Everything that happened to him while he was in their clutches… Wolf thought. It's all on this.

Holding the prize, Wolf internally battled it out with his conscience. It's not right. Scratch that; it's downright fucked-up.

Wolf's fingers curled in and out of his palm as the deliberation continued.

If you want to figure out what they did to his hands… you're going to have to watch those videos.

Wolf's hands closed. He moved to put the USB back in the drawer, only to pause at the last second.

God dammit.

He'd made up his mind hours ago.

0o0o0o

Chapter 36

Unravel

Alex's initial reception of Eagle was wary. Despite what Wolf had told him about Eagle's reasons for staying with him, it all seemed a little too good to be true: not only was Eagle also grappling with his own demons, but throughout the past few weeks, Eagle had been playing devil's advocate in all arguments centering on Alex's questionable mental health. Was this Eagle's cover while on guard dog duty; the "good cop" routine? Alex wasn't sure what to make of it quite yet. The two of them had also been saddled with Snortus for the duration of Fox's absence. (According to the friend who'd taken care of him last time, the stains did not come out of the carpet.)

On the third day, Alex finally eased up and stopped leaving the room every time Eagle entered it. It had slowly become apparent that Eagle wasn't waiting for the first opportunity to interrogate him; rather, he seemed to be seeking out the same kind of quiet companionship Alex had been craving as of late. No questions, no small-talk; just sharing space while still remaining independently involved in their own activities.

Over the course of this period, Alex had made some observations about K-unit's technician. Most noticeably, Eagle just didn't seem like himself. While he continued to smile as generously as ever, he was strikingly subdued compared to what Alex had grown to expect from him. Not only was there no small-talk or questions, but any conversation whatsoever was a rare occurrence, if only because neither man felt particularly motivated to start one.

"Tea?" Eagle's voice called from the kitchen. Sunken into the couch with some reading for English, Alex answered in the affirmative. A couple minutes later Eagle appeared with mugs in hand. He passed one off to Alex and then settled into the arm chair adjacent with a book of his own, tugging a pair of reading glasses out of his shirt pocket. Lucky for them, Snortus was fast asleep in the corner, occasionally letting out muffled little snores.

Alex snuck a couple surreptitious glances in Eagle's general direction. The man was a mystery. Silent, withdrawn, pale-faced – different. He thought back to what else Wolf had told him about Eagle. The big event that stood out to him was that Eagle had downed a vial of the same concoction Capricorn had force-fed Alex back in Carlisle. Was it possible that Eagle was feeling long-term effects as well?

Alex chewed his lip, placing his tea down on the coffee table.

"Ask him."

Other Alex had materialized on the other end of the couch. Releasing a deep breath, Alex tried not to react.

"Why don't you ask him?"

You know why.

Quiet laughter bubbled out of Other Alex's mouth. He seemed to have returned to his amused-by-everything routine. Pulling his legs up onto the cushions, the shadow maneuvered until he was facing Alex on his hands and knees, slowly straightening out his arms like he was about to pounce. Alex had given up ignoring him and was now openly staring.

Stop it.

"Stop what?"

He was now in a very low bow, with his legs flat beneath him. A pleasant stretching sensation worked its way through Alex's muscles. Except… Alex wasn't the one who was stretching.

Alex shifted uncomfortably, then shot a look in Eagle's direction. Sipping his tea, Eagle leisurely flipped to the next page of his book. Other Alex reclaimed some verticality before sidling up to Alex, settling in right next to him so their shoulders were pressed side-by-side. Uncomfortable, Alex tried to subtly elbow him. Other Alex jumped, which in turn caused Alex to violently twitch, drawing Eagle's eye up for the first time. Alex awkwardly met his gaze.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Eagle adjusted his reading lenses. "About?"

"Just – muscle spasms."

Eagle went back to reading without another word. The reaction could not have been farther from Wolf's.

Other Alex placed a chaste kiss on Alex's shoulder.

Aggravation tactics, Alex surmised, eyeing the hallucination from where his – its – head had settled on Alex's shoulder. He's trying to get a rise out of me. You're trying to get me to do something stupid in front of Eagle, aren't you?

Other Alex blinked up at him. "If I am, then you are."

Oh "–yeah?"

Eagle started. "What?"

Alex stared. "Sorry?"

"Pardon me?"

They both paused, and then Eagle cracked a wry grin. "Were you trying to get my attention?"

No. No, I wasn't trying to get your attention. In fact, I was trying really hard not to get your attention!

Alex cleared his throat. "I thought you said my name?"

Upon saying this out loud, Alex realized this sounded about as bad as if he'd confessed he hadn't meant to speak. "I mean – just thinking out loud. By accident."

Oh no. That was two answers, two very separate answers to the same question. His face felt hot. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Next to him, Other Alex snickered.

Eagle let the whole thing go. "If you say so," he said, and left it at that. Other Alex trailed off.

"He doesn't seem all that interested, does he, kiddo…?"

Unwilling to risk another slip of the tongue, Alex stood up and retreated upstairs to his bedroom, leaving behind a full cup of tea. Naturally, Other Alex followed him, stepping on his heels and grabbing at his clothes. Alex swatted at the hands and withdrew to the corner of his bed, where he attempted to barricade himself away from Other Alex with pillows. His reflection sat down at the end of the bed, peering over at the bottle of pills sitting on Alex's dresser.

"Alright," said Alex reproachfully, "if you're supposed to be… on my side…"

Other Alex glanced back to him and nodded rigorously.

"Then… can you please settle down and stop trying to make me look crazy in front of my friends?"

"You're the one who wanted his attention," Other Alex accused. Alex shifted, sending a twinge of pain up his side.

"If I want his attention, I can get it myself," Alex responded haughtily.

"You can't do anything yourself," said Alex. "Don't you get that?"

"I can," he said quietly.

Other Alex raised a finger to his lips. "You can…?"

"I can do it myself! I can fix this…"

"Fix what?"

"Me – you! Us!" One of Alex's pillows toppled over. Alex didn't retrieve it. He was looking hard at his smirking double. "I've got to find a way to put us back together again..."

Other Alex sighed, dropping his hand. He stood up and started pacing. "Okay, okay. Let me help you brainstorm, then. Can you remember what caused us to split apart in the first place?"

Alex blinked. "You're going to try and help me get rid of you?"

Other Alex paused, then turned and fixed him with a bemused look. He didn't look the least bit perturbed by the notion of his own dissolution. In fact, with the way he stood, shoulders back and his chin high, he was the very picture of confidence. That was one of the things that set the two of them apart: since returning to Chelsea, Alex had been living in constant fear of – well, just about everything. Other Alex, on the other hand, seemed to portray the opposite.

"You didn't say you wanted to get rid of me. I think you already know you can't. And… do you really want to?"

"I wouldn't mind getting rid the part of you that insists on hurling insults at me…"

"Well, that's just something you'll have to take up with your therapist," he said. "Alright, kiddo, let's gather some leads. When was the first time you and I 'met', so to speak?"

Alex scratched his head. "I suppose it must've been just after my memorial. That was the first time I saw you, anyway." Although Other Alex had been whispering in his ear for far longer than that.

"That's right," said Other Alex, reading his thoughts. "So when did you first differentiate my voice from your own?"

The trail was a long one. Other Alex's accusations had had a specific sharpness about them, an undeniable sense of loathing that was not so acute in Alex's "own" thoughts. "Sometime during…" He swallowed. "Carlisle."

"And what happened to you in Carlisle that might've split open your head?"

Alex grasped the remaining pillow up against his knees, which he had pulled up to his chest and rested his chin on. What happened to me in Carlisle? he thought. Lots of things happened to me in Carlisle… This was not what he wanted to be thinking about.

"Why not?" asked Other Alex. "Do you think fixing this is going to be easy, or painless? Concentrate. Can you even see anything?"

Alex did as he was told, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He thought back to the final confrontation with Scorpia, where Wolf… the details were fuzzy. Wolf had gone to meet Scorpia, but Alex couldn't remember why. In fact… Alex couldn't even really remember what happened. He knew he'd gone after them, and he could vaguely remember running up the stairs of the building, but…

Alex opened his eyes and abruptly sat up. "What the hell?"

Other Alex grimaced, crossing his arms. "You can't remember."

"Why can't I remember?" Alex demanded, openly alarmed.

"Because I can."

"Y-you – oh… Oh, no… I… I can't even remember what happened, and I'm still this messed up?" Alex ran both hands through his hair, feeling a slight tremor come over him. "Oh my God. This is bad…"

Other Alex approached him in an attempt to offer up some physical comfort. He reached down. "There, there–oh!"

Alex caught him off guard by throwing his arms out around him, capturing the Other in a tight embrace. He squeezed as hard as he could, tighter and tighter until his bullet wound protested and Other Alex wheezed for breath. The light-headedness encompassed Alex, and he was forced to let go. Both were left coughing, a few inches of space between them. Other Alex tugged at the neck of his shirt, glaring at Alex.

"Was that an attempt to merge us back together?"

Alex slumped. "What does it matter? It didn't work. What the hell am I going to do? I can't – I can't remember what happened at all!"

"You could try talking about it to a trained professional," Other Alex suggested.

Alex glared. "Can't you just fill me in?"

"Hmm… maybe. Do you remember the pharmacy?"

He shook his head.

"You don't remember anything about the pharmacy?"

"Not really, but it sounds familiar. Were they holding me at the pharmacy?" He paused. "Um. Also, who was holding me?"

"Seriously?" Other Alex glanced between Alex and the ground. He started pacing again. "… I'm not really sure I should tell you…"

About a minute or so went by. Alex had closed his eyes again, and was now concentrating on pinpointing his memories. Other Alex's pacing progressed in speed. He started chewing his fingernails. "Alex…" he warned. An edge had entered his voice. "Kiddo, really… don't poke a sleeping bear…"

Alex frowned. Colours flashed about his head; incomplete pictures and vague senses of longing and dread. Lana's face crossed his mind, clear and unfragmented; easy to recall.

"Lana…" he mumbled. "Lana helped me..."

But why?

Her soft voice rang out from the shadows of his redacted memories: I was assigned to get you home safely.

"Alex…" Other Alex abruptly choked out. "Stop–"

Get in the car.

Alex's hands curled into fists.

"Alex–!"

That was – real –

His eyes snapped open. He was looking down at himself on the bed.

Alex and his double had switched places.

They stared at one another, wide-eyed and frozen in astonishment. Other Alex moved his hands about, first touching the blankets, then his own hair. Alex wasted no time in surging forward, seizing his body's shoulders and violently shaking it.

"No! Switch us back! What the fuck did you do?!"

Other Alex pushed Alex away from him, unsteadily getting to his feet. He fumbled for the pills atop Alex's dresser, but Alex beat him to it, knocking them to the floor. Other Alex took his face in his hands and swayed. He still hadn't said anything. Alex raised a hand and smacked him across the head, feeling the very same pain he was inflicting.

Other Alex was breathing hard, peering at Alex from between his fingers.

"I don't know how…" he croaked, "t-to switch us back… I don't know how…"

Alex whacked him over the head again. Both of them stumbled a step back.

After a moment, Alex took a deep breath and attempted to calm down. "Okay… we can figure this out. Sorry for hitting you, but – where are you going?"

Other Alex had started for the exit. Alex bolted ahead, pressing his body against the door. "Oh no you don't. You are not leaving this room."

"I've got to…" Other Alex shook his head, taking it into his hands once more. His body was twitching all over.

"What? What's wrong with you?"

"I've got to…" he repeated, placing a hand against the wall to steady himself. Alex mentally reached out, attempting to access his double's thoughts the way Other Alex seemed to be able to access his. And…

Alex gasped. "Holy– get back! Get away from the door!"

Other Alex snarled at him in a gesture of pure carnal instinct. He advanced, but Alex stopped him with a swift kick to the stomach. The feeling of having the wind knocked out of him forced Alex to double over, while Other Alex fell to the floor.

Oh my God, Alex internally panicked, head spinning. Oh my God. He's going to go on a rampage. I am going to go on a rampage!

"Stop!" Alex shouted. "Don't! You are me! I command you!"

Other Alex sat up, staring blearily up at the bodiless projection of his former dominant self. Alex had both arms splayed out across the door, and was barking orders at him through a haze of terror. "You can't leave – I won't let you!"

Whatever state of confusion Other Alex had entered his body in had since worn off. A dark grin twisted its way over his lips.

"I don't know why think you can stop me…"

Alex's eyes flickered to the floor. He made a frantic grab for the fallen bottle of pills, but his hands landed on them at the exact same time as Other Alex's. The two of them started wrestling for the prize. Alex set about trying to twist the top off, knowing he wasn't going to win a battle of strength. After a furious struggle, he finally succeeded. The two of them were showered in tiny white capsules right before Alex was thrown back into the closet doors, where his form slid down until his cheek scraped the carpet. Other Alex hastily began returning the pills to their container, but now that Alex was eye-level with the floor, he was able to spy the two capsules that had landed beneath the dresser.

Other Alex was so preoccupied that he didn't see Alex put them in his mouth, crunching down on them with his teeth. The biting, chemical taste filtered across both their taste buds. Other Alex's hands slowed to a stop, and he turned toward Alex's crumpled form to find Alex smiling.

"Goodnight," he mumbled. Other Alex dropped to all fours.

"Ugh," he groaned, chest heaving. "I-I feel… Alex… what did you…"

Darkness folded across his vision, draining the world of definition. He could hear the pounding of his heart, and then nothing.

0o0o0o

Three days had passed since Wolf, Fox, and Snake arrived at Brecon Beacons, and so far no word had gotten out as to why they'd been called in. The group spent their time in seemingly arbitrary training drills, catching up with a few other familiar faces in between. Snake ran into J-Unit's Shark in the medical barracks. The big-boned man was tending to a soldier's sprained wrist, and showed little interest in small-talk. Shortly after that, a messenger was sent to collect Snake for K-unit's briefing.

When the incomplete unit finally made their way up the steps and into their Commander's simple, unadorned office, the very last person they expected to see there was Mrs. Jones.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Wolf demanded, drawing startled glances from the room's occupants for the venom in his voice. Mrs. Jones, standing elegantly in a long, blue chesterfield coat, appeared unruffled by the aggressive greeting.

"Good day to you to, Lieutenant Novara." Behind her, two black-clad men stood in either corner, their hands pinned neatly to their sides.

"Wolf!" the Commander barked. "Salute!"

"No!" said Wolf, outraged. Fox and Snake hesitantly raised their hands in salutes. The Commander looked like a tea kettle ready to boil over. Mrs. Jones glanced at him and silently shook her head, willing him to leave it alone.

"At ease," he huffed.

Wolf glanced between them with narrowed eyes. "What's the meaning of this?"

Mrs. Jones held a hand up to keep the Commander from answering, and Wolf didn't try to hide his disdain for the Commander's subordination to an official from MI6.

"I've called you three here today–"

"You can't," Wolf cut her off. "You're MI6! You haven't got the jurisdiction–"

"Wolf!" said Fox, elbowing him in the side. "Hear her out, would you?"

"Traitor!" Wolf hissed.

"I've called you three here today to request your assistance in infiltrating what has been determined to be the hideout of a rogue operative."

Mrs. Jones's nameless bodyguards remained statuesque throughout her explanation of the mission. She described the operative as a wealthy, successful spy; highly valued as an employee of MI6 for nine years. For reasons that had yet to be determined, this operative had defected shortly after the completion of his most recent mission, effectively cutting all ties with MI6.

Wolf snorted. "Who can blame him?"

"Dammit, Lieutenant!" the Commander started up shrilly. Mrs. Jones continued seamlessly.

"His partner for his last mission was one of our newer recruits. We have reason to believe that he has since been murdered."

Wolf still appeared impatient to learn how this had anything to do with his unit. Fox was the first to make the connection. He placed one hand on his chest, taking a deep breath. The other came up to wash over his face.

"Please don't be talking about who I think you're talking about…" Fox muttered. His thoughts wandered back in time to the heated argument he'd had with Alex at Wolf's house. "They're all dead!" Fox had told him. "We took them out for you!" Alex's response, melodramatic at the time, had now revealed itself to be chillingly on-point: "It's not just in my head. I work for the British Intelligence. People want me dead. It's not going to end by pure force of will."

"What?" Wolf demanded, hands curling into fists. "Fox!"

"Kobayashi and Sanders…" said Snake, the second to catch on. "You're talking about the two agents we met in Carlisle."

The cool temperature of the poorly-insulated room seemed suddenly more apparent. Snake crossed his hands over his stomach.

"Tell me this has nothing to do with Cub, or I really think I might be sick."

Just then, a short knock sounded at the door. After a grunt of admission from the sour-faced Commander, it eased inward to reveal Tiger of J-unit standing rigid in the center of the frame, his hand resting on the doorknob. He paused in his entrance, glancing about as though anxious to interrupt.

"Sorry I'm late!" he said, his tinny voice jittery with nervousness. Tiger felt intimidated by every single member of K- other than the one that wasn't there, and the Commander was even worse. The three strangers in black weren't helping much, either.

"State your reasoning," said the Commander. Tiger swallowed, his face taking on a slight pink tint.

"It was the new recruits, sir," he answered quietly, averting his gaze.

It was just his luck to have caught the Commander in a terrible mood. "What about them?"

"They, uh, stopped me on my way here and wouldn't let me go…"

"What? Why the hell not?"

Poor Tiger clearly didn't want to get into the logistics behind it. "They… mistook me for a girl and wouldn't believe… um…"

Mrs. Jones pulled a mint out of her pocket and began carefully unwrapping it. The sound distracted the group from Tiger's growing humiliation long enough for her to get them back on track. She placed the mint on her tongue.

"Naturally, you'll need a technician to stand in for Codename Eagle," she said, sending Tiger a nod. Tiger nodded back. Snake shot Tiger his best attempt at a smile, which really looked more like a grimace. Fox barely paid him any mind, still too absorbed in his own dark thoughts to properly acknowledge the newcomer. Wolf looked him up and down, gazed across at him for a full five seconds and then said,

"Seriously? They're sending you?"

Tiger frowned, telling him slowly, "I'm good at what I do, Wolf."

Wolf raised his eyebrows, turning to look back at Mrs. Jones.

"So… what exactly is this mission going to entail?"

0o0o0o

"Alright, let's divide and conquer," said Sabina, pausing to place her hands on her hips. The automatic doors of the supermarket glided shut behind them.

"Where do we start?" asked Alex, retrieving a nearby shopping cart. The two of them were gathering the ingredients for a highly-revered shrimp gumbo which Sabina had found on the internet, as well as a few other groceries along the way. Sabina pulled a list from her pocket, and Alex leaned in towards her for a better look. Realizing their close proximity at once, they both glanced up and smiled. Sabina moved to peck him on the nose, which caused him to wrinkle it. She giggled.

"Don't make that face when I kiss you!" she chided.

"Sabina…" said Alex lowly. His hands landed on her hips, where her sweater had ridden up just enough to expose a thin line of skin. The touch seemed to send a jolt of energy through her. He pulled her closer.

"Alex…" she imitated his tone. A moment passed, then Alex abruptly let go, pointing to the other end of the market.

"I'll take seafood, you take produce." Sabina, slightly miffed she hadn't managed to get a real kiss in, carefully tore the shopping list into two before handing him the top half.

"Sounds good," she said. "Meet you back at the cashiers."

Before she had fully turned around, Alex seized her hand and spun her back towards him. Surprised, she stumbled a little, bumping into his chest. Sooner than she could react, he'd grazed a finger under her chin and tipped it up to allow him access to her parted lips. The kiss wasn't long, but it was better than a peck. When it was over, Alex gently pulled away, leaving her feeling slightly cold. He started off in the direction of the seafood aisle, abandoning the cart with Sabina. After a short pause, Sabina grabbed it and turned to continue moving in the opposite direction, slightly dazed.

Alex picked up a grocery basket from a nearby stack. Largely out of reflex for being in a public place, he reached back to pull his dark hood over his head – the last thing he wanted was to run into a classmate or someone else who might be interested in initiating a conversation. Mentally crossing things off his list as he collected them, he made his way down the aisles, stopping to examine prices. It was odd, but he kind of enjoyed grocery shopping, especially now that he had a car. There was something therapeutic about the mundane activity. It made him feel almost… normal. The prospect of cooking was also a plus.

Inspecting the shelves in aisle 7, Alex slowed down in front of the peanut butter section. "Natural peanut butter," one label read. Alex started to reach for it before his eyes caught on the name of the one beside it.

"Organic Peanut Butter." Is that better? he wondered, hesitating. His hand shifted over to grab it until he noticed the sticker on the jar just above it.

"Organic Natural 100% Peanut Butter, fair-trade certified." Okay, he thought. I've got this.

"This is the hardest thing you've done all day, isn't it, kiddo?" Other Alex chimed in. Alex pointedly ignored him. He no longer knew how to approach his evil twin. Every time it seemed like the Other was on his side, something would be said or done that would destroy that notion all over again. The latest catastrophe had decidedly shaken his faith in Other's Alex's ability to do anything other than antagonize him and put the people around him in danger.

"Don't be mad at me," said his double, leaning against the shelves next to where Alex was now pulling the third jar of peanut butter off the shelf. "I mean… you."

Alex took a step back, depositing the peanut butter in his basket. Other Alex stepped in front of him so that they were face-to-face.

"I tried to stop you," Other Alex insisted, motioning his frustration through his hands. "Don't you remember? Honestly, I did everything I could!"

Thinking back, it was true that Other Alex hadn't exactly facilitated their swap. In fact, upon discovering himself in the driver's seat, the first thing Other Alex did before attempting to leave the room was reach for the bottle of pills. Was that on purpose? Did he know what they would do?

"Of course it was on purpose!" cried Other Alex, grabbing Alex's shoulders. "Kiddo, I'm not a killer, alright? I mean – I am, sort of – but not entirely. At least, not like this…"

Alex shrugged off his contact. I have no idea what you're talking about. Neither of us know what you are. You're a figure of my imagination!

"I'm more than that. You understand that much; don't pretend like you don't."

Shut up.

"I'm just… not the same when you're not in control. It becomes… overwhelming."

It?

"You know…" Other Alex hedged, rubbing his own chest. "Everything that's… me…?"

Alex tried to think about what all this information added up to. So if Alex didn't have control of his conscious mind, Other Alex lost that connection to his own humanity… and if Other Alex didn't separate himself from Alex, then Alex would… what, exactly? Snap? Go crazy? Having that side of him isolated probably meant that he was a worse spy, and he likely wasn't as quick in a fight, either. But maybe that was the whole point… after all, wasn't that a big part of what Alex was trying to get away from? The violence in his life?

There was a high-pitched whine, and then the intercom screeched to life above him. "FACE THE FACTS, ALEX!"

The loud message echoed with a fast attack throughout the store, causing Alex to nearly jump out of his skin. The jerky step he took back collided his body with a large cardboard display of jam preserves, from which three were knocked from their place, falling to the ground and shattering upon impact. Spinning around, Alex caught the fourth and fifth in his one free hand. Then he placed his cart down on the ground, rolling one jar into his other palm and returning them both to their shelf.

The mess on the floor had a magnetism about it. For the first few seconds Alex could only stare. They'd all collided next to one another, combining to create one large lump of gooey red jam. Shards of broken glass stuck out in places, while others had skidded across the floor.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" the intercom boomed, fraying Alex's nerves. His paralysis broke, and he hastily fell to his knees, trembling hands hovering over the mess. "Fuck," he whispered, taking in the sight with wide eyes.

"CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!"

Alex reached down to try and scoop some of it up, but without anywhere to put it, the action only made him feel more foolish. Luckily, he was the only person in the aisle. He looked around and found Other Alex to be nowhere in sight.

"CLEAN IT UP BEFORE SOMEONE SEES!" Alex tried to gather more. It slid out from between his fingers, mixing with blood.

At the end of the aisle, a little girl appeared. She could have been no older than five, but she wandered toward him unaccompanied, carrying a box of animal crackers. Alex froze when he noticed her approach, his alarm morphing swiftly into horror. No! Turn around! Don't come here!

He had stalled too long to make his escape, and now the little girl was standing in front of him, dressed in a yellow shirt and tiny overalls.

"You make a mess?" she asked him. Her voice was high and curious. Alex stared at her, utterly dumbstruck. Still on his knees, he was scarcely above eye-level with her, and he had yet to release the lump of jam and glass in his hands. Those large blue eyes projected a level of innocence he wanted nowhere near him.

"Mummy says when you made a mess you're a'sposed to clean it up," she informed him.

"I – I can't," Alex said, half in response to her question, more entirely in response to the entire situation. Every instinct in his body was telling him to put as much distance as possible between himself and this little girl.

"I gonna go get my mummy," she said.

"No!" Alex burst out. The little girl paused, reaching up to twiddle with one of her light brown curls. They barely reached past her ears. Glancing between him and the mess of jam on the ground, she suddenly brightened.

"Here!" said the girl triumphantly, holding the box of animal crackers out to him. At first he thought she was offering him one, until he noticed there weren't any left. "Put it in here!"

Alex hesitated, but without any other options, he had to accept. He flattened his hands out above the box, watching the jam slowly ooze down his fingers and off of his skin. When his hands were clear, Alex took the box from her and placed it flat against the floor, pushing the rest of the jam inside. Soon all that remained was a red tinge on the white linoleum.

The little girl was grinning at him. Alex, still rattled, couldn't find the energy to return it. Most of his fingers had acquired thin cuts, which showed no early signs of clotting. He placed the box of jam inside his cart and stood up, hiding his hands behind his back. The little girl was already walking away, alleviating some of the tension that had encompassed him. Just as the girl disappeared around the far corner, Sabina came into view.

"Alex!" she called, waving him over. Shaking, Alex collected up his basket and returned to her side. He didn't make it ten seconds before she noticed his hands, which were promptly snatched up in her own.

"Oh my god, what happened?" she asked him, gazing between them and his face with eyebrows knit together in concern. She seemed to also read the whiteness of his face. "Are you alright?"

"I should wash my hands," he mumbled. Seeing that some of his blood now painted her hands, he felt a wave of nausea wash over him, quickly pulling them away. He reached over to grab the animal crackers box.

"Are those animal crackers?"

As justified as her questions were, he really didn't feel like answering them right then. "Stand in line. I'll be right back."

Alex left without waiting for her to reply. When he lost sight of her, Other Alex materialized by his side. "You handled that well."

Yeah, right! Alex thought sarcastically, hoping Sabina wouldn't be angry later. He waited until one of the store employees exited through the plastic flaps of the stock room entrance, then quietly slipped through. It was considerably darker back there than under the fluorescent lights above the aisles, and Alex didn't actually know where he was going, so it took him a couple minutes of navigating through the large stacks of cardboard boxes to find the bathroom entrance.

It wasn't until Alex had locked the door behind him that he finally felt the adrenaline begin to leave his system. He dropped the box of jam into the bin and turned the faucet on, placing his hands beneath the warm stream of water. The bandages on his hands were stained and wrecked, though they didn't cover anything other than scars anymore. Still, the idea of having those exposed made him feel even queasier. Alex pulled the wet bandages off and dumped them, then returned his hands to the sink.

He took a deep breath before glancing up to look at his reflection in the mirror. Maybe it was the dim lighting, maybe it was the stress, but he looked positively harrowed. Dark circles ringed his too-bright eyes.

"You didn't hurt that little girl," Other Alex voiced his thoughts. He was standing next to Alex in the cramped space with his arms crossed over his chest.

Hearing the statement aloud caused a surge of fury to pass through him. "Of course I didn't! I had no reason – and I would never–"

Other Alex patted him on the shoulder. "Your thoughts, kiddo, not mine! Don't kill the messenger… You're relieved she wasn't hurt. Admit it."

The silence that followed his statement was broken only by the sound of the rushing water hitting the drain and Alex's heavy breathing. He desperately wanted a cigarette.

"I would never hurt a little girl…" Alex whispered, staring down into the sink at the pink water washing down the drain. To his distress, he felt the telltale sting of tears in his eyes. "Oh, God …"

"No, you wouldn't," Other Alex agreed. "Do you feel better now, knowing that you didn't?"

"No," Alex told him, blinking rapidly. In the shadowy room, the scars on his palms looked more pronounced than ever. "I do not feel better. I feel like shit just for having the question hang over me in the first place. What kind of fucked-up–"

"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Other Alex. "Just because you don't trust yourself doesn't mean that little girl was ever in any danger."

"She would have been if you'd had any say in it."

"I'm you!" Other Alex cried.

"Don't say that!" Alex snapped in distress. "Whoever it was that tried to leave my room the other night – whoever that was – it couldn't have been me–!"

"You're no 'supernatural being', Alex," his twin reminded him softly. "It was you. Me, you, 'him'… we are all you."

Time passed, and Alex knew he'd been the bathroom far too long now to play the situation off in front of Sabina. He sighed. When he turned off the faucet, Other Alex was gone, and Alex had nothing to re-wrap his hands with. The one orange light of the room seemed to flicker above him. "FACE THE FACTS, ALEX", the intercom sounded again in the distance.

Alex let out a noise of frustration, rubbing at his eyes and pushing his hands into his hair. "But I don't know what the facts are!"

0o0o0o

Leaving the supermarket was an uncomfortable affair. Alex exited the hidden washroom and stumbled back out into the light to find Sabina gone, having paid for and loaded everything into the car already. The cashier relayed the message that she was waiting for him there, and on his way out Alex's vision seemed to tunnel with a sort of enveloping confusion darkening the edges, similar to when Alex bolted from the school after his memorial. The supermarket had gotten busier on his return, so he had the added bonus of working through a slow, directionless crowd. He thought he saw the little girl again. Then he thought he saw Lana, loading apples into a plastic bag. There was the old woman he'd met in the hotel in Carlisle who he knew to be dead, and a head of purple hair caught his eye on the way out that he recognized from somewhere but couldn't quite place. When he finally made it to the car, his body had taken on the distinct feeling of having been knocked around like a pinball.

The seafood gumbo was planned for a few nights in advance, when Alex and Sabina would be joined by Jack and Tom for a "family dinner" at Wolf's house, so Alex dropped Sabina off at her door with the groceries stored away in the boot of the car. He stood on the doorstep bidding her goodnight, and the difference in energy between how he'd greeted her that afternoon and how he was seeing her off now was so apparent that Sabina found it impossible to remain silent.

I'm worried about you, she wanted to say, but didn't because she knew it wouldn't help. I want to help you, she thought, aware that she had no idea how. What happened to you back there? she wanted to ask, knowing he couldn't explain it. So instead she told him,

"I love you."

The proclamation brought no kind of revelation to his eyes. In fact, her words seemed to bounce right off him and echo in the opposite direction, completely unacknowledged. In the span of just a couple hours, Alex had somehow reverted to the emotional complexity of a brick wall.

"Alex…" she said. He bowed his head, and gave a delayed, automated response to her earlier statement.

"I love you too." Do you? she wondered. Do feel anything, or do you just talk?

Sabina fiddled with the red scarf around her neck. "Are you sure you don't want to come in for a while?"

Alex shifted on his feet. He had his hands pushed back behind him in an attempt to keep them out of sight, out of mind. "I'm not really feeling too well, Sab… I think I just need to go home and lie down."

Sabina examined him critically. He'd closed in on himself like triggered mousetrap, refusing to meet her eyes. Even worse, he seemed to be imperceptibly leaning away from her, subtly avoiding her touch. She frowned, deciding in that second to pull a page from his book. Acting faster than he could react, Sabina took his face into her hands and startled him into looking up. His eyes were dull and glassy. She hated it.

"What are you so afraid of all of a sudden, hm?" Sabina asked him softly. Stepping closer, she met his forehead with her own, then lowered her hands to curl them around his waist, closing the gap between them. Alex did not melt the way she had earlier – if anything, his body grew even more rigid. It took him a few seconds to even lift his arms up from his sides and wrap them around her, completing the embrace. He let out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry," he said, and even though he didn't answer her question, it was the first time his words had sounded sincere.

"We can't keep each other safe if you keep trying to put distance between us."

His grip tightened around her. "I know."

The longer they stayed like that, the more Sabina could feel Alex's muscles relax. The warmth of their two bodies intermingled, warding off the evening chill. He was loosening up again, becoming less fragile. Whatever it was that holding her inspired in him, it seemed to help, which felt like an exaggeratedly huge victory for Sabina. She smiled, lifting her head back so he could see it. Alex didn't rush to let go of her, which also felt like progress.

"Hey–" Alex said suddenly. "Let's – let's go out tomorrow night."

Caught off-guard, Sabina appeared delighted by the thought. "Really? You want to?"

"Yeah, I do. You deserve an evening off from… this," he finished lamely. "I mean, we're dating and all, and that means dates, you know, not just…" He cleared his throat. "Anyway, it's not ground-breaking or anything, but how do you feel about dinner and a movie?"

How he'd gone from being unable to look at her to "dinner and a movie" in just a few minutes was a mystery to Sabina, but she wasted no time in accepting the invitation.

"Great," said Alex, visibly relieved. "Does 5 o' clock sound okay?"

0o0o0o

Alex parked the Mustang on the street in front of Wolf's house, stepping out and removing the groceries from the back. It was a dark night, completely overcast, which Alex felt acutely aware of for reasons he had yet to pinpoint. While his moment with Sabina had brought him a brief moment of reprieve, the sense of comfort she'd provided him with had vanished as soon as she'd shut the door, and he was back to feeling like total crap almost instantly. For that reason alone he almost regretted refusing her offer to stick around, but he also wasn't sure how much longer he could dodge telling her the truth about what he was going through. The unspoken lie weighed down on him, reminding him of what a terrible boyfriend he was.

Why Sabina was even interested in trying to work things out with him, he honestly didn't understand. He hadn't exactly proved himself to be worth her while in a long time now. Alex imagined her with someone else, some nice bloke from one of her classes, and felt his heart ache at the thought. Wouldn't she be so much better off? With Alex… well, wasn't it always just a matter of time before the next dramatic turn tore things up into shreds? How long did he really have with her before she inevitably gave up on him – or worse? Was there a third option, or was he just kidding himself with this 'relationship' of his?

Alex hauled the bags up to the door, stopping to push his key into the lock and twist it open. When he got inside, he found the house dark, save for a distant light at the end of the hall that seemed to be coming from outside. The sound of Snortus's paws picking up on the hardwood alerted him of the vibrating creature's approach. Then came the signature wheezy snorting. Alex was followed into the kitchen, where he deposited the bags onto the counter before kneeling down to greet the bouncing dog.

Snortus's flat face peered up at him with large brown eyes, his tongue lolling out as a whole slew of unholy noises originated from his mouth and nose. It was such a ridiculous sight that Alex actually laughed out loud.

"Weirdo," he said, patting him on the head. The acknowledgement was enough to calm the dog down a bit, allowing Alex enough time to investigate the back porch where a light had been left on. Opening the French doors, Alex spotted Eagle's back a few steps down, accompanied by a familiar smell. Eagle twisted around to face him, eyes wide with surprise.

"Cub!" he said. "Shit. Um…"

"You smoke? But you're in the SAS!" Alex exclaimed, shutting the door behind him after Snortus made his escape out into the yard.

"I don't smoke!" Eagle replied. "And anyway, big words coming from you!"

"I… I don't know what you're–"

"Oh, sod off, Cub. Do you want to help me finish it, or what?"

Defeated, Alex sat down next to the light-haired soldier, obediently taking the offered cigarette. Silence lapsed between them, broken only when Eagle added,

"I really… I don't smoke. I just started up again, but I'm not going to keep at it, I promise."

"Hey, you don't need to explain yourself to me," Alex muttered, looking down at his feet. His golden cigarette case was upstairs in his bedside drawer, a token of his own guilt.

"Sometimes I feel like I do," said Eagle. "You're an impressionable young lad, after all."

Eagle snickered at his own joke, and was joined by Alex a second later. "Yep, that's me…"

He passed the cigarette back to Eagle. The clouds shifted fast above them, glowing with the reflection of the city lights. Snortus was snuffling about the grass, sniffing shrubs and waddling to and from objects of interest. The pair watched him helplessly.

"That dog is demented," Eagle commented, drawing another smile out of Alex.

"I know… kinda cute, though."

After a minute, Eagle blurted out something unexpected.

"I've been seeing things that aren't there."

The sudden admission made Alex's head snap up to look at him. Eagle was inhaling the last bit of tobacco left, staring ahead of him. When it was done, he jammed it against the wood of the steps and then placed it at the base of a potted plant, where two more butts sat hidden from the unobservant eye.

"Yeah," said Eagle. "I don't know."

The words had set off a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions in Alex. Is he lying? was one of the first. Is this a trick? Alex wasn't sure whether he should feel worried or relieved. Was it the drug? Is he okay? And does that mean… I'm not actually crazy?

"What… do you mean?" Alex asked, drawing the question out. Eagle continued to watch Snortus's aimless meandering.

"Well," Eagle started bleakly, "it's been going on for a while now. At first it was all kinds of stuff. Things would start to meld together, or turn black, or distort. Sort of hard to explain. And then… I… started to see my dad."

There was a slight mist in the air, which was slowly turning into a light drizzle. Neither man felt particularly bothered by it.

"I told myself that it was… his ghost," Eagle said the word breathlessly, followed by a bitter laugh. "Pathetic how long I let myself believe that. But he never knew anything I didn't know. He was…"

"Just a figment of your imagination," Alex finished for him, fascinated. Eagle nodded his head, and kept nodding for a little too long. He was zoning out. A minute passed, while Alex deliberated what kind of response to offer. He thought about the time he'd spotted Eagle on a late-night walk after escaping the confrontation with Brooke, and considered bringing that up, but he couldn't figure out what to say about it. Eventually Eagle glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

"I guess I'm just concerned about you, since you ingested so much more of that screwed-up drug than me. I know you must be seeing things, too. It's not, well… it's not all your own doing, if that's what you're thinking. I really wish MI6 could have told us more about that substance than they did."

Alex rested his elbows on his knees and massaged his forehead with his hands. "Me too," he said.

And yeah, I am seeing things. But it's so much more than that, he thought, wondering why it felt so difficult to take those words and say them out loud. Here was Eagle, telling him his best-kept secret, and Alex could scarcely generate the courage to reply at all.

"That's the real reason I'm here – I was starting to frighten Sadie, I think. I've been having trouble sleeping… We both needed a break. How are things with Sabina?"

Feeling the cold, Alex drew his arms up into his sweater so the two sleeves hung down limply by his sides. The gesture was distinctly child-like. "They're okay," he replied. "I mean, she's… the best. But I'm…" A liar. A lunatic. A murderer. A time-bomb. "Struggling."

Eagle shuffled a little closer to him, for comfort, for warmth; either could be true. He put an arm around the boy's shoulders, holding him steady.

"I can tell," Eagle confessed. Alex bit his lip.

"That obvious, huh?"

"No," Eagle told him. "Not that obvious. You do a pretty good job of hiding it. I guess the question I want to ask you is… are you getting better, or worse?"

Alex's heartbeat sped up. Looking at it in such black-and-white terms, the answer was obvious. He didn't want to lie anymore – not to Eagle, anyway. He just didn't.

"Worse," Alex croaked, pulling his arms back out to bury his head in the insides of his elbows. There it was. He'd told someone. Eagle's stable presence next to him had proved impossible to lie to. Despite offering next to no information whatsoever, the confession felt monumental. Eagle didn't answer right away. It was difficult to gauge whether he'd been expecting that answer or not.

"It's okay," said Eagle. "It'll get better, Cub. You just need a little help, that's all. And so do I…"

Alex shut his eyes. Of course he needed help. That much had never seemed clearer… the only thing was, it felt like he was too late for the realization to matter. He'd let things go on for too long. How was he supposed to talk about what happened to him with a shrink when remembering turned him into a monster? Was the only solution more drugs? Was there any solution at all?

"I know you can't see it now… but you're not doomed. You have us," said Eagle, squeezing him. Alex remained silent.

You don't know, he thought, and the truth of that statement had never felt less like a triumph. You don't know how far gone I am. And I can't begin to tell you.

0o0o0o

Soooo, friends! … Yeah… very dark chapter, I know. I must confess: they are only going to get darker yet. Sorry to all those who are getting a little sick of it. If you're not really diggin' the whole psychological-thriller thing, I can refer you to the first ten chapters of this piece, or my other AR story, the much more light-hearted All in the Faculty!

Speaking of which, thanks to everyone who reviewed both this story and AitF! Last night I was flipping through the pages reabsorbing your feedback in preparation of releasing this chapter. I was really happy to see so many people were still interested in seeing this story out to the end with me even after the long wait last time, so this is for you guys! Seriously. I have six university courses, a part-time job, a social life, I spent 8 days in Mexico with no laptop last week – and I still managed to knock out 9000 words of fanfiction in a month (3 weeks, really). Honestly, though… how could I not? All your words made me feel like this was really worth prioritizing, so here's your friendly neighborhood update (in a reasonable amount of time for once!). As always, please reply with your thoughts/predictions/emotions as well as any mistakes you have noticed that I can go back and fix.

I've gotten a couple comments from people asking me to pick it up and not drag things out anymore, which is fair; it's been a while since they left Carlisle. But I do have my reasons for stretching things out. Alex's deterioration has had to progress slowly if it was going to fly under the radar. He has been trying to get better on his own, so I feel like some people thought Alex was nearing recovery. The key words there are "on his own". The truth is, he's been slowly getting worse this entire time. Nothing about the way he's been tackling his trauma has been healthy, hence why his condition isn't improving – that'swhat I'm trying to get across with all the build-up. I really hope none of the content in his chapter has seemed abrupt or out of nowhere; I know there are still some confusing aspects that have yet to be addressed, loose ends and all that. Rest assured I am aware of these… uh, most of 'em, anyway… this story is hella long. I may have forgotten a detail or two by now ._.' So, without further ado, it's time for Alex to break… for the very last time. (Don't kill me.)

Next chapter: and some of you actually thought Alex's problems were almost over…