And I give to you the next chapter! YAY! It didn't take me a year! Too soon? lol

And don't worry, the others are in the works, along with a interesting idea for CoLu Week. (Let's hope I can get it done in time lol)

Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail.

CHAPTER 38: MOVING ON

It was days into our job when I began noticing something off about Gajeel. Not that I hadn't noticed anything before. I had. It wasn't like I could miss the perpetual scowl on his face or the way he barked responses as if speaking itself had become too tedious. But what was really drawing my concern was this new recklessness that Gajeel was employing. Although a dragon slayer like Natsu, Gajeel was nothing like the fire mage. He was cautious, suspicious, and because of that, he usually preferred making a plan over running into a situation half-cocked.

And that was where my worry was coming into play. This job was bringing out a side of Gajeel that I wasn't comfortable with, one that was putting not only our mission in danger, but also the both of us. And that wasn't like Gajeel. He didn't play with our lives like that. He took risks, calculated ones, but never ones that he hadn't already weighed out carefully in his head.

Something was clearly on his mind, and that something was making him wild and unpredictable, and considering that we were so far away from Fairy Tail and on our own, that could present one hell of a problem. We were miles away from help should we need it, and his erratic behavior was making it more and more likely something would go wrong, which meant I needed to talk to him.

Ordinarily, I would be in no hurry. It had always been best to wait for Gajeel to decide when he was ready, so I'd always let him decide when to finally hash it out. But now, considering the ways things had gone so far, I realized there was no time. I needed Gajeel with a clear head. I needed his mind on the job and his newfound impulsiveness gone. This was a job that required our very best, and that meant I had to get him talking...now.

"Okay, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

Rolling my eyes at the expected answer, I flew into Gajeel's line of sight and hovered there just in front of him. "That's interesting considering you've been glaring at everything you've come across for the last 3 days."

"So what? I glare at everything all the damn time," Gajeel grunted, walking around me in a wide arc as if just moving past where I was could stop the conversation.

"Not always. You weren't acting like that a week ago. In fact, I'm pretty sure you were smiling at everything."

I didn't think it was possible for his expression to close down even more, but it did. And the reason for it was glaringly obvious.

"I think you've been out in the sun too long, Lily," he muttered, turning away and moving off in a slightly different direction.

As if that would stop me.

"Uh-huh...I don't think so. You were smiling an awful lot," I called after him as I raced to catch up again. "Seemed like you were pretty happy."

His steps slowed at my words, but that was the only indication he gave of being affected. "Why wouldn't I be happy?" he scoffed lightly, "I was getting sex on a regular basis."

A frown pulled at my lips. He couldn't actually believe that was the reason for the perpetual smile on his face recently. Gajeel was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them. "I think it was more than that."

He snorted. "Yeah right. I had a hot chick in my bed any time I wanted. That's enough to make any man happy."

"Gajeel, you can't tell me that's all it was. Anyone with eyes can see you like her."

There was no doubt in my mind. I'd seen his version of friends with benefits. He had rules, strict rules that he'd never once broken, not in all the years I'd known him. And any woman that pushed the boundaries he'd set up was immediately ejected from his life. There were no warnings, no allowances given. They were just unceremoniously booted.

But this thing with Lucy was different. He was different. With her, it was as if all his lines were blurred or even erased. And he still couldn't see why that was so significant. Was he really that blind or was he just refusing to acknowledge the difference?

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you liking Lucy."

Gajeel grunted and walked faster. "You're crazy, cat."

"We both know it, Gajeel. Just admit it already."

"There's nothing to fucking admit!" he growled. "I don't like anybody. I'm not even sure I like your ass every day."

I shook my head and zipped back in front of him. "I don't know why you keep denying it."

"What the fuck is up with you today?" he snapped, the timbre of his voice going dark with tension.

"I just don't understand why you're fighting this so hard. I mean, it seems like she likes you too."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, because the instant the words left my mouth, he erupted. "I don't fucking like her! I liked fucking her! That's all!"

I was so stunned by his outburst that it took me a moment to realize that he hadn't denied her liking him. And that little piece of information told me everything I needed to know. If he already knew Lucy had feelings for him, then that would explain it all. She'd gotten attached, and he'd freaked.

I should have figured it out days ago honestly, because that was his own personal MO. Gajeel had ditched a woman getting emotionally attached to him more times than even he probably cared to remember.

And that was the thing. Gajeel never cared when it was over. He always acted like it didn't matter, because for him, it didn't. He really was in it just for the sex, and he never let it get any farther than that. So when the girl started showing signs of getting invested, he bailed and never looked back.

Maybe that was why it had taken me so long to figure it all out, because he definitely wasn't acting like he was over it. In fact, he acted angry that it was all over. And that was strange because Gajeel didn't do relationships. He didn't date or anything else that even closely resembled it.

Well, that was until now, it seemed. Cause he certainly seemed to have been dating Lucy all this time.

He just didn't know it.

Dropping down beside him, I sighed. Why did he have to be so hardheaded?

"Gajeel, you're smarter than that. I've seen your version of 'only sex' and this isn't it." Looking up at him, I could see he wanted to argue, but beyond that, past his stubborn streak, there was also fear - a very real fear that just maybe I was right. I guess he'd known something was off, but he'd fought so hard to ignore it that now it was freaking him out. "She cares about you. She wouldn't be trying to get closer if she didn't."

It was all so easy. Or at least it would be for anyone but Gajeel. Because anything like that scared the hell out of him. It didn't matter that he knew Lucy, had known her for a few years now. For him, it was all the same.

"That's bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit, Gajeel. If she didn't care about you, she wouldn't have risked ruining what you already had for something more."

A low growl shot from his mouth at my words. "That's what they all want you to think, but it's a fucking lie. Just like Lucy. Don't you get it? She was trying to trap me!"

"No, it sounds like she was trying to care about you, and you couldn't handle it." I shook my head, frustrated. "Gajeel, you've gotta stop running away like this."

Eyes flashing, Gajeel snapped, "Don't make me out to be some kind of pussy! I'm not a goddamn coward!"

"About this, you are!" I fought to gentle my voice and stick to reason. Pissing him off would only push him further away. "You reject any woman who gets too close because you're afraid."

"You don't know what you're talking about. I'm not afraid of anything."

"Yes, you are. You're terrified of getting hurt." Seeing Gajeel about to speak, I hurried to finish. "There's nothing wrong with being afraid, Gajeel. It's understandable considering what you've been through-"

Sneering, the black-haired man spat, "You make me sound so fucking weak!"

"It's not weakness! It's being human! And sooner or later, you're going to have to accept that you're more like them than you think."

"I'm a dragon slayer!" Gajeel yelled, spinning around to slam his fist into the tree behind him. Bark and bits of pulp flew in all directions as he hammered away at the indention he'd made. "I'm a fucking dragon slayer!"

I watched in pained silence for a moment, giving my friend time to come to terms with only a small portion of the things he'd been running from his whole life. I knew this wasn't easy for Gajeel. Then again, nothing ever seemed to be. Ever since his parents had walked away from him as a child, Gajeel had taken to distancing himself from people, and when Metallicana had taken him in, it had furthered his belief that humans couldn't be trusted.

But perhaps the most damaging thing was that it had helped him distance himself from his own humanity.

In his mind, he wasn't one of them. He was a dragon slayer - strong, brave. He could have no fear because nothing could ever touch him, not when he'd added walls around his heart. With those defenses, he could shield himself from the pain he'd felt when his parents had abandoned him and be a dragon just like his new father.

Now though, he couldn't escape the simple truth that he had started out his life as a human, and with that came a slew of emotions he'd never been prepared for. Betrayal, hate, envy, contempt - those were all things Gajeel knew well. But love, concern, kindness, gentleness - what did he know of that? His life had been spent running away from all appearance of those things because he always expected it to turn sour, just like it had with both his human and dragon parents.

Gajeel believed that no one had ever wanted him, and now that Lucy had admitted that she did, Gajeel couldn't accept it as truth. He couldn't convince himself it was real because everything good that had ever happened to him had always been tied to a lie. And so he'd done what he always did - he decimated the connection between himself and the woman who'd gotten too close.

And normally, it took Gajeel no time at all to get past her, to forget the woman he'd allowed himself to get tangled up with, but this wasn't just any woman. This was Lucy, someone Gajeel had admired even before their recent connection. And it showed because Gajeel wasn't moving past this situation as he usually did. He was still knee-deep in his anger and frustration about it.

And that could only mean that Lucy had done the impossible - she'd made him care about her.

It was the only thing that made sense. He'd run before. Hell, any time a woman brought up the word, "relationship", Gajeel freaked out. But it wasn't the running that convinced me that Gajeel felt more for Lucy than he even realized. It was his inability to let it go. It was the fact that their breakup still seemed to bother him.

But first things first. Before I could even get to Lucy, I had to get through the mountain of other issues.

Shifting my body to full height, I made my way over and cautiously placed a paw on Gajeel's shoulder. "You're human too, Gajeel. No matter how much you'd like to believe otherwise, you know it's the truth. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing."

Dropping his fists, Gajeel turned and grimaced. "Yes, it does."

"Gajeel-"

"What the hell have humans ever done for me? Not a goddamn thing!"

At those hastily shouted words, my brow arched. "Not one of them? Not even Makarov? He took you in after you helped attack Fairy Tail. He allowed you to join his guild, his family, even after you hurt so many of them."

It was quiet for a moment before Gajeel grudgingly admitted, "Fine, one."

"And Natsu? What about him? He could have resisted you joining Fairy Tail. He could have caused you all kinds of problems, but he didn't. He accepted you."

"Okay fine! Him too!"

"And the guild? They haven't been there for you? Haven't supported you in every way possible since you became one of them?"

Gajeel cursed. "Okay, I get it! Not all humans suck ass!"

I waited, biding my time and then dropped the last name I knew Gajeel would want to hear. "And Lucy?"

"What about her?!"

"She forgave you when not many people would have. She became your friend, even formed a relationship with you-"

"We had sex! That's it!" Gajeel barked, annoyance once again clouding his face. "Stop talking about it like we went out!"

I wasn't sure if Gajeel was just denying the truth or if he really couldn't see it. The man was wildly intelligent, usually quick as a whip, but this was one area where he was woefully inexperienced. It was perfectly feasible that he would have no idea that he had crossed lines with Lucy that he hadn't with any of the other women he'd formed alliances with.

"Really? Because that's not what I heard."

Gajeel bowed up, his jaw rippling with frustration. "What the fuck are you talking about? Heard from who?"

"From you."

Gajeel paused in his anger, then shook his head and turned to walk away. "You are so full of shit."

"She slept over at our place, Gajeel," I called out to his retreating figure.

I knew I'd hit my mark when the dragon slayer whirled back around. "So the fuck what?!"

"When did you ever have any of the other women over? When did any of them sleep there?"

I watched as Gajeel's mouth opened and then closed. It was clear he didn't have a response. He couldn't deny the truth. He'd never trusted any of the other women enough to bring them home.

But Lucy? Well, that was a whole other story.

"It wasn't like that! It was just late, and she was fucking tired!"

It was defensive, but that usually meant I was heading in the right direction. "And what about your ability to sleep next to her? How many of the others did you allow to sleep beside you? "

"You're twisting shit around!"

"Am I? What about offering to take her on a job to help her with her rent? When have you ever helped another woman pay her bills?"

Face turning decidedly pale, Gajeel struggled to find a response. "She...She's a friend..."

"And when those other women tried to break things off with you...did you ever fight them on it?"

Gajeel's eyes widened a fraction, as if the question had sparked something in his mind. "I...no..."

I was close. I could feel it. "And Laxus?"

His jaw tightened at the blonde-haired man's name, those red eyes narrowing in suspicion. "What about him?"

"You were jealous when Lucy joked about sleeping with him. What about that? How often did you find yourself getting jealous when those other women threatened to find new lovers when you wouldn't commit?"

Gajeel drew in a sharp breath and abruptly turned his head aside. "This is stupid."

It wasn't stupid. He just didn't want to accept that he cared, really honestly cared for Lucy. "Answer the question, Gajeel. Did you ever get jealous with those other women?"

"You know I didn't!" He spun around with fire in his eyes. "Why the fuck are you doing this?!"

He was on the ropes. He knew it. I knew it. And I hated to push him so hard, but with Gajeel, things were rarely easy. The man was stubborn, proud. And I knew if I didn't hit him hard with this, he'd never get it.

"Because you need to get your head out of your ass! Now, quit avoiding the question! Why didn't it bother you to think of those other women with a new man?!"

"Because I didn't give a shit about them!"

A slight smile flickered across my face as I watched Gajeel struggle with what he was so close to admitting. "And why is that?"

"They...they were just chicks, just bodies, sex..." he answered, his voice decidedly softer than before, as if the light was beginning to dawn on him.

"And Lucy? Is she just sex? Just a body?"

Gajeel swallowed hard as he looked up with fear in his eyes and shook his head. "No."

I didn't think I'd ever seen him look more terrified. Monsters, demons, dragons - I'd seen him face them all with nothing but the magic in his blood and steel in his spine, but this had him ready to bolt. This one woman, armed with only her heart seemed to decimate the man before me. And it made sense. Gajeel had always been afraid of someone having the power to hurt him, and just maybe he was beginning to see that Lucy was that for him.

"If she's not just another woman to you, just another body to warm your bed, then what is she?"

He paused, his eyes falling back down to the ground. "I...don't know."

I couldn't help but give a short laugh. "Then I suggest you figure it out before we get back home."

The poor guy was going to have a time trying to figure everything out, but with the few days we had left on this job, I was confident he could do it. And then, when it was time to head back home, he'd figure out a way to smooth things over with Lucy. And I'd be there for him, every step of the way.

It had been five days since I'd asked Gajeel for more.

Five days since he'd turned me down flat.

And five days since my heart had been torn to shreds.

And still, I was struggling to forget him. I woke every morning with him on my mind and went to sleep every night with him in my dreams. Nothing, it appeared, could tear him from my soul. And I needed that.

After days of unending agony, I was desperate for some peace.

I wondered what he was doing, wondered if he was thinking of me like I was thinking of him? Or at all? Did he feel anything for me?

The first few days were a blur for me. After finding out he'd taken a mission right after our fight, I'd been inconsolable. My traitorous heart had hoped he would come back the next morning and apologize, beg for another shot, and it had been just one more devastating blow to hear that he wasn't even around to consider that.

And still, even after he'd carved out my heart and shoved it down my throat, I couldn't stop wanting him. I'd sat there in my room for days, crying and pining for him, and he couldn't give a damn. He never called Fairy Tail to check in, to confirm he'd made it safely to his mission site.

Or to check on me.

I couldn't even believe I was still waiting for him to. It made no sense! Why? He'd made himself perfectly clear when he'd walked out of my life that he didn't want me. He sure as hell didn't want us.

All he'd wanted was sex. And I just happened to be there and available.

So why did his face keep popping into my mind? Why did the memories of our time together still plague me late at night when I couldn't escape?

I shouldn't give a damn about him, not after the way he'd treated me. The things he'd said to me...I couldn't forget. The man had done his damnedest to gut me like fish, and he'd succeeded. It had taken me days to pull myself from my bed and actually do something. Long, desperate days of non-stop sobbing and doubting myself, of feeling small and insignificant just like when I was a child.

He'd broken me all over again, made me scared and unsure of myself. I laid there for even longer trying to figure out why he didn't want me, why I wasn't good enough to belong to him. I dissected myself, finding every little flaw, counting all the ways I'd messed things up. Over and over and over again like a damn fool trying to fix myself so I'd be what he wanted.

And then I realized how stupid that was! No matter what I did or how I changed myself, I would never be perfect. I'd never be enough. My soul was littered with issues that stemmed from years of neglect and misuse by my father, and I struggled with being alone. Add to that my fears about my strength as a mage and my ability to contribute to my team, and I was still only scratching the surface.

To say I was all fucked up inside was putting it mildly, but I'd learned something in the last year or so. I had a choice. I could spend my life miserable, hating myself and all the insecurities that lived in the back of my head. Or I could accept that I would always be imperfect and allow myself to be happy anyway.

And so, after days of picking at myself and making all my old wounds bleed, I woke up and decided enough was enough. Life was too short to live this way, and if that meant I had to completely give up on my dream of Mr. Right, then so be it.

I'd spent too much of my life begging people to love me. I wouldn't do it anymore.

Not with Gajeel.

Not with anyone.

And so, even though a part of me wanted nothing more than to lie there and mourn the loss of my hopes and dreams, I dragged myself from my self-imposed pity party and took a shower. I got dressed. I brushed my hair, brushed my teeth. Nothing too spectacular, but that was okay.

It was normal. It was what I'd be doing if my heart had never been broken in the first place, and that's what I needed right now. Anything more would be pushing it, and though I knew this would take time, I was determined to get through it. I wouldn't let it beat me.

My friends helped. Natsu, Erza, Gray, Cana, Levy, Mira, my Spirits. They were there every step of the way, pushing me and caring for me when I couldn't find the strength to do it for myself, and now, I thought I was ready.

It was time to be me again. Or at least the closest I could get right now.

It would take a while to put myself back together again, but I was adamant about this. So if I had to fake it for a bit, then that's what I'd do. And maybe one day, I'd wake up and realize I really was okay.

For now though, I just had to live. I had to take each day on its own and make it through. But I was tired of fighting myself - tired of swimming through the endless devastation inside my heart, so I did what I had to do to get by.

I tucked the pain away, deep down into the very pit of my soul, and I locked it up tight.

It was easier than I'd thought possible. But as the last of the hurt slipped behind the wall I'd build inside myself, I realized I hadn't gotten it all. I'd accounted for the pain, the grief, the loss. Everything, but the anger. The fury I felt from Gajeel's rejection was still alive and well. I could feel it simmering just beneath the surface of my skin, and now that everything else was gone, it was growing, filling up all the holes he'd ripped through me.

I hadn't even realized I was so bitter, but as the rage spread throughout me, I realized I should have known better. I'd lived out my life hurt and angry at my father, both loving and hating him in the same breath. How had I thought this would be any different?

The anger existed because Gajeel hadn't just broken my heart. If that had been all it was, I could've dealt with it. I could've handled knowing that I just wasn't the one for him. I could've moved on. But the vicious way he tore me down, that's what I couldn't get over.

That's what made the very blood within my veins boil.

And after the agony I'd lived with the last few days, that felt good. I'd been so weak before, so empty, but now...now I felt invincible, as if nothing Gajeel did could reach me anymore.

It was refreshing in a way, like tossing aside the shackles that held me down. As if now, without unrequited love holding me back, I was free.

It was all an illusion, of course. I wasn't so foolish to believe it no longer existed. Love didn't disappear so easily, and the pain Gajeel had caused me was still there, still waiting for a weak moment to come seeping out.

One day, I knew it would have to be dealt with.

But that was one day, not now.

And until then, I would take this reprieve and make the most of it. Because some time soon, Gajeel would return, and when he did, I wanted to be ready. I wanted to see him across the guild, look him in the eye, and not even flinch. He'd left without an ounce of remorse for tearing my heart in two, and I'd be damned if he saw me with any reaction other than my head held high.

My mask would be firmly in place, not a crack to be found. And from this day forward, he would have no hold over me.

I was done.