored her. But she noticed his shoulders hunching, cigarette left to burn out and die in its ash tray. She was getting to him. The next time he spoke, his tone was strained, barely contained fury rising to the surface. "I know your friend Dr. T'Soni is in charge of the Broker's headquarters. I would take it as a gesture of goodwill if you were to grant me access to the Shadow Broker's information networks. It would go a long way in securing any future funding or support from Cerberus."
Shepard had another kind of gesture in mind for the Illusive Man, with an entirely different meaning. In a clipped tone, she said, "Not gonna happen. I could never trust you to use that kind of information for anything but your own twisted need for power. And that's exactly why I destroyed the Collector base."
"Listen to yourself, Shepard! You're withholding valuable resources – tools that we can use together to fight the Reapers!" The Illusive Man was moving closer to Shepard, his projection crackling as he pushed the boundaries of the sensors' range.
"You helped me defeat the Collectors," Shepard acknowledged. The Illusive Man nodded, retreating. "You gave me the dossiers to assemble my team."
"Yes. Think of how many colonists we saved, Shepard. We prevented a human Reaper from being born. If you give me access to the Shadow Broker's networks... we could beat them."
Shepard's gaze remained locked with the Illusive Man's as if he were only a few meters away instead of light years. "But this relationship has run its course. You were only good for one thing: your intel. And even then you used it to manipulate me like one of your pawns. Now, I have a new source."
The Illusive Man didn't raise his voice as he had before. With the calculated air of a rifleman on a firing squad lining up the kill shot, he said, "I will find you, Shepard. I will find your ship and I will put a bullet in your head. Any of your crew that resists will share your fate. Any that wish to remain with Cerberus will be allowed to do so." Shepard's fists clenched, her biotics flaring and causing interference with the connection. "You could have saved humanity, Shepard. But now that you're in my way, you will die."
"We took on the Collectors and won. We took control of the Shadow Broker's base. What chance do you think Cerberus stands against me and my team?" Shepard retaliated. Biotic energy fluctuated at her finger tips, spiking in response to the adrenaline shooting through her.
"You can't escape me, Shepard."
"Who says I'm running?"
She couldn't tell if it was the steadily declining quality of the projection in front of her, but Shepard could have sworn she saw the Illusive Man's face start to blacken. "We'll see each other again, Commander. Sooner than you think."
"Go to hell, you son of a bitch." A biotic explosion emanated out from Shepard's body, frying the comm projectors. The last thing she saw were those unnatural blue eyes surrounded by crackling black veins.
The briefing room went dark for a moment before red emergency lights came on. The blue EDI sphere popped up on an auxiliary projector. "Shepard, I have detected a potentially hazardous circuit overload resulting from biotic -"
"Commander! You okay?" Jacob had dashed over from the armory and was standing in the doorway. Shepard glanced down at her hands, then let her biotics fizzle out.
"Miranda's going to be thrilled about this," she murmured under her breath. Then, more authoritatively, "EDI, tell the crew to assemble in the mess hall. We need to discuss a few things." She left the comm room and started towards the elevator.
"Of course, Shepard."
Jacob glanced inside the comm room at the overloaded equipment, then went after Shepard. "I'm guessing your conversation with the Illusive Man didn't exactly go as planned."
"As he planned? Definitely not. As I planned? More or less." Jacob grinned at her answer. The two of them rode the elevator down to the crew deck, where everyone was assembled in the mess hall. Shepard wasn't used to having them all gathered together so informally, but she figured what she had to say would be best delivered in person.
"Listen up, people. As of, uhh, right now, my contract with Cerberus has been terminated and this vessel operates off of private funding. Anyone who's got... conflicting loyalties, speak up immediately. This is your only chance to disembark peacefully."
Zaeed raised his hand. "Get me off this goddamn insanity cruise."
"Not you, Massani," Shepard waved him off. He muttered something about being unable to retire in peace but didn't pursue the matter. "Anyone else?" Silence. The Illusive Man may have hand-picked the names on the ship manifest, but Shepard was the one who turned them into a team. And they'd all shown exactly where their loyalties rested during the rescue mission. "Perfect."
From somewhere near the front of the cluster of servicemen in Cerberus uniforms, Miranda addressed the lot of them. "I suggest everyone take the time to make sure all links to Cerberus servers are disconnected. I'll have a memo sent to all personnel regarding the procedure on safely disabling spyware within our own systems." Miranda met Shepard's eyes. The commander cocked her head to the side, a clandestine smirk playing on her lips.
Their new independence from Cerberus was as liberating as it was daunting. And although she had the full support of the crew, Shepard could sense their uneasiness. They were afraid of who the Illusive Man might send after them. Uncertain of how they would find their way in the wide, dangerous galaxy. The Collectors were dead, but the real threat still remained. What was going to happen now that they were separated from Cerberus?
"As a team, we've already accomplished the impossible," Shepard reminded them. "But we've got our work cut out for us. Every second that passes, the Reapers come closer to returning. We need to do everything that we can to prepare this galaxy for war. With the new Shadow Broker on our side and a vast pool of intel, we might just be able to give ourselves a fighting chance."
She dismissed them to get started on the removal of any links back to the Illusive Man that could jeopardize their safety. Mordin and Kasumi were especially skilled at detecting listening devices and bugs in the systems, so Shepard immediately put them in charge of their efforts. Jacob was also extremely eager to share his expertise of Cerberus tech.
"Looks like we'll be needing new uniforms," Miranda said, weaving through the dispersing crowd of servicemen to get to Shepard.
"About that. I don't suppose you'd be interested in designing them?"
Miranda smiled at the idea. "I've already sketched a few ideas. Most of them involving a customized shoulder patch with your face on it."
"Sounds perfect. I hope they come in pink."
Miranda chuckled at the concept. After a moment, though, her expression turned serious. "The Illusive Man won't let his most precious investment go without a fight."
"Yeah, he seemed pretty keen on making sure that I understood what would happen the next time we crossed paths," Shepard said. Since there were still a few crew members around, she didn't mention that he would ruthlessly hunt them all down and execute anyone who opposed him.
"I meant the ship. But I'm sure he's very upset about losing you, too. At any rate, the ex-Cerberus crew, and their families, will need protection. Perhaps your friend the Shadow Broker could be of some assistance." Miranda knew that the Illusive Man would stop at nothing to find some way to get to Shepard, regardless of how long the trail of bodies would be. Dr. T'Soni would have resources available to help the men and women who'd so loyally served Shepard.
"Right. Draw up a list of names of family members and I'll get in contact with her ASAP."
"Thank you, Commander." Shepard dismissed her with a nod, but before she returned to her office, Miranda placed a hand on her shoulder. "We're behind you all the way, Shepard."
The commander watched as her crew got to work and for a moment, it was as if nothing at all had changed. Just another busy day aboard the Normandy. She imagined herself going through routine tasks; checking their raw mineral and resource intake, researching new improvements for weapons and armor, or dealing with her team's various troubles.
"Are you alright?" Garrus was standing right in front of her and she'd barely noticed.
She blinked. "I'm..." Her brow furrowed, then she inhaled sharply. "I don't know. I think I'm okay."
His hand rested gently on her elbow, pulling her in closer. "You're under a lot of stress. A few hours to yourself will do you a world of good."
Part of her wanted to be around the crew, to reassure them of her presence. But the other half desperately needed some time to collect her thoughts. And at the moment, the crew had their hands full. They didn't need her guidance for removing Cerberus spyware, and when the time did come for her to give orders, she would have her head in the right place. A couple of hours would surely be sufficient to accomplish that objective.
"Not a bad idea." She glanced down at where his hand was holding her arm. "All this is going to take some time to process." Already lost in her thoughts, she slipped away from him and headed into the elevator. Garrus watched her leave before approaching Miranda.
"I need to contact Liara. Immediately, if possible." Time to figure out exactly what those bastards did to her. And how to repair all the damage.