The end is near guys, just one more after this one. Once again, thank you for everyone's support. This story has been by far, one of the hardest I've ever written. But it has been a joy as well. Thank you. Last chapter will be up on Tuesday.

Chapter Thirty Eight

Boss is here.

Which is good because everything was moving too fast without him. It was like I had broke my head again, which wasn't right because my head is just fine.

But it's better now.

Dad is sick. Not sick like I was sick, but a different kind of sick. Something bad happened with his heart. He had to have surgery, like I did with my head, sorta only it's not the same.

But it's close.

He has a big scar on his chest, sorta like the ones I have on my head only he has one big one and I have lots of them. But you can't see them anymore cause my hair covers them.

We were at the airport, coming home for our secret surprise when it happened. Dad hadn't been feeling well, he told me. I told him that it was okay, that we could go home instead of surprise everyone at the place where they work, and Dad had nodded.

The next thing that happened, we were waiting for Baron and Dad went down.

He fell, really hard and really fast and I thought that he had hit his head, like I hit mine only he didn't cause I checked like Boss would always rub my head when I got a headache.

That's when I remembered to call for help like Dad and Boss taught me to do. I called until someone else came and helped and they used their phones and the voices and then it got really fast.

I don't remember what happened next but there were lots of sounds, loud loud sounds, and bright flashing lights. I covered my eyes and my ears and hoped Boss would be there soon to help.

Dad is awake now. And I have Baron. Probie found him. Which is good cause I knew Baron was supposed to be with me but I couldn't find him by myself.

Probie was the one that went and got him, which was good cause Baron was worried that I hadn't picked him up I think.

Probie is with me now. I have therapy for my bad side, like I always do, and Probie took me this time. I think Probie was nervous to take me, cause he talked fast and I couldn't understand what he was saying, which means he's nervous.

When I get nervous, I don't talk right but even though it's not totally the same, it's close enough to be the same.

I miss my dad. He's at the hospital and I can't stay there all the time. Boss is staying with us at my house, with Sal. Sal is helping take care of the horses which is good. I can't always do it by myself.

I miss my dad. He's sick so I can't see him all the time but Boss said he's getting better.

I want him to come home.

I don't know a lot about the way the world works ,and I can't understand everything cause of when my head went too fast, but I hope he'll come home soon.

I hope.

Gibbs watched as the nurse's lifted the gauze that covered the surgical incision on Senior's chest.

"Huh," Senior mumbled, "Feel's a whole lot bigger."

"The site looks wonderful. You have one more day until the last round of antibiotics is done and then we can see about getting you moved to a rehab facility like the doctor mentioned a few days ago."

"How long?"

"In the rehab facility?"

"Yes," Senior asked, gritting his teeth as the nurse's applied a clean dressing to the wound, increasing his pain as she did.

"It varies," the nurse quickly taped the dressing down before stepping back, "But don't forget to splint with your pillow and keep coughing. The last thing you need is to develop pneumonia."

"What is the average time until he can go home?"

"It really depends. A few weeks most likely. But like the doctor said, because of the damaged caused by the heart attack, your heart no longer works the same way. Things that came easily before will take a lot more work and for the foreseeable future, you won't be able to do certain things. You're in heart failure Mr. DiNozzo, like the doctor explained. While it's not life threatening at the moment, your heart was damaged. This sort of thing never gets better."

"I understand," Senior nodded and took a deep breath, pressing the pillow against his chest to help control the pain, "Thank you."

Gibbs remained quiet until the nurse left. This was the first time since that awful phone call that Gibbs was able to talk to a lucid Senior. Before this moment, the man had been pretty out of it with pain medication.

"So," Senior said, glancing where Gibbs sat.

"You knew you were sick, didn't you?" Gibbs asked bluntly, never one to shy away from anything of importance.

"When this all started?" Senior asked, raising an eyebrow, "No. I suspected. But I knew something wasn't right."

Gibbs frowned.

"Don't look at me like that," Senior huffed, "I had told Tony, the night of the accident that I believed I was sick and that I wanted to get…our relationship fixed. I didn't know for sure until a few weeks after the hearing."

"You were worried they wouldn't give custody to a dying man."

"We all die, in the end. I will just be dying faster than I would have hoped," Senior cut Gibbs off with a sharp retort. He sighed and brushed his hair back with his hand, a gesture Gibbs had seen Tony do so often it still caught his breath when he saw Senior do the same thing, "Gibbs, I was not…things were difficult when…after Tony's mother…I've made mistakes. Plenty of mistakes in my life. When everything happened with Tony, when I found out what had happened to my son…I had to do something. I knew I had let it go to long. Things had become…broken between me and Anthony. And after the accident, after I learned you had guardianship over Tony, I had this fear that I would never see him again, that I would die and he would think-"

Senior's breath caught, and he had to use the pillow again so he could take a few deep breaths to compose himself.

"I know I did not go about it the right way but I'll be damned if I'm not ashamed of what I did. I was able to befriend my son. And if I had to do it again, I would. I would Gibbs, and I would not be sorry for one moment of it."

Gibbs listened and bit the inside of his check. He still held anger toward Senior, for all the wrongs he had committed, but he listened as Senior continued speaking.

"You will always be a part of Tony's life. I never tried to block that from Tony. You are his family just as much as I am. And despite everything, I would understand if you filed for that petition and reclaimed guardianship over my son. I know any court in the state will see that there is no way I would be able to help take care of him now."

It was quiet for a moment before Gibbs spoke.

"No."

"What?" Senior's head turned so sharply that Gibbs couldn't help but smile.

"No. I won't. I hated you Senior, and in all reality, I still don't like you. But I think of how Tony was able to forgive and befriend the boy who hit him, who caused so much pain and suffering, who permanently disabled him, and I can't help but think that if Tony can forgive that kid for what he did, I can forgive you for what you did. I won't fight for custody. I love Tony too much to go through that again. But I understand, at least I think, why you did what you did. And while I don't agree with it, I forgive you for it."

Senior didn't try to stop the tears that had started falling from his eyes.

"When I'm gone," Senior started but Gibbs raised a hand.

"When you get out of here," Gibbs said, "We can look into getting some help so you and Tony can stay at your home."

Senior nodded, understanding.

"Thank you Gibbs."

The quiet that filled the silence after that was comfortable, as neither Gibbs nor Senior feeling the need to say anything that what had already been said.

"Hey Tony," Probie said later that day, knocking on the door of Tony's room.

"Hi Probie," Tony responded from where he was sitting on his bed, petting Baron with his bad hand.

His good hand was resting on his blue helmet, something he hadn't worn in quite a while now.

"Are you okay?" McGee asked, sitting on the other side of Tony, careful not to shake the bed too much.

Baron huffed at the movement, sending an evil eye McGee's way, before he crawled a bit closer to Tony.

"Yeah," Tony nodded as he bit his lip.

"That's was a pretty good helmet," McGee said gently, knowing that something was bothering Tony, "Kept your head safe."

In lieu of answering, Tony just nodded.

"You have lots of names on that helmet," Tim said, gently tracing a few of the names on it.

"Dad's is on here," Tony said quietly, so quietly in fact that McGee almost didn't catch what he said.

"Show me," Tim replied.

"Right here," Tony whispered, his fingers tracing Senior's signature on the helmet.

"Probie?" Tony lifted the helmet and turned in around.

"Yeah Tony?" McGee's heart felt like it was breaking just a bit. It didn't know what was causing Tony to be so blue, but whatever it was making Tim's own heart hurt with him.

"If," Tony paused and his face twisted, "If I have to move a name… Could you help me?"

McGee sighed. His heart did feel like it was breaking. All the names on the inside of Tony's helmet were of loved ones who had died, like Kate who had been the first name to be placed there. Names on the outside were names of loved ones that were still alive.

"Tony," McGee started but stopped. What was he suppose to say?

"Because I need help," Tony's face crumbled then and the tears started to fall, "I won't know how to get his name on the inside. And," Tony paused and let out a loud and low hum before continuing, "and it won't be on the outside forever and I know that, I know that it can't be on the outside for forever but I really wish it would, I wish all the names would stay on the outside for forever and ever and I never had to put any names on the inside again."

After that, Tim thought two things. First, he was amazed by how well Tony was able to speak that entire thought without stuttering.

And the second thing he thought, and the most important thing he thought, was that Tony was the best man he had ever known.

A brother really.

McGee didn't have the right words. He was a writer and he knew any words he said wouldn't be the right words but he knew he had to try. So instead of worrying what to say, he said the only thing he knew to say.

"I will help you," Tim whispered, pulling Tony close, the helmet clattering to the floor and Tony turned and hugged McGee as hard as he could, the older man crying into McGee's neck, "I promise Tony. I promise."

A few weeks later, both Senior and Tony were sitting on the porch outside their house, watching as the day slowly faded away.

Gibbs had kept his promise. In the weeks it had taken Senior to recover enough from his heart attack to be discharged out of the rehab hospital to his house, Gibbs had made arraignments so that both DiNozzo men could stay in their home. With the help of a nurse and Sal, things around the DiNozzo home were going smoothly.

"It's beautiful," Tony spoke quietly, letting out a content hum at the end of his sentence, "I'm glad your home Dad."

"Me too Junior," Senior said. Both men were sitting on the porch swing, one of Senior's favorite places in the whole house. Before them was an open field, ending with the beginning of the forest. Virginia was beautiful this time of year, with the colors just starting to come out and make themselves known.

Senior treasured it all that more, knowing he wouldn't have many more autumns in his life.

Tony hummed again, using his bad hand to reach for his dad's hand.

"Dad?"

"Yes son?"

"You think," Tony's eyebrows furrowed in thought, his mind fighting his tongue to get the words he wanted to say out. He hummed again before speaking, "I think it's the best."

"What's the best?"

"This kinda moment," Tony said, "Orange. Red, hmmm," Tony cut off the hum and sighed, "I like this kinda moment with you."

Senior squeezed Tony's bad hand, already subconsciously rubbing the tense hand in hopes of relaxing the muscles, "I think you're right."

"But if you wanted to make pizza…hhmmm…that would be good too," Tony said, looking at his dad for a second before laughing.

Senior smiled in return and sighed.

Tony relaxed back into the seat and though about his helmet, and the names, and how one day his dad would be on the inside, and not the outside.

His mom had been on the inside of the helmet for a long time, since she had been gone for a very long time.

"Will you tell Mom," Tony sighed and reached with his good hand to comb his hair down, "Will you tell Mom, when you see her," Tony hummed and closed his eyes, "Can you tell her, can you tell her," Tony's face relaxed and Senior turned to completely face Tony. He remained quiet, knowing that while Tony might not stutter as much as he had earlier this year, his speech was still not 100%. It probably never would be again.

"Will you tell Momma," Tony whispered and hummed, "That I know that if she could have, she would have wanted to stay longer," Tony finished, only pausing once to get the sentence out.

"And I know," Tony's voice cracked but he rubbed his head with his good hand and opened his eyes, "I know you'll stay as long as you can too."

Senior laid a hand on Tony's leg, and Tony leaned over until his head was resting gently on his dad's shoulder.

"I love you son," Senior spoke quietly, his voice firm and strong, unlike the traitorous heart that was now failing inside him, "And I will."

Tony nodded, reaching with his good hand to hold his dad's wrist. And even though it wasn't completely the same, Tony closed his eyes and listened to his dad's heart go thump thump-thump, and knew that he was going to miss things like this very much when they were gone.

Tony opened the door, not bothering to check who had knocked. He would recognize that knock anywhere.

"Hey Boss," Tony smiled, leaning forward to hug the older man, "Boss, you got a haircut."

Gibbs smiled, "Buddy, I don't speak Italian."

Tony's eyes opened comically before he huffed. He let out a hum before trying again, "I said you got your hair cut really short."

Gibbs smiled and reached up to ruffle Tony's hair, "You too Tony."

"Yeah me and Dad went and got a haircut. But they cut it really short, see? You can see the lines again."

Gibbs eyed the haircut. While it was shorter than Tony would have worn it before, it was still a good cut on Tony's head.

"Do you want a ball cap? To cover the lines?" Gibbs asked Tony because he knew that sometimes Tony could be self-conscious about his scars.

"Hmmm," Tony hummed and rubbed his head, "Blue. Oh! I have one. Come look."

"Hold up Tony, let me go say hello to your Dad," Gibbs tried to head towards the kitchen where he knew Senior normally hung out in the day.

"Hmm," Tony turned his head, "Dad, we're gonna go to my room first! 'Fore everyone else comes!"

"Tony!" Gibbs laughed.

"Alright Junior," Senior called back. Senior was doing well these days, well enough that the doctor was optimistic about not needing to add anymore medication for a while.

"It's blue, not like my Blue, and not like the one that Ziva made so my head could stay warm but it's nice. I found it. Hmm, see?" Tony said as they made their way into his room. Baron, who had gotten off his bed in the living room when Gibbs had arrived at the house, followed them into Tony's room, giving Gibbs knee a welcoming sniff before jumping onto of Tony's bed and closing his eyes.

Tony walked over to his closet, opening the door slowly with his bad hand before reaching inside. Gibbs smiled when as he watched the younger man walk across the room. In the months since rehab had begun, Tony had improved exponentially. While he did not walk with the smooth steady gait that he used to, he had lost most of the "unsteady-ness" that had worried Gibbs when he had first become mobile again. His weaker foot no longer dragged along the floor, and Gibbs could see that Tony was already accustomed to the swing-step gait he had now.

"See Boss?" Tony exited the closet, turning around slowly.

"Hey, I know that cap," Gibbs laughed.

"I know," Tony smiled bright and walked back to Gibbs. He hummed before laughing. Gibbs had wondered where his NCIS cap had gone when it had gone missing months ago.

"It's like Blue," Tony said, "Blue. But different. Hmm. It's perfect."

Gibbs examined the cap, noting the sweat stains on the inside and the softness that all well-broken in ball caps had.

"Boss," Tony said, suddenly serious.

"Yes Tony?" Gibbs said, reaching up and settling Tony's wayward hair with a gently brush of his fingers.

"Boss," Tony's eyes watered suddenly and he blinked, allowing the moisture to escape.

"Tony," Gibbs said, suddenly worried, "What's wrong?"

Tony shook his head and looked over to his bed. He hummed, loudly and licked his lips before he opened his mouth.

"Boss. You're…blue. You're gonna die too, someday…hmmm…like my dad?" Tony spoke quietly. His tone indicated he was asking a question, but looking into the his sorrow filled eyes, Gibbs knew tony knew the answer.

"Tony, we all die someday," Gibbs quickly pulled Tony into a hug, "That's just how life goes."

"Hmmm," Tony hummed and fisted his hand in Gibbs shirt, "Boss. When you move to be inside my helmet, I'm really gonna miss you."

"Oh Tony," Gibbs said, quickly searching for the right thing to say, "Tony, you're never gonna be alone."

"Boss, when my dad goes into the inside of Blue, when his name goes there, I don't wanna go away from this house."

"Alright Tony," Gibbs responded, knowing it was no use to try and stop Tony's train of thought, "But Tony," Gibbs said, pulling back from the hug and grabbing Tony's face, "I will always be here," Gibbs placed his hand over Tony's heart, "And here," Gibbs gently touched Tony's scar covered head, "So no matter what place on the helmet my name is on, I will always be with you."

Tony's tears started in earnest, and Gibbs held Tony close.

Life was fickle, Gibbs knew. Though Senior had a terminal condition, that old man could end up out living them all. Gibbs didn't listen much to what doctors said about such things. If he had, he would have given up on Tony a long time ago.

But Gibbs knew he wasn't immortal either, and he hoped that when the time came, that Tony would be alright with whatever happened in the future.

"It's gonna be okay Tony," Gibbs whispered.

"I know Boss," Tony hiccupped, looked up at Gibbs and smiled as best he could, "It's okay right now."

And despite everything, Gibbs knew Tony was exactly right.

Everyone came to my house today. It was nice.

Dad doesn't move as fast as he used to, before he had to go to the hospital.

Before he went to the hospital, things were different.

I guess I never understood really, what it was like for Boss, Probie, Abby, Ziva, Ducky and everyone else cause I wasn't there with them when I was in the hospital because of what happened to my head.

Before and after the hospital was so different for dad, and he didn't even hurt his head like I did.

But he's still Dad, and I guess even though I stayed in the hospital a long time, I'm still Tony.

I have scars on my head now though, and I have a bad side that doesn't always listen. I had to wear Blue for a long time to keep my head safe, and sometimes I have the shakes, seizures, that scare everyone when they are too long.

But before the hospital, I didn't have Baron, or dad. I didn't know Elijah, or Zach. I didn't have the horses, or a blue room.

Everything is different after the hospital, only sorta the same.

I'm still Tony.

And I'll still be Tony no matter what happens next.