Inevitable pt. 38
John pulled his vehicle tight to the curb and stepped out, staring hard at the large, steel gate that sealed off the Fitzgerald Estate from the rest of the world. It was an exceptionally large property, that was surrounded by acres and acres of land and a tall, thick stone fence. He approached the security detail who were standing guard. "I'd like to speak with Caitlyn Fitzgerald please?"
"I know that voice," a man spoke from behind.
John turned and smiled. "Maxwell? What the hell are you doing here?" He shook the man's outstretched hand.
"Well, I work here." He laughed at the hilarious expression that was flashing across his former co-worker's face. "No shit, man. I work for Fitzgerald. After the accident I couldn't serve anymore, but that doesn't mean I was ready to go home and take up knitting or something."
John shook his spinning head. He was surprised. "Listen, I need inside, Jack."
Maxwell lost his grin. "No can do, buddy. You are definitely not on the guest list. The old man doesn't want you anywhere near here, and especially near his family. There was no mistaking his orders."
He blew out a frustrated breath and glanced at the impenetrable fence. "Come on, Jack. This is between me and my wife, not Harrison." He stared hard at his friend. "I need to talk to her."
Jack held firm. "I'd help you if I could, but I'm not about to blow this gig, John. I don't have as many options as I once did. End of story. Why don't you give her a little time? I'm sure she'll talk to you soon."
John's eyes narrowed. "What exactly did Harrison tell you?" He felt his anger begin to grow, bubbling to the surface.
Jack nodded for him to follow, and led him away from his men. "He told me enough, and I feel for you but I can't help you." He stared into the blazing eyes of his angry friend. "You are not getting through that gate."
"Right." John looked back at the gate. "Is she even in there?" There was silence, and he refocussed on his friend. "Jack?"
After another agonizing moment, he simply nodded. "Yeah, she is, but you didn't hear that from me."
"Hear what?" He walked across the wide street that was lined with perfectly manicured lawns, and got into his car. He turned it around and drove away from the big house.
Natalie grabbed the cold, metal knob and used her strength to open the clunky door. One of the hinges squeaked, resisting the motion, but she stepped over the threshold and let it fall back into place with a click. She took a familiar seat on a familiar bench and stared out over the city. It was getting late. The natural light was fading fast, and becoming replaced by the street and building lights. She sighed, taking a drink of the beer that was in her hand.
She shouldn't have come here, not here. Her memories were too powerful for her to ignore in this place, and it made her heart hurt. She squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to block out the haunting touches that were warming her skin. Even now while she felt so cold inside, her body remembered every caress, every seductive kiss. His hands in her hair and on her skin. His tongue in her mouth and on her nipples, sucking her closer to nirvana. What the hell happened?
Standing suddenly, she made her way to the ledge of the rooftop and peered over it, feeling the weight of her burden. He was chasing after his wife. He left the fucking city to find her, and now she was alone again. Chris was gone. John was gone, but not from her soul. She hopped onto the wide slab of cement and sat comfortably on it, staring at the brick shed that stood a few feet away. She sighed again, drinking the rest of her bottle in a hurry. Then she tossed it over the side of the building and smiled when it smashed. The sound was music to her ears.
She felt as though there was a movie playing in her head, and she couldn't stop it. Her eyes bore into the brick of the shed, but all she saw was him. Them, together for the first time in the rain. They had both given in. She knew that she needed him and couldn't walk away again, so she took off her wedding ring. She took off his and he let her. He hoisted her from the ground and spread her thighs, and he touched her so deeply. He sent her soaring off of this damn roof!
Natalie blinked, pulling herself out of the past and back to the present. The heat she was burning up with was merely an illusion. A shadow of its former self, because she was here and she was alone and she would do whatever she had to do. She would find a way to be okay with that. She would find a way.
The fence was a hell of a lot higher than he remembered, but he managed to climb to the top. He knew there was video surveillance and he didn't have a lot of time, so he hopped onto the perfect lawn below and headed toward a smaller building. It was likely one of two possibilities for him. Cait would either be at the pool, swimming away her stress, or in the greenhouse that stood proud, away from the main house. He prayed she was in the latter, because there was no way he'd get anywhere near the pool house in time. He hurried toward the tall, glass structure and slipped inside. A wave of heat struck him as he entered, and he loosened his tie and shirt - and then he heard it. The music.
John walked further into the room, following the path that was surrounded by lush, tropical foliage. He spotted her near a palm, sitting against the large tree trunk with a book in her lap. There was a stereo built into the wall, playing soft, classical music. Bach. He walked up to her and knew that she knew he was there. "You left without saying goodbye."
She slammed her book closed and took a deep breath. She got to her feet and turned toward him, feeling all the tension and rage come flooding back. "Breaking and entering, John? That's just stupid! My father will take pleasure in prosecuting you to the fullest extent of the law." He was watching her in silence, and it made her want to scream. "What do you want? Tell me so that you can get out!"
He frowned and glanced at his feet for a moment. "I'm sorry, Caitlyn."
She laughed coldly. "So? Feel better? You apologized, now leave."
He wasn't going anywhere, not yet. He looked right at her. "The way I've treated you...it wasn't right. I'm sorry for that."
She was not going to cry over John McBain ever again. "Are you here alone?" He looked confused. "No Natalie? I thought she'd want to be here when you finally had the guts to tell me the truth."
"This is between you and me."
She laughed. "Oh, come on! The only thing between you and me is her." He didn't speak. "Am I wrong?"
"You're not wrong."
"What the hell happened with us, John? You loved me, I know you did! So why her?" She wanted to get her answers. It was unfathomable as to why he would choose Natalie Buchanan? She wasn't even really a Buchanan, but an unwanted surprise, a mistake. She was a bad penny that turned up decades later to cast shame upon her family's good name. Her DNA matched, but nothing else did! She grew up on the boardwalk for christsake! "You came here to clear your conscience, that's fine. Let's start with the truth. I want answers and you're going to give them to me, damn it!"
He swallowed, but nodded in agreement. His honesty was all he had left to give her. "What do you want to know, Caitlyn?"
She walked closer, staring hard. Her heart was in her chest. "Do you love her?" He didn't even flinch when he answered yes. He didn't hesitate, and she felt her heart in her throat. "Why her?"
He took a moment, thinking about his answer and what he would say. "She gets me." He didn't know how else to explain the connection they shared?
Caitlyn looked amused. "She gets you? I see, and I never did, right?"
This time he did hesitate. "No. You didn't, not really?"
She felt like he struck her, and so she moved away and spun around. She would collect herself and he would know what he was throwing away for some two-bit slut. "I really underestimated that woman."
"This isn't Natalie's fault. It just..it just is, Cait."
She faced him again, flashing a wide grin. "Careful, babe. That's awfully close to a lie. I think you need to take a little responsibility for this, and so does your slut. Wouldn't you agree?"
He surpressed his anger. "Well, that's why I'm here. I came to apologize to you. I want you to believe it. I'm sorry."
She did believe it. Her feet carried her back, until she was very, very close. "You broke my heart John, but even now, it would be so easy to forgive you." Her hand touched his face, needing contact. Their eyes were locked. "We've had the best five years together. We were good, John. Do you remember our honeymoon?" She saw his eyes and nearly melted under their intensity. "We were better than good. Do you really want to walk away from me? From us?" She slid her fingers into his hair and pulled herself closer. She could feel his powerful chest as he struggled for air. "Can you tell me that you don't love me? Don't want me?" She didn't wait for an answer. Instead, she kissed him. She kissed him fiercely, feeling his hands on her waist. There was passion in the kiss, and sorrow. There was a lot. He wasn't fighting her. After another moment, she pulled back and met his eyes. She quickly sank to the floor, staring dumbfounded. She had felt all kinds of things in that kiss, but having looked at him, she knew. It was very one-sided.
She stepped back and wiped her mouth. "You bastard!"
He wasn't sure what to say to her? She kissed him, and it felt like all the other times they had been intimate - when they had touched and made love - but something was changed, something in him? He felt detached, like she was some stranger on the street and not the woman who had shared his life and bed for the past five years. It just felt wrong. "Nothing is the same anymore, Caitlyn. I want so badly to turn back the clock and be better, but.."
"She must be unbelievable in the sack, because we could set things on fire! For you to choose her...?"
He blew out a breath. "Don't you get it? This isn't about sex! I love her, and I can't keep my vow to you anymore. I just can't."
"Why did you come here? To kick me when I'm down? Oh! I know why?" She walked up to him again, and her eyes were blazing with her anger. "I left you before you could leave me. That's what this is."
He was trying very hard to see the Caitlyn he's always known, but it was difficult. "This isn't some petty schoolyard fight. It's our lives. I came here to finally show you the respect that I should have shown you from the beginning. I'm sorry for hurting you, but I don't regret Natalie. I can't."
She slapped him hard.
"That's my girl." Harrison Fitzgerald stepped into the greenhouse with several men behind him. He glared at John. "You're on private property, and now you're finally mine. I'm going to have you arrested, and you're going to lose your job. Do you hear me, McBain?"
"You can't do that daddy," Cait interupted, "because I invited him here."
Harrison glowered at his daughter. "What? We agreed.."
"I know, but I need to talk to him." She looked at her husband, feeling sick all over again. "This is between John and I, dad. Please, just stay out of it!"
He was beyond pissed. "Stay out of it? YOU called me peanut, remember?"
"I know." She walked over to her father with sad eyes. "The sooner you let me take care of this myself, the sooner we can all get on with our lives. Separately." She knew that he didn't want to leave her alone with John. "Please, daddy? Ten minutes."
He wanted to order his men to shoot McBain, but he wouldn't. Instead, he nodded and went outside. He would wait outside, but that was as far as any of them were going.
She shut the door and walked back inside the building.
"Why'd you lie?" He was sitting on a crate, labeled bulbs.
"Don't read too much into it, John. I couldn't let him arrest you. You'd lose your job." She walked closer and sat across from him. "Besides, I'm not done with you yet."
He barely nodded. "What do you want from me?"
"Just the truth, if you think you can handle that?" He watched her closely, waiting for her questions. "How long has this thing been going on?"
"Does it really matter?"
She sat straighter. "How long?"
He licked his lips. "I'd say, since our first day in Llanview. I saw her crossing the street on my way to the station."
She couldn't believe her ears? "You slept with her?"
He looked right at her. "Not then, but yes, I've slept with her. You know that." This needed to end. "I wish for a lot of things, Cait, but right now all I want is to start over. I need to leave, and you need to let me go. I really hope that you find what you deserve, but that's not me, not anymore."
She sneered. "I never deserved you John. My father was right all along. I almost ruined my entire life for a man who lied and cheated and crawled between the legs of some skank."
He stood. "That's enough, Caitlyn."
She laughed. "What? I'm behaving badly? Not adhering to your standards? Get over yourself! You come here to tell me that you're leaving me for a whore, and I'm supposed to be sweet about it? Understanding? You can go to hell! I spent five years of my life, trying to push you forward. To make you more than what you were, and you were finally going places, where I knew you could go? I had to push you kicking and screaming toward a brighter future, so that we could have a great life together. You would finally be respectable and important, but you ruined it all. All of it! So that you could fuck some redhead behind my back! Get out! GET OUT, JOHN! Leave!"
He stood there in shock, feeling every bit the fool. Who was this woman? Natalie had told him that she was capable of so much more than he realized, and he refused to listen. All for an image who, he suspected, never really existed. Only in his mind. He took a couple of steps forward, stopping in front of her. No more guilt. "My job has always been respectable and important, Caitlyn. Even when I was a lowly traffic cop." He shook his head, feeling as though he were seeing her for the first time. "All your efforts, your scheming, were for nothing. I'm going to marry Natalie, Caitlyn. I'll spend my life with her, not you. I spent our entire marriage trying to be more...for you, to make you happy, but it stops now. I don't need to be more, not for her. I'm just sorry it took me so long to see the true you." He paused. "You have a good life, Caitlyn. I know I will." Then he walked away. He had more important places to be.
John stopped, tensing when he stepped through the glass doors. There were several pairs of eyes on him, and he was a little nervous about the spot he found himself in. "I'm done here," he said, addressing the older man, who walked closer.
"Not quite," he replied, staring. He hated John McBain. "This will be the last impromptu visit you'll have with my daughter. Ever." He saw her through the doors, holding her head. She looked upset. "No more contact of any kind, McBain." He turned to John. "Or I will intervene."
John laughed. "Oh, please? You've already done that, Harrison. From day one, you've done that but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back."
"Good. Then we understand each other." He watched the young man step around him. "I hear your little girlfriend is good at keeping a man warm? When she's done with you, why don't you send her my way? I'll find someone she can entertain."
John stopped. He turned. "What did you say?" ...good at keeping a man warm... His eyes widened. "You son of a bitch! It was you?" Harrison didn't speak, or move. He just grinned in amusement. "You had the pictures taken?" He went to grab him, but was promptly stopped by some of the muscled help. He struggled in their hold, and then doubled over when a large fist struck him in the stomach. He coughed, breathing deeply. "How could you do that?" he stammered, staring hard. "Why not just come after me?"
Harrison shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about?"
Caitlyn stepped outside and found her father and John squaring off. Two big goons had John in their vice-like grips. "What's going on?" she demanded, joining their little circle. "Let him go!"
Harrison looked into her eyes. "I'll let him go when he's off our property." She opened her mouth to speak, but he shook his head firmly. "You heard me, peanut."
John was furious! This man was responsible for all of it! The photos, the internet? All of it! "Why don't you tell her the truth, Harry?"
She frowned, looking from one man to the other. "Tell me what?" Neither spoke. "Tell me what?" she demanded again, facing her father.
"Why are you listening to him, Caitlyn? He's not worth giving any more of your time too!"
John stood and managed to get free of the hands that were holding him. He shoved them away, but made no move to do anything else. He watched the old man give his head a shake, and the men backed off of him. He stared hard. "Your precious father paid someone to take photos of Natalie and I together last night at a hotel. Then he put them on the internet and made sure that every single cop at the precinct got an eyeful." He looked at her as she stared at her father. Something was wrong? "Did you hear me, Caitlyn? What he did?"
She turned toward her husband and clenched her fists. "I heard you. My father's right, I'm wasting my time listening to you. Leave, John."
He blinked. "You knew?" He felt like he was just sucker punched.
She shook her head. "I asked him not to hurt you and he didn't," she stared at the stranger who was once her lover, "but if you were hurt in other ways, I can live with that."
John couldn't move. She knew? Maybe not the specifics, but she knew that he was going to do something and didn't care. She was turning a blind eye. He shook his head one last time, finally letting the truth of things sink in completely. "If I find any evidence that incriminates either of you, you're going to jail. Believe that!" Then he turned and stalked across the grounds. Things were finished here. They were finally, finally finished.
Natalie was leaning against the edge of the building and staring down at all the broken pieces of glass that were decorating the ground below. She only had one beer left, and then it would just be her and John and their memories. She opened the bottle and sank to the ground, getting comfortable. She was drunk. Well, maybe not drunk, but definitely on her way there. The ache in her heart felt small. It was only muffled below a fog of alcohol, and eventually she would feel its full force again, but not for awhile yet. That was good. The door opened and she watched Rex move closer to her. He didn't speak, he just sat beside her and put his arm around her. She let herself sink against his warmth, while her eyes stared at the metal of the door.
She heard a haunting voice in her ear. I love you, Natalie..I'm going to marry you.. He was gone now, but she still had a lot in her life. She had her family, and she had the best brother in the world. He kissed the side of her head, and she smiled. She would be okay. The words replayed in her head, even as her heart rejected them as the truth. How could she be okay? Half of her was missing.
Her phone was ringing. It was on vibrate, so she pulled it out of her pocket and held her breath when she read the call display. John McBain. Slowly, she opened her phone and placed it against her ear.
"Hello?"
Natalie frowned. It wasn't John, it was that bitch! "Caitlyn?"
She laughed. "Natalie, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to tell you in person...woman to woman."
"Tell me what?" She sat straighter.
"John's in Atlantic City. He found me."
"I know all about that, Caitlyn. Let me talk to him." She stood, trying to keep her anger under control. She needed to speak with John. "Put him on the phone now!"
There was a long silence that stretched over the line. "He's not here right now, Natalie. He's talking things over with my father. Listen, I know you love him and believe me that's one thing I understand very well."
She began to pace. "You don't understand anything!" Natalie snapped. "You can't understand?"
Caitlyn was sick of this already. "I phoned to tell you that you failed you slut! John is here with me, and he's staying. He followed me to be with me Natalie. Not you! He couldn't let me go and I won't let him go! Especially to a whore like you! You tried to steal my husband but you failed! All you managed to do is ruin your own life and marriage. Mine is as strong as ever. I'm going to go find my husband now. You hear that? MY husband! I'm going to make love to him all night. You have a good life, if you can. If anyone will ever really want you at all!"
The line went dead.
Natalie felt numb, and strangely calm. Her brain was processing everything that Caitlyn had just thrown at her, and then she felt it. The first stirrings of a pain. One that began to shatter her from the inside. She looked at her brother with wide, glassy eyes, and he stared back. His worry evident with every breath. She couldn't think straight. A huge part of her knew that those words were poison. Don't believe her! You know the truth! But she was tired. This day was finally more than she could take, and so she stopped trying. She threw her phone against the door, smashing it into tiny pieces, similar to the beer bottles. Her legs gave out, and she flopped to the ground.
"Nat, you're scaring me."
She allowed her brother to hold her while she cried, letting all the bad things out. Letting everything go. She felt broken like that glass, like her phone. She needed to let herself fall, so that she could pick herself back up. She needed... She needed the one thing that she couldn't have. Where are you?
John stepped through the large gate, ignoring the sharp looks he was getting from the security detail that waited for him. He was tired of all the posturing. It was time to get home. Past time. He felt an incredible tug toward Natalie, like she needed him. Well, he needed her too.
"Hold up!" Maxwell shouted, catching up to his friend.
"What?"
He smiled. "I knew you'd get in without me, but not this fast. I should have known though." He held out his hand.
John smiled too. He shook his hand firmly, and took a good look at his friend's face. "You have something you want to tell me?"
Jack lead him further down the road, and away from the prying eyes of his crew. "Just one thing. Listen, I'm a glorified security guard here, but I see and hear a lot of stuff. I know about what went down with you in Llanview, man."
John nodded. "Yeah?" He waited for whatever came next?
"I don't know much, but.."
He waited for the rest, but finally grew impatient. "Either tell me or don't, but I have to get back. I'm needed there."
Jack nodded. "Alright, just..the guy you're looking for, the criminal?"
"Yeah?"
Harrison Fitzgerald stood at his gate, and whistled to get the attention of his guard.
Maxwell spun around. He began to move away. "Just look close to home, man. Good luck, John." He ran back to his boss.
John stood there for a moment, before continuing down the road. What the hell is that supposed to mean? He reached his car after a few blocks and got in, pulling into traffic. It would take a bit of time to get home, but despite everything, he had a smile on his face. When did he start thinking of Llanview as home? He sped up and merged onto the freeway.