After the attack on the dike, the boys moved into foxholes in and around the area. There was nothing apart from K rations and apples from the orchards to live on. Whilst I'm sure the boys wouldn't have minded living in holes, the rain was something that made the whole experience a whole lot worse.
I walked past first platoon, who were down to a few men after I had taken Joe and Strohl off active duty and Alley had been sent to the aid station. "Evening Lieutenant." Skinny Sisk whispered as I walked past his foxhole. "Evening Skinny, how's it going?" He nodded and mumbled something about the weather. "Well I've got Roe making the rounds with some hot coffee soon, make sure you get some." As he whispered that he would, I started to head on to the next hole. "Lieutenant?" I turned back to towards Skinny. I hadn't really had any dealings with Skinny before. He hadn't been wounded, which was a good thing considering so many men had been wounded and killed over the last month. "Yea Skinny?" There was shuffling inside his foxhole. "You think that Alley's gonna be okay?" Truthfully I didn't know. No-one did, hopefully he didn't catch an infection whilst he was at the aid station.
"I don't know. We did the best we could, but the poor kid had thirty two holes in him." Skinny looked sombre. I moved on to the next foxhole and the next making sure that the men were doing okay. I came across Malarkey, Skip Muck and Penkala all huddled in their foxhole.
"You guys doing alright?" It was an obvious question which I knew the answer to. "All the better for seein' you Lieutenant." I chuckled a little. Malarkey had a way of making light of the situation. "Got any news for us Lieutenant? We haven't been told anything about what's going on." It annoyed me slightly that the men were the last to know what was going on within the company.
"Well, Captain Winters has been promoted to Battalion Executive Office." Their faces were wide. "We lost Winters?" The sadness could be heard in Malarkey's voice. "But who's gonna be leading us now?" There was a slight panic in Penkala's voice.
"Think Sink has transferred the original candidate and Moose Heyliger has assumed command." Malarkey and Muck were both nodding.
"Moose was Easy Company before we jumped for D-Day. He's a good guy." I had never worked with Moose Heyliger before and so I was a little weary of how he might respond to having a female in the company.
My walk along our lines took the majority of the afternoon and evening. We were spaced out over 3 miles, covering the ferry port that the German Battalion had once held. The walk gave me the opportunity to think over the confusion that had consumed me whilst I had been treating the POW's. Would I have had this much hatred if I hadn't been involved with Joe? Would I have just hated them because they had killed Henry and Daniel? Could I honestly say I would have killed them? Would I have gone against my oath and taken a life? The questions kept coming, kept forming in my head, but I had no answers to them, and that made it all that much worse.
I knew I would never break my oath. Nothing that I could think of could push me over that ledge, but at the same time, I wanted to kill all of them! It could drive anyone to distraction. This is what Father was talking about when he said "Deal with your demons!"
I headed back to the barn where I had told those who have been wounded earlier in the day to rest up. Being tired had become a constant feeling, I whilst I could steal a few hours here and there, I was afraid that if I went to sleep, I wouldn't wake up again. Entering the barn, I tried to be as quiet as possible, the soft snores and mumbled voices told me people were asleep. Joe had taken to sleeping on the top level of the barn, right underneath the sky light. Thankfully there was a break in the rain; otherwise I would have been treating him for pneumonia as well. Dropping my kit belt at the base of the ladder, I climbed up quietly, so not to wake any of the other men.
Roe had taken over from me to do the rounds of the foxholes and make sure the men who had been out on the line got some hot coffee. "Hey" I whispered as I crawled towards Joe. "Joe? You awake?" He mumbled something before he cracked open an eye. "I was until you crawled up beside me!" I smiled when he rolled over so that he was on top of me. "Joe! What you doing!" He moved his head to that he was close to my ear. "thought we'd conserve body heat. You're freezing!" I tried so hard to laugh. Whilst it was true I was cold, it was an excuse for us to be 'close'. Just being this close to him and not having anyone watching us, was nice. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine being back in the cottage in England on a Sunday morning. Something near to us moved and my dream shattered and I remembered I was in the middle of war torn Europe breaking all the rules. My heart wanted to break so badly. I loved the man in front of me more than anything in this world and yet the fear of the uncertainty plagued me like a nightmare. Before my paranoia could take hold me and my tears betray me, I kissed Joe. I tried to show him how much I truly loved him, how much I had missed him over the last month, not just intimately but as a friend and companion. He knew me better than I probably knew myself and to not be able to sit with him in front of a fire and just be content in his company hurt just as much as it would if I had been left behind. We only broke apart because neither of us could breathe. "Hello to you too!" He whispered. The fear of being discovered fuelled my thumping heart. "You don't know how many times I have wanted to do that!" He moved so that we could lie next to each other, both of us looking up thought the sky light. My heart started to calm down, although my ears strained to hear any movement in the barn. "Betty, when we get through this…" I rolled over and silence him. "Don't tempt fate Joe. Please!" I had had the same thoughts as he was probably about to express. But I didn't know what was going to happen to me at the end of the war. I didn't know what I was even here to do and since sending the Angel away, I was just 'going with the flow.' And whilst I loved this man beyond all comprehension, I was terrified of making plans for the future without really knowing what was going to happen. He looked at me with worry. "What will be will be Joe. Please don't tempt Fate by saying, "when we get through this…" because what happens…what happens if." It was his turn to silence me.
"You are the best thing that ever happened to me and it all happened in the middle of the biggest war the world has ever seen. I know we will get through this." He sounded confident, that even though he had no possible way of knowing what was going to happen to either of us, he just knew we were going to be okay. "Joe, you don't know that either of us are going to make it." He rolled back over so that I was now looking up at him.
"Yes I do." As he silenced my counter argument with a gentle kiss. "Joe! We can't! Not here! There are other people and I'm no floozy!" He pulled my away from my neck. "Strohl and Lesniewski took off and the other two guys down there have been asleep since this afternoon, Roe gave them both some more morphine so they could sleep." I frowned at him. "Strohl and Lesniewski took off? They are meant to be resting." I tried to fidget out from underneath him. "Betty, I had a word with Shifty, so you know…we could get some time together. He took them up to HQ. Capt Winters needed their version of what happened for the report and get some coffee." Joe would have known Roe was out on the lines with hot coffee for the men. "You Joseph Liebgott are one sneaky guy!" He flashed me the smile that drew me to him the first time I saw him. "What can I say; I wanted to spend a little time with my girl. I know it's not exactly the Waldorf Astoria, but it's the best I could get." "It's perfect. But Joe, we ain't rolling in the hay" I said as he leant into kiss me.
I don't remember dreaming before that night or at least if I did, I didn't remember any of them, but this one dream stuck in my brain. I was stood on the dike, one of the men's rifles in my hands and I just kept shooting at the people in front of me. As I kept shooting their faces changed from those I hated to those I loved. I shot Bill, Joe Toye and Lewis. I couldn't stop! No matter how much I tried not to refill the chamber, the moment I looked down it was full. As the tears fell like torrential rain, there was nothing I could do; they all just lay there dead.
"No…no…please no, don't you dare die one me!" I could feel someone shaking me, calling out my name. Joe was stood in front of me holding out his hands. "Elizabeth!" He shouted but his voice sounded so distant. I could feel that someone had hold of my shoulders. "Elizabeth!" I snapped awake to find Joe shaking my shoulders. Tears were running down my face. "Oh Joe!" I couldn't stop a new wave of tears as the remnants of my dreams filtered around my conscious brain.
"You were screaming, shouting out at people not to die on you." I tried to calm down, but every time I closed my eyes I could see all the men lying dead at my feet.
"I need to go and find some of the boys. I'll not be long." Scooting off the ledge, I climbed down the ladder and headed out into the cold.
I left Joe in the sanctuary of the barn. It was the last time I would see him before things took a turn for the worst. I had gone to find Lewis and Dick at the HQ to a lay the fears that my dream had brought. On the walk to the headquarters, I reflected over the last few days. The day after the dike attack some of the guys from Babe Heffron's platoon got caught up in a house that got shelled. Babe had carried Joe Toye back to the aid station.
"Hey! Help anybody! Betty!" I had been checking an inventory list of what we had had left after the Company had jumped in Holland, when I heard Babe shouting.
"Roe! Prep the table." Helping Heffron with Toye, I checked his pule and made sure that his eyes were responsive to light. "You seriously trying to get yourself to get yourself killed Joseph Toye!" He tried to flash me a smile. "I thought I told you a long time ago not to call me Joseph!" I laughed at the distant memory. My nerves from the dream came back and as much as I tried to cover them up, they tried to climb to the surface.
"No ma'am!" We tended to his wounds and sent for a jeep. He was too serious to stay with the Company; he would have to go to the aid station this time. Joe grabbed my arm as the medics were loading him on to the back of the jeep. "Campbell…he's still in the house. He bought the farm." Campbell was a nice kid, had been married before we'd left for Europe. "It's alright Joe, don't worry about Jim, we'll bring him home. I want you to worry about getting better alright. So no busting out of hospital! You hear me!" He saluted as the Jeep drove off.
The days that followed seemed to roll into one and then another. The German POW's were now being transferred to a camp unit ran by the MP's. I was glad that they were leaving. I was so conflicted about them having here. After learning about my brother's death in Pearl Harbour, my hatred lay with the Japanese, but really it should have lay with the Germans, after all it was their crazy little Austrian man who wanted to take over the world. It was another uneventful nondescript day when a young medic from HQ came running into my aid tent. "Lt. Reedman, Ma'am. There's a problem!" The poor kid was talking so fast I didn't have a clue what he was going on about. "The prisoners' ma'am. One of them…has been beaten. He's pretty bad." I grabbed my bag and jumped into the jeep that was waiting for us. As I arrived at the HQ, the whole place was in uproar. I could hear Col. Sink shouting about something from another room. There were people shouting in English and German and there was blood everywhere. Shifty, Earl McClung and Penkala were stood in the corner of the room, cornering someone. For the love of God, please don't let that be Joe. I looked round for an officer, saluting back to those who stood to attention; I offered Dick the same courtesy.
"Sir? What happened?" A German prisoner lay on the floor with three of the most junior medics trying to patch him up.
"Jesus! What the hell happened?" No one answered me, so I tried a different tactic.
"Was geschah?" What happened? I asked the man lying on the floor. But it wasn't him that spoke. A voice I knew and loved so much spoke from behind the barricade.
"Er heißen mich eine dreckige Jude!" He called me a filthy Jew! Joe stood up from where he had been sitting. His hands were bloody and his knuckles were split. Everyone had gone quiet. It was just me and Joe now.
"Eine schmutziger scheiß Jude!" A filthy fucking Jew. I scoffed at his use of foul language. "Nicht bei mir schwören" Don't swear at me. He sighed. "I'm sorry." He whispered in English. As the medics continued to tend to the man, something within me flashed. He had broken his promise to me. He had said not two days ago he wouldn't touch the prisoners.
"Du versprach mir, daß du nicht würde berühren die Gefangenen wieder!" You promised me that you wouldn't touch the prisoners again!His shoulders slumped forward. The knowledge of his promise was smacking him round the head. "Du vesprach mir!" You promised me! I couldn't contain my anger.
"Schauen Sie auf mich" Look at me!He could barely raise his head to look at me in the eye.
"Elizabeth, es tut mir leid. Er setzte fort, Dinge zu sagen. Er setzte fort, spreche die Dinge die Deutschen den Juden tun! Er sagte das, Hitler uns ausrotten will! Ich gerade...Ich wollte gerade er aufhörte zu sprechen." Elizabeth, I'm sorry. He kept saying things. He kept talking about things that the Germans do the Jews! He said that Hitler wants to exterminate us! I just…I just wanted him to stop talking!I could barely believe what I was hearing. He beat him within an inch of his life because he was taunting him.
"Ich sorge mich nicht, was er sagte! Er ist eine Lünger!" The German tried to shout that he was no liar and that Hitler really did want to exterminate the Jews.
"Ich bin kein Lügner!" I am no lair!I had no patience for this. "Halten Sie Ihre Zunge, sonst werde Ich dich schlagen mich." Hold your tongue or I will beat you myself! I turned my wrath back to Joe.
"Du versprachen mir Joe! Aller Leute in der Welt, daß Sie eine versprechung auch brechen könnten! Ich erzählte Ihnen, was geschehen würde, ob Sie das wieder taten! Ich kann nicht tragen, um auf Sie zu Schauen! Als die senior Medikus sende Ich Ihnen nach England zu rück, so können Sie haven Schaute Ihr Arm darauf. Ich weiß alle über Ihr heimlichen Sitzugen mit Roe, so weiß ich daß es nicht heilt. Es könnte Ihnen Zeit geben, um zu denken, was Ihr getan haben." You promised me Joe. Of all the people in the world that you could break a promise too! I told you what would happen if you did it again! I can't bear to look at you! As the Senior Medic, I am sending you back to England, so you can have your arm looked at. I know all about your secret meetings with Roe, so I know it's not healing. It might give you time to think about what you have done.All he could do was stare at me which was what the rest of the congregation were doing. I closed my eyes in the hope that everything that had just happened was part of a dream.
"Earl, Shifty, Penk take Joe to the aid station and see that he stays there until I send for him." I glared at the man I loved. "Now get him out of my sight." In all of my anger and hurt, I had forgotten about Dick's presence.
He was after all the ranking officer. I checked over the German's injuries and made sure that he was in good enough a condition to be transported to the nearest aid station other than ours.
"Elizabeth." I paused on my way past Dick; he had spoken so softly I had almost not heard him. "Yes sir?" I dared not look at him in case my anger dissolved in to tears.
"Please come to my office when you are finished here." There were no prizes for guessing what he wanted to talk about. "I'll be there momentarily sir." I watched as Earl, Shifty and Penkala escorted Joe out of the room. It as though my whole world was slowly imploding.
Watching the German prisoner loaded on the back of a jeep, I made my way to Dick's office as the newly promoted Executive Officer. It was sparsely decorated room with a desk in the centre with his type writer and lamp. I knew he had no alcohol of his own in here, however Nixon on the other hand. I was surprised to find that the office was empty. Without wanting to snoop for the liquor, I looked out the window and over at the barn where the rest of the injured men were resting. "Nixon's whiskey is in my footlocker." I didn't need to be told twice. I popped the cork and took the glass that Dick handed me. Pouring more than a generous measure I re-corked the bottle.
"Lewis would have a small fit if he saw how much of his beloved whiskey you were drinking." I shrugged. "I'm sorry I let you down." It was all I could muster. Dick sat opposite me at the small table.
"Elizabeth?" His tone was gentle but firm. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep it all in for much longer.
"I sent him back to England Dick. I sent him away." The only sound was the flicker of the oil lamp. "How long?" It felt as though I was have the "first boyfriend" chat with Gabriel all over again.
"Since Aldbourne, the first time round. We tried to keep things quiet, keep it out of people's faces. But after what happened with the POW the first time and him yelling at one of my medics the other day, I made him promise. I made him promise me!" I felt so conflicted, so torn. "I have disgraced my position and rank and I understand if you wish to court martial me." Dick shook his head. "Elizabeth, what happened between you and Liebgott was a contravention of the rules and yes I am well within my rights as your XO to court martial you and send you back to the states, but I know that if I did that, I would lose one of the best medics and a very dear friend in the process." I could do nothing but cry. "I couldn't let the MP's take him Dick. I just couldn't. I had to send him away…for his and the company's sake." I took a good mouthful of whiskey to try and steady my nerves. "I have never seen anyone bar Nix drink whiskey like that!" I forced a smile. "I have nine older brothers, I learnt pretty quickly to drink what was in the cupboard if I wanted to join in!" I drained the glass, my face showing the bitterness was too much.
"Thank you. Thank you for not sending me home." He just nodded. Standing I saluted. Returning the gesture, I was dismissed.