Steve marched firmly into the living room, in front of the sofa that Bucky was sloughed on, Steve was doing a good job of not mentioning how weak Bucky had been getting over the last few weeks but he looked down at Bucky now and really saw how much strength he'd lost. After a brief hesitation, Steve pushed on.
"We've been putting this off for too long." Steve said while standing firmly on two feet.
With shaky arms Bucky pushed his body up into sitting position "what is it?" Bucky managed to smile not sensing Steve's serious manner.
Steve took a deep breath "I don't think we should go through with the wedding?"
This took Bucky by surprise, with as much energy he could muster, he heaved himself to his feet "what?! Why wouldn't we go through with it? Do you not want to marry me? Did I do something wrong? Is it because I'm sick?" Bucky became frantic and was breathing faster.
Steve took Bucky's face and watched as Bucky relaxed into his hands "Calm down, that's not what I'm saying, I'm just… worried is all. I'm scared that going through a wedding at this moment might be a little too much for you right now." Steve dropped his hands and grabbed Bucky's that were by his side.
"Steve" Bucky squeezed Steve's hands and continues "It's clear to see I'm not in the fittest state right now but there is nothing I'd rather do than marry you. Do I wish I was better and that I wasn't dying? Hell yeah! Do I wish that Bruce will find a cure? Absolutely, just wish he would hurry up with it. But more than anything I want to marry you, no matter how ill I become if Bruce doesn't' find a cure I want to make sure I leave this world married to you. I won't ask for much but I'm asking for this." Bucky and Steve were very still, just staring into each others eyes, wishing for more time together.
Steve didn't know what to say his first thought was just to kiss Bucky, so he did and he never wanted to stop kissing him.
Ever
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Steve whispered into Bucky's ear.
"I honestly thought you'd changed your mind." Bucky hugged Steve tightly "I'm so glad you haven't"
A few days passed without much change, Steve and Bucky had talked to Pepper about the wedding, Pepper was to plan the whole thing but was under strict instructions to keep the ceremony as small as she possibly could, no camera men and preferably indoors so no helicopters could interrupt their vows. Everyone had been given his or her jobs for the wedding.
Tony was to be Bucky's best man and Sam was Steve's. During a meeting Steve and Bucky were having with Pepper about the wedding Natasha rushed in the room calming she had an awesome idea.
"Okay I have an awesome idea" Natasha said walking in without knocking first; they were in one of the conference rooms. "I'm going to tell you but if you think it's stupid you can tell me to shut up and get out but if you like it then-"
Bucky interrupted her "lord above Nat, just spit it out."
Natasha took a deep breath "let me officiate your wedding" Nat took one look at the men's faces and spoke before they did "wait hear me out, it's an easy proses I can go online and get ordained and I can totally marry you guy. I'm only suggesting because well I have shipped you two from the start and I honestly would love to be part of your special day, I mean wouldn't you prefer someone who really knows you rather than someone who just knows the couple they've been told about on the TV? What do you think?" Natasha stopped speaking and there was a short silence.
So by the end of a long meeting a triumphant Natasha waltzed out of the conference room with her chin up high proudly walking towards the elevator, she was going to go and get ordained on the internet.
Bucky walked out the room supported by Steve, both still trying to get their head around what they just agreed to, when Bucky stopped and turned to Steve "you go ahead back to apartment, there's something I want to talk to Pepper about."
A flash of worry spread across Steve's face before he could say anything however, Bucky pulled Steve down into a weak but passionate kiss and whispered that he would be fine. Steve reluctantly withdrew to the elevator and watched Bucky until the doors closed blocking his view. When Steve could no longer see, Bucky half collapsed against the wall and took quick deep breath. When Pepper finally came out the conference room, Bucky snapped back up and began to act healthy once more.
"Pepper." Bucky said as strongly as he could.
"Bucky?! Sorry, I thought you'd left, can I help you with something?" Pepper said politely
"As a matter of fact, yes. I was wondering if you could do something for me?" Bucky shifted his weight from both feet as he spoke.
"I'd be happy to help you with anything you require." Pepper replied graciously.
Bucky looked down at his hands and started playing with his fingers nervously "I need you to promise you won't tell anyone, that includes Tony, JARVIS and definitely Steve."
"I promise I won't tell a soul, I don't tell Tony everything you know." Pepper smiled kindly.
Bucky looked up "thank you." Then went back to looking down at his hands.
"So, might I know what I'm being asked to do?" Pepper questioned.
"Well, I don't want to worry Steve but I'm scared that Bruce won't find a cure and I need to make sure that if things don't go as well as we all hope that I'll have some sort of will to leave behind for Steve" Bucky smiled shyly and shrugged one shoulder. " I want it to be a secret because Steve would flip if he thought I had any doubts."
Pepper nodded "Of course I draw one up" she smiled at Bucky as if she was looking at a kicked puppy and Bucky could see it in her eyes and he thought it was his time to make his departure back to Steve.
"Thank you" Bucky said stepping away. Pepper nodded and walked with Bucky to the elevator in silence.
That night Steve was asleep dreaming.
A classic 40s jazz tune was playing faintly in the background, Steve could feel a hand on his shoulder and Steve would never forget that genital touch of Peggy's hand.
Steve lifted his hand up to his shoulder and felt his fingers lightly stroke Peggy's; he curled and interlocked his fingers with hers. He swung her around so that they were face to face. Steve had his right hand on Peggy's waist and hers was on his right shoulder. They were slowly moving around, dancing in small circles.
"Makes sure you don't step on my toes Steve." Peggy's British voice spoke softly.
In a strange way Steve felt guilty and felt a ping of grief but he didn't know why.
"It's time to let go Steve" she spoke again.
Steve jolted up shaking the dream from his head and looked around the room, like so many times before he was alone. "Bucky?" Steve called out but there was no reply. He flicked the covers off of his legs and hopped out of bed and moved into the main room of the apartment. "Bucky?" Steve called out again, still no reply.
Steve walked further into the room when something shiny caught his eye. Steve immediately began to panic when he saw Bucky passed out on the floor. Steve rushed to Bucky's side and checked Bucky's breathing.
"JARVIS get Tony or Bruce or anyone!" Steve said frantically.
"I've alerted Mr Stark and Miss Romanoff. They are on their way as we speak." JARVIS said, even though JARVIS is a computer simulation he almost sounded as panicked as Steve was.
After a few minuets that felt like hours Bucky had still not awoken then Natasha was the first to arrive, she dashed too Steve's side "we need to get him to Tony's lab now! Can you carry him?" Natasha said insistently.
Steve didn't even answer her he just pushed his hands underneath Bucky's back and lifted him into a fireman's lift and began jogging to the elevator. While waiting for the lift to whizz down to Tony's level Steve couldn't stand still he was feeling nerves and completely terrified. Finally, the doors opened up and Tony was already waiting with what looked like a hospital bed with the wheels. Steve gingerly lay Bucky down and he was immediately whisked away from Steve's presence.
Steve stood watching them take Bucky away, they moved him into another room and shut the doors, when Steve could no longer see Bucky he crashed to the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. Steve had never felt so scared, this was worse than knowing that he was about to crash the plain into that ice. He looked up at Natasha who quickly turned her back and wiped the tears from her face. Steve doesn't remember ever seeing Natasha cry.
It was dead silent for hours until the door to the room they taken Bucky into opened and several people flooded out Bucky, however, not among them. Coulson entered the room wearing his usual black suit, the girl, Skye was standing just behind him and there were two new people. A male with brown curly hair and a female with brown hair pulled into a neat ponytail both were wearing lab coats. Steve stood egger "please tell me something, bad news is better then no news."
"Captain this is my team, Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz, we were originally here just to help with finding a cure but things have escalated. Fortunately, Mr Barnes is awake and he's been asking for you." Coulson pointed to the door. Steve had already started moving for the door before Coulson had even finished speaking.
Steve scanned the room for Bucky and as soon and he met the deep ocean blue eyes of his fiancé a weight lifted in Steve's stomach. Steve was holding Bucky's hands in a flash and was kissing every part of Bucky's face muttering how much he loved him.
"I could do this all day," Bucky said jokingly.
After about half an hour Steve had calmed down and Bucky had drifted into a light sleep. Steve became increasingly aware of the crowed that had formed in the room and all he could hear was the steady beating of the heart monitor then Coulson looked towards the brown haired lady "Jemma do you wish to explain our conclusion?"
She gave a small caught and spoke in a calm British voice "you've already been told that Mr Barnes' problem is with his brain and the damage caused by that chair they used to brain wash him. It's my belief that when the brain gets damaged after time it begins to heal it's self but when damaged to this extent the normal victim would not survive however, Mr Barnes has a sample of the Captains serum and it has kept him alive thus far but unfortunately the healing factor has repaired his system wrong. I think this was due to how Hydra set up the chair, so this might not be what you want to hear but my suggestion on how to make him better is to recreate something similar to the chair, reprogram it and wipe him again." Bucky flinched at the word Wipe
"WHAT?" Steve stood in a defensive position in front of Bucky's bed and Natasha was at his side protecting Bucky "Are you crazy? We're not wiping him again."
"Steve calm down, let us explain-" Tony stepped closer to Bucky.
Natasha interrupted him "Back up Stark, you know full well what that chair did to Bucky in the first place and now you want to put him back in it?" Natasha grimaced "you're insane!"
Tony frowned "can you just let us explain?"
"So you can lie to us?" Steve shot back
A weak but stern voice spoke from behind "Steve let them explain before we jump to conclusions," Bucky said, Steve walked to Bucky's side and took his hand in his own "I know Tony would never intentionally hurt me or any of us. Hydra would never have explained least of all let me decide whether that's what I wanted to do. We should listen."
Defeated Steve pulled up a chair by the bed and sat down. Tony leaned against the wall and began to explain. He told them that the chair they would make would correct the problems with the brain but if they do it correctly he might not lose his memories it.
"What are the chances it won't work?" Natasha said still in her defensive position.
Tony sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tightly "it's hard to tell at this point but currently it's 50/50"
There was a pause and everyone was trapped in thought.
Bucky broke the silence "let's do it" everyone looked at Bucky surprised "why not? I'm dying anyway if it doesn't work then we would have just sped up my immanent fate but if it works then… brilliant."
Steve frowned and looked into Bucky's eyes once more "but what if it fixes you and you lose all your memories again?"
"I think that's the least of our problems," Bucky said bluntly "you can always tell me everything again, you've done it before and I'm sure you can do it when it comes to it."
Steve tore his eyes away from Bucky's to hide how hurt he was but when he felt the tears welling up in his eyes, he had to say something "can we have a moment please?" a few people nodded but no one really moved "alone" Steve said bleakly.
As everyone started to head for the door The girl Skye spoke up "Wow that was dramatic?"
"Skye" Coulson gave her a warning look.
Natasha didn't move "It's okay Nat I just want to speak to Bucky." She nodded and followed the others. Bucky watched Natasha go for a long as possible because he didn't want to look into Steve's eyes.
It was silent Bucky finally looked at Steve because it was so quiet that he thought Steve had left with the others and that he was alone but he was wrong Steve was still sitting it the seat staring.
"What your problem?" Bucky said a little harsher than he meant it to be.
"You. You're my problem. You're so calm about it all, willing to risk it all just like that. You didn't even think twice about saying yes to Tony's idea, or even take the time to either try and find another less risky way or just think about what your getting himself into. You didn't even discus it with me"
"It's not your problem, it's mine and I trust Tony he's not going to hurt me, never has never will." Bucky raised his voice a little and sat up a bit more.
Steve leaned forward in his chair "it became my problem when you said you'd marry me! We're in this 'till the end of the line."
"Yeah well looks like the end of the line is almost here." Bucky said, Steve took in a short gasp and hurt flooded across his face. Bucky immediately regretted mentioning it.
Steve stood up and moved towards the door but stopped turned around "if that's how you feel, then… you can do this by yourself, you obviously don't need or want my opinion, so I'll save my breath." Steve turned away to the door and left.
Bucky called out to Steve "Steve wait" but it was too late Steve had gone and Bucky was alone "I need you" he muttered to himself.
Author's notes: Don't worry guys I'm back. I am soooooooooooo sorry for not posing in like a whole month. It's just been chaos. I went on holiday and when I got back I realised I hadn't written anything then I had exams but now I'm listing excuses. My apologies. To make up for my absence I have written a nice long chapter for you lot to hopefully enjoy. Yet another cliffhanger dunn dunn duuuuunnnn! Under 17 days until Captain America civil war comes out in the UK I am soooo excited I have tickets to go and see the first midnight showing but I promise not a spoil anything because it doesn't come out until may 6th in America right? Anyway sorry for the late update. Enjoy xx :)