(A/N: Hey-ooo! Back at it again with my...bullcrap. I'm actually posting this sooner than I'd planned. Hahaaa, thank you for all the reviews, guys. I've finally reached 100! SUGOI)

Ch. 38: Recuperation

Summary: Zim wakes up terribly injured to find that Tak has taken him to a human hospital...

Re...activating...

BZZT!

Zim jolted awake. "TELLMYSTORY! Wha…"

Stopping to take in his surroundings, he realized he could only see out of one eye. He was lying in a clean bed, and when he shuffled around, he heard a crackling noise. Wonderful, his PAK was damaged. The room at least appeared neat and tidy, with a couple furnishings. When he looked down, he saw that his right arm in a sling and blanket with some lumps in it. Thankfully, he had a good arm left to lift it, aaand both his legs were casted up.

"That's unfortunate. What happened...?" Zim went pale. "OH, NO...NO! This is a hosp- -!"

Just then, the door opened, and Tak entered with a nurse.

"Tak?!"

"Oh, you're awake," said the nurse. "Mr. Zim, your girlfriend is here to see you."

"I really prefer the term 'partner'," Tak spoke up. "'Girlfriend' doesn't sound quite right to me."

The nurse seemed to ignore that. "Can I get you anything? Cup of tea? Maybe some rice pilaf?"

Zim hissed at her, and she exited the room.

"Good, she left!" He pulled himself into sitting position. "Let's make our escape!"

"STOP, stop!" blurted Tak. "DON'T move, your PAK is on the verge of falling apart!"

Zim paused. "Guh…"

"Just stay down, I'll explain everything," Tak assured, rushing beside him. "I know you're confused."

"Tak, you're the confused one if you think I'm overreacting!"

"What?"

"Don't you realize where we are?! We're inside of a hospital!"

"I'm aware...I'm the one who brought you here."

"What?!" Zim tried to get up again. "Why would you- -?!"

"NO!" Tak pinned him down. "If you don't stop moving so much, I swear I'll make sure you need another eyepatch! Now let me EXPLAIN."

"...alright...are you going to hold me in this position the entire time? I don't mind if you are, I'm just asking."

"Ugh." Tak pushed a chair next to the bed and sat in it. "Tell me, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Mm, well, we were in the lab, feeding my new mutant fish man. Then you said something I didn't really pay attention to, then some other things happened, and then I woke up here. Is that an accurate recount?"

"Sort of. Look, here's what happened. You were feeding that fish guy, as I foolishly entrusted you to do, but you gave him the wrong food. Mole mutant food, to be specific. Admittedly, their packaging was rather similar, but that's beside the point. The mole food for some odd reason further mutated the fish man, making him part mole. He broke out of his tank with his super-strong mutant mole strength claws and attacked us with a vengeance," Tak narrowed her eyes. "Even though if it weren't for us, he'd still be working for chum, doing tricks at Oceanic Land..."

"So ungrateful. Wait, if he was after both of us, how come your limbs don't seem broken?"

"I was getting to that! See...you claimed to know how to defeat the fish-mole-man mutant thing and got me to safety. After things died down, I returned to find that you'd finished the job. From the looks of it, you managed to suffocate him by stuffing his gills with GIR's rubber piggies and frankly, I'm glad I wasn't around to witness that. But unfortunately, you didn't come out of it unscathed..."

Zim gasped. "You mean I died?!"

"No!"

"Oh."

"You needed immediate treatment, and the lab's medical facility was a wreck, so I had no choice but to get your disguise on and bring you here," Tak concluded. "Don't worry, everything's fixed now."

"Everything except me!" Zim grouched. "How long have I been here?"

"About a day."

"A DAY?! What made you think you could leave me here this long?!"

"Is the air here toxic...? Why are you acting like you're in mortal danger?"

"Because I am! We both are! Haven't you heard about all the horrific operations and such that take place in human hospitals?! Oh, of course you have, they taught us in Skool!"

"Zim, those practices are from centuries ago. Humans are more advanced now."

"That's just what they want you to think! BUT THEY CAN'T FOOL ZIM!"

Tak's shoulders slumped. "Were you even listening? You practically sacrificed yourself to save me. After that, you'd really expect me to leave you severely injured and unconscious with a damaged PAK, all because of your dumb paranoia?"

"..." Zim's expression softened. "Very well...I'll stay as long as I must. But that better not be too long!"

"Good boy." Tak reached into her PAK. "While the doctors were tending to your wounds, I grabbed a couple things from the base so I can tend to your PAK. Now sit up. SLOWLY."

Zim did so and turned away from Tak. As she got to tinkering, he looked back over himself. He only just noticed he was wearing one of those light greenish hospital gowns.

"What happened to my uniform?"

"It was all ruined, so I had MiMi mend it," Tak explained. "The hospital staff insisted you wear that. Of course, I didn't let any of them change you into it..."

"...!" Zim's eyes lit up and he glanced at her.

"So I got GIR to do it."

"Oh..." Zim felt a sudden electric shock. "OWW-WUH!"

"I told you to hold still!"

"No, you didn't!"

"Well, hold still!"

XXXXXXXSOMETIMELATERXXXXXXX

"And...done!" Tak announced. "Your PAK's all fixed!"

"Good," Zim was relieved he could move (relatively) freely again. "Now we can get out of here."

Tak furrowed her brow. "No, we can't."

"Why not? You said the lab was fixed, I can recover there!"

"They have rules here, we can't just leave whenever we want! I've arranged for you to return home today, but it's going to take a while for my request to be processed."

"How long is a while?"

"Ehhh, a couple hours? They have quite a few patients to go through."

"WHA...and what am I supposed to do until then?!"

Tak shrugged. "Relax? But with that waiting period in mind, I've got something I have to check on."

"Huh?!" Zim watched her get up and head for the door. "Where are you going?!"

"I'll be back in, like, 10 seconds," she said on her way out.

"Wait, wait! WAAAAAIT!"

But Tak had already left.

"Oh no, oh NO...!" Zim yanked his blanket up to his face and looked around frantically.

Now that he was alone, he expected something to happen. No doubt this was some big trap! The humans must've been planning to do something awful to him, and Zim tensed himself for whatever that awful thing was. Hopefully he could find some way out of it. Then an even more worrisome thought crossed his mind. What if they were going after Tak this very second? Of course; the hospital humans made them wait on purpose knowing the Irkens would be split up and they could subject them to their nightmarish ministrations. The whole recuperation thing was a mere cover! A set-up! A SH- -

"Mission accomplished," Tak dumped various bags & containers onto the bed.

"AHH, WHAT'S THAT?!"

"Snacks. I just got them from a vending machine. I figured they'd come in handy for all the waiting we're going to be doing. Did you...seriously not notice me come in?"

"Tak, hasn't the possibility of the hospital humans conspiring against us crossed your mind? What if they know our true identities?!"

"No way. If they can't see through your disguise, then they certainly aren't smart enough to figure all that out," Tak said simply. "Want some brownie bits?"

"Why are you being so dismissive?! It's concerning me even more!"

"Because, as usual, your 'concern' is completely unwarranted! All you have to do is lie down for a bit and then we can go home like none of this ever happened, sheesh! The worst of it is over."

"...ughhh." Zim shut his eyes. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps we'll be gone before the humans get the chance to slice our spooches open."

"Yeah, that's what I was saying," Tak murmured sarcastically.

"Unless..." Zim opened one eye. "They've already gotten to you and you're trying to lure me into a false sense of security."

"You think I could be brainwashed that quickly? I'm insulted."

"..." Zim closed his eye again. "A few hours should fly right by. A few hours is nothing. Especially to me. The incredible Zim. By the time I've left, the humans will wish they were the- -"

"PSHHH!"

"AGHHHHHH!" Zim shrieked in alarm. He looked down at his chest, where Tak was holding the resonator of a stethoscope.

"Your insides sound kind of like vaporwave," she remarked.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Tak removed the stethoscope. "Oh, while you were talking to yourself, I found a bunch of doctor stuff stashed under the bed. It actually isn't too primitive compared to the empire's equipment."

"Don't touch those! And more importantly, don't touch me with those! They probably have human germs all over them!"

"Nah, they're sterilized...and I'm bored," Tak bent down and rummaged around again. "Wow, a sphygmomanometer! Haven't seen one of these in forever."

"A what?"

"An old-fashioned blood pressure gauge," she clarified, holding it up and wrapping the cuff around Zim's unbroken arm. "Here's how it works. You wear it like this, I squeeze this little pump thing, and the meter will tell me your blood pressure- -!"

POP!

The cuff had inflated to the point of bursting.

"...ow..." Zim uttered sourly.

"Leeet me look for something else." Tak searched the box once more.

"Fine, but don't expect me to- -"

"HMM. This one might be a little too dangerous to mess with..."

"Wh-What?"

"Maybe even too dangerous to show you..."

"What?!"

"I shouldn't even mention it!"

"TELL ME WHAT IT IS, INAMORATA!"

"If you insist!" Tak held the device up. "It's a defibrillator! It's pretty much a PAK reactivator, but for humans."

"Why do humans have to give their inventions such ridiculous names?"

"I don't know...want to try it?"

"Why not?"

Tak turned the device on and rubbed the paddles together. The immense friction generated tons of electricity, which crackled between them as they were pulled apart. Zim didn't seem too fazed by it, he was more curious about the functionality. The voltage seemed to keep piling on more and more, going so far as to pull the furniture in as Tak moved the paddles closer and closer to him...

"Doodoo-doo-doo, off to perform life-or-death surgery~" A doctor strolling by the doorway did a double take at all the lightning. "GOOD LORD! What in the name of modern medicine are you doing?!"

Tak and Zim froze, staring back at him.

"Um...defibrillating?"

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

"And what's the deal with onion rings? I mean, really! *live studio audience laughter* I mean, REEEALLY!"

Tak shook her head and turned to Zim, who sank deeper into the pile of empty snack containers he was laying in.

"Well, the doctor stuff may have gotten confiscated, but at least we got to enjoy the local TV and semi-expired snacks, right?"

"I hope you realize that after we leave, I'm going to remain cross with you for a solid half hour."

"Mr. Zim?" The nurse from earlier popped in. "You're free to go now."

"FINALLY! Liberate me at once, foolish hospital drone! MMGH!" Zim was lifted by his collar and dropped into a weird chair. "What is this?!"

"It's standard procedure that patients leave in wheelchairs," Tak clarified in a mutter. "And it isn't exactly like you're good on walking..."

"No, but I'm better at walking than you are at...not...getting on my nerves," Zim whispered bitterly.

"Oh, this isn't a wheelchair, we're past that! This is a state of the art hover chair from Membrane Labs!" the nurse said enthusiastically. "It gets you around without any pushing at all! Just pull that lever."

Zim did so and the chair hovered. "And how do I navigate...?"

"Y'all have a nice rest of your day!" With that, the nurse waved and left.

"Well, she was helpful," Zim deadpanned.

"I'm sure this thing will respond to various shifts of gravity," Tak hopped onto the back of the chair. "Follow my lead."

She, ever so slightly, leaned forward, sending the hover chair straight into the doorframe.

"AUGH!" the two yelped on impact.

"Um...these controls seem touchy," Zim gulped.

Tak clenched her fists. "We can do this...!"

They continued on their way out the room, up the hallway and down the stairs, colliding with 99% of the walls, corners and other obstacles as they did so. And the 1% they didn't hit were people who gave them mean looks! HOW RUDE!

"AGH!...OW!...OOF...OUGHH!"

Eventually, the two of them managed to exit the hospital through the front doors and fell to the ground. A hospital employee came along and retrieved the hover chair.

"We've restored you to full health. We hope to see you again." And he left.

"Ow...owww…" Zim's limbs were convulsing. "My joints..."

"Everything feels broken..." groaned Tak. "Everything's in pain..."

(A/N: Aaand, that's the end! I dunno what to say, this was pretty basic/straightforward, hopefully I have even more fun with the next chapter because that's an odd one, wink wink.

Anywho, as usual, please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and I shall see you next time! Au revoir!)